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Men Give Me Your Thoughts

Separated after 10 years together. Believe that if I have faith God will restore my marriage. He doesn't even want to touch me. Others think that I am very pretty, so I don't understand. He is with another woman but he is not discussing divorce. We talk daily. Men please give me your thoughts?

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 ---Mindy on 11/4/05
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I don't know the peticulars.
A Married Person who LUSTS over another, makes THEM Guilty of Adultery.
That makes the wrath of God come upon THEM.
I've been with my wife for over 25 yrs.,
I would NEVER do something like that to her.
I feel for you child, The pain it must have brought you, I had 4 dads by the age of 12 & thats not counting all the boyfriends my mom had in between them.
I've known Pain & God can Heal your pain.
YLBD= Your Loving Brother Duane
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 3/19/08


He may be contracting all manner of sexual diseases for his sin. Tell him Stop and Repent from breaking wedlock. For the 2 (you and him) have become 1 flesh in God's sight, and not the 3 or 4 or more become 1 flesh, and what God has joined together, let not a person put asunder. "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." Hebrews 13:4.
---Eloy on 3/18/08


Looks don't have anything to do with whether your marriage will be restored. One thing I do know: if you don't get some sense in your head and keep focusing on your supposedly looks, ugly Jane will have your spouse and you will be left with your looks for company. May I add this:looks make for poor company and a very cold bed.
---Robyn on 3/19/08


Well, I am not a man, but i can tell you it isn't aways about looks.
---a_friend on 3/18/08


Is he diseased and doesn't want to pass it to you? Is he emotionally (sexually) locked to the other woman, but historically (parentally) locked to you? Married does not always equal "real friends". Some men will do to other women what they would never do to their "wife".

Pretty does not equal hot. Porcelain dolls are not very warm. Not trying to be mean. But you must consider what he is not saying. You can't repair if you don't know what is wrong.
---paladin on 12/20/05




3. Your husband thinks that so long as you are there for him, he doesn't have to make a move. Nothing will change. Be the strong one, and be in control. God will guide you so long as you are in His will. Start thinking of you and what you are going to do on your own and in the mean time God will begin to work in his spirit. Don't hold the weight by yourselve, give it to God. Set all your thinking on what it is you are going to do. God will carry you through I believe that with all my heart.
---Lupe2618 on 12/4/05


2. When someone sins it brings pain to the whole family. Having faith doesn't really mean you will get what you want. It means that you will have faith in God on what He decides for your life. What I do know is, if you continue to talk to him nothing will change. Of course you might need to talk if it has to do with your kids, but otherwise I would close all communication and put the ball in your court. Let him start making some decisions. Let him see the need for you and what you really mean to him.
---Lupe2618 on 12/4/05


Mindy, I am sorry you are going through this problem. I don't think its anyone place to tell you to leave him or get a devorce. Everyone's case is different. It might seem the same but it is not. You mentioned that you talk to him daily. I think that is a bad idea. You also speak about having faith you will get back together. I think as long as you keep talking to him nothing has really change or will change. He knows you are there when he wants and so the ball is in his court.
---Lupe2618 on 12/4/05


Mindy::10 years! children? want him back?Your ego is hurt,you are a pretty woman.He wants his extras,new toy.Why must you suffer the indignity,of his infidelity---Dump him.He has to return to you, he is in Violation,of the contract before God.Its hard but you have to turn him off.Give him a dose of his own medicine rejection."Hit the road Jack" talking is a foot in the door- re-entry.He will continue this game.Have none of it Pray; God will give you the solace you seek for a broken heart.
---Emcee on 11/12/05


If [Young] children are involved, your determination & faith will put more stars in your crown in Glory! Echad's/God's Best!
---Bob6749_[Elishama] on 11/10/05




you need to be strong and tell him that he has to make a decision and to stick with it. You need support for yourself and know that you a good person. He needs to be with you and either work this out or you discuss leaving him...in my situation that's what I did and he soon realized I meant business! So hang in there and keep your faith. You will get through this and God is watching over you.
---anne on 11/9/05


Read him his rights like Jesus did the woman caught in the act of adultery, these scriptures apply to us menfolk too! You're not alone on this one [Jn.8:32, 36]. "Better to marry than to burn"(!) [in the flesh or in hell]. I've learned to contain my vessel, but strongly prefer not to [Psa.27:13].
---bob6749_[Elishama] on 11/9/05


Read him his rights like Jesus did the woman caught in the act of adultery, these scriptures apply to us menfolk too! You're not alone on this one [Jn.8:32, 36]. "Better to marry than to burn"(!) [in the flesh or in hell].
---bob6749_[Elishama] on 11/9/05


10 years is an awful long time to tolerate the "defrauding" you're experiencing! Where would you be if the shoe was on the other foot? "...God has called us to peace(!), how do you know O woman if you can save your husband....". You've had scriptural grounds for divorce for some time, it's "according to YOUR faith [and conscience]". GREAT IS YOUR FAITH(FULNESS), it's a miracle you have'nt backslid yet!
---bob5649_[Elishama] on 11/9/05


