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The Shame Of A Divorce

Can we recover from the shame of divorce?

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 ---Akin on 5/19/06
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Just who "we" is in your question: the couple themselves? the family as a whole? the local congregational family? Christianity as a whole? (the Bible does say that God hates divorce).

What is the shame? Does a divorce bring "shame" to the couple, family, children, church, or other people?

If you mean how can a family and its members recover from the TRAGEDY of a divorce--it will, given time and God's mercy.
---Jack on 10/24/07

In genuine praying, ask forgiveness from Jesus.
---Eloy on 3/11/07

Susan, I may have been free in one sense, but I believed that God wanted me to save myself for reconciliation, should that be possible. As it turns out, my ex married a few years later, but I was not going to close any doors. I chose to leave them open and praise God for the fact that I did that. I only dated a few months after my ex married, and have not dated since then. God has not sent anyone He wants to share me with yet.
---Madison1101 on 3/10/07

I wasn't the cause of my divorce but people still looked down at me. If they only knew, they wouldn't be so quick to judge. People have told me that God wouldn't call me to sing or my husband to preach because we both went through a divorce (from other people). We both became saved after being married for a year. God called me to sing shortly after but he called my husband 3 years ago to preach. In this marriage I can honestly say my husband and I are one in Christ.
---Rebecca_D on 3/10/07

Madison, if your husband started dating 4 months before he filed for divorce, is that adultery?
Would you not have been free to date after your divorce was final, if you had wanted to?
---Susan on 3/10/07

I have no personal experience but I imagine that how much anyone recovers from the shame of a divorce will depend on many factors. It will be different for a person who did something shameful to bring about the divorce than for the person who was left and was the innocent party. Other people might not let you forget the shame even though you know that God and the other party have forgiven everything. Keeping it between yourselves and God will bring about quicker healing than listening to others I think.
---f.f. on 3/10/07

Ralph, I am BY FAR a feminist, but your statements are some of the most cheauvenistic insulting remarks I have ever read on this site! I'm sorry if YOU married one of these kind of shallow tarts, but all women are not like that, and shame on you for saying we are!
---T.S. on 5/21/06

Mima: My ex started to date the day after he left me, four months before he filed for the divorce. He met his new wife right after the divorce was final and was remarried within 3 years of leaving me. He felt no pain at all in our divorce.

Please refrain from making generalizations. I have suffered far more than he did over our divorce.
---Madison1101 on 5/20/06

Mima: Where'd ya get THAT idea?! Men may have DIFFERENT feelings about divorce, but no greater pain. However, I suspect it would probably depend upon the individual circumstances. I am a woman, and of course, hate to see women mistreated or hurt. But I tell you what really boils my blood, is when a good man is done dirty by a woman! I dont like to see anybody hurting, but it just kills me when I see a man cry because of a broken heart
---T.S. on 5/20/06

The only shame in a divorce should be on the person who broke up the marriage. Mima is correct that men generally feel much more pain from a breakup, unless of course the man initiated it. A man marries a woman because he loves her, period. A man needs to understand that a woman doesn't necessarily marry him because she loves him for who he is, but she loves the relationship, what the relationship does for her and how it makes her feel.
---ralph7477 on 5/20/06

Mina, I believe it would depend on the individual on how hard he or she takes the divorce. I didn't take mine well even though I was the one to file. In my case, it was bitterness. When I finally forgave him for leaving, and I took my share of the blame for the problems in our marriage, then the hurt started to heal. The shame was mostly guilt knowing divorce is wrong. I know God has for given me, so I needed to accept that forgiveness and forgive myself and others. 1John 1:9, Matthew 6:14,15
---Ulrika on 5/20/06

Mima, I don't know where you get your information to form the opinion that men "suffer" over divorce more than women. This is one example of why we shouldn't make generalized statements. I was married and divorced 3 times before I was saved, and I never lost a minutes sleep over the issue. I walked out on 3 ok marriages just because I was tired of being tied down. Thank God for His forgiveness, though, as He brought to me a wonderful woman who has outlasted the others all combined.
---tommy3007 on 5/20/06

Yes, I did. Shame is of the devil. It is the guilt that is unnecessary after we confess, repent and move on. Deepen your relationship with the Lord and He will heal you.
---Madison1101 on 5/20/06

Absolutely!!! I was once asked by a person seeking counsel how could Jesus possibly know the depth of my pain over this divorce since he was never married or divorced. What would be your answer to this man? Also my experiences has been that men feel greater pain over divorce than women. Comments?
---mima on 5/20/06

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