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Hiding Length Of My Affair

Told husband about affair supposedly ended three months ago. Only ended yesterday. In marriage counseling, submitting to God's will that I stay. Husband been hurt enough and don't plan to tell him that just now ended. Know shouldn't hide it, but don't think should tell just to ease conscience.

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 ---Elizabeth on 7/17/06
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John is right inasmuch as you have been dishonest, but the fact is that it has not ended until your thoughts of the other man are pure and uncluttered. What happens with the next similar feeling?

However, with a committed 'new man' walk, you are free from this pernicous evil. Well done and take care to endure.

Do not look back. I use salt on french fries. God bless.
---Robert on 8/11/08

law>>>I believe that they are making alot of this stuff UP. Perhaps that is why God told me not to take those people so seriously. yOU HAVE A GREAT DAY.++
---catherine on 7/31/07

why do you bother coming on this here forum and tell us of your dirty work? infact why do you bother even sharing it ... are you enjoying doing this? it would seem so..get real and share something more meaningful instead of are only making this up..
---law on 7/31/07

I just looked back at some of your responses to other people, and on 6/16/07 you told someone to "repent of your adultry, it's not of God!" It seems you know the answers but can't apply them to your own situation. If you don't tell your husband the truth your relationship will never be able to heal because it will be built on lies. Jesus NEVER taught that it is okay to lie to anyone for anything. It's time to get real with yourself and your husband.
---Debra on 7/24/07

the lord said every secret shall be revealed,i think you should pray ask god what he wonts you to do, dont be scared to tell him the truth,you have lied to your husband god hates lies, that his going to be with you every day.would nt you rather tell him and leave it to an almighty god to work out for you
---nikki on 7/24/07

Good news: You ended it
Good news: You are in counseling
Bad news: you conceal truth

You do need to reveal it, but since you are in counseling, reveal it privately to counselor first. At the appropriate time, you will reveal your deception to hubby, and do it in a safe way
---John_T on 7/12/07

The truth is the only thing that will set this right. Waiting to tell him may buy you more time, but, it won't make it easier for him. He may question many of the same things he is facing now if you wait.
Trust is a major issue in marriage, if you wish to rebuild the bond of trust, start now.
Tell the whole truth.
---Lynet on 7/18/06

Now may not be the time to fully divulge everything. The best person to discuss this with would be the marriage counselor.

As for God's forgiveness, you are forgiven once you confess your sin. However, your heart attitude in all of this is important.

My suggestion would be to make the decision to tell him, when the marriage counselor believes it is best, but have the attitude of willingness to be honest.

The consequences may not be what you like, but the truth is important.
---Madison1101 on 7/18/06

Your husband deserves to know the truth so that he can make an informed decision about the future. God can forgive you but sometimes we have to live with the consequences of what we have done. The truth will usually come out somehow. This bit of information might be the last straw for your husband, but now is the time to trust God and let the chips fall where they may.
---ralph7477 on 7/18/06

3. I am really ready to work on the marriage and live out my commitment. I am scared that I can't have God's forgiveness if I don't come completely clean with my husband.
---Elizabeth on 7/18/06

To explain more, the issues that drew to have an affair was a difficult marriage to a controlling man. I am mainly asking if I have decided to stay in the marriage and I am really ready to be committed, can I just ask God for forgiveness and repent? This would really derail the progress we have made in counseling and my husband is really hurt. I have had individual counseling for a year and she is the one mainly who has helped me face that I have to end this thing.
---Elizabeth on 7/18/06

#2: I think that you need individual therapy for yourself at this time IN ADDITION to the marriage counseling. You need to figure out what is going on inside of you that you felt it necessary to betray your husband and have the affair in the first place. Sometimes sexual acting out is a symptom of a problem like childhood sexual abuse and/or bipolar manic phases. There are also several personality disorders too.

Explore what makes you tick, and get the help you need to be healthy.
---Madison1101 on 7/17/06

Sounds like there is more to this than being revealed. How long have you been in marriage counseling? Was it during the affair? If the affair ended yesterday, when did you tell your husband you were having it in the first place?
---Madison1101 on 7/17/06

Since you first told him you had finished the affair, you were living a lie until you actually did finish it.
Once you admit you lied before, will he now believe you are telling truth?
Before you say anything ... love him, show you love him, do things together, make fresh commitment in church?,
Once he realises you do still love him, then will be the time to say "Darling ..."
---alan8869_of_UK on 7/17/06

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