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Can I Marry My Ex-Son-In-Law

My daughter left her husband for another. I worried when they married because he was older. I wonder, if after several years, and my closeness to my ex-son-in-law remained, could we became involved? I am celibate, but I have deep feelings for him. I know no biblical prohibitions.

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 ---Kathy on 4/17/06
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John 4:17-9 (NIV) I have no husband, she replied. Jesus said to her, You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.

To Rita, I respond as Jesus, "What you have just said is quite true." You write, "It is not about a man having a relationship with a woman and her mother during the same period of time." Most times, it wouldn't be. The Bible doesn't say it has to be. In the matter of a man marrying a divorced woman, it is ALWAYS ADULTRY (as the Bible tells us so). The Bible does not imply any acceptance as long as it is spaced out.
---sin5694 on 11/3/14


John 4:17-9 (NIV) I have no husband, she replied. Jesus said to her, You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.

To Rita, I respond as Jesus, "What you have just said is quite true." You write, "It is not about a man having a relationship with a woman and her mother during the same period of time." Most times, it wouldn't be. The Bible doesn't say it has to be. In the matter of a man marrying a divorced woman, it is ALWAYS ADULTRY (as the Bible tells us so). The Bible does not imply any acceptance as long as it is spaced out.
---sin5694 on 11/3/14


The question states that the daughter left her husband FOR ANOTHER. It says nothing about any wrongdoing on the part of the man who has been abandoned. This is in the past and what the questioner asked (some time ago now) is about herself and her EX son-in-law. It is not about a man having a relationship with a woman and her mother during the same period of time. The younger one has departed from choice.

The bible gives no guidance on this as far as I can see, probably because such an event would not have been envisaged but we should never lay the blame on the abandoned person UNLESS we are in full possession of the reason for her having left him (and we are NOT).
---Rita_H on 11/3/14


This is the most interesting posts I've read. YES, THE BIBLE DOES ANSWER. 1 Cor 5:1 CJB It is actually being reported that there is sexual sin among you, and it is sexual sin of a kind that is condemned even by pagans a man is living with his stepmother! 2 And you stay proud? Shouldnt you rather have felt some sadness that would have led you to remove from your company the man who has done this thing? 3 For I myself, even though I am absent physically, am with you spiritually, and I have already judged the man who has done this.

Leviticus 18:17 You are not to have sexual relations with both a woman and her daughter, they are close relatives, and it would be shameful." SO, YES, THE BIBLE DOES ADDRESS THE MATTER.
---sin5694 on 11/2/14


Who are you to judge?
Real love can't be wrong in my opinion.
I was, after devorcing my wife, in the same situation. Our love had to be secret and my ex mother in law suffered much because she want us to be in the open but we had to take care all the time.
But our love still remain 26 years untill she died and no one found out!
---Bowl on 11/2/14




an ex is an ex, go for it. Life is too short and how could you not be forgiven.
---linda on 5/31/11


//"And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they,"
//

If youre gonna give a scripture, please READ it carefully first. "They shall be burnt with fire, both HE and THEY." 3 people burned. In this example the man is married to TWO women at the same time (which even the patriarchs did) The problem is that the 2nd wife is the MOTHER of his first. THAT is the sin! And the daughter is apparently OK with it.


The scripture given does not fit the situation. She cheated on her husband. He is free to divorce her.
---CraigA on 3/28/11


MATTHEW 19:6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh, Therefore what God has joined together, let no man serparate.

MATTHEW 5:27 You have heard that it was said to those of old, you should not committed adultery. 5,27 But I say to you whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has allready committed adultery with her in heart.
---RICHARDC on 3/27/11


Carla, I didn't agree with the other post you gave because the damage was already done, but on this one, I do agree with you. No one should give an ok to that kind of reasoning. That is our job, to warn others of their sins. What they do on their own, they are responsible for. Most of the time people are just not saved so they answer as the world does. They still live a life for themselves first. They should first make a true commitment to Christ, with a contrite heart. Second, we should never excuse the sin of others.
---Mark_V. on 3/25/11


I married my daughters ex-live in. We've been married for 3yrs. and have known each other for 17yrs.. We have a good relationship. They had 2 children. My daughter was out of the picture 4 yrs. prior to this. Because of a drug habit. If you think you can make it work go for it. It works for us!
---Terry on 3/18/11




Sara,
''By all means if she agrees and accepts.. Go be happy''.

