I Hate My Husband
I hate my husband of 13 years. Five wonderful kids. He is an abusive workaholic. I'm worthless, lazy, too stupid to earn money myself [a lot of money]. My youngest is only 3 and oldest is 12. He is never home. I don't believe in divorce. There is no way out. No hope. No life.
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---inna on 3/14/06
Helpful Blog Vote (157)
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PRAY, PRAY PRAY but not for your husband at first, start with praying to God to reveal what your role in the marriage is and start doing what the Spirit will show you to do. God will first work with you and then through you to reach your husband. If you earnestly call upon God to restore the broken pieces He will. Dont give up hope you tried for 13 years why not trust God for the next 13 months in complete faith and surrender. |
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---Lucy on 7/16/08 |
If he is really abusive and truly can't stop alcohol, then this is my advice sister: Don't divorce, but leave. In other words, talk to him about what is going on and then give him some ultimatums. If he does not respond to these things, well, he can live just fine with his bottle as a wife. But let him know that you will be THERE should he decide to CLEAN up his behavior and his act. Sometimes it takes a tough move to make changes. But remember, you are NOT divorced....you are not free to date or see anyone else. You are simply free. The attempt at leaving is to fix things. Keep that in mind and I believe God will intervene. My prayers are with you! |
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---Kate on 7/14/08 |
So many temptations to get our attention away from God.
Our father broke down in his drinking to become abusive. With this, I became a perpetual bully. And when I was told I couldn't bring a dog to church because "Dogs can't go to Heaven", then might have been when I resolved to kill and hurt as many people as I could by a career of derailing trains. I was one to go all the way with things. But God stopped me.
It doesn't seem anyone had a clue this was going on in me. What I mean is . . . make sure you know what is really going on with your kids. Satan has not needed my help to derail trains. He doesn't need your help to hate. God bless you (o: |
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---Bill_bila5659 on 7/13/08 |
All I can say is take up your cross, everyday, and follow in the bloodstained footsteps of the Lord. It takes a lot of faith to be humble, but humility is the path of Jesus Christ. It won't be in vain. Smile. Your pain never goes unnoticed by God. It pleases Him greatly...because He knows you could easily throw in the towel. Hang in there. Keep the faith. Carry your cross willingly and joyfully, knowing in faith that it pleases the Lord.
Feelings pass us like the wind. Some are good and some are bad. Don't focus your life on them. What really matters is if you lovingly obey God. That will give you a deep sense of joy, not just a passing feeling - but only if you have faith. That's what it means to be a Christian wife. Prayers. |
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---Chris on 7/13/08 |
Like another reply I read, I was browsing the internet and came upon this site. I'm shocked and heart-broken. I'm so sorry that so many women are struggling with deep feelings of hatred for their husbands and feel terrible that some are suffering in abusive relationships. It sounds awful and to feel trapped...
This might sound flipant, but there are some obvious alternatives to divorce that, in my view, needn't be dismissed out of hand. For example, in an abusive situation, especially with children, it's possible to got to a relatives place or to live seperately until your spouse can get his act together. It's not divorce. It's commitment to the marriage, to not being abused, and to working on the marriage in a safe environment. |
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---Steve on 7/10/08 |
Yes, Sarah and Suzanne. When one is saved your eyes open and you see things the way they really are. It can get very tough at times. For some reasons God won't always take you out of a relationship, such as yours.. He may or He may not. But, He will give you the grace to stay, if that is His will. If He does help you to escape, He will help in that area too. Also, God may do some, or allow some drastic changes to come in. My only hope is for both of you, that God is in control. You both seem to be very unhappy. I am sorry that you are. Take care of yourselves, and keep us bloggers informed if you please. Good day. |
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---catherine on 7/10/08 |
Prayer heals ...Praying often mends bridges ...Praying incessantly removes hate
One who hates breeds more hate ...you can never change person you are with ...by hating another human being you distance yourself from emotion of love imparting hate to your children ...don't be so foolish to believe youre different and its not possible with you
YOU can change your reaction to the person ...the more you speak of hate, think of hate you distance yourself from God ...allowing hate to fester in your being taking control of your life creating desperation and emptiness and fear
only prayer courage willingness to move from hate to love can allow you to conquer this wicked emotion |
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---Rhonda on 7/10/08 |
I feel the same way. I am so trapped and all I want to do is prevent my kids from growing up in a house where the parents hate each other. My husband is not very smart, very judgemental and incredibly stubborn. Anytime we are together, we fight. Growing up, my parents hated each other. Consequently, every holiday, family get together or even trip in a car fills me with dread and anxiety. My children are 6, 4 and 2 and deserve so much better. What do I do? He won't consider counseling and I just don't think he is capable of change. I hate him, and I hate that I did this to myself. |
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---Sarah on 7/10/08 |
i hate my husbands ways he is very abusive too. it doesn't get any better once they lay there hands on you once it will continue. once the verbal abuse and degrading of your carachter. acting like he couldn't care if you live or die.