Please Mindy, be careful to not let him come near you without first getting some medical testing. AIDS is prevelent, so is herpes. Seek Godly counsel. I do think your husband is having his fun and does not want you to sue him for alimony or child support and that's why he is hanging on to you. Be strong.
---sonny on 11/7/05


Forget all these opinions and past experiences of others. The Bible says that you will love and obey him as long as you can do so legally. Just do that, and put the control in God's hands.
---mike on 11/7/05


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Mindy, what you have to do is to tell him goodbye! Then, and only then, he will realize that he can lose you. He is cheating but you are beside him, so why would he change? Show him that you will not take that... I'm a man, I know that he will react! Or at least he will let you know his real intentions. Show him that you have character!
---Alex on 11/7/05


I am a woman who has gone through this too. After a couple years I divorced him, because I realized I could not make him love me and I could not change him. Normally divorce is wrong, but if the man leaves and is with another woman, it is clear he has made his choice.
---Ulrika on 11/6/05


Tell him that you alone are his wife, it's time to stop sinning and to come back home, or you will divorce him. "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." Hebrews 13:4.
---Eloy on 11/6/05


"You can only change yourself, and he will change in relation to your change." So, what changes can you make that will cause him to return to you? (Don't try to "point fingers" - just evaluate.) Write down on paper what you think it might be and see if he agrees with you. Ask him what he thinks caused him to leave. (Don't plead, beg or even try to blame yourself.) Made sure you write it down on paper, so he can tell you are serious. Make one change at a time.
---WIVV on 11/5/05


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You don't understand. He doesn't want to touch you. He will not discuss divorce. (then)You talk daily? He is with someone else. Ask him for answers. Your future is on the line here, both of yours!!! If he will, get counselling. If not, then you should get counselling from a Godly source. As long as he knows you are there for "him", why should he take action. Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free?
---mike_fl on 11/5/05


I am not a man but am someone who has been there. The fact that he is with another women and does not leave her would have me more concerned with getting on with my life than with waiting on him.
I know from my own experience that once he has been with another there may be no going back and if he does come back will he stay or stray?
Need to be in prayer and let God decide whether you are to be together or not. Maybe God is trying to tell you something but you want your own way.
---Marla on 11/5/05


Let your husband know that you will remain faithful, hopeful, and praying, but that he must make choices. To fail to take a stand is really to encourage a wrong course. Read the story of Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar--Genesis 21:1-14. Do not do anything to defend the "Me, Myself, & I," but do reveal that it is for your husband's sake, his happiness, and his eternal welfare that you must say there is a way that leads to death, and a way that is right. God will bless you.
---Wayne87 on 11/5/05


May your faith be blessed. From what you shared (I may not understand), it seems that you may be allowing him to "have" you both. Sometimes we need to be awakened to realize that our actions have consequences. While you pray for your husband's return, do not "pave the way to hell with gold" by not taking a stand. You have to say, this is adultery. You have to say that he CANNOT touch you as long as this continues "with another woman." Hard, but Jesus will be with you.
---Wayne87 on 11/5/05


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mindy...i think posting this question here may cause more confusion for you than solutions. you really need to go to your pastor.if you are not in a church, find one right away. my opinion? your "husband" is a selfish person that is thinking only of himself right now and needs a wake-up call.
your focus needs to be only on Jesus, not on another husband or how to salvage the marriage you are in. pray,seek Christ and He will take care of the rest
i speak from experience. God does restore!
---tom on 11/5/05


Stop talking to him. He thinks he can have both you and the other woman, and as long as you still accept him, he'll keep it up. Tell him that when HE is convinced of the filthiness of his adultery and the agony that he has put you through, and wants to ask your forgiveness, then you will talk to him. Tell him that you also have a right to get on with your life, and to find happiness for yourself. Then keep praying and he will turn around.
---jerry6593 on 11/5/05


Chances are it has nothing at all to do with you. Doesn't matter how pretty or smart you are, the problem lies with your husband. He probably feels comfortable keeping you as his wife while he has his fun on the side. Maybe he needs to grow up. But yes, God can save your marriage, but it may mean a lot of pain and heartache for you before that happens.
---joe on 11/5/05


Basing my experience, typical men don't usually end relationships with formalities & blunt words we want to hear so we could move on with our lives. We simply have to be sensitive what their actions mean and be brave enough to act based on them. In this area, we need God to strengthen us and guide us through to a new phase. Godbless
---eden7979 on 11/5/05


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Your husband is probably not discussing divorce because men avoid confrontation and divorce will cost him money. He will want to have his cake and eat it too as long as you let him. Having faith that your marriage will be restored is great but just remember God cannot take away your husband's free will. Christians sin and make bad decisions every day in spite of what God or other people would want.
---ralph7477 on 11/5/05


Mindy. If he has commited adultery then you are free to divorce him and remarry if you want. Pray about it first and seek God's direction. Read Proverbs 3:5-6
---wayne on 11/5/05


Since you are talking how about telling him that you feel he is worth waiting for and that you would be interested in going to get some Godly counselling. Join your faith with others in prayer and fasting. God is the only one that can change him. You probably don't want him back if he is unchanged. I would think there are offenses that need to be dealt with also.
---john on 11/5/05


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