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Should She Date A Disabled Man

I'm writing this on behalf of my friend who does not have access to the internet. She is in love with a guy who's disabled and she is being criticised by everyone. She feels so hurt. Everyone says a good looking girl like her shouldn't go out with a person like that.

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 ---emily7566 on 11/10/05
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I'm sorry Aaron but at the ripe old age of 21, you really don't know "most women" or most men, you are still wet behind the ears lol :D I'm almost 48 and still wet behind the ears compared to those much older :D
---Mary on 1/10/12


im a disabled man and Ive been looking a woman most of my life im 21 now and still single truth be told most women don't give disabled people the time if your friends is happy she shouldnt listen to what people say as long as shes happy thats all that matters
---Aaron on 1/8/12


There are many, many benefits to dating and marrying someone who is disabled. For one thing, the person who's disabled is less likely to take the gal for granted. The person who's disabled has worked long and hard to find that one special gal who will love him in spite of his disability, so he is more likely to give his all to make the gal happy along with his whole heart. As for those against the union, they should remember that it only takes a moment for someone to become disabled through a work or car accident, and a lifetime of acceptance thereafter by those who are blind to the beauty of the disabled inside their hearts who only want a chance at love and happiness like the rest who don't face their challenges day to day in life.
---Samuel on 1/5/12


hi my name is vicky,im dating my boyfried who is disabled since birth. and i dont really care about what other people think.i just love him and thats all it matters.Everyone needs love!
---vicky on 10/16/11


emily, your friend can date or marry anyone she pleases. What has disability to do with anything? I pray she does if she loves him and forget the scoffers.
---shira4368 on 10/5/11




You didn't mention what the disability is. Is it an actual ligit disability or a "personality disorder" like opositional defiance disorder or borderline personality disorder in which a person just uses the term "disability" to excuse their bad and irresponsible behavior? Because that would make a big difference.
---Jed on 10/3/11


hi I'm edgar from los angeles I'm my self is in a electric wheelchair i had a car accident 17 years ago , I'm having trouble looking my soul mate , i don't know why females see me different , i got feelings too I'm honest faithful maybe I'm better then a guy that walks.. you can email me or look for me in Facebook tax God bless
---edgar on 10/2/11


She should follow her heart. If she loves the guy, she should marry him and tell everyone else to mind their on business,,,,,
---Julia_Mayner on 2/13/11


She should follow her heart, and criticize the misjudgers for being superficial and shallow and worthless boring people. I remember a girl in high school who was beautiful and after being in a car accident it left her slurring her speech and walking with a labored limp, but you know what I seen a beautiy inside of her that noone else could see, and I wish that I would have married her, because I still think of her sometimes and how genuine she is.
---Eloy on 2/11/11


Lisa-- The wheelchair shouldn't make a difference. And before marriage it probably doesn't.
After marriage, one never knows.

They are fortunate that whatever caused him to be in a wheelchair occurred before they marry.If one spouse becomes permanently disabled it often disrupts deeply ingrained habits of the couple and a long standing pattern of relating to each other. Then a lot of psychological adjustment may be required. It can be very difficult.
---Donna66 on 2/10/11




I date someone in a wheelchair and i've heard those exact comments. but in all honesty if she is okay dealing with his issues and really cares about him the chair shouldn't make a difference.
---Lisa on 2/10/11


One thing to consider: If you are planning to give much physical care to your spouse, be prepared for the conflict that may develop between your role as "caregiver" and your role as "husband or wife". Some experts suggest that if much intimate personal care is required, that it be done by someone other than the spouse (another relative or someone hired for the purpose)
---Donna66 on 12/18/10


Yes, a wheelchair can be an advantage when witnessing. People will listen politely longer than to an able-bodied person whom they feel free to tell to "buzz off".
---Donna66 on 12/16/10


love knows no reason at all.what she saw from this man no one knows.true love accepts the person for who he is.if one loves the person for a reason-then probably its not love..God looks from the inner while man looks at outward appearance..
---mj on 12/14/10


I do not agree with this blog. 76% seems to be way too high to me. I am handicapped in that I have no feet. I can stand and walk a little on my heels with special shoes. I know some people harbor prejudiced against disabled people. But actually I find witnessing, from a wheelchair, to be very well received.
---mima on 12/14/10


Hateration is in effect. People who hate on other people for making decisions that make them feel good are jealous people. They are also unhappy with themselves or with their partners or both.
These people think they look good. Ask them how is their relationship working.
---Bee on 12/14/10


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Jason-- 76% sounds about right. And most of these people are not even aware that they have this prejudice.

