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Husband Doesn't Help With Kids

My husband doesn't help with the kids and we both work. He thinks it's a woman's job to take care of the kids and that the only reason I work is because I like cloths. What am I to do?

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 ---Sally on 6/23/06
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Is your husbands claim about you right? Are you carrying your weight around the house? Are you just buying clothes? There is always a reason for a person not helping out and not doing his or her part. Did his father not help his mom out with him? We are mirrors of our environment please do not forget that. Dig a little deeper before you throw the man out with the bath water
---joyce on 11/1/10


Im I the only one who feels that whether you work or not is not the point. Kids are the responsibilty of both parents no just the mom. That is why we are suppossed to be partners. It is almost impossible to have respect for someone who is not helping you raise your children and not to mention the last thing you want to do is be intimate with someone after you have done all the child care and housework. Going to a job outside the home is easy comparitively. I know because I do both.
---Connie on 10/29/10


What am I to do? Maybe consider not working outside of the home if he thinks it only to buy your clothes. Many people can't afford to have a stay at home parent and see it as a luxury.
---jody on 2/11/10


Whether your husband has respect for you or not is not a question to answer the fact that he has old fashion ways means you will have it hard.

So how do you cope?

You look after your children the best that you can, how do I know because I have six, worked ans studied was it easy no, because hubby was at work.

Yes it was difficult but it can be done, now the hard part. Be to him a wife that he will never forget even if he's mean you will only win men like that over by giving them not a thing to say about you, try your hardest to be a mother first and a wife. well that's all the time. You'll win God and in the process you just may win over your hubby.
---Carla on 2/11/10


You need to start saving money in a separate savings account in a different bank than the one you normally use. No one should know about this acccount but you. Don't worry about tax liability, interest rates are so low right now there won't be any income to report. This is your emergency fund in case he decides to leave. You will feel a lot more in control of your life knowing you have this safety net and you'll realize you can stay and put up with him for the sake of the kids.
---MirandaV on 2/11/10




Honey. You have married into the old age problem within marriage: male chauvinism. You failed to say if you and he were born again christians.It may not make a difference now.Some christian men have long forgotten their place as well as the unsaved men. But if you are a Christian woman perhaps you could pray over this situation for a time. If no improvement...do you think this is worth losing your marriage over? Sounds like he does not have very much respect for you either.
---Robyn on 10/2/07


It seems you are putting clothes above your children. How many clothes do you own? How many clothes do your children have? There must be more to this than the question indicates.
---shira on 10/2/07


Sally...you don't have to work but you do?...just stay home...make home, husband and children your number one job...then you shouldn't Need your husband's help...except let him be the one to set rules and discipline if need be...that shouldn't be your responsibility...but housework and raising children?...you are the Woman and he knows it...is the word "cloths" supposed to be "clothes"??? Keeping up w/fashion is not as important as being the Best Mother you can be...rachel
---Reiter on 11/28/06


Hi Tracy; I have to ask: are you male or female? Your response sounds like you are a male, or else an extremely passive female! I agree women shouldn't bulldoze their husbands, but this woman is exhausted and living with a chauvenistic and lazy man! She has my sympathies; was just curious if you were a man or woman lol
---Mary on 9/24/06


It does not matter why you work, your husband SHOULD participate in the parenting. A lot of men think they did their job 9 months before the baby was born. That is their loss, and their child's loss.

My ex may have been a bum in our marriage, but he was and still is a good father to our children. There were some parts of our marriage where I worked and he stayed home and did the domestic work. He potty trained our two boys.
---Madison1101 on 6/24/06




Do you really work because you like clothes or are you saying that this is your husbands reasoning as to why you work outside the home? If it is not YOUR reason then why not stay home and he will possibly realise that the money is useful for much more than extra clothes for you. If he finds it difficult to pay the bills on his income alone he might see your point of view more and decide to help you so that you can also work for pay.
---M.P. on 6/23/06


I have a hard time with prideful men. That old school thinking is a bunch of bull! I personally take GREAT pride in taking care of my children. From changing diapers up to fixing their cars. Your husband needs to realize kids grow up, and leave the nest before you can turn around. Kids need a fathers nurturing just as much as a mothers. I have a small plaque my kids gave me, and I will cherish it my whole life. It say: DADS - A DAUGHTERS FIRST LOVE, AND A SONS FIRST HERO! Amen to that brother.
---Fred_S. on 6/23/06


Marrage is a partnership . You have children involved, if you were not to work will it cause bills to not be met? Will it cause you to go hungry ? Will it cause you to not tythe? If you answered no to all then you are working for yourself and/or extra money.If yes then you need to work and HE needs to help with the kids.
---rev._chris on 6/23/06


Don't fight your husband. He works hard for your family, and he loves you. Instead of the push and pull and asking demands on him, ask him to sit down with you and work out a budget. Share your feelings with him. If it is not possible for you to stay home, then share your heart and say you feel overwhelmed. Ask if he has suggestions or ideas on how to alleviate stress for you.

Good luck!
---Tracy on 6/23/06


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