How To Properly Spank My Kids
I am a mother of two boys ages 3 and 5 and have decided to spank as their discipline. I was wondering if I should use an implement and if I should pull down their pants, over clothes or pants and underwear down.
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---Tammy on 1/19/06
Helpful Blog Vote (138)
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Whats the big deal.kids are kids and need to be directed and we all got a whacken' on our tush when misbehaved. look at all the crime and drugs going ot today. so parents please! help straighten the society we live in. pull down the pants yes, and underpants too and WHACK EM RIGHT ACROSS THE TUSH!! then pray to god. |
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---frank on 7/13/08 |
Well I have a 3 year old myself I am a pastor of a church and yes I spank my daughter an what i would do is tell her why she is being spanked and then pray with her and ask jesus to help her learn from the spanking and then i have her pull her pants and under pants down (so that you I Know that she knows she did wrong and that she is accepting the punnishment)than i give her 2 spanks for each year of her age use only my hand when your oldest son reachs 7 years you can choose what implement you choose i would use a belt but only give him 1 spank for each year of his age but please remember do not ever spank him in anger send him to his room to prepare for the spanking and time for you to be calm and pray |
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---matthew on 7/13/08 |
A hand spanking the bare bottom is always best I believe. To use implements seems harsh but your hand on their bare bottms is fine. Over the pants is ok, but definately less affective. |
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---Jamie on 7/13/08 |
The purpose of a spanking is not to cause any lasting bodily harm, but to cause spiritual correction.
Pro 19:18: "Discipline your son while there is hope, but do not (indulge your angry resentments by undue chastisements and) set yourself to his ruin."
Pro22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
Godly discipline will keep children from being dysfunctional later in life. We are told as Christian parents to train our children in the ways of the Lord and when he grows up, he will not depart from that training. Notice it says "train" not "teach." |
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---gracynluv on 7/9/08 |
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Once they are broken, cuddle/comfort them
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poor choice of words or a very sick individual to make that comment ...sounds like one "breaks in" their children like "breaking in" an animal - by force
Spanking only used after several attempts to reign in a child who is being disobedient with the same event in a day ...each day is a new day
Talk and warn of time out, if it continues they get time out warning of spanking ...usually stubborn moods have children repeating wrong event then at the LAST RESORT they get the spanking
...rarely after a time out does wrong behavior continue ...humiliating a child by taking off clothes for their spanking is just plain twisted |
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---Rhonda on 7/8/08 |
We should go by the Bible, not our opinions or feelings on a subject.
Proverbs 13:24
"He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly."
Proverbs 15:10
"Harsh discipline is for him who forsakes the way, And he who hates correction will die."
Proverbs 20:30
"Blows that hurt cleanse away evil, As do stripes the inner depths of the heart."
Proverbs 22:15
"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, The rod of correction will drive it far from him."
Proverbs 23:13-14
"Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell." |
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---Todd1 on 7/8/08 |
The Bible does say spare the rod spoil the child. Meaning a spanking is what God wants for our children to know what punishment really is. Discipline is punishment for wrong doing (sin) and discipline like that of God is LOVE. |
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---D on 7/8/08 |
The only spanking they need is the word of God. Discipline is not all about spanking your children. Discipline is about teaching them right from wrong. Jesus said in His word that we need to be like children in order to enter His kingdom. Children are carefree. They don't know what's wrong and what's right. It's not instilled in us when we are born. We have to be taught. So no pulling down their pants is not good. It will only teach them violence. They learn what their parents teach them. |
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---antoa7855 on 7/8/08 |
I've never pulled my kids pants down to give them a spanking. Just use your hand or belt of paddle and give them a few good swats on the behind. Don't ever spank in anger. Now remember spankings don't have to hurt that bad. Just hard enough to let them know it was done and not to do what ever it was they did to get it. My dad never gave me a good spanking as most would call it. He just firmly patted me. Never hurt...but it got to my heart. I would be so upset in myself that I would do what it was that caused my dad to be disappointed with me to, have to spank me. Now my mom on the other hand would light me on fire. |
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---Crystal on 7/8/08 |
Thanks, Alan, for agreeing. :-) I read a bit on the subject a few months ago and found out a lot. I was convinced that hitting is a sign of parents' failure. Talking leads to a long lasting relationship based on care and concern. If it has got so bad that only hitting works, then you need family counselling. |
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---frances008 on 7/7/08 |
Oh dear ... my poor old and errant fingers made a hash of that !!
