Friendship With A Married Man
Is it fine to have friendship with a married man while I am a single lady, we are both Christians, and the friendship is genuine and pure. Please help me.
Moderator - What is your definition of friendship?
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---Love on 11/9/05
Helpful Blog Vote (17)
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The mere fact that you asked this question with a perceived amount of urgency suggests that someone is telling you that this may not be 100% cool. Now whether that "someone" is an actual person or your own conscience remains to be known. At any rate, your "please help me" plea sounds like your friendship is causing someone somewhere a level of discomfort.
Though, in theory, there's nothing wrong with a genuine friendship with a married person of the opposite sex, you may stand to gain from stepping away from the friendship until it can be sorted out and all parties involved can determine the best way for everyone to be at peace. |
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---AlwaysOn on 10/25/09 |
Friends don't stop being friends just because they are married and the other person is now alone. Friendship isn't turned off and on with a switch. We always care deeply about our friends and think nothing of having coffee with them. My husband is a "Hugger" and many times has come home with perfume smell on his shirt. All I do is ask "who did you see at the coffee shop today?". He hadn't even had coffee with them most of the time and some times he saw my best friends at the grocery store and hugged them. Friendship,if it is "pure",that doesn't mean to have a dating type relationship with them excluding ones spouse from activities with the friend all the time,is expected. |
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---Darlene_1 on 10/23/09 |
It is fine to have a great friendship with a married or single man with compassion and similar interests. I am presently searching for a male friend to share my interests via my profile posted. |
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---mary on 10/18/09 |
is this the only "married" FRIEND you have or do you have others?
you are asking because you do not feel right
the is something about the friendship that makes you uneasy
if it is so then stay clear
bless you |
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---patie3447 on 10/15/09 |
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This man is out of line since he is married. His time and attention should be for his own spouse. Even business partners should be handled with care. No lunches and hanging out,unless, he has to. Otherwise steer clear of unnecessary lunch dates and so on. Nothing but trouble ahead. Take it from someone who has been there. It may be innocent now but keeping adding the fuel(meetings,glances,jokes etc..) the relationship will take on a life of its. |
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---Robyn on 10/15/09 |
It all depends on the nature of the friendship.
There's nothing wrong with me having a tea in a cafe with a married lady ... we will be remembering the past when my wife could have joined us, exchanging details of what the kids are doing, and disputing who has the most beautiful grandchild.
And she will go back to her husband and say she has met me and passed on the news.
But some here seem to say that meeting is sinful.
Why are you so distrusstful of others? Is it because you don't trust yourself? |
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---alan8566_of_uk on 10/15/09 |
I think this is a great question and I'm glad you asked it, it shows that you want to do the right thing. I adore my wife, she is the best person I have ever known. I love her so much that I would never intentionally cause her pain. To me, the best test of any action is this: Are you doing it for love? Of everyone involved, especially love for God? When you love someone, you will do them no wrong. you might love your friend, but if you obey God and so also love his wife, you wouldn't even consider a special friendship with him. If he wants to be a special friend of yours, what does that say about him? |
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---Alan on 10/14/09 |
no read about adam and eve. woman is a helpmate man is a hunter and provider no. we were all made for fellowship with God. men reproduce women nuture.men only want to hunt provide and protect.women women talk care love. womenconnection to man is verbal.mans to women is reproduction provsion and protection. so no |
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---ginger on 6/3/09 |
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If the friendship is with both the husband & wife, with no exclusivity, then its ok. If the wife is excluded, then absolutely not. My (Christian) husband currently is nurturing a friendship with a (Christian) single woman who has interfered in our marriage before. He says the relationship is pure. But he spends time on the phone with her behind closed doors, and when he comes out, he wants physical intimacy with me. He says the two are not related. But its tough for me to believe that. |
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---Denise on 4/7/08 |
Dear Love
this is one of those times where .... If you have to ask, then in your conscience you already know the answer. Obey the Conviction of the Holy Spirit and put yourself in a position where God can send the one that He has for you your way, when the time is right. |
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---Jim on 2/15/08 |
1Thess 5:22 (Amplified Bible)
Abstain from evil [shrink from it and keep aloof from it] in whatever form or whatever kind it may be.
Proverbs 5:8 (Amplified Bible)
Let your way in life be far from her, and come not near the door of her house (avoid the very scenes of temptation).
