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Can't Stop My Affair

I always do the right thing. I don't know how this affair started. But it feels so right that I don't want to let him go. I pray on it every day but can't stop. We both have problems in our marriage but that is not the cause of our affair. How can I stop?

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 ---siaria on 7/23/06
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You always do the right thing? The affair seems "so right"?
You are betraying your husband. He is betraying his wife. You are both encouraging each other to betray. You are betraying God's will. If you have children, you are betraying them. You are betraying your own future.
Right? It's wishful thinking.
How can you stop? ... just say to him, "This has got to stop"
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/26/08

You see, only you can choose to stop something you 'allowed' to begin. Only you can come to a place of understanding this really isnt His best for you. Only you can realise that the longer you continue to choose sleeping with another man, it will not glorify Christ. Only you can ask Him to turn away in the act of lovemaking with another person that you did not promise to commit to in a marriage covenant, before God.
---Prodigal24 on 7/2/07

Whether there are problems in either of your marriages, only you can come to a place where you realise digging a hole in the sand and covering up the reality that you are most of all dishonouring your precious body, all for the sake of momentary pleasures that will load you down with guilt, each time you chose to step into that sin. You see, when a woman, is secure, in her Father's love, when she truly understands how beautiful she looks when He washes His word over her, as her face shines...
---Prodigal24 on 7/2/07

reflecting her Father's love,it is this kind of woman that also understands her true worth in Christ, far above the preciousness of rubies. When His Son, Jesus, walked a lonely road to Calvary, in total obedience to His father, as difficult as it was, He asked His Father for the strength He required to obey.. He only wanted His Father's will. Next time you choose to sleep with this man, remember, only you can stop it, with His strength, if its His will you really desire.

Trust Him, He loves you.
---Prodigal24 on 7/2/07

You need to grow up and get out of this affair asap! You sound as if you are making excuses to stay in your dirt. This is wrong. You need to get with your spouse and try to remedy the mess you are in and stop the excuses. Until you get your house in order, you are going to experience a lot of disorder and chaos in your life. Adultery is never the answer to marital problems.You can't take fire to your bosom and not get burned.
---Robyn on 7/1/07

thats right, listen to false teachers that wouldn't know truth if it bit them. my KJV of the bible says. "Murderers, adulterers, idolators, and those that love to lie" will NOT be in the kingdom of Jesus Christ. Many hold the words of evil men sacred and ignore the words and truth of Jesus Christ in most things. When they are cast out, they have no one to blame but themselves. The only thing that will save many is to turn from their wickedness, repent and never do it again to be forgiven.
---ashley on 7/1/07

Jesuslovesallofus; Until this person makes this right with God and her heart is clean, and stop this sin, she won't make it to heaven. It takes more than just to believe in God to go to heaven. or to come to Jesus, because the bible says unless Jesus draws the person to him, they can't get saved Jn 6:44. I agree that we all sin, but we need to ask God to forgive our sins and stop assuming that he will. Because if we don't ask, we're not forgiven.
---Rebecca_D on 7/1/07

Don't listen to PEOPLE that say you won't get to heaven if you are having an affair. All beleivers sin and it's nobody's place to tell you that you are condemned. The Bible is very clear that Jesus is the only key to Heaven, and if you believe he died for you, you are saved. It doesn't make your sin right, you know this because you are reaching out for help here. God knows you, and if you truly are in pain because of this, He will help you turn it around. Ask God for strength, he knows you're struggling.
---Jesuslovesallofus on 6/30/07


Just the way you start your question shows me part of the problem, "I always do the right thing." Obviously not. The bible teaches us "If we CONFESS our sin He is faithful and just to forgive us..." You can pray until your head falls off and rolls across the floor. This affair will not stop until you confess, repent (STOP), and FLEE from every temptation in the future. Stop putting yourself in the situation if you want it to be over. My guess is you don't.
---Crystal on 6/23/07