my husband is fixin to go to court for family violence assault. \you can't change him you have to change your self. in order to do this you need to pray really hard and find a support team who will pray for you too! Don't be ashamed it's not your fault. |
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---SUZANNE_MARTIN on 7/1/08 |
dear friend, you are not alone with your feelings, i too hate my husband. what was for me, or so i thought THE love of my life.
Ten years down the line and thirty years of knowing him has almost destroyed me mentally, physicaly and moraley. Its only very recent all my dreams have been trashed.I think hate is the wrong word, i loathe him, i have lost all respect i ever had for him and at one time that was a huge amount. I cant bare to look at him but im finding it so painful to leave. |
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---norma on 6/30/08 |
In every relationship there is reflection. What you saw in your father you may see in your husband, it is what your sons will see in their wives. The world is round for a reason. The only way out is to offer help to similar individuals in a worse of situations than yours. You cannot say there is no hope..no whatever...you need to look outside not inwards. If you can make a difference to even one human life than you will have made a difference to your own. You created hope, life. Never give up, if you are hungry you need to think not about finding food for yourself but for your neighbor who may be more hungry than you. |
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---hally_ozeyh on 6/22/08 |
My heart is with you. I'm not perfect and try to do the right things. By staying in a 31 year marriage with an abusive alcoholic, I shamefully have to say that I've only shown my 27 year old daughter that it's ok to stay with the abusive partner with whom she is married to now. Just wish I did things different. In the meantime, I've gone back to church and pray for all of us. I pray she is stronger than I and not live with such unhappiness for most of her life. |
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---BJ on 6/7/08 |
If you hate your husband, why would I want to read the book by D.Pearl?
What could it possibly offer anyone if it hasn't helped you move beyond hatred for your own husband? What kind of a testimony is that? |
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---Valerie on 5/15/08 |
I stumbled on this posting by accident, and was curious. It broke my heart to see so many Christian women admit to hating their husbands.
Please turn to God and pray for patience and help. For those who are in abusive relationships, God didn't mean for women and children to be punching bags, and He certainly doesn't want anyone to stay in that situation.
A book that really helped me when I felt as though I hated my husband was "The Power of a Praying Wife." |
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---Lisa on 5/15/08 |
I actually have feelings of hate for my husband too. I'm feeling a lot better knowing there are others out there who hate their spouses. I don't know what to tell you besides I know what living for years in a loveless marriage feels like and enduring it for God and the kids. I read a book that helps somewhat called Created to Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl. God bless you and keep fighting the good fight. He who endures much reapeth a great reward and honey, we have a big reward coming to us don't we!! |
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---Vanesa on 5/14/08 |
I feel for you. Having kids is hard with NO man around. I have 3 myself, and totally hate my husband right now. I'm trapped, with no way out! |
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---Kim on 5/15/08 |
This sounds like the blog I read last night about the guy who hates his wife. What a bunch of nonsense! Grow up! |
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---Nicola on 5/6/08 |
There is no glory in hating a mate. There is no glory in being angry. Be angry and sin not.
If you're angry, hate your mate, can't stand the marriage - there is no glory in that. That's not a sacrifice, it is sin.
I am not standing on sanctimony, suggesting you sue for alimony, I can only stand on the Word.
Forgive others as your Heavenly Father forgives you. Forgive those who despitefully use you. Forgive your enemies and forgive your family members. |
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---lisa on 5/5/08 |
The reason you don't know yourself anymore is because you're probably blocking out all of your emotions. It is a way of coping, shutting off all feelings, blanking out, going numb.