If you are "able-bodied" you should experiment sometime, by having someone wheel you around in public in a wheel chair. If you do, you will notice people do not look you in the eye. They do not speak to you directly, but will address whoever is with you, saying things like, "what would he like to eat?" If they speak to you, they speak louder than usual and more slowly., assuming that either your hearing or understanding is impaired.
These folks mean no harm. They just don't understand that there's not that much difference between them and the person who is "disabled".
---Donna66 on 12/14/10


The Implicit Association Test conducted at Harvard University indicates 76% of the population harbors unconscious prejudice against the handicapped. Unfortunately, it's a behavioral tendency, not a choice. Political philosopher John Stuart Mill might have called this "tyranny of the majority".

Ultimately, love requires acceptance. If her friends are getting involved in her romantic life and cannot support her love for a handicapped man, perhaps they are not the best influences. Even good people can be bad influences. It is a matter of priorities: loving husband vs. accepting friends.

I'm disabled and have not found an accepting woman in over ten years. I sympathize and wish them the best of luck.
---Jason on 12/10/10


I am about to get married, and my future husband is disabled. It can be difficult at times because people don't understand, but I have never been more happy in my life. And I too believe like everyone else that God knew what he was doing when he brought us together. My fiancee is an inspiration to me he has such a positive attitude despite all of his physical disabilities. Plus love is so much more than what someone can do for you, the kind of security they can provide you, or how much money they make.
---Amber on 11/3/10


People ought to mind their own business. With all the rotten people that's in this world. And these people ought to come down off their pedestals.
---catherine on 10/22/10


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understood. no problem
---francis on 10/21/10


francis:

It isn't the friend who has doubts about this, it is all the narrow-minded people around her who are criticizing her.
---StrongAxe on 10/21/10


If she has to ask ( which she has not) the answer is no.
---francis on 10/20/10


Your friend can date that person with disabilities. Are they Christians? That's the important rule no matter if the person is disabled or not. Same with race, height, short, thin or heavy, etc. The Bible only say that you are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. It did not say not to marry disabled! You know that we all have disabilities? All of us have that because we all fall short of glory of God. We have the sin meaning we have same disability.

I am Deaf. I have dated all kinds: Disabled (Deafies, HOH, Spinifina, wheelchair bound), race (Am White dated whites, black, mixed, Hispanics, Polyasian). Dated a six footer and the shortest 4 feet 7 inches. I have dated really heavy and skinny types.
---Marco on 10/20/10


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yes!she can date whoever she is in love with. they are humans too. just because they have low cognitive ability doesn't mean they are not capible of being loved or loving another person. God, knew what he was doing when he allowed these people to be born this way. she should not be criticised like that. i currently myself am being criticised for being in love with another disabled person. whenever someone tells her something thats mean tell her to star hearing the song just the way you are by bruno mars. i know its about a girl but it can be used for a guy too.i give the best of luck to your friend.
---mindy on 10/13/10


God bless you for wanting to give love and pleasure to a disabled person. They are people,too.Who need love, affection like anyone else. What is the matter with people, these days? People can be very petty and heartless,sometimes. So sad. Overlook their pettiness and pray for them. God bless you and your very special man. You are very special. A rare jewel in this evil world.
---Robyn on 9/23/10


As a 30+ yr old male who has been disabled since birth anda wheelchair user can i just say that surely disability or being differently able is something everyone has. not every person can do everything for example some people can swim others can not, some can walk andsome can not, some disabilities you can see but there areothers within that you cant see. live and let live. what is foryou will never pass you.
---Sean on 9/23/10


Luke 14:28 For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?

Luke 14:29 Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him,

Luke 14:30 Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish.

Before you start dating a disabled person. COUNT THE COST. Look at the long term prognosis, can you handly it down the road as things get worse.
---francis on 9/20/10


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I am 18 years old dating my 22 year old disabled partner, who is paralized from the waist down after a car accident and therefore in a wheelchair, and we are absolutely in love with each other. Yes we do recieve funny looks and sometimes insulting remarks and questions but as long as the two people in that relationship are happy, then noone else's opinion matters. Noone can understand until they have experienced my kind of relationship that love goes beyond the chair. I hope this has helped somebody out there! :) xx
---Bethany on 9/19/10