Here's what I mean to say:
I do have a worry about the use of an implement to hit the child with
If you spank the bottom, or thigh with your own hand, you can feel the hurt yourself, and know how much pain you are giving to the child.
If you use an implement ( & spoon & paddle are just euphemisms for "stick") or belt, you don't feel how much hurt the child is receiving, and there's much more danger of physical and emotional damage being done to the child.
I agree with all Frances says on this subject. |
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---alan_of_UK on 7/7/08 |
I do have a worry about the use of an implement to hit the child with
If you spank the bottom, or thigh with yourown hand, you can feel the hurt yourself, and know how much painyo are giving to the child.
If you use an implement ( & spoon & paddle are just euphemisms for "stick") or blet, you don't feel hopw much hurt the child is receiving, and there's much more damage of physical and emotional damage being done.
I agree with all Frances says on this subject. |
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---alan_of_UK on 7/7/08 |
When children are one or two years old and keep wandering off on to the road, I agree a spanking on the backside is preferable to them getting run over. (No doubt the government would prefer to have them run over.) But after that age in or out of the house, reserve punishment for later, a verbal telling off is more effective anyway. Most children WANT attention. Some even enjoy being smacked (not badly) because it is the only time their parents take any notice of them. It is much better to stop this sado masocistic lifestyle and teach them using love as the main tool. Talk to them. Notice them. Use your brain - reward/withdrawal of treats. There are many short easy to read books out about this available everywhere. |
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---frances008 on 7/7/08 |
I have 5 children. Ages 2,3,4,7, & 9. I use spanking as my method of discipline. I use a spanking spoon. It is soft but firm plastic and I spank the inside of their hand. My 9 year old gets the old fashion paddle on the bottom. I give my children 1 and only 1 warning about their behavior. They get their swat(that's what i call it) and then a hug and kiss and I tell them again what they did wrong and what they should have done instead. I get complements on my children all the time. I thank God for the strength to discipline with love. Children have to know the difference between right and wrong and it's our job to teach it to them. Good luck with your method of choice and just remember to let the Holy Spirit lead you in your decisions. |
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---Betty5357 on 7/6/08 |
Todd1, thanks. Yes, we should be led by the spirit in this matter just as we should be in all matters. However, many of us here, whilst being Christians ourselves, are probably the products of non-Christian homes. I am the product of 'church-going', not Christian, parents and there is a huge difference. Mother used to spank with her hand, father used to beat with his hand so hard that we 'flew' across the room or he'd use something he had in his hand at the time. The damage caused depended on what the something in his hand was. He had an uncontrollable temper and mother was just as afraid of him when his temper rose as we all were. Hands or loss of favours work better I say. |
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---RitaH on 7/6/08 |
I think it's okay to spank a child on certain places. Slapping a face is more emotional painful. But spanking on the buttock is okay myself with the hand.
My father used a belt to our legs, but only when a serious matter took placed. He always told us why and how not to be spank again. I think it is always good to let children know there are consequences to their action and choice. Plus, he stopped when we turned 11 yrs old.
He showed us love the other times.
If parents only pay attention to their children when they are spanking them, then this will make children have bad memories due to no offset of Love. |
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---Nicole on 7/5/08 |
RitaH, I understand where you're coming from, since so many parents abuse their children.
I myself was raised with parents who did not spank very much. Sometimes with an instrument, sometimes with their hands, but not consistently.
That raises another point: consistency is essential. Whether we choose to use our hands or an implement, we need to at least be consistent.
I also believe we should let the Spirit lead with our choice of punishments. It doesn't always have to be a spanking, sometimes maybe making your kid run a few laps to get the resistance out of them, or extra chores, or taking something away from them for a period of time. These all have their place as well. |
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---Todd1 on 7/4/08 |
I agree that if your angry then you should wait until you have calmed down assess the situation and make sure your not emotionally driven all manner of bad things can go wrong if not.