That's not all bad, it's the way emergency workers handle the accidents they see every day.
In a marriage, hate and anger are two emotions we can live without. |
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---lisa on 5/5/08 |
I am suffering. I am trying to focus on the fact that it is all for His glory. I am yet holding on to God's unchanging hand, but I feel so lost. I don't know myself anymore and I am ANGRY!!!! JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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---Evelyn on 5/5/08 |
Jenn, I would not call Henry V111 a good role model. He beheaded two wives, one of them was Ann Boleyn, a Christian who saved England from the Antichrist for four hundred years by having Elizabeth 1. From her came a great Empire eventually.
However, sometimes it is good to walk out of an impossible situation. |
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---frances008 on 5/4/08 |
Sorry to say, you are no better than your husband. God sees all sin the same. Your hate is not justified. If you are looking to your husband, no wonder you feel hopeless. He can't give you hope only Jesus Christ can. Focus on loving God, actions, not words and watch God change your circumstances. At the very least, He'll change your heart, then your life will be different. |
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---melann on 5/4/08 |
Your husband probably knows you hate him, feels helpless to do anything about it,so he continues to act the same. Vicious cycle for you both.I have been where you are and had to allow God to change my heart. We are accountable to God for our actions, no excuses on judgement day.There is a way out and His name is Jesus. Focus,focus on God,not your husband,it's the only way.You will find joy,peace,life. |
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---melann on 5/4/08 |
you start your post with "I hate my husband". That is your sin, and all sin has consequences. |
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---Eloy on 5/4/08 |
Sencing your pain. Have you shared these feelings with Jesus. Have you sought Him to find an answer. Please-Please the enemy of your soul has you right where he wants you. Do you love Jesus? We have to love others first before we can say that we love Jesus. When I've ran into circumstances such as your this is how I pray. Lord Jesus Love MY Husband Through Me". Just hand your feelings over to Jesus. He's right there waiting for YOU to ask "HIM FOR HELP". Holy Spirit Strenghten my sister. |
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---Mi_Mi on 5/4/08 |
I also hate my husband. Four kids ages 17 - 5 and he is a major alcholic. He is a worthless loser and I make more money than he does! Problem is - we can't sell our house because we owe more than it is worth currently. Not believing in divorce is silly. King Henry VIII invented his own religion (away from Catholicism) so he could get a divorce from Queen Mary of Aragon. Do what YOU have to do to maintain your sanity. As soon as I can sell my house, I am gone! |
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---Jenn on 5/4/08 |
I found this by typing in "I hate my alcoholic husband". Enough said. He is disgusting and I am leaving for good. |
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---Katya on 5/3/08 |
David, here's another blog, very similar to "I hate my wife".
Hopefully, you can overcome your hatred with God's help. Prayer requests are not answered until hatred is repented of and left behind. Hatred will prevent any forward motion in a marriage. If there is any legitimacy to the spouse's complaints, address them. If spouse is telling the truth, face it. |
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---Ulrika on 4/27/08 |
I understand what you are feeling. I too hate my husband right now. I found this blog typing in those exact words "I hate my husband". My husband is an alcoholic and though he is not abusive his drinking turns him in to a control freak. You are not alone |
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---Kim on 4/26/08 |
I understand what you are going through. First if you are going to leave him make sure you have money put away, titles paid off in your name and if he is abusive put a restraining order on him file for divorce... Second if he is drinking or doing drugs you are not going to stop him.You need AL-ANon. God bless and I will be praying for all.I have been there and done that... ALso if you do decide to remarry. make sure you go into it open eyes! or you might just end up with another jerk.. |
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---kygrl1972 on 4/14/08 |
Hello, I just came across this and YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Sometimes the men we marry say they are christians yet there is no fruit of the spirit so then it is up to us to act Christ like which is hard when all you feel like you fighting for is your sanity but I do feel like you can never controll other people you can only control you this has helped me in som many ways so I ask God to please help me stay in control of me . If you are free within then then jail cell has no bars, never let them see you sweat! |
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---nicole on 4/11/08 |
Please dont complain about a man who WORKS to take care of his family. He could be abusive, an alcoholic, and many other worthless things. Be happy and enjoy your childen . You are fortunate to stay home and raise them. So what he is not home to your perspective. Choose your family time wisley and include him, dont nag him if he does not want to go he may be tired. JUST LOVE what you have. I will trade husbands if you think your life is tough any DAY |
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---mary on 4/2/08 |
Stand in faith my friend. I understand how you feel.I have been with my husband 14 yrs. Married 7 with 5 sons. He always finds an excuse to stay out all night. Now that he is the one working since I am disabled with M.S.he acts like it is his right. I supported the family soley up until this Jan.I pray and read all kind of christian marriage books,thinking everything is my fault. I feel the same way NO HOPE!!! |