Mark 14:38 (Amplified Bible)
Keep awake and watch and pray [constantly], that you may not enter into temptation, the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. |
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---Holly4jc on 2/15/08 |
No I think this is wrong especially if you don't include the wife. I am going through this right now and there's no way I want my husband to email/call or hang out with women. |
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---Lori on 2/15/08 |
MARRIED men contact me ( I am widow) through this site, even though I don't give my number.. WHY?..what is your definition of friendship..is his wife included? Only you know the degree of your "FRIENDSHIP", but caution is needed,how friendly is friendly? I think God has already given you the answer,be ware...be wise..and be considerate to his wife... |
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---karin on 2/17/06 |
I have a question. Would it notbe 'safer' to be friends with a married person? it seems that if lust was in your heart than there would be more opportunity to act on it if the person lived alone. I see no reason why the husband, wife and friend could not all sit down, have dinner, play a game of cards, or talk together. |
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---james on 1/29/06 |
Is it fine to have friendship with a married man while I am a single lady, we are both Christians, and the friendship is genuine and pure. Please help me...
wooooo that's a hot one...well i don't
think the bible addresses this issue per se, but i know for sure that if i were the wife i would absolutely not allow it! |
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---Jennifer on 1/28/06 |
For you to question whether this friendship should or should not be.. shows you are not at peace with this situation. The Holy Spirit leads/guides in all truth..let us know when we are wrong/right. If you do not feel peace about situation, you need to let it go. Bible says to abstain from the very appearance of evil. No matter how you try to dress it as genuine & pure, you yourself don't feel quite right about it. Pray and let the Lord speak to you ..and show both of you what his will is in the matter. |
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---Kacee on 1/17/06 |
mary "there is nothing that a single person has in common with a married person accept to destroy" What an extraordinary thing to say. Am I, now a widower, to cease contact with all those married womn who were friends of my wife and myself?
I agree withg you intimate freindship would be wrong, but what is wrong with friendship? |
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---alan8869_of_UK on 1/17/06 |
no you should keep away!find single friends only it is not right what you are doing and you are allowing the devil to use you.
there is nothing that a single person has in common with a married person accept to destroy. |
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---mary on 1/17/06 |
Why do we spend so much time on such matters if the wife is uncomfortable with the situation? What about you makes it impossible for you to find an unmarried friend? What is about you that wants to cause this wife so much trouble? Look inward sister....not outward. |
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---Tammie on 11/17/05 |
Paragraph 2of2 So then you have no right to insist that they observe rules that are not even found in the Bible (legalism). In other words, don't demand them to modify their relationship because your busybody nose has a problem with it. Besides, you are not legitimately offended as they aren't doing and haven't done wrong and they have Christian liberty as well as live in God's grace, not in fear, suspicion and mistrust, which don't belong in any church or Christian home. |
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---David on 11/12/05 |
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Paragraph 1of2 Jealousy due to insecurity is a sin. So is meddling into other people's affairs, even with good intentions. Supposing you, a Christian, fear temptation in your spouse and so out of insecurity step into his/her friendship to try to prevent sexual infidelity or defection. Then you yourself have just succumbed to temptation, so then you are not spiritual, a qualification that Paul requires every mature Christian to have before he/she can presume to restore his/her brother to spiritual health. |
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---David on 11/12/05 |
Mod ... I described various meetings between men and women and asked if you would disappove, and you replied they would lead people into lust. I then suggested you were unduly distrustful, to which you implied that no Christian would have such meetings. I was reacting to that ... you appeared to be condemning what to me are very innocent friendships. If I misread you, I am sorry.
Moderator - Yes, I have been misread and accept your apology and am sorry if I poorly communicated my comments before. I don't believe Christians will be lead into lust. "Those are PRECAUTIONS put in place by Christians whom don't believe those types of activities have to be problem, but are saying their marriage is too important to take ANY risks." Also as stated before, these precautions are followed by SOME Christians in the USA. I am not implying this is some rule that all Christians must follow, however understanding human nature, it would appear to be wisdom. |
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---alan8869_of_UK on 11/11/05 |
You've stated that your friendship is genuine and pure, well, it depends on what you mean by "genuine and pure" Know that being christians doesn't exempt you from temptations.I would suggest you become a family friend. |
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---Sunga3684 on 11/11/05 |
It will depend on what kind of friendship you are having. In any case the wife should be aware of the friendship.
esthe9688 |
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---Esther on 11/11/05 |
Mod "Alan, where do your vile comments come from?"
