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Drunk And A One Night Stand

I made a one time horrible mistake of getting drunk and having a one night stand. I am disgusted with myself. I have confessed to the Lord and repented. My wife and children are everything to me. If I tell her, my marriage and family will be destroyed. What do I do?

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 ---Bill on 5/15/06
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> . . . misleading interpretation of 2Sa 12:8.
>>Scripture refutes this interpretation.
>>>Care to pronounce any example where one of Saul's wives became David's wife?
---micha9344 on 10/14/16

>It is stated. No interpretation needed.
>>This IS Scripture. Cite your refutation!
>>>Does God give wives of deceased kings to succeeding kings outside of marriage? If God gives a wife by Supreme edict, is that marriage invalid?

2 Sam 12:8 (Darby) and I gave thee thy master's house, and
thy master's wives into thy bosom, and gave thee
the house of Israel and
of Judah,

These are the subjects that God was speaking about.
---aservant on 10/22/16

/In rebuking David, God told him He would have given him even more wives if he had asked. 2Sam 12:8\-aservant on 10/6/16
-Very poor and misleading interpretation of 2Sa 12:8.
-Scripture refutes this interpretation.
-Care to pronounce any example where one of Saul's wives became David's wife?
-On the other hand:
1Sam 18:27 ...that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.
Deu 27:23 Cursed [be] he that lieth with his mother in law. And all the people shall say, Amen.
---micha9344 on 10/14/16

---Lola on 9/29/16

God constructed men to desire lots of sex, ensuring that He has many worshipers.

He even permits a man to have several wives. King David already had a few wives when he became king.

God also gave David 2 of Saul's wives. He then saw the naked beauty of Bathsheba, the wife of a soldier loyal to him, and he committed adultery with her, eventually marrying her, and she birthed King Solomon to David.

In rebuking David, God told him He would have given him even more wives if he had asked. 2Sam 12:8

Not excusing your husband's great sin. Just want you to see that God's great Spirit-filled king did the same sin.
---aservant on 10/6/16

Islam holds a "men are superior to women" attitude like this, which leads to much abuse of women . . . ---StrongAxe on 10/5/16

First, it was You who inferred by mentioning the compensation in other Commandments, that the injured wife should get some type of consideration, which begs the question why God did not provide that.

It is because she is not the injured party in her husband's adultery. She was designed to SERVE his needs. God is the injured party because marriage primarily serves HIS purpose.

1Cor 11:3 . . . the head of the woman is the man . . .

Authority does not = superiority. We are commanded to love wives inside our authority.
---aservant on 10/5/16

Woman was created to serve the needs of man. Gen 2:18---aservant

This is what happens when Protestants combined the 9th and 10th Commandments.

Genesis 2:20 But for Adam no suitable HELPER was found.

NOTE not suitable Servant!

Genesis 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

You don't unite yourself with your Servant, or they own your wealth.

Your confusion is with 'purpose of being created' vs. 'punishment' for sin.

Genesis 3:16 Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.

Another example:
I am created to be with God for ever.

If I sinned and refuse to repent I go to hell.: Punishment
---Nicole_Lacey on 10/5/16


You wrote: Then why did He not specify damages be paid to either spouse, as He did when one wronged another regarding property?

Becuse one the guilty party has been executed, he or she is not in any position to pay anyone anything.

You seem to hold wives in too high esteem. Woman was created to serve the needs of man. Gen 2:18
Wives are the glory of husbands. Husbands are the glory of God. 1Cor 11:7

Islam holds a "men are superior to women" attitude like this, which leads to much abuse of women in Islamic countries, and even among Muslim women in western countries.
---StrongAxe on 10/5/16

. . . wife is the primary injured party . . . ---StrongAxe on 10/4/16

Then why did He not specify damages be paid to either spouse, as He did when one wronged another regarding property?

God is the primary injured party when either spouse commits adultery. Human marriage is about what God wants.

The passage that I cited shows that God wants husbands to withhold many things from their wives. God does not esteem wives to the same need-to-know status.