Your just as bad as your mother, ever considered reading ''the bible''

This is a very poor ill fated response, what don't know what Adultery means, forget even the word Adultery for one moment....

What is it with you people How would your ''MOTHER''
who gave birth to you want with your cast off's....... why she shouldn't even consider your friends boyfriend/husband never mind her child's Husband.

What kind of perverted slackness is this?
---Carla on 9/26/10


You are one ill puppy. The Bible indeed prohibits you from marrying your daughter's ex husband, gross city, truly disgusting. There are so many other single available men in the ocean, please fish elsewhere instead of in your daughter's bed.
---Eloy on 9/26/10


I would like to give a view from the other side..... My mom married my ex-fiance
We used to be very close and now we are not talking. As a daughter I feel completely betrayed that she could choose him over me.
Please please consider your daughter's feelings before giving into your emotions. You could potentially ruin her life. By all means if she agrees and accepts.. Go be happy.
---Sarah on 9/25/10


In the Old Testament, a man was forbidden to marry his mother-in-law: Leviticus 20:14 "And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they, that there be no wickedness among you."

People should not let their feelings rule them. Common sense ought to tell anyone that it would be morally wrong to do such a thing. Pray, Pray, Pray. Stay away from temptation.
---Betty on 8/19/10


Exd 20:14
Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Mat 5:27
Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

Rom 7:3

So then if, while [her] husband liveth,
she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress
but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

1Cr 7:39
The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth, but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will, only in the Lord.
---Carla on 8/19/10


What on earth are you thinking?

I suggest that you leave this man alone and go find someone else, that is not anything remotely involved or has been to your own child.... How sick is that thought!!!!!
---Carla on 8/12/10


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francis:

The original poster (Kathy) herself said that there was no OT law concerning this, an she used this as justification as to why this should be allowed. Cluny was pointing out that this was not the case.

(Of course, this blog was originally created 4 years ago. I don't know why old blogs keep coming up, because they should all eventually hit the 75 message limit and be closed permanently.)
---StrongAxe on 8/10/10


hahaha oh wow Candice. I didnt even notice. I just saw it on the recently replied to blogs .
---Jackb on 8/10/10


In fact, there is an OT verse forbidding a man from marrying his wife's mother.

That means you can't be married.
---Cluny on 8/8/10

STOP THE PRESSES!!
CLUNY USING AN OT LAW
OH HAPPY DAY

HEY CLUNY CAN SHE WEAR MAN'S CLOTHING
OR WHERE CLOTHES MADE WITH MIXED ANIMAL AND
PLANT FIBERS?

CAN SHE COOK A KID IN IT'S MOTHERS MILK?
---francis on 8/9/10


In fact, there is an OT verse forbidding a man from marrying his wife's mother.

That means you can't be married.

---Cluny on 8/8/10


Can you post it please?
---JackB on 8/9/10


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One might also note that there are Old Testament passages prohibiting the consumption of shrimp and lobster, and mandating the death penalty for sassing one's parents. So be careful when legislating for Christians from the Old Testament...
---ger.toshav on 8/8/10


Kathy, I'm sure we don't have the whole story. Don't take any advice here. You and the guy should go get some advice from a good pastoral counsellor. And pray. Then wait. Then decide...
---ger.toshav on 8/7/10


In fact, there is an OT verse forbidding a man from marrying his wife's mother.

That means you can't be married.
---Cluny on 8/8/10


Leviticus 18:15

Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter in law: she is thy son's wife, thou shalt not uncover her nakedness

It does not say thy "daughter's husband" but I think we all it also applies.

What were forgetting here is that this man is NOT her daughter's husband anymore. She committed fornication and has released him. He is not bound to her anymore. He is not at fault and the sin is upon the daughter.

Christ said death and fornication were the only 2 reason for someone to be put away justly. One of those has occured here.