I just started dating an older man who is in a wheelchair due to MS. He is 51. I am 30. It's getting to be a very hot relationship. He is extremely talented and gives me just what I need at the right time in my life. At first it was intimidating, and terrifying. But he is an awesome guy that makes me feel amazing. Just wanted to share that with everyone.
---Tammie on 9/13/10


Lawrence, I feel for you, my husband has the same bad shoulders and arms and suffers a lot of pain. We may not agree on much but I do feel bad for you.
---Mary on 9/6/10


I am disabled some myself. From falling off of a high ladder while painting, it tore - damaged my shoulders rotator cuffs & hurt my back some. My r - shoulder was fixed but the thrpy didn't bring it out & it's bound up. My l - shoulder is real bad now also, pain with loss of strength in my shoulders - arms & hands, limited in doing anything. I am on s sec disa.
---Lawrence on 9/3/10


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I am dating a disabled man. He was able bodied until the age of 29 (eight years ago)He fell off a roof and is now in a wheelchair. it happened that quick and could happen to anyone. Your life could change in a split second. Other than his physical disability he is the same man inside as he was the day before his accident. I can't imagine my life with out him. I thank God everyday for finding me worthy enough to have such a special man in my life one that has shown me you can still have a great attitude even though you wern't dealt the best hand. Please tell your friend, God knew what he was doing when he matched them in the first place.
---kirsten on 9/2/10


nish,
It's long time since you posted here, and maybe things got better for you, in terms of love. As an answer to your question, your friends' girlfriends/wives are "looking at you" because they have a chance to know you. Disability, I believe, comes with seclusion and there is hard to find somebody. But then, how can you meet somebody?
I am working on a book in which my character is in wheelchair, and this woman falls in love with him, but he refuses her because he is afraid she feels only pity for him.
Love happens. *** happens, too. It depends all on the human heart and their capability of loving.
Best of luck!
---mad1alina on 8/16/10


This world is full of those who only see success in visions of fairytale perfections. Your friend has made an admirable choice, and will be greatly blessed.

(...and there is likewise a disability that comes wrapped in a beautiful package, possessing a snobby attitude and self-centered heart...it is called PRIDE)
---Elaine on 5/17/10


I am disabled because of a childhood accident. When my wife married me, many people asked her why did she marry me. "You are young and pretty and your husband is disabled." She gets these comments from time to time, even after sixteen years of marriage. Her response to these people is, "Are you paying my bills?"

These same people changed their remarks a little when our son was born. The comments were your husband cannot be the father because he is disabled. A few years later, some of these people saw my likeness in my son. What ashame people have closed minds.
---r._l._slonecker on 5/16/10


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I beg to differ. My mom is beautiful and she married a disabled man with polio who happens to be my late father. By the way, just to let you know, he was the best dad ever and the most loving husband to my mother.

Oh and get this, he built one of the largest real estate companies around. Beat that.
---roy on 9/26/09


well as long as its love not pity
---lita on 2/9/09


It doesn't matter if he's disabled or not. Every other woman who posts on this blog married someone they hate, why should she be any different?
---cynic on 2/9/09


What's there in loving a disabled person.I dont know why this society is looking in a different way while there's marriage happening to disabled persons.Mostly the disabled peoples are genuine and really that girl can have a best life where she can't get from a normal man.How many girls are living happily by marrying a abled persons? Can any one justify this.
---pealking on 2/7/09


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Yes she should if she loves him.It could be her only chance.LOL
I know as I have been physically disabled most of my life and found it almost impossible to find love.
Best of luck.
---Les on 11/13/08


I have worked with disabled people for about 25 years. My thought is that you should never base a decision to marry or not marry a person based upon disability. Sometimes people marry a disabled person out of pitty or rebellion. Marriage is a very serious move and must be entered into for the "right" reasons. If you love a person and want to be with her/him for the rest of your life, then marry. Everyone has disabilities but many disabilities are invisible:). Appearances mean very little:)
---jody on 6/13/08


It would be pretty harsh to not marry a disabled man because he couldn't perform his "husbandly duties" as you ladies referred to it.
Taking out the trash is a husbandly duty...if a guy had no arms and couldn't take out the trash, that's no reason not to marry him.
If I'm totally off-base here and "husbandly duties" refers to being able to support and provide for his family, then I guess you have a point.
---Todd1 on 6/12/08


I agree with the poster who said that as long as he can perform his husbandly duties, it's all good. They should both be prepared for possible problems, and do alot of praying, but if it's meant to be then it's just meant to be. Following the Spirit may be difficult, but not following the Spirit, when it comes to love, just leads to greater pain.
---Nicole on 6/12/08


