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Christians Date While Married

Friends, I met this guy in my building where I work and he told me he's going through a divorce, and is currently dating someone he met. He says he's a Christian man. Why does this kind of stuff bother me so much? Is this God's way to date while going through a divorce? What happened to Holiness?

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 ---Donna9759 on 5/15/06
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Holiness is still Holy. What that brother has is called Whorishness. Listen: God does not recognize separation. You are either Married or Divorced. Your divorce is only recognized by God when it is because you can't get over the hurt caused by your cheating spouse aka The hardening of your hearts aka every time you think of it you want to kill. In that case, God said it's better to divorce than harbor that hate. Everything else such as irreconcilable differences is garbage made up by the world and if you divorced based on it you are commiting Adultery when you remarry. Separation is a time to regroup spiritually not for starting an afair. You are not free in the eyes of God just because you are not in the same location physically.
---Marie on 3/29/11

My wife and i are separated and she is "friends" with a so called Christian man and has gone to dinner with him. we have only been separated a few weeks. I approached him and told him this was very inappropriate he claims to have the call to preach on his life and he refuses to stop how wrong is this. Christian? I think not
---Wayne_T. on 3/28/11

Honestly, as the text says, it is definitely a sin to be sexually involved with another married individual. There truly is nothing that can justify this type of behavior. God knows our hearts, and he knows what our actions are before we actually carry them out. This is why we must stay prayed up, because God understands that we are "filthy rags" during our stay here on this earth. I truly believe that its possible to spiritually connect with an individual while going through a divorce, however, God doesn't intend for us to take such a relationship and turn it in to what we feel is an act of God by saying God has put someone into our lives for any other reason other than his intended will.
---Kevin on 8/17/10

Many "say" they are Christian, when in fact they are not, for they have no fruit from Christ. You will know them by their fruits.
---Eloy on 5/15/08

Me and my friend who where both served divorce papers. we love eachother and well be getting married.why do we have to be in bondage when are spouses left us? the bible is silent. we don't go anywhere alone always in public so how can that be wrong?
---jewel on 5/14/08

Donna ... it is really none of your business.
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/13/08

Similar situation I got married on paper and I was going to plan the real wedding and make my heart commitment to my "husband" and promise God to remain faithful, etc at a later time. Turns out he was abusive and committed adultery. I want to date but is it ok due to our circumstances
---Jacey on 4/19/07

Arranged marriages were the strict rule in Biblical times, so dating is not really a Biblical practice.

Were he to ask me, I 'd adivse him NOT to be doing this, but he hasn't--and he hasn't asked you either, has he?

(We neither of us know the circumstances leading to the divorce action either, do we?)

MYOB, dear soul.
---Jack on 3/20/07

Now THAT is wrong, because he just proved he's NOT living a Christian life, so therefore he does not fit the senario I gave.

On another note, reading this and other blogs for a long while now, PROVES that a lot of folks DO strain on a gnat and swallow a camel. Ya'll are all up in the air about this, yet most of you don't think anything about smoking, drinking, not attending church, not paying tithes, and I could go on and on.......pathetic, the state of the church
---T.S. on 5/18/06

Even through the most painful experiences, there is a positive outcome. It is so hard to remember this when you are in the middle of a struggle. It is out of the greatest struggles that we achieve our greatest growth. The marriage committment is a spiritual one between two people and their God. If that committment is broken, and trust cannot be mended, separation (divorce)will occur naturally.
---Grace on 5/18/06

Friends, my friend stopped by my desk today to tell me his girlfriend is pregnant and he doesn't know what to do. Please pray for him as he said he is confused because he's still married and now THIS has happene (his words). I told him I will certainly keep him in my prayers and God causes all things to work together for good. Please pray for him that all of his mess works out for good. Thank you.
---Donna9759 on 5/18/06

Excellent Lee. And holiness itself is the outworking of our right standing with God through Jesus Christ. As we grow and mature, our character, conviction, conversation, and conduct grows also resulting in the holiness of God being made manifest through us. Holiness is not the putting on of a strong will or of just being good. It is an outworking of the salvation Jesus is within.
---Linda6563 on 5/18/06

An old game that some married people play is to tell others that they are going thru a divorce which often proves not to be true. What they are really looking for is another intimate relationship. To label oneself a christian is often a means of telling others that you are sincere and moral; but such people are often blinded to their true nature.
---lee on 5/18/06

