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Responsiblities Of Pastor's Wife

Should the pastors wife be a member of the church he pastors and if not, does she have the same rights and priviledges of other members?

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 ---Eleanor on 5/12/06
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Most churches are run like a cult. The pastor is the dictator and the elders and other leaders dare not make any decisions without consulting the BIG HUNCHO--first. If they do they are in deep trouble. The pastors wife is treated like Cinderella while the other (ugly stepsisters)(other ladies in the church) mostly, look on and turn green with envy. We are to keep our places and definitely, very few women, make decisions in the church.
---Robyn on 4/15/08


The spouse can be; but does not have to a member of the church where the minister is serving. Some clergy couples may be serving different churches in varying capacities.

Interim pastors normally serve for a short contract and their families my not relocate with them or move their existing memberships.

Normally you only hired one to be on staff and the spouse is not part of the deal unless specifically specified in the contract.
---notlaw99 on 3/26/08


Yes, the Pastors wife should be a member, she is to take care of her husband and the home. She is to be governed by the same rules ans regulations as the other members in the church. I have found that so many of the Pastors' Wives now for some reason think they should over rule the Pastor and almost run the church themselves, that's not good.
---Linda on 6/12/07


jack: I totally agree with you..The pastor cares 4the church and the wife is a help meet to look after him and his children. What are the women in the church 4 anyhow?They're not there just 2look pretty. U have the elder's wives, deaconesses etc.. there are a lot of women around 2take part in running the church? Be fair 2 the Pastor's wives ladies..she is alread meted out with duty towards her own family..No woman can care for 2family in one go..God gave her for her husband.
---jana on 5/28/07


The principal duty of the pastor's wife is to take care of the pastor's home life for him.
---Jack on 5/28/07




T.S./TS/Kathr, I get the picture now. You are a pastor's wife - is Jerry your husband?
You were in some sort of holiness church.
---Barney on 5/27/07


T.S./TS/Kathr/Larry
Here's the sad part, something must have happened. Either you had a falling out with some pastor or people started leaving your church. Kathr, you're teaching many false doctrines to others. You are absolutely convinced that what you are speaking is truth, but it is not. Until that changes, people will probably continue to flee from you in your non-blogging church life. The Great Falling Away is due to false doctrine.
---Barney on 5/27/07


More: A pastor's wife should be a big influence in the church. She should be an example to all of the ladies in the church young and old. She should be able to teach and minister, evangelize, always supportive of the the ladies in the church and encourage them in their ministry, be willing to give credit to other ladies in the church where needed. She should love, support and stand with her husband at all times. She should be a woman of prayer. It helps.
---Robyn on 5/27/07


I feel the pastors wife(1st Lady) as she is called in my church should support her husband in every way possible. To be his helpmete and so on. Belong to the same church,most definitely.I don't have any rights and privileges as a member of my church. So I cannot answer that. But I do feel a pastor's wife should do more than what they do in some of the churches I attend. They are usually very unfriendly and does not play any real roles in the church, beside helping their husbands.
---Robyn on 5/27/07


I've never heard if such a thing. I think it would be a great handicap to the pastor to not have a partner in his ministry. It would be up the the membership as to whether she had rights as a non member.
---john on 5/27/07




A Pastor's wife should go to the same church as the Pastor. to support him in every way. The thing of it is, the people in the church expect more out of the Pastor's wife, because more is on her shoulders. It isn't hard being a Pastor's wife, what is hard is trying to please the whole church. She should be a friend to everyone, but the people in the church makes it hard for her too.
---Rebecca_D on 5/20/06


Debbie, you sound like a pastors wife that I would love. Shira
---shira on 5/14/06


t.s. if you will look at my post, I said we answer to no man EXCEPT God, thru Jesus Christ and our pastor. When I said "no man", I was referring to southern baptist convention type things. Yes, I know our pastor is over the flock.
---shira on 5/14/06


I suggest that the principal duty of the pastor's wife is to take care of the pastor and his home, children, and domestic arrangements.

How does this sound?
---Jack on 5/14/06


Debbie: hope my comments didnt offend. You sound like a wonderful help to your husband, and have a lot of respect for his authority. Your opinion and advice matter very much, and praying in agreement over everything in LIFE and marriage is a neccesity, even SOME church matters. BUT....there are some paths he has to walk where it can only be him and God, some things he has to seek God on privately. We don't need to know everything our Pastor husbands (oops) are praying about and seeking God for
---T.S. on 5/14/06


Both my husband and I went to bible school, graduated and we are both ordained. We pastor together. He is a preacher and I am a teacher. We fit together like a hand in a glove. Even though we pastor together, he is the PASTOR and I am the Pastor's WIFE. I must take my place and be in submission to him because of his God given place. I do offer my opinion and advise. We pray in agreement over everything. We seek the will of God together.
---Debbie on 5/13/06


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6. I think calling Pastors wives things like "Queen" and "First Lady" are a bit over the top. I don't even think she should be called "Pastor_________" That should be reserved for THE PASTOR- the one God called and placed behind the pulpit. An old saying I once heard said "anything with two heads is a freak" (Crude, but true). Just like in marriage. He is the head, she should be submitted to him-NOT his equal. He is to RULE- IN LOVE. I'll hush now! ;)
---T.S. on 5/13/06