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well its always good looking men dating woman in wheel chairs and other problems, but not many woman do, and thats god's truth. in the last days the love of many will grow cold , the bible says . my experiance has shown me time and time again that woman only think of them self more in these modern days , as a christian male i realy cant wait till jesus returns and seperates the sheep and the goats .
---trever on 2/5/08


I think she can date with a disabled man because God looks at people in the inside not the outside. If the man is a strong Christian and she is prepared to handle and look after a man who is disabled then i don't see why she can't date with him.
---Anna on 1/15/08


I am in love with a disabled guy and have had the breaks put on by the group home he lives in. Family had me over which shows there must be some trust. Am at a lost as to what to do.
---James on 1/13/08


If the disability does not prevent him from carrying out his husbandly duties I see no reason to discriminate against someone who is disabled. A person who is disabled could have sustained this injury through no fault of their own. Should they be punished for this? That would so wrong and very unkind. If they love each other, why not?
God bless her for having such an open and loving heart. I don't know if I could carry through with something like this.
---Robyn on 7/14/07


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People can be so hateful these days, especially towards those they feel can do the least in society. If he is saved and she is saved and they love each other. Then so be it. Seems to me that she must be beautiful on the outside and on the inside.
---Marcia on 7/14/07


You know God gave us all something called free will and there is no such thing as a perfect marriage or person. But if you can accept and live with the flaws and falts of the other person and you truly love them even if they have a disabilty why let other people have control or make choices for you look at 1Corinthians 13 chp true love is a powerful force Amen .We try to tolorate rather than accept
---Vernon on 7/14/07


---nish,
Perhaps you haven't met the right one, or women are not being open minded due to fear of the unknown, and peer pressure could also be an issue. Lack of knowledge causes many people to miss their blessings.
It may get discouraging, stay prayerful and focused. The Lord want's us to live a happy, and fulfilled life.
I'm praying for you.
---lynet on 4/25/07


I am pleasantly surprized that women here think that love is love and disability does not matter But how many of you give equal chance to a disabled man to see if there would be a deep connection I am a disabled highly educated and successful, able bodied friends take my advise and admire me and I have achieved better than my peer groups during all my life.I am cheerful and have a good sense of humor etc. Then why only attached female friends of mine pay attention to me? Am I not meeting the right people?
---nish on 4/25/07


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Hello, I have A disability {Spinal Cord Injury} and I can tell you that people can have closed minds concerning people with disabilities. In my 23 yrs since my disability I have struggled with the same issues with relationships, In my struggles I have learned to Love deeper stronger than I have ever done before. So ask yourself is this person able to love, honor, cherish and put you above all others, if so then look beyond the disability you may find what god has been trying to teach us.
---Brick on 9/13/06


Your friend should date whomever she loves. Not who others think she looks good with. If I had a choice between an able bodied man and a man in a wheelchair, the obvious answer is...I'd date the one I was in love with. End of story.
---Marie on 7/30/06


The answer to your question is yes, tell your friend to go for it. It might be the best relationship she will ever have. I am a disabled man and I have had exactly the same proble.
---marcus on 7/19/06


One very important question: Are they equally yoked as far as spiritual things are concerned? If not, perhaps they shouldn't be dating.
---Donna on 2/21/06


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Disabled people are the same as others...They just have to do some things in their life differently. Why not intoduce him to some of her more easygoing friends so that they can see his good qualities too..but she needs to make her own decisions. She should be aware, however, that if they marry, and if she is to provide a lot of his physical care, she may have trouble separating her role as "caregiver" from her role as "wife". It can cause complications in a relationship.
---Donna on 2/21/06


I say go with what is in your heart. I am dating a disabled person...it is beginning to be very serious. He has not been introduced yet to my family (they know about him) because of the hours I work. wont' understand, but I have to tell myself this: I have been in two serious ( no disabilities) relationships over the past
12 yrs and the love that you must have for a healthy relationship did not exist, but with this disabled man....I feel this deep love for him....
---Linda on 11/22/05


firstto Julie's reply..my husband says'"HEYYY!!!"..to the comment of ALL men being(mentally and emotionally disabled)lol //serious reply..if she loves him, he is "all the man she needs" whatever the physical disability may be..beauty and love are in the heart..true love goes deeper than physical limitations..
---Cathi on 11/13/05


