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Young Woman Wants Older Man

I am a 23 year old girl interested in a a 36 year old divorced man with two kids. Is there something wrong with me for being attracted to an older man or is there something wrong with him for being attracted to such a young girl?

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 ---Brenda on 7/26/06
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Nothing wrong with it. Ruth pursued Boaz. Ruth 3:10 The Lord bless you, my daughter, he replied. This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor." Yet, there may be something wrong in his divorcing his wife to marry another. For you, a virgin or widow, it is not sin to marry him.
---Sin on 10/8/14


I am looking for a true woman that is willing to marry and have children with a god fearing man I am not perfect but I am a good Chritian man that will be good to my woman and family so please if you want to live a good life in our lords way get back to me
---Kim on 8/19/14


interests can be fun for brief time ...long-term-fun has consequences ...an ex-wife usually has MUCH to say about how her former husband lives his life and women who by her reasoning are "allowed" to be near HER CHILDREN

interest quickly wanes when responsibilities of children enter ...you will by default if you marry be a great investment as a babysitter

when anyone questions age difference they intuitively KNOW there is an age difference because AGE either way is irrelevant with solid friendship and mutual respect

VAST difference between lust and interest sadly many place their happiness on ONE individual rather than being happy with themselves and allowing possibilities
---Rhonda on 12/6/11


I was in this situation at 21 and decided after 4 years and a lot of heartache to end it to have someone a year younger because I wanted children and the physical side was no good.
But I never forgot him and my life was never the same even though I had two boys.
He has been dead l5 years now and married someone far better than me so he was happy but I wasn't.
---chris on 12/3/11


Hi Beige,

I am 26 and I am dating a 53 yr-old divorcee. I am wondering if this is alright too. Lately, people commented that we are father and daughter.
---Mag on 11/13/11




There is nothing wrong with a younger woman dating an older man. But a young man dating an old woman, now that's just wrong and nasty.
---Jed on 9/30/11


l see no problem with dating older man. l m currently dating a 53 year old man at 26 years of age. l love and respect him so much. What other people think is none of my concern , what matters to me is our happiness.
---Beige on 9/26/11


I hope all works out for you. There do seem to be more late 40s/mid 50s men marrying late twenties to thirties women. LUCKY men. I am a 54 year old man who searched for decades to find a woman who will be my wife, bare me children and raise a family with me - never happened. I have always heard there is someone for everyone. I can not believe in that saying anymore..... So prayers to you and hope you have finally found your soulmate.
---Michael on 8/14/11


Tina: I think you should hold off for a while. Pray and seek the Lord on what you should do. If that nagging feeling does not go away. Put the wedding on hold. Maybe indefinitely. It is not easy dealing with a May/December romance. I am speaking from experience. I was in my 20's and he was in his 40's, at the time. Everything was fine for many years. Prepare to deal with a lot of changes especially in the 60's and 70's)You will be in your prime and he will be entering old age. That will not be good,friend.Some people don't age well. Some get grouchy, contrary. You get my point. Then, it may be different for you. It will take a lot of love, patience and knowledge to make a go of it. In about 10-15 years in your case. God's blessings
---Robyn on 11/25/10


To Michael. God bless your soul. I hope things continue to work for you and your bride. But do remember these sweet young things do age. You will age quicker than she.I hope she has the nerve and guts it takes when the aging process begin and has actually taken place. You as well. Don't make any changes or the house of cards may fall. Right on top of your head. God bless.
---Robyn on 11/24/10




This relationship can work, for now. You are very young and he is still in his prime. The real test will come years later, if you and he make it to that point. Many changes take place as the middle and older years creep up on us. That will be the true test. Love sometimes, won't be enough to keep the relationship going. I hope you are mature,patient and long suffering. These qualities will serve you well in the later years.
---Robyn on 11/24/10


I was 43 when I met my soul mate she happened to be 17. we are still together and I am 53 she is 28 . we are destined to be together (praise the lord) for we have suffered judgement and my friends and family accept it and all love us both . we will not have children but we will go on and I think the key for her was I was stable mature and kind , all the things these young bucks aren't. we had no problems being intimate and we are very devoted to each other. I have been married and women my age are often bitter and so tired of men and all the things me males have done to them. My life is complete with my beautiful young woman who has now matured and is alot more grown up thank god.
---michael on 11/23/10


//but I don't ever look at my fiance in that manner. //

You won't until after you are married. The nagging 'feeling' might not be a feeling at all. It might be conviction.

If you want to make sure that you are not compensating for father, seek the Father. Once you know that He is your father, you will not need any man to be your father.