5: One in particularly (I wont call the name) has women following her everywhere. She doesn't even carry her own purse and bible to her front row seat, it's carried by her "armor bearers"! These women take her kids to school and extra curricular things, they bring her and the Pastor thier meals at the church like their royalty or something. they clean thier house, they cheufer them around- it's crazy.
---T.S. on 5/13/06


4. She wears many hats, a good Pastors wife. But her main functions are to be "mother" of the church, a teacher, and first and foremost, her husbands helper (NOT his co-pastor with equal authority). I believe they both should be highly respected, but nowdays, that seems to be taken a bit too far, especially in these mega 'churches'.
---T.S. on 5/13/06


3: But if you are where you truly think God planted you, then there will be A PASTOR, and GOD demands that you respect and submit to him. As far as Pastors WIVES go, she should be a Godly woman of virtue. Praying for, supporting, and protecting her husband. She does carry a certain amount of authority, but just like everyone else, she is STILL under the Pastors authority. She should teach the younger women and lovingly care for the older ones.
---T.S. on 5/13/06


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2: THAT is wrong. We DO answer to God, first and foremost, BUT HE put Pastors OVER US and we are to respect thier authority in the church. If the Pastor of a church is NOT a man who walks with God, gets his council from God, seeks God about what to preach to his flock, and RULES OVER THEM IN LOVE, (like the scripture says), then leave the church, it's that simple. God doesn't want you there under ungodly leadership in the first place.
---T.S. on 5/13/06


Tommy and Shira: The PASTOR is exactly what the scripture reference, and I, mean by "those that have rule over you" The Pastor of a church DOES have rule over the congregation, given to him by God, according to these, and other, scriptures. BTW, neither one of you answered my question ABOUT the Hebrew reference. In your previous post, Shira, you said "we only answer to God, we answer to no man."......
---T.S. on 5/13/06


If we mean the Church Inc.LLD, the rules are whatever the "membership with privledges" dictate, as in any other business venture. If it is a church following Scripture, why not defer to the Bible to see what it says? A Bishop must have his house in order: A man of one wife... hmmm, married with the same beliefs? High finance, board of directors, & bylaws reek of carnal business practice don't they? If it were Godly, wouldn't there be copyable forms & documents to sign in the Bible?
---mikefl on 5/13/06


T.S. they that have rule over us is God, thru Jesus Christ and our pastor. Our pastor must answer to God concerning the sheep in which he is in charge. That is why I am an independent baptist. Oh Jack, read Genesis 2:18.
---shira on 5/13/06


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T.S., I'm sure thar shira can and will give you her own answer,but, what she stated is accurate. The 1st century church was a "local" body, governed by the word of God as revealed by the Apostles and led directly by the pastor. The concept of conventions to "rule" over large assemblies is not Biblical. The councils that we read about were gathered to decide major issues in the assemblies, not to determine their day by day function.
---tommy3007 on 5/13/06


Shira, this might surprise you but some pastor's wives don't even belong to the same denomination as their husbands so their membership will be elsewhere. Some men become pastors (of a particular church) whilst single, then later marry someone from another church. Some wives change denomination, some don't. Some criticize that whilst others are quite understanding. We Christians are a strange lot!!
---emg on 5/13/06


Shira: How, then, do you explain the scripture, Heb 13:7, 17- "Remember them which have the RULE OVER YOU, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation. Obey them that have the RULE OVER YOU, and SUBMIT YOURSELVES: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you" -Does everyone in your church just do whatever they feel like doing?
---T.S. on 5/13/06


Contrary to what people think, there is no such word as "helpmeet." It's not an archaic form of the non-word "helpmate" either.

They are two different words, "meet" meaning "proper or suitable."
---Jack on 5/12/06


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I am a member of an independent baptist church and our authority is God. We answer to no man. What some have described here is a family owned business where one member is trying to rule over the others. Gods house should not be that way.
---shira on 5/12/06


notlaw99,
Further to your comments about the stacked board.
In Canada a charitable institution is required to have less than 1/2 of the members of a board related. It may be a smaller number than that but no more.
---Bruce5656 on 5/12/06


I have see a situation where a church board was loaded with pastors relatives giving the pastor undue influence of the affairs of the church. A higher jurisdiction had to come in and correct the problem including removing the pastor and reconstituting the church board membership. If the church had been an independent church instead of a connectional body, the church would not have survived. The form of church government and having a written constitution (Not Just Bylaws) is exceptionally important.
---notlaw99 on 5/12/06


I have never heard such. A pastors wife must be(biblical) a member of the same church in which he pastors. She is suppose to be his help meet. She should compliment his ministry. She is to set an example for other women in the church.
---shira on 5/12/06


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We the people are the church,one body in christ, A building wont save us, Keeping gods comandments and laws will helps us gain the coming kingdom. Serving him in truth. Baptize and recieving of the holy spirit.
---winna3836 on 5/12/06


No-one has to be a member of a church. Some people attend the same church from the day they are saved until the day they die without taking membership. That is their choice. However, the privileges of membership should be for no-one but members even if one of the non-members is the pastor's wife.
---emg on 5/12/06


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