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Can Sinners Change Bad Habits

My husband is abusive. I am ready to get out however he has admitted that this is his fault, he's sorry, and he wants to get the help necessary to change. Can I believe him? Can people like that change? What would God want me to do?

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 ---Sara on 7/24/06
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You may still need to get out for your own protection till he has undergone some intensive psychotherapy. You also may need therapy for yourself. Protect yourself and your children first and foremost. Then, pray. "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martian is a great book.
---Madison1101 on 7/25/07

Actions speak louder than words. By his actions you can know if you can believe him or not. God would have you pray for him.
---Ben on 2/21/07

Rebecca, I have answered you with the impression that you believed that Jesus Christ was God. I had no idea you thought different. I just read one blog where you stated that Jesus was Jesus and not God. It makes it difficult for any answers to make sense to you if you don't believe in Christ being God. One of the essentials of the Christian faith is that Christ is God. I didn't know you believed that way. I guess my answers won't hit the target at all. Sorry
---Lupe2618 on 7/28/06

5. The habits of people don't change in an instance. It takes a life time. Little by little we go to church we fellowship with believers, we hear Gods word, we began to talk like other believers, God continues to convict us. As Christians we now know what is right and what is wrong. Habits are hard to break but God can break them. I didn't stop cussing right away. One day I just didn't do it anymore. It just happened. I didn't stop drinking in an instance. One day I realized I had no need for it.
---Lupe2618 on 7/28/06

3, The consequences of sin hurt many, not just us, but many around us. It effects so many that God takes no pleasure in chastising us. Through adultery, you could lose your family, your job, your desire to follow Christ, because of guilt. Yet to some the penalty is not that harsh. We are His children and He will make things right to assure we enter His Kingdom.
---Lupe2618 on 7/27/06

3. You also say, I am subburn and don't feel like it yet to quit. It could be that God is going to allow you to go on for a purpose. Would we want that purpose to be grave? Of course not. But when we sin, our consequences could be so devastating. Sometimes they are not so bad, but why take a chance. Why find out later when you can act now. Don't disregard the calling of the Spirit, because the consequences could be fatal.
---Lupe2618 on 7/27/06

2. Obedience to the believer is never an option. We are to obey. How you handle your relationship with Christ is up to you. A true believer will conform to the Spirit calling. If they don't I would say they are happy been away from the will of God for their lives. When we love someone, as we love the Lord, we want to please Him in every way. So we act on that love that He has given us. If a person don't have that desire, then I suppose they are not saved.
---Lupe2618 on 7/27/06

Rebecca, habitual sinning is rebellion against God. When we know something to be wrong and we still do it, it is rebellion. I am not saying that smoking is, or not a sin. but I am speaking of been convicted and still doing it. Some disregard every conviction. Christians are changed by the Spirit through time. It does not happen in one second. The Spirit helps us that are Christians because without Him we are not capable. Sure you have to help yourself and be obedient.
---Lupe2618 on 7/27/06

Okay, that made sense to me, thank you for clearing that up. but to me, (I'll use myself as an ex), I smoke, but before I can quit I must first want to. And God can help if I am willing to quit, but right now I admit I am stubbron and don't want to, so therefore I must first help myself before God can help me.
---Rebecca_D on 7/27/06

Separate for at least six months until your husband does get the help he needs and shows that he has changed.
---Susie on 7/27/06

3. Wanting to change comes from repentance. 2 Timothy 2:25,26: "God may perhaps grant that they will repent and come to know the truth, and they may escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will." God not only grants us that we repent to come to know the truth, but for our escape from satan to whom the lost belong to, doing his will. How can someone doing the devils will escape unless God grants them repentance?
---Lupe2618 on 7/26/06

2. Rebecca, let me put it this way, "Can an "unbeliever believe before he/she is saved?" the reason he is called an unbeliever is because he doesn't believe. Otherwise all the unbelievers believe. You believe because you are saved. not the other way around. So now that you believe, who convicts you? God. Who grants you repentance? God. Philippians 1:29:, "For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in Him but also suffer for His sake.
---Lupe2618 on 7/26/06

Rebecca, read your question again to Bruce. "No God didn't, you wanted to." then you go on to say, "God was convicting you" and you wanted to change. Now, who was convicting you? I believe God was. Why did you change? because God convicted you. If you had not been convicted, would you have changed? I don't think so. You answered your own question, though I am not Bruce to answer for himself. People can not get away from one theory onto another without contradicting themselves.
---Lupe2618 on 7/26/06

Bruce; when you first came to the Lord, did he make you? No God didn't, you wanted to. God was convicting you and YOU WANTED to change, and you did. But you were willing to be changed. God is a gentleman, he will not force a person to change, if that is the case, then we would have more christians. But the fact is we don't because the change must come from us first.
---Rebecca_D on 7/26/06

