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Divorce Husband Over Church

How can I deal with this? My wonderful Christian husband and father of our kids, just informed me yesterday he goes to church for me. Not to worship. He has 'issues' believing in God. We have been married 5 years. I want to leave him...but know I shouldn't. Please, someone. Help.

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 ---Mary on 1/16/06
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Mary if you're still looking after two and a half years, there must be very many couples in this situation - one saved, the other a church-goer. Also there are many couples where both are church-goers but neither saved. It's good that your husband has admitted why he goes. He's supporting you, even though he doesn't fully accept your beliefs. Through prayer and continued attendance he might one day be saved. Leaving him would not achieve this and you have no valid scriptural reason to leave i.m.o.
---RitaH on 5/26/08

If he is a wonderful Christian husband, why would you want to leave him? It doesn't matter his motivation, he is going to church. Now, pray for his heart, that he would be hungry and thirsty for God. Read "The Power of a Praying Wife."
---Madison on 5/25/08

Be thankful he supports you by attending with you. You may ask what issues he may be hiding. are you a sunday only christian or someone that practises what you preach. If you say I shouldn't swear and then turn the air blue, what example are you showing him and your children. You are teaching them hypocrisy and lies. If you say don't drink and get drunk every weekend, same thing. example tells people if you are a true christian or not. words are worthless when your example deafens their ears.
---ashley on 10/4/07

Give thanks for your husband. At least he is trying to go to church. Some spouses could care less about whether they go with their mates or not. I am one of those who has a spouse who goes just sometimes. He has not gone lately. If your spouse keeps going the Holy Ghost is going to get him sooner or later. Count your blessings and thank God for a start.Your spouse could be on the road to becoming a preacher. You never know.
---Ribyn on 10/4/07

Mary, I mean this with all due respect ... get a grip dear lady! Your husband is attending church with you, talk about the perfect setting for God to get a hold of his heart. Now that you are aware of where is he is at spiritually, pray that God's spoken Word would come alive to him and pierce his heart. Pray that God would reveal Himself to your husband and change his life. God is BIG! This isn't a difficult request for Him.
---DoryLory on 10/4/07

The believer sanctifies the unbeliever. Start by praying for your husband. Do not demand that he goes to church or believe in God or Jesus. Ask only that he does not stand in your way or in the way of your raising your children in the faith. Ask your family, church and friends to pray for him, you don't even need to tell him this, just do it. Love him. Be the best wife you can be to him and witness to him not by pressuring him but by behaving as a Christian.
---lorra8574 on 3/8/07

You have a man who loves you very much and you don't leave a man for loving you . Remember the Bible says the Word of God doesn't return void , whatever the reason he goes , he is hearing the Word . You know his issues now , pray God will help him see the light and truely believe and be saved . Take what he gives you now in love ,love him for it , and let God do the rest . Love and prayers is what you must give him . Be grateful he goes for you , at least he is with his family in church .
---Darlene_1 on 3/8/07

Instead of being upset offer prayers of thanks that your husband is willing to enter the building. At the moment he goes for you but with your prayers that situation may not be permanant. Within the building he will still hear a message, be surrounded by the influence of the spirit through contact with other christians. Don't be upset. God is able to turn his heart it's up to you to trust God to do so. I think your far mine stays home while I go alone be thankful.
---Linda3 on 1/18/06

Mary: I too was in a VERY similar situation. There were differences though. My husband was cruel to me and finally told me that he hadn't loved me in a long time. I stayed with him though to stand true to my vows.

Long story short, he up and walked out on me 9 months ago. HE (a non-believer) left ME (a believer), so I now have grounds for divorce.
---Shanah on 1/16/06

read Corinthians 7:13-15
I am also married to a man that no longer wants to walk for the Lord and this scripture really laid it out for me that I might be his only hope to know the Lord. And he is santified by you keep prayin there is nothing to big for my God one day this will be a testomony to the miricals He can do. NOw more than ever you have to keep the Faith. God be with you I pray.
---vickie on 1/16/06

# 11 I suspect though that quite a number of us have our moments of doubt, and I expect most here would be honest enough to say that they do not KNOW everything about how & why God has done what He as done for us.
Wow haven't I gone on ... just trying to give soem idea of how difficult our amazing story must seem to someone who has not yet got there. We need to pray for those who do hear the message that they listen and understand it. And particularly if it is your husband.
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/16/06

# 10 Now we know the Truth ... we have been convicted, either by God's grace and no decision on our part, as some here believe, or because we have heard from people and seen how their lives are affected by their faith, or maybe we have seen a miracle. Mostly I suspect it is because of how we see other people and what their faith has done for them, and how they behave towards others in the world.
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/16/06

# 9 It really is an amazing story isn't it. If someone came up to you and told you that story, and said not only did this superman do all those strange things but he knows each of the billions of people on this world personally ... what would your reaction be?
You would think wouldn't you that this god fellow would act a bit more logically, clever chap that he is, and find a solution which did not involve the torture of his own son?
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/16/06

# 8 So this chap is prepared to have his dear son tortured just so he himself can save face and not forgive the people without there being a sacrifice. Now this God guy made the rules, why could he not bend them?
What an unbelievable story! And that is befoore you add in the impossible things like virgin birth, the miracles, and this son coming back to life after being dead 3 days ... but not even coming back in his old body but as some sort of ghost.
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/16/06

