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Do Teenagers Deserve Privacy

Should teens have a totally private bedroom, or should parents have unrestricted access to closets, dressers, reading/writing tablets, etc.?

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 ---Dixie on 6/1/06
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As a parent, my children are my business, and privacy exists as long as there is no reason to suspect otherwise. However, once that line is crossed, the child has given up their right to privacy. The Bible states, "Be sure your sins will find you out." And how and when it happens.... well, it is bound to happen. So, protect your family and let them know you will be checking their rooms from time to time if you, the parent, feel it is necessary.
---ds on 12/29/11


They deserve more privacy as they get older. If they are still living at home at 18 they will not expect you to walk into their room unannounced or find you looking through their things. The only time I can think of when a parent should 'snoop' is if you suspect they have drugs and/or alcohol stashed away. Even then the best thing would be to ask if they have these things and then say you need to see their room - there and then - no secret rummaging but no time to hide things.
---Rita_H on 3/8/11


Does God stay out of our business until judgement day?

Nope. Hes all up in our business because he loves us. Do we like it as sinners? absolutely not! Do we love him for it once we see the light of Christ? for the rest of eternity
---Jasheradan on 3/8/11


Only if the teen can also have unrestricted access to your personal things. Do an say to others, exactly what you want others to do and say to you. You parent, respect your teenager else your teenager will have zero respect for you. If you raise your child rightly you will have no fear that they will partake of sin, but if you raise them unlovingly then they will seek the pleasures of the world to their own hurt and also yours.
---Eloy on 3/7/11


Some teens deserve privacy. For their own protection, however, it is best to always be aware of what is going on with children. We didn't grow up in a digital age where predators lurk on the other end of a web connection. The Internet, specifically social media, has introduced a new element of danger. Teens are far more web savvy than most adults are, so we may think we have control over their web interactions, but if a teen has access to a smartphone, goes to school or visits homes where access is unfettered, danger could be lurking right beneath our nose.

Therefore, even the most trustworthy teens, deserve parents willing to maintain an understanding that periodic monitoring is for a teen's protection, and not simply to be nosey.
---AlwaysOn on 3/7/11




for the longest time, i tried living in a totally private room in my Father's house. until he showed me the need for full parental access, my life was in total shambles.
---aka on 3/7/11


Most kids,teens and adults are direct reflections of their parents. Think before you judge them. Its a parents job to set their youth on the right path. After that, Let them soar.
---Why_dictate? on 3/6/11


\\i would not leave my husband to himself all of the time. ...
---Robyn on 10/30/10
\\

And does your husband leave YOU to himself all the time?

Or would you resent your husband invading YOUR privacy?
---Cluny on 2/27/11


It all depends. You need to try to see their point of view and they need to try to see your point of view. You as parents want to protect your children and keep them safe. They don't want you over their shoulders all the time. If you suspect your child is doing something that is unsafe, sit down with him/her and talk.
---The_guy on 2/26/11


Yes in their own homes with their own earnings and with their own front doors!
---Carla on 11/2/10




bry, when you grow up and get married and have kids, and they become teens, let us know how thats working out for you..you may be one that does not get into things of the world, but your child may not be like that.
---a_friend on 10/31/10


Every house should have rules that are to be followed by everyone. Teens can have diaries, journals, perhaps cellphones and other technology. But I would warn my teen that I will be checking certain things, from time to time. Even their rooms will be checked from time to time. There will be parental controls on the computer and other technology. Facebook and other sites will be checked by mom/dad. Rules will be enforced. i would not leave my husband to himself all of the time. Certainly not a teen. The devil is always on the job.
---Robyn on 10/30/10


Teenagers need privacy in their thoughts, diaries and other communications that are Private. This does not include face-book (or perhaps even e-mail) which are not secure.
face book is to be read by many people and thus should be available to parents as well. Teens may unwittingly post things that could cause them future problems.