I use a wooden spatula it works every time on the fleshy part of their posterior.
I try not hit them with my hands because I am the one that feels it not them I happen to bruise easily .
Just the sight of the spatular works for me, and when they think I'm going for it, there's never any need for it. If they haven't hid it that is lol |
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---Carla5754 on 7/4/08 |
Todd1, I guess our own upbringing will mould how we each feel about this. A parent can cause much more damage, physically, with an implement than a hand. Just remember, not everyone who picks up the implement will do so calmly with the intention of using it on a controlled way. Once the implement is in the hand anything can happen. I appreciate what you also say about being calm, explaining why etc. but this can also apply to using the hand. My late father used 'implements', my brother did also and, now aged 70, is still isolated from his children who have good memories. |
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---RitaH on 7/4/08 |
RitaH ... so that puts us in our place! |
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---alan_of_UK on 7/3/08 |
A child continually spanked or slapped with a hand, particularly an angry one, naturally begins to fear their parents. If reached for too quickly, they will flinch or recoil instinctively.
But to a child whose parent calmly, with an instrument of correction, explaining the reason for the punishment, the child does not fear the parent at all, they simply begin to understand that good parents are obligated by God to correct their children.
I'd suggest a Bible study on the importance of spanking and disciplining children. The Bible is very clear on the subject. I follow the Bible, not the liberal "we know better than God" child-raising ideas of non-christians (and the Christians they've deceived) |
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---Todd1 on 7/2/08 |
RitaH ... since the stick or the strap will hurt more than the slap of a hand, I suspect they will be feared more.
Frances ... I agree with you that we should not allow our anger to affect the method or severity of the punishment. If we are wild, we should not punish yet, for fear we will be excessive
But I think the child should know you are angry, and I think the punishment if possible should be immediate. Then it can be lighter than if administered later after anguished debate with the child. |
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---alan_of_UK on 7/2/08 |
Todd 1 "you dont want your children to ever fear your hands". Don't you think that the child will fear the hand that picks up the implement just as much as the hand that smacks directly? |
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---RitaH on 7/2/08 |
Why not get a stick and put nails at the end of it and flog them alive to within inches of their deaths? That will teach them to call you names.
Seriously, what are you thinking people???? You need exorcising. NEVER EVER HIT A CHILD IN ANGER. |
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---frances008 on 7/1/08 |
Yes pull down the pants and underpants and spank across the buttocks. like my grandma used to say: if you PUSH youll feel it on your TUSH |
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---sheprad on 7/1/08 |
"Once they are broken, cuddle/comfort them so they know how much you love them."
If RW was "broken" as a child, that would explain what he is now saying. |
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---alan_of_UK on 5/23/08 |
Regarding the original question, yes, use a flexible instrument, not your hand. Never slap or smack your child. Only use physical punishment to address rebellion (direct disobedience or disrespect). Never discipline when you're angry. Bring the full force of the instrument into direct skin contact on their buttocks. Light them up as needed for correction. Once they are broken, cuddle/comfort them so they know how much you love them. They will come to associate the punishment as necessary but undesirable. |
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---righteouswarriors on 5/23/08 |
My thoughts are these: use an "implement" instead of your hand, you dont want your children to ever fear your hands, or flinch when you reach for them. I would pull down their pants so they get the full effect, otherwise it's more for show. MOST importantly: never spank while you're angry, take them somewhere and tell them why they're going to get spanked. Also I would never slap them, or spank them anywhere but the bottom. Good luck and God bless, let Him lead in your discipline. :-) |
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---Todd1 on 5/22/08 |
I have learned that we are not to use our hands to spank...and this is biblical.With the boys I use a little wooden spoon and I only had to spank the inside of their hand one time you know like the teachers use to do...and now all I have to do is hit the spoon on the counter sort of loud, and they stop getting into stuff...Most of the time. |
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---Elisabeth on 5/22/08 |
As you probably know, the discipline methods you use should depend on what works,what they did and age. You shouldn't fear spanking/listen to others who try to dictate their belief's. Spanking in a loving home is appropriate. The use of implements must be tempered with appropriate force, but paddle or strong wooden spoon is not abuse if used properly. On bare bottom spanking, that is a parental choice, however, use of an implement on a bare bottom is potential problems. Determine what works and use it! |
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---Steve on 5/22/08 |
This is ridiculous. Are you going to do the same when they are taking drugs at 25 or 30 years of age. You need to start looking at books on discipline, for you are way off track. You are actually teaching them how to hit people, and when they are bigger they will hit you back. A little slap to show disapproval should not be used after the age of about 2. And it should NOT hurt, it is because they cannot understand language at that age that you resort to it. Like training an animal. |
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---frances008 on 4/20/08 |
Maybe start with your own example of admitting however you yourself are wrong and how you discipline yourself > "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) And with your husband show them how to relate in love, so they can feed from this and be busy enough with loving so they "may" not need as much discipline (o: And, with the way to love established, *then* discover what is the natural way to discipline effectively (o: |
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---Bill_bila5659 on 4/20/08 |
If you soften their behinds by planting them in front of a TV as their babysitter, or with a pile of toys to keep them quiet . . . how will they learn to relate in love and become creative? Without knowing how to love, and after doing little other than play with toys someone invented in order to make money . . . they will be able to make trouble for you, and those behinds will be soft enough to feel the consequences (o: |
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---Bill_bila5659 on 4/20/08 |
RitaH ... I agree with you.
