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Should One Marry If Pregnant

Should a pregnant Christian young lady marry the father of the baby when he is not a Christian?

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 ---f.f. on 5/23/06
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Listen and pay attention to experience: There is NO ONE else on this earth who is the biological father of that child. When a child has his REAL mother and REAL father together raising him, he has a sense of togetherness and love. The problem comes in when fathers don't give a hoot about the kid. In that case, it is nearly impossible to make the father "stay" anyway. God will make a way in either situation.

So here is the correct answer: Whether he is Christian or not, he is that baby's father. Try as you might to find a replacement, that's what it will always be: a replacement.
---kate on 9/25/08


In the first place it's not for us to say whether or not another is a christian. If I pray in my prayer closet but not in church does that not make me christian and no one can know the heart of another man only the fruit Only God who knows us can say that about anyone
---Rocky on 9/20/08


Kennedy, you cannot say for sure she is not a Christian, that's up to God to decide. She is a teenager with teenage hormones who made a mistake, yes, but to say she's not a Christian is assuming too much, really. Did you commit a sin recently? I know I have and I'm not backslidden--just human but I ask God's forgiveness and help to not blow it in the future.
---Mary on 9/20/08


Firstly,the pregnant young lady is not a christian.The fact that she became pregnant for an unbeliever means that she has backslidden.If she has realised her self and prayed for forgiveness and God pardoned her,then the bible says,"be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers".There are procedures and principles outlined in the bible for such situation in the book of leviticus.At this point,i would advise she should meet her pastor for appropriate counselling.
---Kennedy on 9/20/08


f.f. sounds like you are in a great position to diciple a young man to Chirst. For his sake and for your grandchild's sake.
---Tonya on 8/26/07




That is a very good question. On the one hand the bible does say light hath no fellowship with darkness. And probably you would have extreme trials and conflict and opposing views on raising the child. Then if you choose not to marry, you have to raise the child on your own. If forced to decide I would say no, but if the man is a good man, in some ways and not yet born-again and he is pleased to dwell with you, yes.
---terry on 8/24/07


Recreational Sex? Alright, Bruce, we might end up judging each other's value systems if you would insist the truth in your locality to be the truth in mine and vice versa. We belong to different environment, different cultures (!) What is reality in my surroundings is not the same as yours. But I have to say still that man has no power to say what's in the woman's heart and mind!
---Raine on 7/20/06


PART ONE:
Raine,
I did not say you are "too naive." I said "Your naivety is truly touching." I was not being facetious or sarcastic.

Nor did I say "there is NO TRUTH in your first post."
---Bruce5656 on 6/26/06


PART TWO:
However, your statement ("The only reason why a woman must indulged sex outside of marriage is love." ) is a catagorical one. It does not leave room for an alternate view therefore it is, in fact, false.

The fact is, people engage in "recreational sex" just like they do any other vice like drugs or alcohol.
---Bruce5656 on 6/26/06


Raine,
You say that a person falls in love, I say a person without God falls in what they think in love. A person that know's fully in their heart that they should get married first falls in lust. When two people fall in love understanding God plan for their life and is obedient, wait and marry, this is God's example of true Love in the right circumsatances. If the father of the baby is not christian I would say she should obstain from marriage unless he is saved. Full facts unknown.
---Carla5754 on 6/26/06




ff. Since you are the grandparent to be and the young lady has support of church and family, I would seriously consider this man's character. If she were not pregnant, does he have the character of a person you would want her to marry? Scripure states that when you have sex with anyone, even a prostitute, you become one with that person. So, she has in effect already become one with him. If the man is no good, let her not marry him. And ask the Lord to break those soul ties with him.
---jean on 6/26/06


f.f., I have posted awhile ago the solution that the pastor and his family applied in relation to their own daughter's problem. I am not saying that the solution is applicable to you. We have different environment. Please follow what you see is fit. But one thing is certain, be sure to be around your daughter always. She needs you. She needs her family.
---Raine on 6/2/06


Part 6.
In relation to the reaction of the church: I say it is quite easy to get involved with sin and be forgiven and be right with the church and the community. As long as the man marries you there is no stigma left to the event that leads to the marriage. I am really left wondering...
---Raine on 6/2/06