From what I've read/heard about wife abusers they ALWAYS say they're sorry and will never do it again, but they do. Get out of there and be safe. If you have little kids get out NOW! Then go talk to a counsler or pastor. luv,sue
---sue on 7/26/06

Sara, in Lee_1 answer, it is correct. We pray and ask God to guide our every move. He will give us a way of what our next step should be. We walk by faith in Him, and He works as to our actions. If you decided to move out, be sure you do it by the guideness of God, but with the intend that you want things to change, not because you just want out, but for the right reasons and God will work through you circumstance and make good of His word. Trust in the Lord and move with His guideness.
---Lupe2618 on 7/26/06

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3. nothing? That is man-center theology. God is a God of power, and might. He is our source of everything. Not man. I think before we make statements we should first look to God and then man. Not the other way around.
---Lupe2618 on 7/26/06

2. In your theory, God cannot be trusted. Man is God and God is nothing. If that is the case, why even pray? Why ask God to change someone if its the way you say? What in the world would we need God? I have heard many on line give statements like those, that God cannot do anything without man letting Him. That is not the God of the Bible. If it is, we are in big trouble. Why not just depend on man for everything? Why not just trust man and not God? Why pray for sons and daughters if He cannot do
---Lupe2618 on 7/26/06

Rebeca, you say the only way God can change anyone, is if they are willing to change" I believe that statement not to be true. God can change anyone, whether they want to or not. He can and does change the hearts of people. In many cases in Scripture He changed even their thoughts. The enemies of Israel many times were defeated because God intervene. They could have defeated Israel easly, but didn't. He either influence them or put visions in them to where they were scared to fight Israel.
---Lupe2618 on 7/26/06

(2) Many are worried they will lose their love one, so they stay and take the punishments. People lose respect for each other and it just does not come back right away. Sometimes it takes time for the other to change, so be prepared to hold on to Christ with all your heart. No one deserves to be abused. No one. We have one life to live and why waste it in an abusive relationship. Make a move, you be the one. I am not saying devorce, I am saying make a move.
---lee_1 on 7/26/06

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Sara, in my opinion, I believe when there is a big problem like yours, one of the two has to make a move. If you don't, it will continue. many say, they will change, or want to change but they never do until one of the two take steps to make a change. When neither one does nothing, things just don't change. I have heard many say, I am sorry many times. Maybe its you that has to take a stance. Ask God to move you to what you should do. And you will be influenced by the Spirit.
---lee_1 on 7/26/06

rebecca said it best if he is willing to change action speaks louder than words. the two of you should get before a good christian professional help. Abuse is due to being abused or neglect is some way that was never dealt with. your husband is asking for help because he can not change himself because he does not know what to change. do your marriage a favor and get help fast while he is still asking for it
---Shannon on 7/25/06

You are not in a safe environment. Get out. If you choose to stay married to him, GET HELP. Make sure he has changed... all the way around. You have no reason to have trust in him. He must prove himself to you. It is a power thing..manipulation and control. You need help whether you take him back or not.
---Amy9384 on 7/25/06

The only way God can change someone is if they are willing to change. God can't work on an unwilling heart. If your husband is really sorry about what he did and is willing to get help then God will help him, as long as he let's God. God helps those that help themselves. But if he has no signs of change, then I'd leave him. God didn't put people upon this earth to be treated like garbage.
---Rebecca_D on 7/25/06

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God can change anyone. However I think you should get out and wait and see if he changes, if he makes a change then maybe. Me personally Abusive is a deal breaker but you are your own person. pray for guidance.
---tonya3849 on 7/25/06

Yes, you can believe he is sorry and wants help, but he's going to have to GET the help before it's okay for you two to be together (assuming the abuse is physical). People CAN change if they turn to God for help. God wants you to seek him, trust in him, and pray for your husband to do the same. You can remove yourself physically from harm without giving up on him altogether, and being hopeful in your husband's salvation. Continue to seek the Lord every day and don't lose hope in what the Lord can do.
---Katie on 7/25/06

I agree with Madison and Helen. God IS able, but you need to pray, ask His guidance/wisdom. Having been in an abusive relationship I understand the pain, doubts, fears...with time you will see whether or not your husband is sincere by fruit. In the meantime, seek Godly counsel, and make sure you and your children are safe. God gave us the responsibility of protecting our children, when I realized that I was able to seperate, not allow the abuse. Am praying for you.
---christina on 7/25/06

Jesus Christ is the only One who can change your husband. Is he saved? If not, then pray and pray for his salvation.
---Helen_5378 on 7/25/06

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