I also think it is sad that there is likely to be in England soon a total ban on any kind of smacking, which will be a criminal offence.
In certain circumstances, smacking with small force is appropriate |
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---alan_of_UK on 4/20/08 |
Stina, "you need to pull there pants and underware down so it stings" This kind of discipline is not punishment, it is degradation and humiliation. If you HAVE to smack, and believe that it should STING to be remembered, there are places that are already uncovered (the hand, top of leg etc.) where a smack can be administered and made to sting. Taking down another persons underwear for this reason is disgusting and sick. |
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---RitaH on 4/20/08 |
you need to pull there pants and underware down so it stings. but not to hard. |
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---stina on 4/19/08 |
Don't be afraid to talk with your child. If you are calm, patient, and reasonable, your child will learn to behave that way. If you are a bully, and become violent when frustrated, your children will learn that too. Discipline is important, and it is an important value to teach your children. But don't confuse hitting children with discipline, the two are unrelated. |
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---Jim on 4/12/08 |
Sophia, Apollos and Whisper gave good answers.
Or, you could use the psychological aproach and give them a time out so that they learn they can walk all over you. They say the child can do no wrong. Odd, when I was young I did wrong and I knew it. The rod told me if I kept doing it pain would come. So I quit and the pain stopped. I didn't become a chainsaw murderer in the process. And I even respected my parents for teaching me right.
Frank
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---Frank on 1/19/08 |
Today's world has made spanking into a "crime". Instead we torture them with isolation, mentally cripple them with our words or become afraid to act at all. Parents have a responsibility to not just teach, but discipline their kids. A law without a punishment is no law. I do not advocate doing physical harm to a child and I do not advocate physical punishment in later years (teenagers). |
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---sophia on 1/18/08 |
When a child is old enough it is a quick and effective enforcement and behavior modifier. Much of what is conscience is actually a fear memory that causes us uneasiness when doing something that has caused pain in the past. Respect for authority and law is similar. God's physical world effectively and automatically uses pain to modify our behavior relative to physical law(hot stove). Proverbs teaches of parental responsibility to properly discipline to save the child's character. |
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---sophia on 1/18/08 |
The problem with spanking? Proverbs 13:24, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:15 say to use a rod (a wood stick)--not your hand (or belt, or paddle). And since Prov. 23:13 says "if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die," we see it has to be a stick small enough to be harmless, to give a child no more injury than a good old-fashioned hot fanny (leaving pants on ensures this). Prov. 19:18 also advises: Don't hold back, just because your child cries! |
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---Apollos on 1/17/08 |
Remember this, too: "Cease from anger, and forsake wrath...for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God." Never discipline when angry (you will be unreasonable and overbearing), and "provoke not your children to anger" by being cruel, or unmerciful. Prov. 19:18 says to discipline "while there is hope," meaning there is an effective age bracket: old enough to know right from wrong, yet young enough to fear a small stick. |
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---Apollos on 1/17/08 |
Dare to Discipline, I highly recommend this book by Dr. James Dobson. PROVERBS 22: 15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. |
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---Whisper on 12/4/07 |
There is SO much research done on this subject I could write a book. Spanking/hitting is NOT a good way to discipline your kids. Spare the rod, spoil the child isn't even in the Bible. Please, if you think you want to hit your children, do some reading and get educated! |
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---sue on 12/3/07 |
When will people learn that to 'discipline' means to teach. Teach your children with love, not violence and humiliation. The 'rod' in 'spare the rod' in Jesus' day was a tool to gently lead sheep, not beat them. |
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---sue on 12/3/07 |
Proverbs 23:13....WITHOLD NOT correction from the child: for if thou BEATEST HIM WITH THE ROD, he shall not die.