Part 5.
And how do I look at the whole thing? My mother used to tell me that it is never easy to watch (or protect) a daughter. She said that she would rather watch or guard an herd of cattle than watching or guarding a female child. According to her, once a woman is in love, she would do everything to gain the object of her love. And being a Christian, I don't think I would ever dream of giving myself in without love. Why I am saying this? Remember the young Christian lady got pregnant..
---Raine on 6/2/06


Part 4.
Let's go back to the young christian lady in my surrounding that got pregnant...The parents married her off to the man after the man was converted. They asked forgiveness in church. They were forgiven. They were married. They have now the baby.
---Raine on 6/1/06


Part 3.
I am sorry Bruce, if you say that I am too naive and that there is NO TRUTH to what I have stated in my first post. I did not react to that in the context that I wanted to because I was totally amazed why should a man give some sweeping statements. How can a man know what's in the heart and mind of a woman?
---Raine on 6/1/06


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Part 2.
The daughter of the pastor happened to fall in love with a non-believer. She got pregnant. She decided to give herself to the man. Was it simply sex for the sake of it? I say it's love! In my country, it has been the woman's way to get the consent of the parents for the marriage to occur if she would get herself into an embarrasing situation of getting pregnant. It is an announcement to the whole world that whatever happens she has decided to stick it out with his man through thick and thin.
---Raine on 6/1/06


Part I.
I stand corected, Madison. There should have been an "if" in my post prior to this. I asked you that question because of Bruce earlier posts. Anyway, I have to explain my side. In relation to the original question that has been posted "should a young christian..." The same event happened in the church that I was attending.
---Raine on 6/1/06


Raine: Reread my post. I never said that I would give myself to a man in loveless sex. I am offended. Please be more careful before you start unsubstantiated rumors.
---Madison1101 on 5/31/06


I said this on 23rd May "F.F.does not state WHEN the young lady became a Christian so how can anyone state that she is not. She might have been saved after becoming pregnant." We don't know for sure so why so much condemning by some of you? Also I'd like to add that Christians DO sin, it is just that some of you think that sexual sins are the worst sins possible. Being able to think this makes you feel less bad about your own sins perhaps.
---emg on 5/31/06


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I am surprised that Raine thought that on 5/30, Madison was saying she would behave like that.
---alan8869_of_UK on 5/31/06


Raine,
Your naivet is truly touching. Unfortunately, as Madison has pointed out, there are lots of people having sex just for the fun of it. Not having anything to do with love. There are even groups of people who participate in groups that you can just ring one up and make arrangements for "recreational sex" with on a moments notice. And then there is prostitution, peer pressure, alcohol and drug induced promiscuity etc.
---Bruce5656 on 5/31/06


Im not judging any one but how can people say they know God but get pregnant and they are not married sex before marriage is a sin
---Betty on 5/31/06


Madison: You are a Christian woman. Are you going to give yourself to a man without you being in love with the man?
---Raine on 5/30/06


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Raine: There are plenty of people who have sex without love. It is more rampant than you would like to believe, but it is true. In fact, sexual acting out is very common in victims of sexual abuse. Loveless sex is what pornography is made of.

Lust and love are two very distinct things.
---Madison1101 on 5/30/06


Bruce: I am just wondering what type of a woman sleeps with a man without love! I am just amazed by your statements!
---raine on 5/28/06


I found myself there and decided that the person would not follow God and I did not want to bring my children up without a strong Christian background. The feelings were not mutual so to speak and I closed the door on the relationship and walked straight into Church. It may not be so easy for her though, I knew who God was at the time and trusted him regardless, now I am Happily Married to a Christian, fifteen years together but it wasn't easy.
---Carla5754 on 5/26/06


No the young lady if she is truly a Christian should not marry the young man because they would be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14). She also needs to repent of her fornication with the man, and that means to ask the Lord to forgive her and stop fornicating with the man.
---Helen_5378 on 5/26/06


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Raine,
"Yes! The only reason why a woman must indulged sex outside of marriage is love. Having impregnated by a nonchristian man out of wedlock it follows that she is willing to stick with him through thick and thin."

