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Youth Pastor Date A Non-Virgin

I'm going to be entering the ministry in the career of a youth pastor and the girl I'm dating is not a virgin but is a Christian. Is it appropriate for me to date her and would it be appropriate for me to marry her?

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 ---Ross on 11/27/05
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What if she was not a Christian when she lost her virginity? Should you then hold that against her? I don't believe that nonsense about "secondary virginity", but if her sin is forgiven, why does it still matter?

Has she been living a chaste life after coming to know Jesus? That is more important.
---Donna66 on 5/1/11


\\ If so, she wasn't a Christian at all.\\

TJ, do your sins mean that YOU are not a Christian at all, either?

Some sins are merely disreputable.

But others (especially the socially acceptable ones) can be disastrous.

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/1/11


//I'm going to be entering the ministry in the career of a youth pastor ---Ross on 11/27/05 //

Probably, you have worked this out by now. Don't know why this needs to be addressed now.

Anyway, this is an example why I do not let my kids attend a class with a person that calls himself/herself a 'youth pastor'.

If you choke on milk yourself, then how can you serve my children solid food?
---aka on 5/1/11


Me thinks you need to master yourself,your thoughts and passions before trying to pastor and lead others.Seems to me your are looking for more than pastoring. But to answer your question. If you and this lady has been dating and she wants to marry you,too. Why not? She is a christian.That is ok. Last time I checked the (bible) a wife did not have to be a virgin and neither does the husband,for that matter, in order for them to marry.
---Robyn on 4/30/11


Joh8:7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
Joh8:8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
Joh8:9 And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
---trey on 5/1/11




donot judge her past. if she loves you truly & God already forgave her, & ahs set her for you then go ahead and marry her.
---candice on 4/30/11


YES if she is a Christian. And if the above is true,
YES if you love her.
---Donna66 on 4/30/11


How many of the women in the lineage of Jesus were virgins when they married? ONE
One of them was even a prostitute
---francis on 4/30/11


youth Ministry? Where is that in the bible. Separating young people from their parents and elders is new age religion. It is obvious why you ask the world a quesiton about the virginity of someone you care about, your without understanding of scripture.
---Steven on 4/29/11


I'm going to approach this from a different angle..What she a confessing Christian when she lost her virginity? If so, she wasn't a Christian at all. Because when we're born again in Christ, we are given the power to stop sinning. If she lost her virginity before she came to Christ and you are comfortable committing to her, then there's nothing wrong with that. However, the best thing you could possible do is pray about the situation and seek wisdom from the Lord.
---TJ on 11/3/08




Absolutely..if she is a born-again believer, and you don't mind that she has a past. Christ looks on her life NOW, not as she was before she became a new creation. If you love her, and want to marry her, go right ahead, and God bless you both.
---Cam on 6/8/08


If she has truly repented before God, we are slapping God's face by infering that the power of His shed blood which forgives ALL sins doesn't avail to her nor have power to forgive and purify! It's God's gift of mercy and grace because He loves her as much as anybody. She is pure again in God's eyes if she sincerely asked God's forgiveness. He promised to remove ALL our sins. His mercy, grace and love beyond our understanding ARE sufficient. We will stand guilty for judging what God's already forgiven!
---Althea on 8/8/07


i think that it is fine that you continue to date her. a person is not to be ridiculed due to the things that they have done before they found Christ. the Bible says that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. therefore her past should not effect your future with her. besides who is going to know unless you broadcast it?
---treece on 8/7/07


If you don't know the answer to that you shouldn't be entering ministry as a youth pastor

jm
---jm on 7/25/07


I agree with Jack about this, Who cares? All that matter's is that she is SAVED now. God Bless!
---Mrs._Morgan on 11/5/06


Ross, WHO CARES?

