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20 Year Old Man And 40 Woman

Is it ok for a 20 year old man to marry a 40 year old woman, even if they have a lot in common and get along?

Moderator - Not a good idea as that isn't natural.

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 ---John on 7/9/06
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To each his own. Some like 'em old, some like 'em young, and some like 'em the same age- whatever floats your boat. Now having children could be another issue, for may be more difficult for an older woman to go through a pregancy than for a younger and woman.
---Eloy on 2/13/12


This topic has come up on numerous Christian sites. Is there anything in the Word of God that says it sinful? No. Are there any verses that say it is permitted but not necessarily beneficial ? No.

It is fine for people to have opinions in this area, but that is all they are, an opinion. Some consider themselves the age police, but as they have no Scriptural ground to stand on, they need to cease trying to impose their own defintions of norms on others. I'd say, pray about it, seek Godly counsel, give the Lord time, and then act as He directs.
---Jim on 2/13/12


either way, it is a great match up.

give us an update in 20 years.
---aka on 2/12/12


Amen Dee,

I have several examples of younger men marrying older women (15-25 year age difference) who married, had children, and are still happily married 40 years later (87yo wife and her now 49yo husband)

I've found age is a difference when one has to ask if age is a difference

when people are not hung up on age or concerned to please others age is never a difference

it is interesting to note young women who marry older men usually complaining 20 years later with their "old husbands" I have yet to see this happen with men complaining about their "old wives) ...maybe because women chronically complain and men rarely complain
---Rhonda on 2/11/12


Opinionated. It says in Colossians: 16 Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. 17 These are a shadow of the things that were to come, the reality, however, is found in Christ. 18 Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you. Such a person also goes into great detail about what they have seen, they are puffed up with idle notions by their unspiritual mind. 19 They have lost connection with the head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow." Don't impose a belief that causes someone to stumble.
---Lance on 2/11/12




Two years ago I met a wonderful man in Turkey. He was a godly, funny warm and wise. Our cultures are different and his maturity was amazing. I thought he was around 35 yrs. old. He thought I was about 32. I eventually saw his ID card. I was shocked to find out he was 28. I was 44. I immediately said we couldn't see each other any more. He couldn't understand why. We talked about this many times and here we are, 1 1/2yrs. later very much in love. He said he knew that I was to be his wife. I was his first girlfriend and first love. We have not married as this gives you time to separate infatuation from real love. He is kindness itself. He has no interest in using me for a visa (in case you are wondering) and I am not rich.
---Dee_Springer on 9/11/11


Dear John. Please don't! take it from someone who did that in reverse. I was the young woman who married a man in his 40's.But it is getting worse now, by the day. It was good for a long time,though. It will backfire in the longrun. Stop it before it gets out of hand. GBU
---Bambi on 1/20/11


It really depends on what they want. In this year and age age is nothing but a number it has nothing to do with maturity. I can not see being 14 and 18 or round about that age. If it is more than 20 years It's a big decision. People can not always let wht others think or say hinder what could truely be a blessing in this age. It is no different than a 40 year old man and a 20 year old woman. I know the ups and downs in this cause I am currently experiancing the same age differance minus a several months to 20. But I do not want to marry him. Our companionship is enough at the moment!
---Nicole_Hawkins on 1/17/11


In the Old times in Mexico and other countries girls married man who were much older. This was due to the believe that the man would be well established and could take care of his wife. Now it seems women are willing to marry man much younger sometimes as much as twenty years. While it might be a lot of fun and all that but once they get older, their man will be much younger. Troubles begin when jealousy comes into the picture. And most of the times it does. No ones seems to care what happens in the future but I think before they marry someone very much younger they should consider even the children when they start growing up and you cannot do much with them. But I see nothing wrong with age.
---MarkV. on 1/16/10


I am 38 and I had a baby last year and he was normal and his father is 18 years younger than me we have been together 2 years SEE it can work out.
---sally on 1/15/10




how would you explain a boy of 20 who marries one of his dads old sleeping partners, and this woman is 49 years old. The woman writes to everyone telling of the marraige (in his name not hers)and yet he does not admit it to family memebers, takes off his ring while on net-cam etc.....