What!? There are lots of people sleeping together and there is no love involved. Lust maybe but not love. I am sure there are many here who, looking back on mistakes they have made, can attest to the fact that there is not a shred of truth in what you have said.
---Bruce5656 on 5/26/06


Grace, I really appreciate your kind, caring replies but I must explain something as I feel that I have unintentionally misled you with my last posting. I am the grandfather-to-be. My concerns are from a totally different angle as I am sure you can now see, but concerns they still are. There will be mature Christian support from family and church and financial support where needed. My greatest concern in all of this is because of the unequal yoking, housing and access if they do not marry.
---f.f. on 5/26/06


Yes! The only reason why a woman must indulged sex outside of marriage is love. Having impregnated by a nonchristian man out of wedlock it follows that she is willing to stick with him through thick and thin. We can say here be not equally yoked with unbeliever, but she has done it! What's the use of discussing in here, when the person we are so concerned about has already made a decision to have herself get pregnant!
---Raine on 5/26/06


Being a single mother is difficult, but it is better than being in a marriage that is abusive or lacking in committment. Remember, the example you will be setting for your child. I am shocked at Kennedy's response to you; it is lacking in compassion. Of course, you are still a Christian, and that is the most important relationship to have a this point. Go to God with an open heart, and give him this problem. He will not turn from you and a path will be opened for you and your child.
---Grace on 5/25/06


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I do understand your situation, and the first priority is to think of your well-being and that of your child. There are so many questions to ask: do you love the father of your child? do you believe he wants to bear the responsibility of fatherhood? Does he respect you as a human being, a person? These are important questions to ask as well...do you have the means to support yourself and a baby; do you have the support of a family system; parents, siblings, etc? continued...
---Grace on 5/25/06


Even if they were both Christians, getting pregnant is not a good reason for getting married!
---Catherine on 5/25/06


ff. She should access any social services she may be eligible for, like WIC, or food stamps. She should get herself a good support network, family, church, Bible Study ladies, and lean on them. They will be able to help guide her through the rough spots, and be a source of comfort when things are tough.

Yes, if she decides to marry someday later, the father of this child will still be in the picture. It could work out amicably if both parties are mature and trusting each other.
---Madison1101 on 5/25/06


Do any of you have advice to offer regarding what she should do if she doesn't marry him? Being a single mother will be no picnic as many can testify but marrying someone else later on who would help bring up the child, yet still have to cope with real dad coming to visit of share access could also be problematic. Any suggestions?
---f.f. on 5/25/06


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Kennedy, was David God's choice to be king of Israel before or after he sinned with Bathsheeba? Your harsh judgement shows a lot of ignorance of God's love and grace.

As for the pregnant woman, NO. Marrying because she is pregnant is not a good enough reason. Marrying an unbeliever is never a good idea. Scripture is clear on that one.
---Madison1101 on 5/23/06


Kennedy, you said: The fact that she became pregnant for an unbeliever means that she has backslidden. Was King David backslidden when he committed adultery? NO. His heart still loved God. Just because a person sins doesn't mean they're backslidden. It does mean that that area of their life is still carnal and they haven't allowed God to deal with the lust of their flesh. Their heart can still love God even though they sinned.
---Donna9759 on 5/23/06


Unless instructed otherwise by God's Spirit, yes, if that is the plan. The bible says don't marry an unbeliever, but that applies to Christians who are free to chose who they'll marry. Having gotten pregnant, and now is forgiven by God, the lady is linked to the unbeliever by the child already, and God may permit the union. It should be prayed about.
---Okebaram on 5/23/06


Judge not lest ye also be judged. F.F.does not state WHEN the young lady became a Christian so how can anyone state that she is not. She might have been saved after becoming pregnant and herein could lie the dilemma because, maybe if she married as soon as she knew she were pregnant, it would have been an equal yoking but now will not be. I, like Mima, actually do not know what answer to give but the baby is from God because we are told that He knew each one of us before we were in our mothers' womb.
---emg on 5/23/06


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Kennedy, do your own sins mean that you are not a Christian?

Or only when a woman gets pregnant out of wedlock?
---Jack on 5/23/06


As I read this question I saw just how void of any insight into this problem I am. I have no answer.
---mima on 5/23/06


No, No, and again No. Scripture forbids the union of a Christian with a non-Christian. II Cor 6:14. But even aside from this, becoming pregnant is no reason to marry. As the old adage says, "Two wrongs do not make a right."
---Bruce5656 on 5/23/06


"Children are a blessing from the Lord," the Psalmist sang, and there's no indication that the circumstances of the conception vitiate the blessing at all.

Having said that, I'm not too sure if one mistake is corrected by making another one.

As Ben Frankling said, "Marry in haste, repent at leisure."
---Jack on 5/23/06


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