If you read back, you will see that your comments have stated that Christians cannot be trusted to have meetings between men & women without being tempted to sin.
Moderator - Please reread my statements because that isn't what was stated. Those are your words and thoughts. |
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---alan8869_of_UK on 11/11/05 |
I don't think it is wise to have this friendship going on without the wife there as part of it. think about her, not you and not him. Would you want your husband to have a friendship with anyother woman, I don't think you would. |
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---a_friend on 11/10/05 |
Moderator ... If you cannot trust yourself, that is your problem. Please do not insult all other Christians by suggesting that they cannot be trusted.
Moderator - Alan, where do your vile comments come from? Reread my statements. |
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---alan8869_of_UK on 11/10/05 |
My husband had a lady friend when we met. I was very clear that he had to choose the friendship or marriage...couldn't have both. A man/woman should share with their spouses, not opposite sex friends. Too many temptations, too much personal sharing, illusions, and just plain disrespectful!! |
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---Dee on 11/10/05 |
There are different shades of friendships! For us, who is inside the friendship, we can say that it is genuine and pure. But for those outside, who knew that you are single and he is married, speculations can go wild. Protect yourself from complications. Follow the norms of your culture, of your church. Follow conventions. Do not be a deviant! |
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---Linda6546 on 11/10/05 |
Well, Moderator, all I can say is that the marriage must be in a pretty poor state to begin with. Why do you distrust people so much?
Moderator - Married Christians place a high value on their marriages and they realise if they don't take precautions that they are human and could fall into the temptation of adultry. Has anyone ever lead a sinless life other than Christ and had no temptations? Protect what you value. |
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---alan8869_of_UK on 11/10/05 |
You could unwittenly be a temtation to a married man. He may see you as friendly, easy to talk to, fun to be with, a good listener, well groomed... It could make the married man think, you are more fun to be with than his wife, not to mention lust. The marriage is way more inportant than you being his friend. No, I would not try to have a friendship with a married man. There are plenty women and single Christian men to have friendships with. |
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---Ulrika on 11/9/05 |
Mod ... Do you mean that in the US it would be wrong for a married man to give a female member of the same committee, a lift in the car to go to the meeting? Or to be a two person group discussing some activity for the sunday school? Or for a married lady to take come shopping with me to make sure I bought sensible style clothing (you will recall that bereavement means I do not have a wife to help!)
All those of course with the spouse's knowledge.
Moderator - Yes, those are precautions put in place by Christians whom don't believe those types of activities have to be problem, but are saying their marriage is too important to take any risks. Being alone with someone is the only way an affair can take place. |
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---alan8869_of_UK on 11/9/05 |
I think it's okay to be friends, but don't be around this man unless his wife is with him. Otherwise people could spread rumors, and his marriage will be destroyed. |
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---Melissa on 11/9/05 |
I think it is quite OK to have a friendship with a married person/ I talk to many married women in the course of my daily activities, and my voluntary work means I am friends (but no more) with many of them And my wife when she was alive had similar freindships with married men.
What is wrong with this? We would do bettrer if we trustyed our partners. But the question indicates there IS something special in this friendship, so Love should be vary careful. Does his wife know about her?
Moderator - In the USA, the lines are drawn with not being alone if you are with the opposite sex ie in a car or eating out together. |
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---alan8869_of_UK on 11/9/05 |
It is good to have friends. Gender should not be the test of whether one has friends who enjoy common interests. In today's nutty world, any friend may be considered more than "friend" as we concentrate and lower each other on sexual tastes and illicit relationships.
To be a friend, means that we can trust ourself and the "friend" in all respects and know where the fences are and stay in bounds. |
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---chuck on 11/9/05 |
As a guy I would say NO it is NOT FINE. A married man should not be having CLOSE friendships with single women. It is just not proper or smart. Friendship may be pure at moment but that can easily slip and change in a second.
How do you think his wife must feel about it.
SHE is one who he should be best friends with NOT another single women. |
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---Craig on 11/9/05 |
Many relationships start out as friendships.
I will not talk with married men out of respect for myself or their wives. Put yourself in his wife's shoes. WOuld you want your hus. talking with other women? being a Christian does not make it better. I do not think it is fine. You can be friends with him and wife as a couple but not with him alone. |
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---Marla on 11/9/05 |
i wouldnt recommend it. do you know his wife? does his wife know you? Some friendships are possible but it may become difficult and cause unneccessary complications in both his marriage and your life :) |
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---natasha on 11/9/05 |
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