I really think it is sick, but I would be keen to hear other opinions. Perhaps I should just butt out!
---Dan_Fray on 6/3/09


Sheesh - some of you guys on this site should write a book on statistics because that's all you seem to ever quote! If we lived by statistics, then faith shouldn't even factor in to our lives! Hear me out everyone: MY MOM CONCEIVED ME AT 40, and although I'm a little messy or flightly sometimes, I have a Master's Degree and I do not suffer from Down's Syndrome or whatever else you seem to analyze as children having who are born to mothers over 35. Remember Sarah and Abraham?
---Kate on 7/15/08


Hello and God Bless each of you for your faith and devotion to the Lord...

I am a 46 y.o. who is married to a woman 12 years my senior. We are extremely happy and both share an undying love for the Word and for the Lord.

While I admit that the age difference does add some challenges to our lives, I have finally found someone with the wisdom and spiritual maturity to put up with me.

My wife and I both have had children from previous marriages and the question of procreation is no longer valid however the love that we share is deeper and more spiritually and emotionally intimate than either of us have had before.

Follow your bliss and God will show you HIS will in this, oh, and then do what HE says to do.
---Daniel on 7/11/08


Same thing with me and the apple juice. It's fun sometimes!
---catherine on 7/10/08


Why is everyone talking about Down's Syndrome and children??? The woman was asking what everyone thought about the age difference as it relates to M A R R I A G E.
And why isn't it natural? If they were 10 years apart, it wouldn't be a big deal, would it?
---kate on 7/10/08


I am a Christian woman, and totally celibate for years. I think it is indeed fine for a younger man, even if he's half her age, to date a much older woman. I'm a normal person, with normal attractions. This is great, especially in today's age. If there is mutual love and respect, why wouldn't it be okay?
---Denise on 5/30/08


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I work with Downs Syndrome adults. I know of none at all that are the product of an older father, although I'm not saying there arn't any. Many are the product of an older mother - 40+ but this is not necessarily so. I know of one 17 year old mother of a Downs baby. There are different kinds of Downs Syndrome where it is not always the same chromozome that is affected. This might be the reason for there being no hard and fast rule.
---RitaH on 8/24/07


alan_of_UK:


"Mark ... the older a father, the greater tha chance of a Downs Syndrome child.
It's ot only older mothers"

The Wikipedia article on Down's Syndrome only mentions the mother's age as being relevant and SPECIFICALLY states that the father's age is NOT a factor. The same information is on web sites of organizations dealing with Down's Syndrome.

If you disagree with this, please do some research and tell if you find anything different.
---Mark on 8/24/07


Mark ... the older a father, the greater tha chance of a Downs Syndrome child.
It's ot only older mothers
---alan_of_UK on 8/23/07


I wish I knew what causes this evil thing to happen. Not a good idea. In a few more years you may regret your decision. It takes a lot of guts ,patience and understanding to deal with these type marriages, years down the road. Been there, done that.
---Robyn on 8/23/07


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a_woman:

When older women have children, there is an increased chance of Downs Syndrom (and hence mental retardation). But the same is not the case with older men fathering children.
---Mark on 8/23/07


Would the moderator define what is natural then? I have friends where he is 26 and she is mid 50's and God put them together.
---Tyler on 8/22/07


There is nothing in scripture that forbids someone from marrying much older or younger, for either a man or a woman. God does caution us not to be yoked together with unbelievers. So, yes, according to God, it is OK. Whether or not it would be a good match should be a matter of prayer.
---ChristianLady on 5/30/07


"Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial" (1 Cor 10:23). I guess that is what most people are trying to say by "wise", "natural" and so forth.
---Benny on 8/3/06


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By the way, recently we have met a wonderful couple at the church we attend. They have an obvious age difference. She is crippled with arthritis, but one of the most joyful people you'll ever meet. He is much younger and treats her like a queen. They are both always happy and joyful.
---Susie on 7/22/06


By the way, the answers to questions 9, 18, & 22 on the dating & marriage quiz are incorrect. A Christian may divorce for another reason besides adultery. If the spouse is unbelieving and wants a divorce, the Christian is free to grant it.
---a_woman on 7/22/06


What's all this talk about old men procreating? Those few who are capable of it (ahem!) tend to have retarded babies...