14...THOU SHALT BEAT HIM WITH THE ROD, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. |
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---Whisper on 12/3/07 |
Proverbs 29:15 THE ROD and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. |
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---Whisper on 12/3/07 |
I think a wood spoon is fine for the older boy, and your hand would still be effective for the youngest. The 5 yr old should have underwear down as he is old enough to know right from wrong, but the youngest can still have his spanking on his undies. never spank in anger and pray with them when its done. I wish you luck and god bless,
Michaela |
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---Michaela on 12/3/07 |
i really do not think that pulling down their pants should be neccessary!!!
Pervert! |
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---billy on 11/27/07 |
Whisper, Proverbs 23 and 29 doesn't refer to it but Proverbs 32 does. |
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---Caring on 11/8/07 |
Spanking should be used rarely and as a last resort. There are many ways to discipline. Bare bottomed is humiliating and we are not told to humiliate our children. We are instructed to bring them up "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord". Further,fathers are not to exasperate their children as this will discourage them. Spare the rod and spoil the child does not mean to spank at every offense. You want to teach love and not hate and violence. There are occasions to spank but not often:) |
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---jody on 11/8/07 |
Nancy, child you have the correct one. Jesus would never, ever hit a child. I am sick and tired of stupid people perverting the word of God. These people do not know God although they pretend they do. well they don't. Case close.>>>No beating, hitting with 2 by 4's or screaming at your child or children no ifs ands or butts. These poor innocent souls. Praise God and His goodness.+++ |
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---catherine on 11/8/07 |
All I want to say is this. If God tells me this is the way to do it, All the humanism in the world won't stop me. Yes this is the Biblical approach it is written that if We spank our children we will save their souls from hell. So who's saved now? |
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---Whisper on 11/8/07 |
Before you lay a hand on your child you better pray. Sometimes God's answers will surprise you. I hope you are saved. |
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---catherine on 11/8/07 |
Just stick em back on the naughty spot for ten minutes, thats sure to give them a punishing they'll never forget. Run that by me again. Does Proverbs 23, and Proverbs 29. talk of the 2 by 4 or naughty spot? |
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---Whisper on 11/8/07 |
Takea 2x4 and hit them on the head with it :))
I have never believed in spanking kids with the exception of a gentle hit on their bum but NEVER hit to hurt.
Worse thing parents can do is hitting and screaming at kids. Punish them with love, let them know you're hurt when they don't behave - persevere and it will bear fruits. |
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---Caring on 11/8/07 |
My goodness, I'm shocked that anyone still believes that spanking is acceptable, when most places consider it illegal and a form of child abuse!
Do you think Jesus would have EVER hit a child?
Children are to be guided, not beaten. If loving discipline is not working, spanking won't either.
Spanking just teaches children that it is okay to use violence, even on those we love. |
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---Nancy on 11/7/07 |
My 65 year old uncle regrets not having spanked his son and daughter, He said he turned out two brats, that won't even speak to him or even call him on the phone today. This is Biblical Proverbs 29, and Proverbs 23, speaks about the rod. and how using the backside {rumpus}, will actualy save their souls from hell. Also children are full of folly but the rod of correction will drive it far from them. |
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---Whisper on 11/7/07 |
what implement do want to spank them with |
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---nan on 11/7/07 |
for sure otk. thats how i learn |
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---colin on 9/17/07 |
You should be talking and praying about this with people you know and trust in your church.
They know you far better than we could.