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---THEA on 3/30/08 |
To Debra who responded on 2/18...I am married to Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde so there must be more than one of them out there. I have been a Christian for over 30 years and am so thankful for my Savior as all of you, but I just cannot handle my passive agressive husband who makes me feel as if I'm going crazy because of how I react when he is evil-mean abusive. I just feel I am checking out...numb. |
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---Vicky on 3/21/08 |
I'm praying for you now our God loves you and will help you. 1. fix yourself up. 2.Pray 3. Let your husband know calmly when he becomes abusive that you'll hear him when he's calmer. 4.Be affectionate to him. 5.Even if he won't get counseling do it alone. 6.Start scheduling time with him alone. 7.Stop trying to make him let God correct him. With the Holy Spirit you can.8.Focus on you, let your kids see you happy, laugh,cry when you need to but not in front of him, he'll think your trying to manipulate. |
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---Linda_Hazzard on 2/28/08 |
hilda.....hold on. I am only married a few days and am wondering what on earth....and on heaven....I have done. I am sitting here at the computeer horrified at myself and the secondary vows I have taken and just hating my husband = yet days ago.....loving him - god help us.Anne |
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---anne on 2/25/08 |
That's spiritual death.
Hatred for your husband will cause depression to move into oppression. If you're in hatred, the enemy has a vice grip on your heart. It is spiritual death.
Cry on the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ to save you.
You need to get up off that bed of hatred you've been lying on and crawl over to the pool on your hands and knees.
If you don't forgive your husband, you cannot be healed from depression, oppression or possession. Forgive, forgive, forgive. |
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---Cindy on 2/18/08 |
Jesus Christ died so that none would perish.
He died for hatred and He died for bad marriages. He died so that a woman living in a miserable marriage could get up off of her bed, be healed of hatred and unforgiveness and be the wife and mother that God called you to be.
Surrender that hatred to Jesus Christ before you breathe your last breath. |
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---Cindy on 2/18/08 |
Surrender your life to Jesus Christ, even if you think you know every doctrine of every comparative religion that you've studied for 20 years. Quit comparing religions for the mission of man and start living out the Gospel of Jesus Christ for yourself.
It's time to focus on Jesus Christ and leave the rest of this to someone else.
Works will not heal a broken heart. Only Jesus Christ can heal, restore and raise you back up into a whole woman. |
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---Cindy on 2/18/08 |
I know an elderly woman that could pray that hatred right out of your heart if you want to be free of it. But she's not there with you. Jesus Christ can lead you into forgiveness. If you can't pray, find someone who has the real deal, a heart that's true, with the gift of faith, that can pray with you and lead you out of this hatred and unforgiveness.
You don't want to pass this on to your children, that's not the legacy you want to leave them. |
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---Cindy on 2/18/08 |
I hate him, so what? |
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---hilda on 2/18/08 |
just to add,forgivness or forgiving others is best for you ALWAYS. |
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---tom2 on 2/17/08 |
Hate is an easy way to fall into satan's trap. Your hurt, angry, that's ok. Forgiveness is the way to get your life back. You have to be careful what you do. How you react determines your relationship with God. God discipline's those who do not obey so your husband will not walk away unaffected. By forgiving him you open yourself to happiness in Christ. Build yourself up and concentrate on setting a good example for your kids. Do not bad mouth him as that will cause your kids to lose respect for you. |
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---tawnya on 2/15/08 |
pt3. so after nearly 26 years,and several other instances,like one woman in dc who i was dating that I found out was engaged,and several others I have reached a point where I don,t believe a thing said too me by anyone.from personal experience holding hate in your heart towards anyone for a long time will only make you a bitter person.for awhile you will be young and bitter but eventually you will be old and bitter,and cynical,and a die hard pessimest. |
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---tom2 on 2/15/08 |
hate,it took me nearly a lifetime to understand a simple principle of kingdom thinking.now it may at times not be easy,and at others probably impossible to apply this principle because we are currently living within our sinful me me me flesh.god has applied this to everything he does,god hates sin but loves the sinner.thats the principle.and the true basis for gods plan to redeem humanity because he loves us. |
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---tom2 on 2/15/08 |
pt2 now that being said I also have experience hating my first wife left me for a wild life of sexual permissiveness with anything that walked.I hated her for years.my second wife did similarly. my first wife came back then left again and married a x boyfriend of some 40 years after we had planned to remarry.now could i hate them? of course ,but I choose not too.but as I said I did hate while it was going on and Iam sure you ladys are just as human as me. |
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---tom2 on 2/15/08 |
My heart goes out to you. I am in the same situation. 16 years now and I don't know what to do either. Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde lives in my house. I'm not much help but I'll say a prayer for you. That's all I have to rely on. I'm 41 and lots of times I'm not ALLOWED to go to church. What do you do then?