T.S. There is supposed to be a difference between Christians and the world. HOLINESS comes to mind. Scripture says we are supposed to avoid the appearance of evil. That is why a Christian should not date before the divorce is final. To do otherwise leaves room for speculation.
---Madison1101 on 5/18/06

Christians don't date other people while they're married!! However not dating would not make them Holy. Considering Revelation 15:4, where it is stated that the Lord only is Holy, that would seem to eliminate all others as concerns holiness.
---mima on 5/18/06

4. BTW Elder, my husband and I have been very happily married for well over 20 yrs, and divorce is not a word in our vocabulary-we decided that before we walked down the isle. So, your comparison is lame and pointless, and makes no sense whatsoever
---T.S. on 5/18/06

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3. What would be the difference if he spent this totally innocent kind of evening on the night before the final paper was signed or the night after it was- nothing with his "marriage" has changed- it's still over. There are a LOT of different reasons that divorces happen, and I think God would deal with each individual person regarding their circumstances.
---T.S. on 5/18/06

2. Divorces can also drag out for a long time. IF it has, and if the marriage has been over for a long time, and they're just waiting on a piece of paper to declare it legally over, I don't think there's anything un-holy or sinful about him taking a "friend" to dinner and an innocent evening of companionship and conversation. I'm not talking about hoping in the sack with anybody, or even being intimate on any level. Ya'll need to get your minds out of the gutter!
---T.S. on 5/18/06

Elder, know all the facts before you give advice- which in this case, none of us do! We don't know what this man went through that led to the demise of his marriage. I didnt imply that he should just dump his wife, and start running around the very next day. What I was talking about in my statements was a situation where the wife may have left him, maybe for another man. Maybe she backslid, or was never a christian.
---T.S. on 5/18/06

"I see some haven't been through sanctification and living a holy life means nothing to them."

THIS from the same woman who, regarding women on "christian" TV, said- "Who cares what they look like? If they are preaching TRUTH, receive it."

Most sinners who come across TBN don't HEAR anything, because they're busy laughing at prime examples of the butt of the world's jokes, and most of what they HEAR is "pick up the phones friends, we need more money!"
---T.S. on 5/18/06

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The reason it bothers you is because it is Holy Spirit telling you that that is not God's will for a man to date while he is going through a divorce. His focus towards the opposite sex should be trying to reconcile with his wife, instead of trying to take the easy way out through divorce. The only grounds he has for divorce is if she committed adultery.
---Dan on 5/16/06

My husband (ex now), left our home, moved in with his sweetie, took her church every Sunday and sat on the front row every Sunday until divorced was final. No one in the church said anything to him. Preacher married him and his sweetie!
---Annie on 5/16/06

Here in my state (NC), people who have a legal separation (sep. papers) live by the state law, which dating prior to final divorce is ok. Now the state takes seriously any affairs that happened before or on the day of separation.
---Fred_S. on 5/16/06

The day after my husband moved out, he started dating. He was dating the entire time before the divorce was final. His words to me were, I have no intention of reconciling, and see no reason to wait till the divorce is final.

I was devastated and hurt beyond words. My children were also effected by his attitude. But what bothered me the most was that the elders at my church did not confront him, and say something to him when he attended a few times during all of this.
---Madison1101 on 5/16/06

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Donna, If he's really a christian, it is your business, in that we are to confront sin graciosly, making sure we're dealing with the beam(s) in our own eye. Biblically, we are to speak the truth in love. However, we are not to judge/come to our own conclusions about where this man's heart is. We can only speak to his actions. Until he is divorced, it is unquestionably sin to see/date other women. If he loves God and is wise, he will wait - and that's how you can encourage him, and God will honour it.
---daphn8897 on 5/16/06

I know Christians that have lifestyles that dont follow scripture. I too struggle with things, not the same issues as they, but are still struggles. There are things many people do that we dont know about or that are behind closed doors. It is between us and God. I do agree though, that the example being set to non-christians is the issue we can be concerned about. Romans 14:21 It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.
---chris on 5/16/06

Donna, I honestly can't understand why "this stuff bothers you so much". If that guy happened to be your son, I can understand but why be bothered by what someone else does? Isn't it minding his business? I agree with Alan.
---A_Catholic on 5/16/06

Do people understand what marriage is today? I shall enter a question of that matter. If any divorce is not final the person is still married. T.S. if it is OK for a married person to date another please send me your name and address and I will try to find someone for your mate to date.
So how about it? Please go to the marriage blog and tell me what makes a marriage.
---Elder on 5/16/06

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Moderator said: - "You can't date when you are married regardless" - others stated the same thing.