You seem to hold wives in too high esteem. Woman was created to serve the needs of man. Gen 2:18

Wives are the glory of husbands. Husbands are the glory of God. 1Cor 11:7
---aservant on 10/4/16


Have you noticed that the latter half of the Ten Commandments (e.g. those that violate "love your neighbor as yourself") all involve offenses directly against others? While it's true that these are sins against God, but they are ALSO sins against other people, and those people deserve compensation.
In most cases, the law prescribes penalties in that regard (e.g. theft requires double or treble repayment, false witness requires double the penalty the accused would face, murder allows victim's relatives to execute the murderer, etc.)

So, in adultery, the wife is the primary injured party, and deserves some consideration - not just "pray to God for forgiveness, and then all is well".
---StrongAxe on 10/4/16

Micah 7:5

(Brenton) Trust not in friends, and confide not in guides: beware of thy wife, so as not to commit anything to her.

(Darby) Believe ye not in a companion, put not confidence in a familiar friend: keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom.

(ERV) Don't trust your neighbor or trust a friend! Don't even speak freely with your wife.

(GNB) Don't believe your neighbor or trust your friend. Be careful what you say even to your husband or wife.

You broke God's Law, not your wife's law. This is between you and the Lord.
---aservant on 10/4/16


You wrote: I see no profit of telling her in the immediate. But if she learns of it, admit it.

As with any crime, sin, or other transgression, it is goes much better if one admits it on ones own, rather than only after one's guilt is discovered. Admitting it first shows your sincerity, i.e. "I am genuinely sorry. I didn't have to admit it, but I did anyway.". Admitting it later just says "OK, you caught me red-handed, and I won't deny it, because I can't."
---StrongAxe on 10/1/16

Habakkuk 2:15

Woe to him who gives drink to his neighbors, pouring it from the wineskin till they are drunk, so that he can gaze on their naked bodies!

Your wife probably has things she has not admitted too also. I see no profit of telling her in the immediate. But if she learns of it, admit it. You seem to have another problem as well -- getting drunk. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 Do not be deceived: No adulterer nor drunker will inherit the kingdom of heaven. You must correct your conduct. Hold your family all the more dearly.
---mike4879 on 10/1/16

//This question was asked ten and a half years ago,---StrongAxe on 9/29/16

I know. I always look at the date of the posting.

But, someone else might be going through the same scenario.

I guess the Moderator are aware of the year, but continue to post the question to help other people
---Nicole_Lacey on 9/29/16


This question was asked ten and a half years ago, and, except for one message from this week, the discussion ended five years ago. I doubt anyone involved in it is still on the site (let alone paying attention to this blog).
---StrongAxe on 9/29/16

Bill don't tell her!
Why should she know? You will only upset her if you let her know.

Check for STD's. If you do have one then you will have to tell your wife since she has to check for STD's herself.

God is merciful and has forgiven you.

But to prove your sincerity NEVER drink again.

Not even a drop.

This can be your penance for the adultery.

This also will remind you how much your marriage means to you.

If for some reason your wife finds out of your affair you can repent to her and explained how you gave up alcohol all together to prevent the grave sin from occurring.
---Nicole_Lacey on 9/29/16

My husband confessed he had a one night stand. He's been amazing husband and father for 7 years I don't understand. He says it was a mistake and is getting checked for stds because I told him. I'm devestated . Could it have been a mistake ? Our marriage has been good . Why?
---Lola on 9/29/16

in my case the damage would be too much and too many lives ruined by my disgusting behaviour

funny how one who commits adultery wants to give advice to others to keep their dirty little secret because they have SOLD themselves on the idea that it would be "too much" for their spouse to handle ...and how dramatizing that "other lives" would be ruined

advice to have someone continue LIVING in a LIE for the rest of their life?

a prison sentence of the mind and the ultimate deception of a hollow marriage if you don't work to communicate why it happened

best to have spouse find out from YOU than the one you were with
---Rhonda on 8/20/11