Until a person is legally responsible (legally an adult) Parents have a responsibility protect them. But a responsible teen should require little oversight. Trust is earned.
---Donna66 on 10/22/10


okay teens deserve their privacy! i am a 15 year old girl and i know what its like to think you are above it all but the teens that have good relationships with their parents never feel that way,kids now do have rights to keep things a secret and yes its a parents job to be conserned but not to invade the childs space thats not okay!
---bry on 10/21/10


Who house is it?? Yours! If I think they are hiding something, you better know I will be checking out their room, even it they are in it at the time..They know it too!
---a_friend on 5/3/10


I certainly agree to give our teenagers pricacy in their rooms. I have a very close relationship with my teenagers and comes with respect on both sides. I only go in their private rooms when they are at home and when they are sick in their rooms. I am allowed to clean in there once a week and they always welcome me into their private rooms. I dont have problems cos we have a great understanding and respect for each other. They trust us both as we do them.
---star on 5/3/10


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To invade someones privacy is saying to them you really do not trust them. Teens should definitly have their privacy...
*****

As CHILDREN teenagers (or for that matter) any adult child living in home of parents EARNS TRUST

it's unfortunate that society is so upside down today that teenagers believe they have "rights" that are ABOVE their parents authority WITHIN their parents home

children who are concerned with parents having "unrestricted access" are typically hiding something ...further a parent home owner (even renting) anything illegal in a childs "unrestricted room" can be a legal nightmare for the parents who trusted and OBEYED their children who demanded "total privacy"
---Rhonda on 11/6/09


Everyone in this word deserves privacy. It shouldn't matter how old you are or who you live with. To invade someones privacy is saying to them you really do not trust them. Teens should definitly have their privacy...
---keirra on 11/4/09


My answer is relative to what's going on with the kid.

My mother trusts me enough to not need to go snooping. My sister and step-brother were... not the best of children and my mother and father went through their rooms.

Reasonable suspicion gives parents a right to go through there kid's room. Maybe only looking around for stuff in the open with the child present.

But honestly, if you feel the need to go through your child's room, then there's a trust issue and I would suggest therapy.
---anonymous on 10/10/09


My teen was acting out. skipping school and coming in late so I started watching her extra carefully. one morning I saw her diary open by her bed it looked suspicious so i read it. she said she had tried to commit suicide by over dosing and it didn't work. We went for counseling and now 20 years later I am very glad I snooped.
---anonymous on 12/21/07


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1. Parental responsibility always supersedes a teens right to privacy.

2. Amount of private autonomony granted a teen is based on thier track history of deserving it.
---notlaw99 on 12/21/07


I do not agree on snoops. "Train your child up right and when he is old he will not depart from it". If I didn't get that just right feel free.
---catherine on 12/20/07


Let me say first that,Respect
is not given...it is earned.Everything...THAT IS WORTH having is worth being worthy of.Discipine, is defined under more than just one method...ITS A MUST THAT IT BE PRESENT.And its a must for everyday knowledge,direction,PURPOSE OF LIFE,AND,Stability of spirit.Let them earn IT.The NEGATIVE and SINISTER thoughts and ideas of humankind..Look for easy prey.Those that are not so swift...and those,that, don't know exactly what they want out of life.NOW.....LET THEM KNOW THIS.
---Jack_8773 on 12/20/07


Let me say first that,Respect
is not given...it is earned.Everything...THAT IS WORTH having is worth being worthy of.Discipine, is defined under more than just one method...ITS A MUST THAT IT BE PRESENT.And its a must for everyday knowledge,direction,PURPOSE OF LIFE,AND,Stability of spirit.Let them earn IT.The NEGATIVE and SINISTER thoughts and ideas of humankind..Look for easy prey.Those that are not so swift...and those,that, don't know exactly what they want out of life.NOW.....LET THEM KNOW THIS.
---Jack_8773 on 12/20/07


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I think anyone deserves privacy and their own space.The exception being if you think the teen might be into drugs or alcohol.In that case I would go in and search but I would not read their mail,diary etc.Talk or what they write shouldn't harm them.
---shirley on 12/20/07