# 7 So this God chap decides thsat He will not forgive these disobedient people. Oh no, he will not make it easy for them ... or for himself. Becasue he decides to send his son down (down? where is this heaven anyway?) his own dearly loved son, and allow his son to suffer unimaginable torture and death to take the punishment that the people should be getting.
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/16/06

# 6 Anyway this God chap decides that ALL these people are breaking the rules, so have got to go to hell. But He doesn't want that ... He really wants them to come to be in heaven with him. So He decides to forgive them (after all, it's his fault thay break the rules, because he gave them free will) and so they all come to heaven ... NO, he does not forgive them, although, being all powerful, he could easily just let them into heaven, and blow this evil Satan fellow who wants to torture them in hell.
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/16/06

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# 5 Then this guy makes people and wants them to be good & obey the rules. But he decides to allow them to chose whether to obey. Having done that, he decideds he will be very nasty to those who disobey ... permanently nasty ... they will go to hell and fire, instead of to heaven and singing.
And where are this heaven and this hell, anyway? And how can we go there after we are dead?
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/16/06

# 4 I'm not saying that is how it was/is ... but maybe you have jumped too hastily into wanting to leave this wonderful man.
And just to let you know, there are many many people who "have issues" in believing in God. After all, what a crazy idea. This invisible all powerful person creates everything. Wow, that in itself is enough to blow the mind and test the belief system, bearing in mind all the scientific fact we now have.
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/16/06

# 3 Now he must be totally confused ... here is his lovely loving wife, who claims to be a Christian, wanting to TERMINATE THE MARRIAGE, when she, as a Christian has made those marriage vows, and surely she should realise that they should not be broken. & She does not seem to care for him enough to stay in the marriage, and try to teach him what it is that she most sincerely believes.
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/16/06

# 2 It would have been more dishonest if he had not said anything. He realises that he has inadvertently misled you these past 5 years. How difficult to tell you ... and what to say? How can he soften the blow? Perhaps he is confused as to whether he should say he has difficulty believing, or to say he has been doing it for you. Which would upset you more?
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/16/06

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# 1 I'm not sure you should feel betrayed. There are many who think they are Christian by going to church ... he may have thought that was enough. No dishonesty if he said then that he was a Christian, just his lack of understanding.
Then recently maybe he has realised that he just can't believe all that he is hearing and what he has been saying, and being an honest guy, he has to tell you.
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/16/06

Obviously, you love your husband & it seems he loves you. That give you considerable leverage with him. Don't destroy it by cutting & running. Don't give the devil the victory. As the professing Christian you must take the initiative. Trust in, lean & depend on the Lord. Don't for a moment think you're going it alone. Stand on the word of God & pray for your husband's salvation. Seek the prayers of other like-minded Christians at your church, etc. Be encouraged my sister in the Lord. (1 Peter 3:1-2)
---Leon on 1/16/06

Mary, I can't imagine your husbands' motivation and I don't know all you must be feeling. What has God spoken to your heart? I know you probably feel hurt and betrayed, but I myself am a husband who was prayed to salvation and I hope Jesus will comfort you with an answer of how to proceed. It is important to seek him as well as follow scripture and pray for your husband and your situation. God will make a way and he will sustain you ...
---James on 1/16/06

Are Mary and Lynn the same person or have we 2 identical stories here or am I just confused?
---M.P. on 1/16/06

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Mary/Lynn ???, I apologize for seeming insensitive but by your own admonition, you worded the question inappropriately. I was responding to what I read. Please don't be offended. This type of communication lacks the personal interaction that helps avoid these types of misunderstandings. Sometimes it takes more explaining before we get things right. I wish you only well!
---DoryLory on 1/16/06

Moderator,thank you so much! This makes sense and is very helpful. Again, thank you.

Moderator - You are welcome.
---lynn on 1/16/06

Sorry to inform you, but his lack of faith in Christ is not grounds for divorce. Unless he has physically abused you, I see no grounds for leaving him. Obviously, he misled you into thinking he was a believer, but was there any fruit in his life to make you believe he was a Christian?

Now, you have the perfect opportunity to stand in the gap for your husband and pray for him to become a believer, and the leader of your family.
---Madison on 1/16/06

And another thing is, I mentioned I wanted to leave him but knew I shouldn't. I prayed about this and want to fight for my marriage and for his soul. I just needed some advise from Christian brothers and sisters. I need some prayer and encouragement.I thought maybe I would get a reply from someone with a similar situation. I can't help to feel betrayed. How could he 'pretend' all these years.It would of been nice if he just came to me about it. We have no problems in our marrage. We are best friends.

Moderator - I understand you feeling betrayed and needing enouragement. You also may feel anger and a loss of sense on how to pray at this point. I would recommend a fast to put down the flesh and seek how God would have you approach this situation so that you may win you husband to the Lord.
---mary on 1/16/06

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I'm not reading that he has said that he doesn't want you or the children to attend church. You continue to go. We can't force people to do what we want them to do.
---Susie on 1/16/06

Alright. I don't think I posted this properly. My husband has led me, our children, our friends, our neighbors, our church...everyone around us to believe that he is a Christian. He told me yesterday that he is not. We have been married for 5 years. So 'get a grip'? Thanks!
This is the man I trusted to lead our family. This is the man I married. And when he told me did not come out sweet & nice. It wasn't asking me to 'help' him.
---lynn on 1/16/06

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