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i know how you feel as i am in the exact same situation, i want to tell her but it will devastate her and my kids, they are everything to me too...and just like you too..alcohol factored into my predicament. i may be hurting but i have asked the lord for forgiveness- and even though i am not religious- i can feel deep in my soul that maybe now is the time for me to change and let him into my life, i need strength to change..but i will change. if you can manage it and like me are 100% set on changing and NEVER repeating this dreadful mistake then dont tell unless it would do less damage to do so. in my case the damage would be too much and too many lives ruined by my disgusting behaviour, but i accept full responsibilty and hope for forgiveness.
---jtf on 8/16/11

confessing repenting nice start

what about your wife? choosing adultery and then keeping from spouse YOU have an ongoing secret to manage ...imagine if she finds out YEARS from now from women you were with? rationalizing how that would never happen cherishing the dirty secret makes repenting hollow

you see the PERSON who you committed the sin against has a right to know and to say it will destroy your marriage you give your wife zero credit for forgiving ONE transgression you committed ...further the HEALTH consequences are staggering she has a RIGHT to know you have VIOLATED her body

just seems your self interests and memories of the mistake more important than forgiveness from spouse
---Rhonda on 7/21/11

I'll tell you want It sounds as if I was the one you had that one night stand with. I was in a really bad position with my daughter leaving and moving out of state that day. I felt used, ugly, horrible, cheap, and filthy. Neither of us should have done what we did, and I for one will never repeat this again. I begged the Lord for forgiveness. A week later, I still feel like a total piece of garbage. Luckily, my Ex came over and comforted me. He was not happy with what I did, and he is not happy with the man who used me.
---Diane on 6/19/11

Oh dear, I just found out last night that my husband is still drinking, if anyone feels led, please pray for him, thank you so much. He is trying to go today at least without a drink. This is exhausting.
---Mary on 8/2/10

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I definitely agree we need to avoid drunkness. My husband is a recovering alcoholic, on day 4 of his sobriety, if anyone feels like praying for him, God bless and thanks.
---Mary on 7/30/10

GALATIANS 5:20 Envyings murders DRUNKENESS
of the which I tell you before,as I told you before,as I have told you in the past.that they which do such things shall NOT inherit the Kingdom OF GOD.
---RICHARD on 7/29/10

Mary: This is why we are to really avoid alcohol and strong drinks. It bites and makes us do evil things, in the end. This is what happened to this man. The ingredients in alcohol works on the human body and mind. In turn it makes a person do unseemly and wrong things. We cannot serve God in Spirit and truth,drunk! Anything that goes against the will of God, could be labeled a demon. This is where moderation comes in. Too much of anything wreaks havoc in our lives. It becomes a demon. Too much food,money,sex... anything.
---Robyn on 7/28/10

Hi Robyn, oh I believe in demons--Satan is not ruling my life. There are areas I have trouble with, like anyone else though. My question is, though, how can a by-product of grains be considered a demon--literally?
---Mary on 7/27/10

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Demons are anything that gets into you and make you do evil things. He drank alcohol(the demon) and it made him do something evil and terrible. That is what demons do. Jealousy,anger,envy,greed,rebelliousness,pride, arrogance..the list goes on and on. These are demons that mess up and wreck peoples lives. Do evil and terrible things to us and the people around us. If you are a christian you should know this. This is why satan is so powerful in this world. Christians are ignorant to so many things. We as a people, need to be taught and learn the word of God. Then and only then can we be aware of satan and his evil menions. If you do not know demons exist,I know satan is ruling your life.
---Robyn on 7/27/10

Hi Robyn, where does it say alcohol is a demon? I haven't seen that one yet, thanks :)
---Mary on 7/26/10

You have confessed to the Lord. Let it go and learn from your mistake. Alcohol is a demon, the bible has said that. Listen. Don't touch the stuff anymore! Never! You now know the devastation alcohol can cause. It made you do something terrible to your wife and kids. Accept what you did. It was bad judgment on your part. Let it go. Ask God to help you do that. He will. Remember: no alcohol! Ever again!
---Robyn on 7/24/10

If you have truly asked for forgiveness and repented you should not destroy your family and tell your wife. You could completely destroy your children's future and your own. Spend the rest of your life making it up to your wife and children and stay away from alcohol!!!!!!!Grace
---Grace on 5/3/10