Even the baby should have a place of privacy. It does not half to be as big as a room, it could be a small of a little shoe box. But it is very important for each individual person to have a place that is private from the world, the world being in this case any other individual.
---mima on 12/20/07


why ever not? they r humans too who need their space..my son once stayed with my inlaws for a couple of years and mum inlaw read all his letters n diaries. That was so rude and so low. Give our children space and privacy. They are not monsters but another human who need space.
---jana on 2/8/07


From a kids point of view we feel it as a total invaision of privacy. If you think that something is wrong sit us down and talk with us, don't just automatically barging into our rooms.
---Kim on 2/7/07


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As a concerned parent you must have a ballanced attitude to teens,you should give them freedom to do whatever they want to do,but you must check the way they use their freedom.Parents must understand that teens are easy to learn this even if they are bad,so its a duty of parents to help them,so that they can walk in the right ways.
---jackson on 1/18/07


I agree with Jerry.If you are close to your kids, have good communication, there should be little or no problem.If you suspect the kid is on drugs, or whatever, then YES, look around in his room.If that kid who shot up the school had parents who looked in his room, they would've saw red flags, for instance: guns!
---sue on 1/17/07


God works in mysterious ways. A woman respected her daughters privacy. However her neighbor, did not hold the same respect for her own daughters privacy. One day the neighbor happened to run across a diary in her daughters room, and she read it. The diary stated her daughters friend ( the woman who respected her daughters privacys girl)had lost her virginity. She was twevle, her mother was shattered.
---chris on 1/16/07


I do not believe it is an issue of privacy, it is more along the lines of parents being involved in their child's life. The closer parents are to their children , the less they worry over what their children do behind closed doors, etc. It is all about having a close relationship with your child and having the communication lines open. Just as a husband and wife need to be able to communicate with each other, so must a parent and a child.
---Jerry on 7/15/06


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they should have some privacy they are old enough..parents should have some access but respect their privacy and not read letters etc..thats stooping down low and down right nosie..they deserve privacy...I was one of them..
---jana on 7/13/06


No harm done Alan of UK. I also agree with your statement.
---Fred_S. on 6/5/06


Fred S ... I'm sorry I misunderstood what you said. I honestly thought that was what you meant ... I was not trying to be legalistic..
Trouble is, that some people do think they own their children.
---alan8869_of_UK on 6/4/06


Donna,

Actually, I'm a forty yr. old woman with 2 teens. My daughter wants total privacy, while my son doesn't care either way. I grew up with my folks searching my room whenever and wherever they wanted. I was okay with it. Todays teens seem to be a lot diff. then my generation. I haven't gone thru their stuff, but feel I should be entitled to as the parent.
---Dixie on 6/3/06


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Here's something for you folks to comment on. My parents NEVER searched our rooms, we were good kids, never smoked, never drank, etc., However, from when we were 6 years old until about 14, my father beat us up with a black strap for stupid things like playing the radio too loud, arguing about our barbie dolls too loudly. My question is: He didn't search our rooms because he knew we were good kids, but he beat us to the pulp, make sense?
---Donna9759 on 6/2/06


Dixie, are you trying to concel something? Is that why you're asking? Just curious. I believe TRUST brings respect. If you're parents believe they can trust you to do the right thing, they'll respect you, thus they won't always be wanting to gouge through your stuff. Giving a child trust helps them to grow into a mature and responsible adult. Now if you suspect drug possession, or alcohol being hidden, then I say, search away.
---Donna9759 on 6/2/06


When I was in the Military (as some of you were) we did not have privacy. Drill Sgts could come in the middle of the night and "inspect" our every area and equipment. It taught responsibility. Every child or teen has the right to EARN privacy. This is after complete trustworthy manners and attitudes are established. If they demand privacy they are probably hiding something.
---Elder on 6/2/06


It's easier to correct a situation when it's just starting than when it's a full blown habit. I've gone through the history on my kids computer to see where they've been. If you have a good relationship with your kids to begin with (lots of talking about everything, everyday) then privacy tends to be a smaller issue. I would be concerned if my kids were very defensive about their privacy...what's so important to hide from me????
---MRB on 6/2/06