May God watch over us and bless us both. |
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---Debra on 2/14/08 |
Someone with five children worthless? I don't think so. You are listening to the lies of the devil. Someone who is persevering in a marriage because they think it is right, is worthless? Again, listening to the devil is not good for you. You hate your husband. You can choose to love him despite his faults. You are humble and admit to your imperfections. Accept his. |
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---frances on 2/8/08 |
I knew this blog would reappear today.
There's an angry and jealous tornado at your house.
This is why God hates divorce, because of the unforgiveness, bitterness, hatred, anger and jealousy that it leaves behind in the hearts of the divorced. |
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---Cindy on 2/8/08 |
Divorced - getting ready to be divorced, and in the ministry, you should step down.
Anger, I hate my husband and it feels so good to say it...
My husband is a narcissist and so "am I", unable to see the forest for the trees...
This is why those going through a bitter divorce should not be leading others now or in the future. It's compromising God's Word.
I know you can't stand your husband, and you don't want to waste that beautiful body, but there is a tornado at your house. |
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---Cindy on 2/8/08 |
Life is not always easy, my heart goes out to those with so many problems.
All I can add is that VERY often we have to allow Christ to love a person through us. Love is a choice we must make.
God bless. |
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---NVBarbara on 2/8/08 |
My husband has cancer,rather, it has him. We have no life and I am sick of being an old woman in a young woman's body. |
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---Claire on 2/7/08 |
You need to make an appointment with your health professional. No hope, No life, not normal. Your health professional can direct you to a wellspring of information that will keep you from sinking further into grief. |
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---Elldee on 2/4/08 |
i feel so wrong saying this i love him but i hate being married to him. he drinks all the time talks down to me makes me feel like garbage. we are about to have another baby hes in the army and he feels he can go out drinking leave me and our daughter to pick up the peices after he messes up time and time agian. he does things just to prove i am helpess and meaningless in his eyes. i feel like exploding wanting to tell him everything i hate about him but he would just laugh and trow back another beer. |
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---mary on 1/5/08 |
It seems you are interested in "lot of money" plus all life. where there is more money there is more sorrow. I dont know about your husband but work now a days has become difficult. We as working women know the strain we go through and men are required to keep more effort than women. So when we opt for more money more work then there will be more sorrow. |
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---sharon on 1/5/08 |
What a surprise to find so many Christian women in the same situation I find myself in. My husband makes me feel so worthless, and the only thing that turns my thinking in the right direction is remembering who I am in Jesus Christ.