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I cannot say, for I do not know your wife. The real question is which of the two is worse: telling her (with the danger of her leaving you, though I would hope that is not certain, things like that have happenned before, without destroying the marriage, though they do damage) or hiding it and leaving it to heal (or not). REpentance to God is of course the first stage, and be guided by Him as you are shown
---peter3594 on 3/9/10

keep praying on it. If you continue to hurt and are sleepless, you may need to tell her.
---joe on 3/8/10

Be very very prayerful about telling your wife. If that is what you are supposed to do God will make it clear if that is what you should do.
---pg1 on 1/11/08

jody, maybe you did and forgot about it.
That happens to me all the time. I've been so many people, when I'm tired I forget who I really am.
---Molly on 1/11/08

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I do not know how it happened but I did not write the blog dated 12/30. Someone else did and used my identification. God bless:)
---jody on 1/9/08

In response to shaunT. David did not confess to anyone but God, and his punishment came though his children. As far as scripture says he nevertold anyone, God the hearts of all mem, and anyone can be sifted through the lusts of their flesh. Ever wanted anything? Then you have sinned just as badly as he did, "Offend in one point and you offend all".
---jody on 12/30/07

If you asked the Lord to forgive you, and you are sincere in your heart, then I believe he has forgiven you. Did you know to repent means to turn away from...
If you want to be with your wife and you've turned away from your sin, then Unless God wants her to know, I would'nt tell her.
Ask the Lord for guidance and don't dwell on it, lest it happen again. God Bless! I'll be praying for you....
---faith on 12/29/07

Pray for guidance. If God can forgive then she should to. If you are truelly sincere, then pray and let the Lord help. I do know that He will forgive and tell you what to do, but if it is to tell her then you must or face a worse consequence. I will pray for guidance for you even now!
---jody on 12/27/07

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I am so sorry for the mistake you made.We are all capable of doing this. Ask the Lord to help you with this. To pick the right time, so you can be free from this mistake of bondage that your in right now. Believe me I understand.GOd has not abandone you ok brother. The enemy or your soul waitted until you were weak.I bet you if I would ask the question if anyone is without sin cast the first stone at you. Guess what? Neither do I. Love you brother.
---Mike on 12/26/07

#2 You also must be a man and accept the consequences of your sins (not mistake as you put it) just as David had to for his.

You also need to examine yourself to see if you are in the faith. Not that I am saying one way or the other as I know saints can commit grievous sins.
---ShaunT on 12/26/07

A one night stand could spell more then divorce it could mean herpes or even worse Aids
---lawre3763 on 12/25/07

It sounds like you have more than one problem. 1. You have a drinking problem if you are getting drunk. 2. You have a marriage problem if you are cheating on your wife while drunk.

Get yourself into therapy and work on the drinking behaviors and the cheating. Meet with your pastor as well.
---Madison1101 on 12/24/07

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"Do not tell your wife. To do so is to try to get your guilt off your chest by putting it on her. Part of your punishment is for you to feel your shame."-Ron

I completely disagree with this. By telling your wife the truth is in NO WAY trying to put the guilt on her.

You definitely should tell her. What are you going to do if she finds out from someone else? That will be MUCH worse than you being honest and telling her yourself. Its best that she hears it from you.
---Kay on 1/5/07

This is my simple answer. Do unto others as you would've them do unto you. If your wife cheated on you, would you have liked her to tell you? Your answer may lie in that. However, i think you know what you should you. You need your wife's forgiveness cos you have sinned against her. And you live in sin by lying to her by omission and unfaithfulness
---Emma on 1/5/07

if u call yourself a Christian, be honest and tell...pray about it and be honest. To hide it will always haunt u forever. God will help u if u b honest. Better to come from u than her hearing from someone else. Oneday the truth will come out and believe u me. Dont hide it. Thats dishonesty to God. Better still, STOP YOUR DRINKING..u cant handle it let alone b easily deceived. Lord have mercy.
---billy on 1/5/07

It really depends on alot of things. Do you think she'd rather know or not? Is she emotionally stable enough to handle the pain? Is there a possibililty she could find out from someone else? (if so I would tell her first).

Would you want to know?

Personally, I wouldn't want to know if it was a discreet one night stand and if my spouse was sincere about remaining faithful. But if he had a lengthy affair and he flaunted it I would.