He is not married. Kathy and this man are not "kin". He is not married to her daughter.
---JackB on 8/8/10


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This was posted over 4 yrs ago, i am curious to see the result if Kathy whom posted this is still here on the boards.However I think some post silly questions to get us thinking, or the moderators aren't donig well in screening the questions.
---candice on 8/8/10


Kathy: you are disgusting. And so is your son-in-law. You all have morals lower than a worn out alley cat. I would leave that alone! Is the town you live in, so void of men, that you have to settle for your daughters left overs? What is this going to do to you and your daughters relationship? Are you that desperate for a man? Do you care so little for your daughters feelings? If your son-in-law even approached you with something like this, turn him down...flat. This is so disrespectful. Don't do it! For God's sake..
---Robyn on 8/7/10


yes you can.what's hindering you?Get on with it.Contcat me in my email for best advice
---alex on 8/7/10


INCEST. God forbids it. It's in the Bible. Look in your Bible dictionary. Nelson's Bible dictionary....Son-in-law is included. Do I make myself clear. I hope so. DO NOT DO THIS WICKED THING. God forbids it. I thought this, but, I checked it out anyhow. Hallelujah. Thank You Jesus.+
---catherine on 6/1/10


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No prohibitions in the NEW Testament? was this not exactely the reason for Pauls rebuke to the corinthians? 1 Corinthians 5: 1 please if you love Christ and your own salvation stay away fom this type of abomination. for even the pagans see this as abominable.
Peace in Christ
---Andy3996 on 6/1/10


As long as your daughter remains alive, i do not think it is godly for her former husband to see your nakedness because God commanded man not to have sexual relationship with mother and daughter or vice versa Lev.18:17.
---Adetunji on 5/31/10


There were some prohibitions in the OT, but I do no think they continue to the NT.

Still, something does not seem right about that......

I really feel that would not be appropriate, but that may be a personal point of view
---Emma on 5/30/10


Lisa why would you respond like that? a bit hateful ...many people have grown up in less than desirable conditions and some are living that now due to many circumstances

I don't hate people or look down on people because they have less than me or more than me ...everyone can learn something from another human being

As for the dilemma/drama of becoming involved with your daughters former spouse ...aside from the fact the marriage had obstacles upon its beginnings I would say this would be a big no no ONLY if they had children

however ...I believe you should get out more and mingle - there are so many fish in the sea why choose your daughters former husband?
---Rhonda on 5/29/10


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so how does that work out with children if any involved ? if the ex husband marries the ex mother in law ? does nan become step mum and mum become step sister ? shouldnt be allowed
---martin on 5/29/10


It would not be right for any number of reasons. The only reason for you that it is right is that you have lustful feelings for him. You should overcome them. If you don't see the problem, you don't read your Bible sufficiently.
---frances008 on 4/22/08


I doubt that anyone here has really married their daughter's ex-boyfriend.
If you did, you deserve a place in the redneck hall of fame. You're proably waking up in a trailerhouse with a bong next to your head.
---lisa on 4/22/08


What about your daughter? Your feelings for her should also be a consideration. Family gatherings would be extremely uncomfortable for her and her husband. Personally I think it would be very selfish for you to date her ex.
---Madison on 4/22/08


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Leviticus 18:17 forbids your son in law from bedding both your daughter and yourself. And even though we are no longer bound by Mosaic Law there was some sense to it. I would wonder why he went after a much younger woman in the first place, and if he was inclined to try it again. Of course, he may have learned his lesson.
---lorra8574 on 4/19/07


Yes marry him. Ask your daughter if it is ok first. I married my daughter's ex boyfriend and he is marvelous.
---mary_lisa_anderson on 4/19/07


Kathy, did you go ahead and follow through with this one?
---Arkansas on 3/17/07


I don't know if it would be wise even if it wasn't prohibited it could cause a great rift between your daughter and you. I think it would be very hard on your family, and your daughter would think you were pushing for the divorce instead of trying to keep them together (even if you did try)
---Jared on 11/14/06