You are probably also looking for a provider for you and you son. The Father above can do that, also.
---aka_joseph on 4/29/10


Nothing wrong with you or him. It's not THAT much of an age differnce.
If he has custody of the children you have to be prepared to be "step-mom", which is difficult if you've never had children (or even if you have!). If he has to pay child support, be prepared for your income to suffer. Support of his children is an obligation that comes first...even before you.
---Donna66 on 4/29/10


I have read just about all the comments her and wonder if a lot of you are truly christians. In your responses I see a lot of personal biases. The world frowns upon age gap relationships. Does God? What is the divorce rate for age gap problems? Anyone? There is a 13 year age difference...so what? Boaz was much older than Ruth, Jesus' ancestor. A sin? I think not.
---Neil on 4/29/10


I am a 28 year old female about to marry a 53 yr old male. He is so proud to be with me and I love him so, but sometimes I worry how outsiders view our relationship, especially when we get the stares when we are out. I hope there is not some underlying reason that I am attracted so to older men. I spoke to a therapist who thinks its because I never had a father, but I don't ever look at my fiance in that manner. I have a two yr old son and my 2 yr old and my fiance's 25 yr old get along fine. I just can't seem to drop this nagging feeling. Does anyone have any answers that may help?
---Tina on 3/15/10


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i personally dont think there is anything wrong with you being attracted to a 36 yr old man or he to you, one reason is because i am 20 and i am like dating a 35 yr old man you cant help who you fall for (with reguards to the person being above the legal age limit) thats the bottom line
---jess on 4/7/08


Nothing wrong, you just probably prefer a mature man that will treat a women with respect. It takes a while for a man to mature and become a man, instead of trying to "the man"
---Bruce_Slimmer on 2/21/08


I am a 51 year old man who has a 30 year old girlfriend. I know the worries, and after this Christmas with her parents (my age), NO ISSUE.
Love and Be loved, and all will be fine :-)
---John on 1/22/08


It's beautiful. I'd say go for it, Brenda. If you're a Christian, you must FIRST seek the LORD about it. And, make sure that the man is ALSO a Christian. For, the LORD says not to be unequally yoked. You're passed 18 AND 21, you're an adult, and so is he. Seek WISE counsel, not those who Satan uses to tear you down by his own pure hatred.
---Gordon on 1/4/08


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Hi there, I am a nice-looking 57 year old guy who wants a family. I could only have one with a younger woman. Doesn't seem fair but I don't think there is anything wrong with either of you.
---charlie on 1/3/08


A man always looks taller when he's standing on his wallet.
---BillyGoat on 7/10/07


How are his finances? And yours for that matter? I was 23 when I married a much older man.I overlooked the fiances when I married him. We are still together. He is the greatest. Just celebrated another wedding anniversary in June.
---Robyn on 7/10/07


"When I finally got married, my wife was 15 years younger than I. Now divorced, I find myself attracted to both younger and older women.", well, we can see you're ready to jump back into the pool of love. Hope the second marriage lasts longer.
---Martin on 7/10/07


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I really don't think age should be any hindrance to male-female relationships. When I finally got married, my wife was 15 years younger than I. Now divorced, I find myself attracted to both younger and older women. Age is a postulate dictated by man who invented it to explain the passage of time.
-- Regards, Kevin
---Kevin on 7/10/07


Yes there is something wrong with that picture, a child should stay in a childs place and let this man take care of his two kids and not add a third one to the bunch. Young girls like you make it hard for older women to get a honest man and show them true love. What they see in a young girl is only lust.
---Jane on 6/28/07


A. As men get much older, they tend to become more rigid, they cannot move thier bodies like a younger person. Some have to use some kind of pill to perform sexually, which I imagine could lead to a heart attack depending on his age and heart condition.

There bodies will sag and have alot more wrinkles as the days pass by, but the young woman will still be youthful and firm.....
---Chris on 3/7/07


B. She may miss out on alot, one day wake up and recognize the enemie stole her youth.

This can be the case with some, not all.

Pray about it, you do not want to waiste your life, time or youth. I gaurantee you one thing when a person hits thier mid thirties, they are able to look at young adults in thier twenties and see just how young and naive they are, mentally, physically and emotionally. There are some who know the mindset of an innocent woman or man and will take advantage of it.
---Chris on 3/7/07


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I was your age when I married my husband almost 30 years ago. I am now a 51 yr old married to a 72 yr old who is getting worse by the day. He is no longer the suave, suit wearing interesting man he was when we married. On the other hand I am not the child-like, adoring(him) fresh faced, innocent girl he married. I am also 80 pounds heavier than I was when we married. In other words, count up the cost of this relationship.
Please pray and pray over this.
---robyn on 3/6/07


I have to reply several times to this blog. Space is limited in our responses. Nothing wrong with desiring an older man but ask yourself why you want to marry this seasoned man and not someone your own age.You are starting with a lot of possible problems. Are u prepared for this? I did ok but my spouse was very supportive. Will yours be? I have so many questions and so much to share with you about this subject. If you love him and he loves you . Go for it.
---robyn on 3/6/07


I was 23 when I married my husband who was 44 yrs old. He had been married before with three small kids. Had also lived for 10 years with the kids mother(different woman).Would I marry my spouse all over again? Probably so. He had qualities I value in men . He was loyal, loving, hardworking and so on. Hard to find these days. And straight. A rare commodity, as well, these days.
---robyn on 3/6/07


As a mother, I would not advise my daughters to marry men who are alot older than them. I believe it would be unfair. The man has lived his life, had children, aged, should be with a woman who is in his age category.