Tell your friend that by definition, Men are ALL (emotionally,mentally) disabled and to tell her critics to grow up.
---julie3763 on 11/12/05


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How sad that we can have friends that are so close minded to tell her not to love this person. She needs to follow her heart, and maybe find some new friends as well. Would she keep friends who are into drugs, alcohol or adultery? From your words, I take that there is no other problem with him other than being disable. Many disable people live very productive lives.
---geraa7578 on 11/12/05


Speaking as someone who is disabled and has met with a good bit of that personally, she needs to quit listening to the critics (who are nothing more than ignorant people who have nothing better to do than try to make someone else as miserable as they are)and follow her heart.
---Heather on 11/11/05


I would be humbled if God chose me to have a "special" person in my life! It would mean to me that He loved me enough to trust me to love and care for another with needs.
Just about the time my husband and I were setting a wedding date, it was discovered he had Prostate cancer, very advanced. I stuck by him and loved him as he went through treatment, as I should have! It has been 3 years and he has NO cancer, nor any side effects from his treatment. Praise God!
---NVBarbara on 11/11/05


She should not worry about what other people think or say. If she loves him and he loves her, that all that matters. Everyone deserves to have a special person in their live, and it sounds like she is that special person for him.
---a_friend on 11/11/05


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If they love each other, and the love is sincere, not just pity on her part, what does it matter what people think. It takes great strength on the part of a couple to overcome criticism and get on with their lives. God bless'em, I say.
---Ann5758 on 11/10/05


Matthew 25:41 "The King will answer and say to them, "Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me."
---James on 11/10/05


Love is LOVE: It conquers all, forgives all, accepts all. Human imperfections vanish. Your love for somebody should be felt in the dark, with no heat, no light, maybe no sound. The touch of the one you love should be everything. Most people after 50 yrs old can't run well. Some can't play sports. So what ! Your love is special to you and he.
---Dale on 11/10/05


I'm going through a similar circumstance. I'm interested in a woman who says she doesn't know if she can deal with my blindness. She says it's because of pride issues and selfishness and she says she will pray about it. I don't feel that God will answer her prayers in order to make an exception for her pridefulness. I've dealt with this all of my life. It seems harder to find a Christian to accept me than it is to find an unsaved woman to accept me. That makes me sad.
---rex8683 on 11/10/05


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As long as she has honestly looked at what this may mean for her future if she ends up with him ( dpoending on the nature of his disability , will it get worse? will she have to care for him , will they be limited in any way?) then she should tell her friends to grow up and be confident in her decision to follow her heart and God's leading.
---BeckyH on 11/10/05


thats crazy.. they should mind their own business! the bible says, take the plank out of your own eye before trying to take the speck out of anothers. who cares what they think? its btw her, her disabled boyfriend and God. Is she dating him becuase she sees a future or out of pity? if its the latter then she will land up hurting him more.
---natasha on 11/10/05


well i say if she cares for him more power to her if her frinds care about her they should let her do her thing
---patricia on 11/10/05


WHAT IS WRONG WITH A DISABLED PERSON? I get angry when people tell me I shouldn't go out with a disabled person...God created them too and in fact made them even more special! Disabled people have a more caring, loving and sensitive spirit than those who are not handicapped....I am profoundly deaf...does that make me someone who is unworthy of being loved or dated? I think not! Please tell you friend to go for it! Send me a mail if you'd like....I will surely encourage her in any way I can!
---fran6775 on 11/10/05


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Is he physically and/or mentally disabled? Is your friend saved?

Generally speaking, sin thru Adam is the one major disability we all have in common.

Specifically, Christians are instructed to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. (2 Cor. 6:14) The unbelief of the unsaved is a very serious disability.
---Leon on 11/10/05


friend needs ignore people who criticise her and follow her heart. I married women who was deaf, am widowed now. I tell you, I will never find another who had so much love in her heart. Disability is not something people choose. is something they have to learn to live with. Many may be angry over disability but those who aren't know how to show and treat others with love and love is what they want in return. People should be proud of your friend for her tender heart not try to put out her light.
---Craig on 11/10/05


Disabled persons are human and need love as well. I was recently diagnosed with MS but, I am still same person inside as always was. Used to date man in wheelchair whowas partially paralized. He had biggest heart and was most loving person I have ever met to this day. Tell your friend she has a right to love whomever she pleases. Her looks have nothing to do with it and she needs to listen to her heart NOT to prejidice persons who have it ALL WRONG.
---Marla on 11/10/05




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