Good luck and God bless,
---augusta on 1/4/07

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I don't think you need reminding, but if there is any possibility at all that you have a STD please tell her asap.
---augusta on 1/4/07

It has been a while since you posted. Many of us have prayed for your marriage, your wife and for you.
How have things been since last summer? Did you decide to share what happend with your wife? Are things working out?
Please give an updatae if you can.
Prayerfully Yours,
---lynet on 1/4/07

Do not tell your wife. To do so is to try to get your guilt off your chest by putting it on her. Part of your punishment is for you to feel your shame.

If you have changed your ways, your family is much better off without the negative feelings of your actions. Because this will hit your wife's feelings hard, all the facts in the world about how you have changed may never overcome her inate feelings about what you did. Strong feelings are often impossible to overcome with facts.
---Ron on 1/4/07

you must tell her.if she throws you out on your ear and takes all that you have away from you, you shut your mouth and not say a thing
---r.w. on 8/15/06

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Just as you do with god You must confess your sin and ask for forgivness. Pray for guidance
---Tonya3849 on 7/27/06

Drunkedness is an excuse. This act takes time, thought, and coordination.
Your wife is a victim who should be told immediately, especially if you've continued intimate realtions with her. Assuming the woman involved knows you're not interested in a realtionship, and depending on whether or not you used precautions, have yourself examined for STD's and a possible pregnancy. This is a part of the reality of todays sexual environment.
Draw closer to the Lord, he will strengthen you.
---lynet on 6/8/06

Bill,is your wife a christian? if so I would suggest after you tell her about the affair, that if and when she is willing that you will both need christian counseling.her attitude should be one of forgivness, but we live in the flesh there may be rough roads ahead, I will be praying for you everyday brother.
---tom2 on 6/8/06

audrey: Please spell words out. Your post looks like alphabet soup and is totally unreadable. Think of those who have to read what you post when you post.
---Madison1101 on 5/16/06

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It may be a mistake NOT telling your wife. A marriage built on deception is bound to end up in a mess or worse, a divorce. (She may find out from some other source.) If you feel it will bring negative results - talk with your pastor first and get his opinion. For your own piece of mind you need to tell your wife. How you do it is up to you. (Just make sure it's in private and do it with an attitude of humility.) Don't expect immediate, positive, results - only time will take care of that.
---WIVV on 5/16/06

you need to come clean with yourself.Why r u drinkin if u r a christian?Take responsibility 4ua actions &also accept consequences.God dont hate u so dont hate u.He will give u wisdom on how 2deal with this. just ask. Beware the deceptions of satan. He seeks to steal ua joy, kill ua self esteem &destroy ua marriage. dont let him.God's bigger than ua sin.Run 2 Him.Love God. Be real!!!! It aint the end of the world bro. there's hope in Jesus.
---audrey on 5/16/06

Bill: You admit that you are a sinner! Great!

No one rejoices with your sin, and you have confessed it, so Jesus forgave it. All that's left is the consequences, and they are beyond your control--that's sin's hidden stinger.

Reread madison's advice. It is right on. I add this:
1) get into a men's group, you need support.
2) After you meet with Pastor, make a date to tell wife (not more than 2 weeks later) the WHOLE story.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
---John_T on 5/15/06

Sounds to me your marriage is already distroyed. Look how it is eating at you now. And I take it you call yourself a christian. Did that neighbor down the road that did not believe in God think to himself. Well if he can act that way and be a christian then I have no problem. Testimony!!! The one thing in our christian lives that satan wants to destroy.
---BoDilly on 5/15/06

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First, pray for guidance. You have to be honest, you know that. Pray. Maybe you shouldn't drink anymore. They don't call them wine and "spirits" for nothing.
---Nellah on 5/15/06

Dear BIll,I am sorry for your circumstances and will pray for you. I would suggest that you talk honestly with your pastor, priest or spiritual advisor. Repenting is more than telling God you are sorry. How will you accept God's mercy? How will you show God that your love for your family is #1 behind Him? There is probably not enough space here to help you as I would like. But please know that God's mercy is miraculous-let your life and love show that you are worthy of it.
---eleanor on 5/15/06

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