It's certainly none of MY business, though I will admit there are many people who would consider it to be their own.
---Jack on 11/4/06


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The fact that you are asking tells me that you have doubt, when there is doubt, wait till you are 100% sure. God sees us as pure, when we have confessed our sins, and if you cannot see her that way than it should simply be wait.
---mary on 11/3/06


is this youth minister a virgin? let's get this question answered first
---r.w. on 11/3/06


those of you who say no need to check yourself. the Bible says those who are in Christ are a new creation. the old is gone, and ALL THINGS are made new. regaining sexual purity is definately possible. my youth pastor's wife was not a virgin when she got married, and she has been such a blessing in my life and is a true testament to the consequences of premarital sex AS WELL AS the redemptive and heling power of the cross! yes, she is a virgin again, even to you, if you believe what the Bible says
---rachel on 4/10/06


If you are the least bit tormented about her past with the other guy(s), do not proceed. Don't theologically rationalize your pain with the worn-out cliche "she's a virgin in Christ." Perhaps so, but she's not a virgin to you. Are you really okay that another man has experienced physical intimacy with her in a way that you have not? It is one thing to forgive her; it is quite another to squelch your feelings and marry her. Only the first, not the second, is required biblically.
---Russ_Chamberlain on 1/7/06


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Did she have sex when she was a Christian or a nonChristian? It would be appropriate for you to both date and marry her - IF she's honest about her sexual experience. That is no guarentee though - that is up to you to decide. Will you be able to accept that she's not a virgin and still trust her or not "throw it up in her face". Worse yet, will you take "an holier than thou" attitude?
---WIVV on 12/29/05


My reply to you is to stimulate thinking and for you to realise how God operates to bring about his desired end.
Lets look at Hosea.. God chose for him Gomer... who was she?
We will never understand God.. why he will choose persons from different sexual preferences, from different social backgrounds or cultures to achieve his will.
You need to seek God more here. The question I will ask you.. Are you comfortable here. Do you personally want to marry a virgin?
---guyiyae4898 on 12/5/05


Everybody's not from the Virgin Isles. Not being saved all of my life like a lot of now single men on this site, they would deport me! "Old things have passed away, behold, I make all things new" [New birth, women can regain their virginity in a 'spiritual' sense again]. This is one reason I like reading autobiographies of successful ministries without judging, open to how Echad/God chooses His vessels.
---bob6749_[Elishama] on 12/5/05


I am sorry Ross. I assumed you already studied for the youth ministry and graduated from Bible college. The ministers that I know have done that, and would not even have to ask such a question after preparing for the ministry.

You should consider studying at a Bible college before getting involved in a Youth Ministry. You will be confronted with questions like your own, and need to give answers to the young people.

It is totally appropriate for you to date any believing young woman.
---Madison on 11/28/05


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Yes.. and Yes. Honestly, whether your gf is a virgin or not should not be an issue at all. She is forgiven and her sins paid off by Jesus. Rather, your gf will be a blessing in teaching young girls not to have premartial sex. You can be a blessing by showing how God blesses women who repent of their sins...she met you and she will get share her testimony with the youth.
---Micha6835 on 11/28/05


No, Alan, your answer was fine. Sorry that I included you with the ones I was complaining about.
---Cam on 11/28/05


Cam ... I am sorry if my answer was unc;ear. I meant yes it is OK
---alan8869_of_UK on 11/28/05


I agree Cam. Some people must be put off using CN when they get either sarcastic answers or are questioned about why they are asking. ROSS I hope you will be very happy with this girl if you are both certain that God wants you to be together. God forgives all sin. You say your girlfriend is a Christian so ALL her sins have been forgiven as have been your own. You will be equally yoked.
---M.P. on 11/28/05


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There have been 5 answers so far to this question, and 3 of them don't even give an answer. They sound very sarcastic. This gentleman asks a question that I think is weighing heavily on his heart & in his mind, and he deserves kind, non-judgemental answers. If people can't give him that, then they shouldn't be answering...my opinion.
---Cam on 11/27/05


Where did you study for this youth ministry? You should know the answer to this question already.
---Madison on 11/27/05


Amen JM, I whole heartedly agree!!!
---MC on 11/27/05


Yes and Yes
Why not?
---alan8869_of_UK on 11/27/05


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