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My Husband Abandoned Me

My husband abandoned me and our daughter over a year ago. He still would visit our daughter, but refused to work on our marriage. I didn't divorce only because he carries our health insurance (he has paid no support for her). Now he wants to move back in. Biblical advice?

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 ---Annie on 7/2/06
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Patty you are right in that. True forgiveness for one's enemies, must come from God, or it is hypocritical. You know how I feel about hypocrites. I hate them. [Not the same kind of hate which leads to murder]. I hate what God hates, and I love what God loves....There is a Scripture called perfect hatred. It in there somewhere, cause, I've read it. Hallelujah.
---catherine on 10/13/10


do what the Lord would instructs you to do. if he tells you to forgive and reconcile, do it. don,t go by emotions, thats,s the worst mistake you can ever make
---patty on 10/13/10


sorry but I read alot about husbands want to come back home to their wifes but wife's make this question Why do he want to come back, because if he was with another woman there is much questions to ask, just a advice I had a friend and her husband left her for a wile then he came back she toke him in and today her husband is dead cause of aids and she is HIV positive cause of him ..and the worst of all the 2 little girls are also HIV....God have mercy...
---Esme on 10/13/10


This is really difficult because you don't give any clue as to WHY he wants to return. I wonder if you know yourself. Maybe he has had a change of heart and wants to give the marriage another chance and be a real father. On the other hand (being pessimistic) he might simply need a home for some reason and returning to you is a better option that being homeLESS. Does he intend supporting you and your child now? I think you need a lot more information from him before agreeing to this.
---emg on 12/6/07


You both have issues.Its either LOve or Money.Do you want to end up onthe doctor Phil show?
---harry on 5/24/07




I believe that Paul has the answer you seek, Biblically speaking:

1 Corinthians 7:10-11
"But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife."
---lorra8574 on 5/23/07


In any relationship love must be proven (or it's just empty words) and respect must be won (1 Thessalonians 4:12). This is especially true when a trust has been broken. I would not recommend taking him back until he has taken the time and made the effort to prove that he has value for you. I'd give it at least another year.
---DoryLory on 5/23/07


Hi Annie; I feel for you. Your husband sounds like my ex--he basically was in love with my income (at the time); when I left, he tried to get me to cough up half the electric bill! I'm like yeah right! LOL! In short, sister, I'd be leary.
---Mary on 9/24/06


To answer a few questions. My husband said he was a Christian when we met and married (only 3 years ago). After the wedding, he said he doubted God even existed & if He did exist, then God must hate him. I would say no, he is not a Christian. I don't know why he wants back with me, but he cannot support himself financially (he could, but he is a spendaholic). He has never helped support us financially even when he lived here and I don't think I can go back to supporting him. Nor do I want to.
---Annie on 7/4/06


As 'daphne' and others have said, much good advice, but I haven't seen anyone ask: Is he a Believer? If he's a member of your church, then yes, he should be in counseling about this, repenting of any sin for having left you alone, etc. first. If he's never professed to believe in Christ for salvation, that would need to be handled differently. If he sinned in other ways (adultery?) that's a diff. decision, but still possible to remain married.
---danie9374 on 7/3/06




Annie, The advice here already is good. 1) PRAY for discernment, 2) get biblical counseling for all 3 of you - individually and as a family, 3) his moving back into the home, and the marital bed, should be the very last step... assuming through the process there has been repentance and pursuit of accountability, for your husband, with godly man who won't compromise the word.

If he is unwilling to take any of these steps, that should be a HUGE red flag to you.
---daphn8897 on 7/3/06


In Biblical days, marriages were arranged and had nothing to do with love. This is why three times there is the Apostolic admonition to husbands, "Love your wives"--words which sound obvious to us now, but were revolutionary at the time they were written to their original audience.
---Jack on 7/3/06




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