We need to pray for one another, because this situation does seem almost unbearable at times. It hurts to the deepest part of your being, but our Lord is always with us, even through the worst pain. |
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---Beth on 1/1/08 |
pray for strength gather yourself go to a women's support group--ask your church--get yourself and your children away from the abuse!!!!!!! |
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---mi on 12/27/07 |
i understand what you're goig through my husband and i have been married for14 years and i have a 16 year old son whose not his and he also verbally abuses him and i tell you what to do because i cant help myself if i had the money for a new house to live in id leave i hurt my back havent worked since 2002 and he uses that against me ive never been so miserable in me whole live i pray the lord will see my pain and help me make the right decision but you are not alone i understand what you're going through |
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---hilda on 12/27/07 |
Everytime I come accross blogs with this type of pain, it makes me sad. For everone here who is hurting, my heart goes out to you. I really do care. HUGS Kella |
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---Kella3336 on 12/24/07 |
It is sad when a man is Blessed by God with a nice wife who has beared his children and given him the most precious gift of all Children i know it is not a happy situation but trust in your Father God it is hard to believe right now but he is in Command and will see you thru may God Bless your family and you at this time of the season some men do not realize what they have until its to late |
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---lawrence on 12/23/07 |
hi,
Me too in the same boat. i hate my husband. He loves only his mother. he is always trying to irritate me in one way or another. always telling lies for his mother. they are playing together. im out of circle. dont know why this fate. |
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---rinu on 12/21/07 |
honey, pick yourself up, cleanse yourself from the poison that your abusive husband has infused in your soul. With God's help you can rebuild and become all you are destined to be. |
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---terri on 12/4/07 |
wow your life sounds like mine. imprisoned by a insecure controler. |
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---beatrix on 12/2/07 |
You know, once they've become abusive, THEY'VE broken their marriage vows. And once a contract is broken by one side, it's broken for both.
Divorce in such a case is merely an acknowledgement of HIS actions, and does not reflect on yourself.
But if you cannot deal with divorce, get a separation. Just because you're married to the jerk, doesn't mean you have to LIVE with him. |
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---Nancy on 12/1/07 |
I empathize with you: my husband and I rarely get to see each other. I work nights and he works days, and our schedules overlap so we don't see each other for days on end. When we do see each other, we get in each others' way.
The Bible places a difficult challenge before us. 1forgive, 2love the person, 3submit, and 4respect our husbands. Keeping in mind what the Bible asks me to do helps me realize I'm at fault here, too, and I can take steps that will improve our relationship. |
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---Mae on 11/24/07 |
You could take stan's way out, murder them!!! |
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---Kenan_Wowman on 11/12/07 |
Mental illness can be a bigger challenge to a marriage than physical disabilities.
The healthy mate can deteriorate physically, trying to comprehend, compensate, and live with a mental illness that consumes the rest of the family. |
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---Linda on 11/12/07 |
Example: In extreme cases of mental illness without a mate ever improving, the healthy mate retreats to prevent a total meltdown in the marriage. The needy mate becomes more needy and the healthy one can become broken down from the stress.
Mental illness can take a terrible toll on a marriage and family. It doesn't improve with divorce and finding another mate. |
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---Linda on 11/12/07 |
It does sound as if the feeling/lack of feeling, is mutual for all concerned.
You hate your husband, but have you asked God what it is that your husband does not care for?
Have you asked God what is it about your personality that would cause him to react to you this way? |
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---Linda on 11/12/07 |
Ok, this is a speculation.
Do you think that you mentally challenge your husband in such a way that he doesn't know how to handle it any longer, at his wit's end with it all?
Example: If a husband had a wife with mental illness, in his desperation to keep everything from falling apart, he became short/abrupt to try and maintain his own sanity - putting up walls to protect his own mind. |
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---Linda on 11/12/07 |
Been married 13 years too. Work is my husbands God. I work in our business too and get berated daily about how I am not doing what I need to be doing. He's very controlling, I hate the mind control games he plays. He tells me he works harder than anyone. He is very arrogant to others, He is educated and successful and everyone else is there for him to stomp on. He is a very rude person to others (not just me). I know he is not Christ filled. Being un-equally yoked is very hard. I too feel stuck. |
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---Annabelle on 11/12/07 |
i hate my husband too. He is very mean and abusive. He has no respect for any of the kids (we have 4 of them) if he wants to fight and their sleeping he just yells and turns on all the lights. Just so he can have things his way! i hate him . I would never say it to his face, but it feels really good to type it, kinda a form of release. I hate him i hate him i hate him!!! |
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---mary on 11/11/07 |
Here's another blog that might help you, Robyn has some strong opinions. |
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---Linda on 11/11/07 |
If any of you want to be on the Jerry Springer show to let some of your anger out about your spouse, please call me AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. You get a free trip to Chicago with ALL expenses paid. Call 888-321-5399 and ask for Michelle if you are interested. It is a great time, and the people I've met never regret coming on the show. |
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---Michelle on 11/3/07 |
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