Anyway, All I will say, is my Parents spanked me when I deserved it.
On the Bare behind with a hairbrush well into my teen years, and I've never once felt anything near abused like the anti-spanking brigade says I would have.
It's all about your attitude and how much you really love your kids, spanking (reasonably) doesn't change that. |
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---Lyn on 8/15/07 |
Yes, I would go ahead and pull down both they're pants and underwear. there has hs to be a sense of conviction that has a certian level of bite. As long as you do this in private, and be loving in the process, the child will benefit |
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---Judith_Haney on 7/31/07 |
I never used the word No with my last three children b/cos thats all I got from them when they wanted to do their own thing, so I say A, A, It sounds much more child friendly and when my daughter tell her cousin A,A she always gets an audience of smiles from the old biddies!
Mum used to disagree and shout No, NO until my daughter shouted it back several times she now leaves her to me as A, A sounds better! |
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---Carla5754 on 5/5/07 |
I would never advocate you keep spanking time and time again it is obvious one needs to change if it's not working and help is needed professionally, but when your child lives in an environment where thieves and murderers go undisciplined in the correct manner where they themselves will say mom I know I was wrong and I'm sorry and I won't do it again, it's the communication that one needs to get right and all things work good. My son is actually helping me write this!!!! |
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---Carla5754 on 5/4/07 |
Growing up as a child been beaten by my father and I can assure you that I know the difference. To discipline with reasonable force is far different than Beating a child to death and I know only but a few would understand what I am talking about. Good for YOU if did never have to spank your child, It is very distressing when you think that your child would misbehave despite all the measures put in place to help them to understand better. |
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---Carla5754 on 5/4/07 |
I agree with you Catherine, this post is disgusting. But the thing is, there are actually people who beat their kids. Nothing we can do about it, they believe that is how they should teach them. Very sad. |
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---sue on 5/4/07 |
Some children shame without as much as a look, some you just a look, others time out,others a point system but very often when every conceivable methods just does not seem to work (without using anger) And when you get to this point, a little more than the usual constraints may very well be necessary to get the point across. But if for any reason this becomes useless then you need to consult professional help. |
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---Carla5754 on 5/4/07 |
Just in case my other blog didn't make it on here on this very important subject>>> Keep the clothes on the children. Send them to their room. Take the tv out of their room. Hitting a child is cowardly, and it is the easy way out. How would you like it for someone to be hitting on you. |
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---catherine on 5/4/07 |
Never use an implement and never spank in anger - count to ten and calm down first. That is what my mother taught me. And watch for hand prints, if they last more than ten seconds you have hit too hard.
Personally, I have tried to raise mine without spanking, but I think that some children may need it and respond to spanking more than other children. Others do not need or respond well to spanking at all. |
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---lorra8574 on 5/3/07 |
I have got to tell you I think that all of it is disgusting. Keep the clothes on the children. Just put them in their room. Keep your hands off them. Don't forget to take the tv out of their room. |
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---catherine on 5/3/07 |
hi i think spoons work they worked on my bare hinney when i was bad. |
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---Jay on 5/3/07 |
Spanking snowballs: the harder you spank, the harder you must spank. Never use an implement. Kids that young know you're angry; and fear overrides their guilt. DON'T lose your temper spanking. I often spanked two, and they despise me. I rarely spanked our youngest, but used time-out and his desire to show his love for me, and he became the dearest,best, young man, devoted to me and to God. Less spanking equals more truly responsible obedience. Spank lightly and little. Trust me on this. |
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---Elsbeth on 4/26/07 |
I used to spank my kids with the word NO. When I said NO I meant it. After a while they would stop.
Dirty looks accompanied by a NO is healthier than spanking. I don't believe in spanking. |
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---Caring on 4/26/07 |
one can spank a child on the palms of their hands, or on the butt. It is not meant to be a hard spank but enough to discipline them. I have 4 well behaved sons with the younges at 29 years old. They never gave us the cheek when they know they were wrong. Yes, we disciplined them well..Spanking was one of the method used and it sure works. |
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---mom on 4/26/07 |
spanking the older one with a wooden spoon
and 3 yr old with your hand allways on the bare !! |
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---mom on 4/25/07 |
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