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My Husband's Three Year Affair

I am having a bad time recovering from my husbands affair. It went on for 3 years and when I found out we moved away. Now he wants to move back. He says he loves me but he told her he only stayed with me for the kids. She sent me the letter. I love him but I am so scared!

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 ---Ashley on 3/27/06
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If you had walked away from God and led a life of sin and then asked the Lord if He would have you back, what do you think He would say? When you answer that, then you have your answer.
---john on 1/1/08

Rebecca D. You would be in a lot of trouble if God took your advice and appropriated it to you. Not giving someone a second chance is kind of harsh don't you think? Would you be okay with God dealing with you in that manner?
---john on 4/22/07

my advice to you, are also a question. are you happy with or without him,if you are not happy without him ,give it a try if he does it again you can walk away without scars, saying i done my best, now i feel he is not going to change, give it a try,people do recognize mistakes and change
---wiseladyG on 4/21/07

It's a year later, Ashley. Did you divorce?
---Robin on 4/21/07

God did not put anyone on this earth to go through hell. I say this in love, but if you take him back, your dumb. He wants his cake and eat it to. I wouldn't let him move back, I would let him see his kids, but I'd draw the line at that. You burn me once, thats your fault, you burn me twice that's my fault.
---Rebecca_D on 4/21/07

Ashley, when a spouse is cheating they say all kinds of things to their lovers. They do this so they can conquer their victim. I'm glad you're working through this all and I don't blame you for being hesitant to move back. If the affair is over and repentance has happened I think it would be safe but he should be not be placed into situations of "working alone" with women.
---john on 4/21/07

You need to seek marital therapy and individual therapy. Sorting out your feelings of betrayal will take time and prayer. The most important thing you can do is work on yourself now, and grow in the Lord through this. Take your focus off your husband and put it on the Lord. Therapy for yourself will help you do that. Marital therapy will help restore your marriage, if that is your goal.
---Madison on 4/21/07

Why are you so scared? God doesnt need you or your husband to take care of his children those children and not property they are human. They are God Children. God doesnt need him to take care of his children. You do not need to subject yourself under the authority of fear. I will take care of you and be with you says the lord. Face your ministry. Seek the lord your God and let God will be done. Do not subject yourself to the spirit fear. God do not agree with your husband behavior belive me
---Aanu-oluwapo on 8/11/06

Not to be harsh, but your daughter is a grown woman, and emotional blackmail is completely out of line. The end of her marriage is her issue, not yours. And, if she needs your help so much, why doesn't she move nearer to you? Perhaps you and your husband could offer to help with that process.
---daphn8897 on 3/30/06

Thank you because I feel that way. She has 2 children and is divorcing. She knows about the affair,but she cries to her father that she needs us. I am made to feel selfish,but I honestly feel it is wrong for us and so does my pastor. She is making my husband feel awful about it. Saying I don't trust him and so. Your help is wonderful!
---ashley on 3/29/06

Ashley, You aren't selfish, and your husband needs to understand that he's the one who broke trust - and therefore must deal with the consequences which include you being wounded and weary of his motives. He sinned against you, but more importantly has sinned against God. Your grown daughter can get financial help long distance. And, I'm sure if she knew about the affair, she wouldn't want him near the other woman either.
---daphn8897 on 3/29/06

Hello again, We have been to counseling. We have been married 36 years. This "other"woman was involved with 2 married men before. The only reason my Husband thinks we should move back is because our grown daughter needs financial help. I do not have the strength to face this womans wrath again. Our pasator says I am right and not being selfish. Am I?
---Ashley on 3/28/06

Yes, I did show him all the letters. I have involved my pastor as I believe God is the only answer. I am always afraid of why he cared for her.He thinks I am punishing him when I cry,but no, I just feel lost! Only prayer helps
---Ashley on 3/28/06

Please seek counselling, either from your Pastor or a professional person. Your husband has committed adultery on you and that curse hasn't been broken off of his life or else he wouldn't want to go back. Go to God and pray, tell God you are hurting, and ask God what to do. I will counsel you with my eye upon you is what the Psalmist said God will do for us. You have not because you ask not. Ask God what to do. Pour out your heart to Him. He will answer you.
---Donna9759 on 3/28/06

Ashley, First question I have... is he saved? Also, have you confronted him with the letter his mistress sent you? Have you involved your pastor and church family - people who can hold him accountable (assuming he's saved) and care for you? Finally, know this.. regardless of the outcome, God is good and He will bring you through.

Keep us updated so we can be praying for you.
---daphn8897 on 3/28/06

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