And as for procreating being a mandate, if that were an absolute, then infertility wouldn't exist and everyone would be commanded to marry.

If God ordains love between a man and a woman, age doesn't matter. Remember, it wasn't so long ago (and still exists today) that racially mixed marriages were seen as 'unnatural'and even sinful.
---a_woman on 7/22/06


Moderator, Would you consider making your statements as opinion rather than fact?

Moderator - I have never mentioned that my statement is a Biblical fact; it's just wise counsel.
---daphn8897 on 7/18/06


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In the natural, I would not recommend it, but KNOW God is able and can put such a love of HIS in hearts so that it could work and bring Him glory.
---Christina on 7/17/06


Many times throughout history/the bible God chose to do things His way when it may have appeared to men to be unwise. He often chooses the foolish things of this world to confound the wise. He chose David as king early on when others might have seemed a more wise choice. Chose David to go up against Goliath...there is so much more, but praise God, His ways are higher then our ways and His thoughts are higher then our thoughts...
---Christina on 7/17/06


Agency is the right of man to choose for himself in everything. It is not wise to wed outside one's era, but that marriage is not automatically going to fail. Some prophets had younger wives and sometimes plural wives. Abraham, a polygynist is with God and Lazarus the poor man rested in his bosom - so God sees marriage different even to moderators. We do not always have the answer in our world view.
---Robert on 7/17/06


I like ralphs wisdom in that if we live long enough we wend up with someone old........men and women alike can be widowed at a young age.........I can tell you life is short and uncertain and I would marry someone up to 10 yrs younger than I
younger than that and I would enter the "mother/son" mental rhelm and that would get odd for me
---becky on 7/17/06


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Moderator: There's also a difference, believe it or not, between "It's not wise" and "It's unnatural."

Moderator - It's not wise and not natural. Why is this confusing?
---Jack on 7/16/06


Only you can really answer that question. Yes, some may frown, but who are they to say? My big question is, is she like a mother figure or your best friend? Are you her best friend or like a son to her? That is were I think the real answer to your question lies.
---jerry on 7/15/06


Moderator, please make sure that by "It isn't natural" you really don't mean, "I don't approve of this." Believe it or not, there IS a difference.

Moderator - The person can do what they wish. However, it would not be wise. What is difficult to understand with this statement?
---Jack on 7/15/06


If most people used common sense and wise counsel before getting married, as moderator suggests, there would be a whole lot fewer marriages happening, regardless of age. Frankly, the older generation of women would be much more likely to take marriage seriously and be less self centered than the younger. As for ending up with an old woman, if you guys live long enough you all end up with old women eventually.
---ralph7477 on 7/15/06


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The 40 year old woman is looking for a son while the 20 year old man is looking for a mother, I hope, not a sugar mommy! I am sorry to be reacting this way but I could not help it! The moderator is telling the truth! It is not natural!
---Lingling on 7/15/06


Exzucuh, I think that age is an issue now, especially regarding respect for a partner. A man being head of a woman double his age does not sound right somehow. It would have been an issue also regarding producing children for one's brother if the age difference were great. Men can, and do, produce children at a much later age than women are able to do. One more reason why it is better if the woman is of a similar age to the man.
---f.f. on 7/15/06


In the Law if a brother died leaving a wife with no Child, the living brother by Law had to take his dead brothers wife and give her a child in his brothers name, Age was not an issue.
---Exzucuh on 7/14/06