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Thank you emg. That's exactly what I ment. It ceases to amaze me how some people are so "legalistic" about every word spoken. If a little "common sense" was applied to some of these blogs, there would be a lot less confrontations. And I had decided to refuse to even engage in an explation on my statement. There are so many teens in the world that are so hungry for a caring parent to "go thru their stuff" to keep them on the streight and narrow.
---Fred_S. on 6/2/06


Alan I think that Fred S was referring to owning the right to go through their room until they were 18, not that he owned his children until they were 18. I agree and would say that, to a certain extent, adult children who choose to live at home should still have to follow the rules of those who pay the bills. I don't mean that they should have no privacy but if I say no member of the opposite sex in your bedroom, no smoking or drinking in the house, they should not argue.
---emg on 6/2/06


2.This in my case meant my books, which always went against their strick policy. Voltaire, Camus, Twain, Vonnigut, etc. I was told since I was not 'full of the spirit.' I did not understand. Paul said test the spirit. So I did. I switched the book covers. When they come a searching I learned what they were full of. Paul was right. I did a lot of things like that. Were they the problem, or was I? (as for me, I will give my teens private places, untill they give me reason not to.)
---MikeM on 6/1/06


1.I know they were extreme, and most of my family are not like that. I look back with humer, and share it now as such. As a teen I would hide contra-band. 'Parents' were always searching for 'things not of the Lord' in their home. They had a guy in church with a 'spiritual gift' help my Uncle search the home for 'unGodliness.'
---MikeM on 6/1/06


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If you don't give your child privacy, then they will grow up resenting you and not trusting you. I don't think it is a good idea for the parents to go through their childs belongings. To me it is disrepectfull if the parent snops in their kids belongings. How would you feel is your spouse done that to you? You wouldn't like it, and you would feel that there is distrust there, and the relationship won't grow and be strong.
---Rebecca_D on 6/1/06


I think they need privacy to a point. Now they shouldn't lock their doors, but we should knock before entering & we should NOT read personal journals/ diaries because it is their personal things. I am sorry ,but unless there are signs of trouble a parent needs to give them some space.
---Candice on 6/1/06


Fred, you are totally correct. I raised 3 and had access to all their belongings. I never went thru their things, but I would have had a problem arisen. Today parents face a newer challenge. There are many red flags and I would watch them.
---shira on 6/1/06


Fred, can you please provide the precise US law that says you OWN your children until they are 18?

I thought that chattel slavery was made illegal by Constitutional amendment.
---Jack on 6/1/06


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Until I left home just after I turned twenty, I had no privacy whatsoever... my mother controlled everything and everyone .. that was a horrible way to live ... she is still the same and I suffer the effects now at 53. A teenager is entitled to some privacy ... they are well on their way to being an adult.
---Helen_5378 on 6/1/06


My kids had their own rooms, I didn't intrude upon their privacy. ALTHOUGH they did know that is was OUR house and I could do a 'spot check'. They were also told that if I ever suspected anything out of the ordinary, it was MY responsibility to 'tumble' their rooms! Thankfully I never had to do that and they all walk with the Lord.
---NV_Barbara on 6/1/06


I have to say that I have never thought that I ownned my children. Neither did my late wife who was much more understanding about family matters than I am.
They are given to us by God, to nourish and cherish and bring them through to being full adults. We are responsible to them, not they to us. Now that may mean we NEED to check their rooms, but it is for their benefit not because we own them.
---alan8869_of_UK on 6/1/06


Absolute privacy?

No
Controled privacy yes, but when it comes to things that can be potentially harmful like computer usage, television viewing, and friends (especially those whose parents you don't know and friends of opposite sex) I say NO WAY.

Choose this day whom you will serve, as for me and my house we shall serve the Lord.

Parents must remove temptations, because children test limits.
---Pharisee on 6/1/06


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I think that every teen deserves privacy whether its a little or a lot
---alisha on 6/1/06


At my house, I own the right to go thru their rooms, pocketbooks, everything. When they grow up, and pay their own bills, then they get privacy. I own them until they are 18 yrs. of age according to U.S. laws. That's the problem with a lot of teens now a days, parents don't keep up with the teens business.
---Fred_S. on 6/1/06


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