Your first mistake is making your decision on emotion and not on fact. To say you "can't stop" is really saying, Satan is controlling your actions. How to stop! First, know what the scripture has to state concerning what you are doing. (Mt. 5:28) Second, realize that what you are doing is a sin, so repent and ask for forgiveness and receive it. (Eph. 1:7, Col. 1:14). Third, think on the things of the Lord, especially when you start thinking of this other person. Fourth, avoid him!
---wivv on 9/26/06

The right thing is what God says is right, not what feels right. But it can be difficult to do what God says when we our feelings fight against us. The question is, do we believe God? Eventually we find our feelings have deceived us, and things feel worse than ever before. Read The Dance of Restoration: Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity. Chapter 2 discusses ending an affair.
---Melodie on 9/3/06

No matter who started the affair, or what problems are in the marriage, you must stop! Not only do you hurt your collective spouses, but you also hurt other Christians as well. You need to confess your sin to God and repent. God did give you an out from the temptation, now you must walk through the Bible and see exactly what God has to say. It is entirely wrong!
---doro4675 on 7/27/06

If you see the affair as the hurtful, horrible sin that it is in God's eyes.. and if you have any desire left to please the Lord, you will repent. TRUE REPENTANCE, without excuses of any kind on your part, will make you WANT to quit.Be an adult. Take responsibility. Eliminate all the "but" satements. "I would...but, I know it's wrong...but" If you hate your sin, it's not all that difficult to quit.
---Donna2277 on 7/27/06

You do not stop because you do not want to stop. If you were committed to Jesus you would not have started in the first place. Stop thinking about yourself and think about others. Sin is never right now matter how you feel about it.
---Susie on 7/27/06

Fall in love with Jesus. Get to know Jesus as your Husband, and God as your Father. FALL IN LOVE WITH JESUS. FILL YOURSELF UP WITH the word of God. "I have loved you with an everlasting Love" saith the Lord God. "I will never leave you nor forsake you." "Come unto me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I (not another human) will give you rest." Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart.
---Donna9759 on 7/25/06

2. After you have made the decision to end the affair, you must tell your spouse. You must be honest, answer questions, and offer possible solutions for mending the marriage, not excuses for having the affair. Marital counseling from a licensed therapist would also be helpful. Remain prayerful throughout the entire process.
May God bless you in your efforts to turn back to Him.
---lynet on 7/24/06

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Sin, is easy. To stay in a sinful situation takes no effort at all. In this case two other adults, and possibly children are affected by acts you refuse to bring under subjection. You can stop by making a decision to stop, and following through with what you know is the hard part, denying your flesh.
God is able to bring you through this, but you must commit to the first step, and sticking with it.
---lynet on 7/24/06

Sister, dont forget about the fact that you will not enter the kingdom, if you continue in this. The Lord makes it perfectly clear on how we should behave. I Corinthians 6:9-11 ... There is forgiveness! Praise God there is forgiveness
---Cynda8683 on 7/24/06

If you want into the heavenly city you will stop this adultery you cannot get in if you dont!! nothing impure gets inside those gates every thing impure stays outside. The best news you can receive is 1 john 1 v 9!!
please do yourself a huge benefit and look it up. I promise you it will save your life!!
---truthfinder on 7/24/06

The Lord will not likely hear your prayers until you obey Him.

Ps 66:18 If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:

Jn 9:31 Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth his will, him he heareth.
---a_servant on 7/24/06

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Prov 14:12 There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.

16:25 There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.