To me the head (leader) of the wife could receive more respect as leader if he is around her age or older. If not extremely older or younger, they could have more in common, and experience life at around the same age view point. Our bodies are at their peek in our 20s. In our 40s our bodies start to slow down (in every way), loose its shape, and start getting gray. One day that 20 old guy might see a young beautiful woman. Will he stay with someone old enough to be his mother? Thats just my opinion.
---Creamcup on 7/14/06


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# 1 At my age, 66, I have many girls in their 20s approaching me on the Dating section of this Site. I believe I wuld be wrong in taking up the offer, because in the event of there bring children, I could not be a "normal" Dad to them, and my wife would be left a very young widow
---alan8869_of_UK on 7/14/06


Moderator, Okay... it isn't the "norm", but scripture doesn't say not to do so. So whether WE think is "wise" or not is irrelevant. Since, there is not a scriptural mandate/opinion, then any concern we have should be based on the couple's relationship with God and each other, not their age (assuming both legally consenting adults). Yes, age should be considered, but is not the most important aspect.

Moderator - Common sense should have a role as well as wise counsel.
---daphn8897 on 7/14/06


Moderator, There are many things "not natural" to us that God asks us to do. I believe this could be one of them. But, ultimately, only God knows what He is speaking to this couple. Perhaps a little more information about the couple is warranted before a blanket statement negating its validity is appropriate.

Moderator - A general statement is still valid. A know of no Biblical example or culture in history that men marry a woman 20 years their age. Just look around.
---daphn8897 on 7/14/06


Moderator, ability to procreate is not grounds for marrying or not. Many are unable to have children, but that is not discovered prior to marraige in a Godly relationship. Is the marraige void if one is unable to procreate? And what about Sarah? She was in her 90's. NOTHING is impossible with God.

Moderator - The ability to procreate wasn't the point I was making. The point is that it isn't natural for a man to marry a woman 20 years older than himself.
---Christina on 7/12/06


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Moderator, Your statement that it isn't natural is way off. Older men have been marrying younger women forever. And, in some cultures it's perfectly "natural" for younger men to pursue older women. Bottom line is, is God in it? Only through prayer will the couple know - not through folks opinions that are based on supposed societal norms.

Moderator - It's not natural is a fact. God told us to procreate. In order to procreate, a woman can only be so old. Men can procreate most of their life.
---daphn8897 on 7/11/06


I just lost my Uncle Bill this week. He was 49 and my Aunt is 61. They had a great marriage and age did not matter one iota. When they married, they had no idea his life would be cut short. If you're both Christian, love goes alot deeper the number of wrinkles on your skin. The level of maturity you both have is far more important.
---rachel on 7/10/06


I married someone 8 years younger than me, and his maturity level was way different than mine. He ended up possessing and controlling me because he was immature and insecure. He even ended up being violent with me, physically. He was a little boy in a man's body. He would not let me go out with my female friends. He would not let me talk to anyone after church, We ended up in divorce due to his Domestic Violence against me. I strongly urge you to see how "equally yoked" you are with her.
---Donna9759 on 7/10/06


If it is of the Lord, it is ok. Though many difficulties may be involved nothing is impossible with God. God IS able to put such love in a couple, no matter the differences.
---Christina on 7/10/06


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That is not normal - the woman is old enough to be his mother. Get someone your own age.
---Helen_5378 on 7/10/06


IT is not the usual custom for the wife to be so much older than her husband, but I would not call it "unnatural."

There's a big difference between what is "usual and customary" and what is "natural."
---Jack on 7/9/06


Generaly speaking women live longer than men so a slight age gap (5 years max. I'd say) could mean that they are more likely to spend most of their lives together. A bigger gap seems quite unnatural as men mature much slower than women and a 20 year old male is still more a boy than a man. A 40 year old woman, even if single and childless, will have much life experience and be 'light years' ahead of any young man. It is not very likely to be a successful or happy marriage i.m.o.
---M.P. on 7/9/06


Just think, when she is 60 you will be still be young and when she is 70, you will still be young.
---shira on 7/9/06


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