An older man is more likely to become sick, get arthritis, sterile, etc. I believe my daughters should be with someone in their age category. SOmeone they can enjoy thier youth with.
---Chris on 3/6/07


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I am 37 married to man who is 69 we have three children together. It shouldn't matter what the age is all the matters is that you two love each and are willing to pray and go to church with each other and accept God as your savior together
---Shirley on 12/18/06


Brenda::Ever heard of a young sapling being Grafted on to an old tree.The sapling gets stifled for want of a place to grow,& put down its own roots.Be prepared to live the life of being Trodden upon,if you accept this; as a pilgrimage you may make it, marriage is servitude of both parties working together Pray for Guidance.
---Emcee on 12/18/06


Brenda, the Bible makes the stipulation not to be unequally yoked. The important things that need to be equal are your committment to Christ, each other, family and others, in that order. If you are equal on those points any other differences can be worked out. But do not compromise on those points.God Bless.
---faye4464 on 12/18/06


i am in love with and due to be married to a man who is 59 years old. i am only 25 but i feel that age has nothing to do with love.he has children both older and younger than me and they do not have a problem with us being together as they can see that we love each other to bits. if you truly know in your heart and mind that you love each other then go for it.good luck
---mhairi on 12/16/06


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Pray together with your potential partner and ask God to show you both His will. Nothing else matters, not age gap, not children nor the opinions of others. Just focus on God's will for you.
---Benny on 8/5/06


Brenda,

I am certain that you have NO idea what you may be getting yourself into. First, it is very difficult to love someone else's children. You are 23 for Heaven's sake! Blended families are a HUGE challenge. I agree with the previous blogger who said think loooooooooong and haaaaaaaaaaaard about this one. Then, think about it some more. Pray about it, read about blended families and then think about it some more. In fact, fast and pray some more too.
---Crystal on 7/31/06


Brenda, no there is nothing wrong with you, or him.
---bethie on 7/29/06


There is nothing wrong with you for being attracted to an older man. Age is not the problem here. He is divorced with two children. You refer to yourself as a "girl" and him as a "man." Think about that!
---Susie on 7/27/06


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What will happen about childsitters when you both want space and need to out without each other? have you ever considered all this? well I am a married mother of 5 and just to keep home is hard work enough and this is my own family. never mind you doing it for a stranger. As Explained your SUCH A YOUNG GIRL. With so much to learn but not yet ready to give believe you me when I say this, Is it really worth his baggage think loooooooooong and haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard!
---Carla5754 on 7/27/06


You are barely out of nappies yourself dispite what anyone else tells you, your experience of life is but a few years old, are you ready for being disrespected because you are not the childrens mother, having to do the cooking ,cleaning and general up keep of the home, which takes more than two people at times, The laundry, The bill paying, The late nights up with children that are not yours when ill?
---Carla5754 on 7/27/06


First of all your question shows age prejudice, your aware of older men going purely for youner women. Again you are aware that some women can be attracted to older men. Okay with all that to answer your issues are also dating a divorcee, plus been involed with a ready made family. Are you following Me? already there are several issues here! never mind the added importance of the bible reason for divorce, have you considered that or does it not matter?.
---Carla5754 on 7/27/06


Brenda ::I don't want to sound like a wet rag but the saying is "fools rush in where angels dare to tread"Its a choice but he is a divorcee.Think 20 years from now you will still be vibrant & he will be 60.His children will always be his .I would take time out to reconsider such an undertaking there is No turning back once the die is cast.
---Emce on 7/26/06


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I wouldn't advise my sister to get into a mess such as this. Its dirty and can get dirtier. If you are a Christian then go for a clean, low risk, low hassle relationship rather than entangling yourself with a complicated one. Divorce doesn't find God's favour.
---aurunoday on 7/26/06


In your case there is more than the age factor to consider. You have not been, "around the block" enough to know what you are letting yourself in for. To get married with someone who has two children is far different from just getting married. There are alot of questions that need to be addressed, for example: why did he get divorced? What is his relationship with his ex? How long has he been divorced? And there are more. At least wait 2 more years before making any decision.
---wivv on 7/26/06


There is nothing wrong for being attracted to an older man. Examine your feelings closely. How could you compliment each other in a relationship? Is he just looking for a replacement for his ex wife? Are you a Christian? Have you prayed about this? Have you asked for advice from family and friends about this? Remember our feelings can be deceiving. God has created us to be attracted to each other. Trusting what pleases the eye could be dangerous. There is much more to your question.
---Robert on 7/26/06


First, are you both believers and what was reason for his divorce, and does he have custody of kids?
---tracy on 7/26/06


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Brenda,

I'm going to ask you a serious question: are you prepared to be step-mother to two children who are not too much younger than you?
---Jack on 7/26/06


No there is nothing wrong with your emotions, nor with his. Both are entirely natural. But you should both consider whether these emotions are going to last, and not fade as reality sets in.
How will you cope with his children, and their access to their mother? Will he want more children with you?
There is a chance that marriage would work, but greater possibility that it would not last.
Have you both prayed about it?
---alan8869_of_UK on 7/26/06


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