James 4:4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.
---a_servant on 7/24/06

"Then do the right thing"! And, yes, you do know how the affair started. First, you have to "be honest" with yourself. God already knows what you are doing, He is right there with you/watching you commit adultery. You may think you are hiding/sneaking, but there is ONE right along with you, Siara. "You" know what to do, "you" just don;t want to do it. "Words" are cheap, but "ACTION" will change lives.
---irhnow on 7/24/06

How do you pray about it? That he will leave his wife and stay with you? How do you stop? First you must want to, you must first have a desire to stop it or it will continue to go on.
---Rebecca_D on 7/24/06

Repent, ask for forgiveness and turn the other way. Secondly, tell your spouse, and ask for his forgiveness. I know, it's hard, but you need to do it if you truly want to be set free from this affair. Thirdly, remove yourself from the situation. Do not meet with the man, rather call him and tell him it's over, and not to contact you again. If you work together, call in your notice. If you live near eachother, take a different route home. Do what you need to do to stay far from him.
---Katie on 7/24/06

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If you really wanted to stop you would,I don't think you want to. Ask God for Guidance. God Bless
---tonya3849 on 7/24/06

Siaria, your affair started because you didn't take your marriage commitment seriously and sought comfort outside of it.

You CAN stop the affair, but you have to really WANT to.

Yes, I'm speaking more bluntly than is my wont, but we all need a reality check at some time or other.

Next time he calls, say, "No. I don't want to see you any more." And stop seeing him. Keep on repeating it as often as necessary. And don't YOU go calling him.
---Jack on 7/24/06

I believe you, that it feels right and good and oh so strongly tempting, but it's WRONG! You can pray until the cows come home but it will do no good unless you step out and make a firm conscience decision to crucify the flesh. Jesus did it for you. This is where the rubber meets the road and this is what it's all about. Do you love God enough to do this and have eternal life with Him?
It's up to YOU to do this right, even if your marriage is not perfect right now.
---John on 7/23/06

You are in adultry, you have sold your birthright for beans, nothing can justify the fact you are walking on the blood of jesus you are spitting in his face and selling your soul for lust. If you do not repent the law will judge you a sinner not under grace because your actions have denied Jesus and his Grace. The wrath of God comes on children of disobedience.
---Exzucuh on 7/23/06

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Once I was caught up in a sin that I truly did not want to give up. I prayed and repented and within a month, I gave into the temptation again. Finally, after crying and praying, I realized how much I was hurting my relationship with God. Every time I sin, I am spitting in the face of God. I got on my arthritic knees, and told God that I liked that sin, but I was laying it at the foot of the cross and obeying Him NO MATTER WHAT.
---Madison1101 on 7/23/06

Siaria::The grass is NEVER greener the other side of the fence.Misconception. Satan uses this ploy to his advantage like "My eyes have been Opened" I have never been happier.Why did God make Adultery a Commandment by itself.Because it is destructive & ruins life,those who we profess to love Our children & the Husband Or wife who we married till death do us part.An oath taken before almighty God.Which is more important to have- maybe temporary bliss or LOSS of your Imortal soul for ALL ETERNITY.
---Emcee on 7/23/06

prayer and fasting are the remedy to your temptation and meditating on hell st pauls say no fornicator or adulteres shall inherit the kingdom of heaven st paul had temptation to his flesh he prayed and god took away that temptation if you really love jesus and you want to see his face first think no heaven which means i go to hell pray to god when your tempted and say no just as jesus told satan when tempted in the desert.If you fear and love god you souldnt be doing this
---fred_luna on 7/23/06

You should read the Fornication Bible Quiz. If you are very sorry and want to quit, you should repent to God. Tell the man you don't want to see him anymore. To avoid temptation, you need to stay away from it. Keep praying and reading scripture. 1Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be temted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
---Creamcup on 7/23/06

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Two questions for Siaria:

How do you see yourself as a person?

How do you see yourself as a Christian?
---Charles on 7/23/06

Feelings are not the criteria. God's law is. You cannot stop of yourself, but if you confess, repent of your affair, asking Him to make you willing to be made willing, and then say No to sin and yes to Him, He will forgive and cleanse. As Jesus said to the woman taken in the very act of adultery, Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more. His promise cannot fail; our promises are like ropes of sand--see Romans 7 and Paul's experience. Remember that every step is His work in you, not yours.
---Wayne87 on 7/23/06

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