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Are you jealous of your daughter? Do you wish you could have her life [or her past life]? Get your own man. You are bound to create tension between you and your daughter. How much can you really care about your relationship with your daughter if you do this...there is mother/daughter rivalrly at the bottom of this. Work on THAT relationship; it's most important.

rachel
---Reiter on 11/14/06


I honestly cannot believe that you ask such a question!! It is so wrong to even contemplate such a thing. Get your own man.
---Helen_5378 on 7/10/06


Boy, this blog is old, but I sure hope you didn't follow through with this one! What a nightmare. Mothers and daughters always have to avoid that competitive trap. Even if your daughter was not up to snuff, two wrongs don't make a right. Wait on God to find you a fella, without all the baggage.
---rachel on 7/10/06


"All things are lawful, but not all things are expedient."

You are free to marry your ex-son-in-law. It is not a sin. But it can (and probably will) create "issues": What happens at family gatherings? and if there are children from the earlier marriage, are you their grandmother...or step-mother?

So long as you are aware of the possible difficulties--and perhaps are willing to move far away--ha!--you can proceed with assurance. Go, enjoy love and life!
---Aaron on 4/24/06


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You've done it yet again Elder. Jumping to conclusions about people and reading between lines details that just are not there. I think that your mind needs a thorough clean.Your suggestion that they 'get together' is disgusting. I'm glad you are not MY pastor. Kathy, this would not be a good idea.
---emg on 4/20/06


I agree with Barbara and Madison here. Your daughter's "sin" is not the issue. The issue is whether or not it is appropriate biblically. And though we are not "bound" to the law of the OT, there are reasons why God set those boundaries in place. Bottom line, you taking up with your ex son-in-law is bordering on incest. I would strongly suggest you not go there. I would also bet, your daughter would not be the only one to possibly take issue with such a relationship.
---daphn8897 on 4/19/06


Amen Madison! This scenerio is just too strange!
It sounds like a family reunion that Jeff Foxworthy would arrange!
There are other men, your daughter will ALWAYS be your daughter, keep her close.
---NVBarbara on 4/18/06


Ralph: As a mother, I do not let my kids' sins interfere with my relationship with them. My kids will always be my kids. I love them no matter what, and will not do anything that would hinder their comfort in my home. To date my child's ex is just ludicrous.

Her daughter's unfaithfulness is not the issue here. The issue is how this mother's behavior would interfere with her relationship with her daughter. As a mom, I would let nothing interfere with my kids and me.
---Madison on 4/18/06


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This seems like a situation right out of the song "Achy breaky Heart" where people are just jumping partners right and left - why would you even think of doing this to your daughter?
---greg on 4/18/06


I continue to be baffled by the concern that is shown to a woman who walks out on her husband for another guy. Consider her feelings? She might be uncomfortable? This attitude seems to be commonplace. Efforts are made to understand and consider the circumstances of an unfaithful woman. An unfaithful man is just called a bum and ostricized. Having said all that, the mother-in-law/son-in-law things seems just too weird.
---ralph7477 on 4/18/06


On the surface it sounds like to me that you had something to do with your daughters break up. Why don't you get together with this guy and confirm my thoughts?
Your daughter will realize it soon enough.
---Elder on 4/18/06


If you want to be completely "biblical", the Old Testament does list a prohibition against this. It says that " a man shall not take a daughter and her mother." I know we are not bound by "the law" but, as Madison stated you need to consider your daughter's feelings, even though she left him as you say. It would not be appropriate to do this and I don't believe the relationship would be blessed of God.
---tommy3007 on 4/18/06


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Madison is right. Besides, your daughters life is already a mess, you'd be making things worse. Sometimes people make bad choices about things that the bible doesn't cover. Besides there may be an underlying reason why your daughter left him in the first place. I never confided in my mother about my personal relationship with my husband.
---Dixie on 4/18/06


There may be some biblical proplems that you havn't considered. For example: If you are now divorced, this may cause some problems biblically. You also need to consider your daughter somewhat. How does she feel about it? (While not the final factor; you should talk to her.) What is the age difference between you and this gentleman? (Age is not that important, but it is a factor that should be taken care of before marriage.) There are more things to consider, but my 85 words are gone.
---WIVV on 4/17/06


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