If someone who is waiting for a divorce dates, or better, befriends another person to get to know her, I see nothing wrong with it. I "dated" my wife just before I got my official legal divorce, in the meantime we got to know each other and now we are married.

Moderator - That doesn't mean that it was right.
---A_Catholic on 5/16/06

z-pha, I am his friend and he knows that. I befriended him because I feel sorry for him. I'm just trying to cover him because the unbelievers here at work are saying he's not a Christian if he's dating while married, that's all. Please don't judge me about Holiness. I just thought we should take the word literally "avoid all appearances of evil" and "you are the salt of the earth" "the light of the world." Amen? I won't post anymore. Thanks.
---Donna9759 on 5/16/06

The law pronounces guilt and exposes the sinner. Love covers a multitude of sin and justifies the ungodly. If people are talking about him, that only goes to show where their own love is~seated in a judgment seat instead of a mercy seat. People who love Jesus talk about Jesus, not about others.
---Ruth on 5/16/06

The greatest aspect of the life of Christ as well as the most life changing for us was when He laid down His own life to cover a multitude of sins instead of exposing others to make Himself look more holy. Truly, it wasn't the sinners or those who sinned Jesus had a problem with. They had need of Him. It was the religious folks who thought they had it all together that caused Him to pull out the scourge and to pronounce woes. Those folks made Him angry.
---Ruth on 5/16/06

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Donna ... I wonder why only my response shocks you. Why not Jack's who said the same thing? Perhaps you did not recognise what MYOB stands for?
---alan8869_of_UK on 5/16/06

It bothers you so much (that's if you have the Holy Spirit) because you yourself in your handling of this issue have strayed from Holiness.

Gal 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
Have you done this???

Then don't preach holiness!!!
---z-pha3394 on 5/16/06

T.S. aren't we as Christians, which means Christ like, responsible to do what the word says to do? Avoid ALL appearances of evil. Be imitators of Christ Paul said. How is he imitating Christ if he's still married and dating another woman? How is that avoiding all appearance of evil? I see some haven't been through sanctification and living a holy life means nothing to them.
---Donna9759 on 5/16/06

alan, I am concerned because non-Christians here are talking about him behind his back saying "he's not a Christian" if he's dating while still married. It sets a bad example to unbelievers.

Aren't we supposed to be "the light of the world?" and "The salt of the earth?" If the salt looses it's taste, etc., I am NOT judging him, I spend time talking.
alan, your response shocks me. Where is the standard of Holiness in a Christian's life? Where does it begin?
---Donna9759 on 5/16/06

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Why does this kind of stuff bother me so much?

Could it be that the accountability factor in churches is non-existant?

Maybe because alone in the dark Christ is a stranger to this man, and you'd love to see him come to the light...

In any case the question TRULY belongs to you, but I warn you to be sure of YOUR OWN motives; we don't get angry without judging someone guilty and first destroying the work of Christ.
---Z-pha3394 on 5/16/06

Just based on the experience I've had with men who do the same thing, "I could write a book." Most of them have no intention of divorcing the wife. If they do divorce, they very seldom marry the person they are dating. Why? If they would cheat WITH him, a married man, they might also cheat ON him, once they are married. MOST IMPORTANT, he has no bibilcal bases for dating while married or even if he gets a divorce.
---WIVV on 5/16/06

I agree with Jack "we don't know the circumstances". If the soon to be Xwife is an unbeliever and she left him or cheated on him or whatever, it's not fair that he spend the rest of his life alone. If he truly is a Christian, then dating has nothing to do with sex, so I don't see any problem with him finding 'companionship' with another woman. If his marriage is headed to divorce court with irreconcilable differences, he's going to be single again soon anyway, the marriage is already over.

Moderator - You can't date when you are married regardless.
---T.S. on 5/15/06

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