Husband Has A Female Friend
My husband has a female friend. They talk a lot and hang out together. She is not married. Although they were friends before we were married, I'm uncomfortable with their relationship. Is it okay for a married man to have a female friend?
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---kisha on 7/27/06
Helpful Blog Vote (81)
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I am interested to know what ended up happening in your situation. I am in a similar situation. My husband has a female best friend and they are constanly talking. It seems like she is very needy and stricken by horrible illnesses and bad situations. They too have similar personalities and the thought of anything happening keeps festering in my head. She is also married but her and my husband confide in each other. I am not sure about how much they actually tell each other. She has told me that she has no intentions of ruining our relationship and apologized if it seemed like something else. He has also assured me that there is nothing going on but I can't help but to think about it. Do you have any suggestions? |
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---Matisa on 5/26/09 |
I think if it bothers you, that you have every right to be upset. My husband is also married and has a female friend that is not married. They are actually going to the Madonna concert tomorrow. It makes me very uncomfortable also.. |
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---Tara on 11/10/08 |
Forsaking all others!!! When my wife and I got married we lost alot of friends. For one simple reason, we actually enjoy spending time with each other!! When we became one flesh we continued that ideal beyond our bed room. If they weren't HER friend then they weren't OUR friend a visa versa. And without fail everytime we have compromised on this because "an old friend" really needed us or some such thing it has ended in hurt feelings and or jealousy.
Approach your husband about it and tell him how you feel. If that doesnt bring results or worse brings negative ones ask your pastors wife if you can meet with the two of them and share your heart with them |
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---Robert on 10/12/08 |
My husband and I have been married for 21 years and for the last two years my best friend (next to my husband) has been a man who is close to me in age. He is like a member of our family and is also my husband's best friend, although he is closer to me because we are more alike in personality. My husband trusts us completely, but because our friend has started dating again, he has decided he can no longer be friends with either of us. Needless to say, our whole family is heartbroken. I think if you and your husband's friend can be good friends too, then it is ok, but not if you have any doubts about their relationship at all. Many people had questioned our friendship, but my husband and I believe this friend was brought to us by God. Debbie |
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---Debbe on 9/14/08 |
It's easy to say it does not matter when you're not in the situation. Marriage is a lifelong commitment not a game. Think, what would Jesus do.Any friendship between only one partner is an appearance of evil.It will affect your witness for Christ. |
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---halima on 8/23/08 |
I, also, have a male friend who recently married. I am not interested in hanging out with him. I respect the institution of marriage and the wisdom of our Lord. His new wife does not want to meet me. I have written offering my blessings and assuring her I am a Godly woman. He is not allowed to talk to me. We can no longer share news about our families. I believe the entire issue rests upon "trust". If she cannot trust him to be faithful as he stated to our Lord that he would be, or trust his judgements on who is a true friend, I believe the marriage will eventually will be doomed. He told me prior to their marriage, she was jealous. There is evil within jealousy. I pray for them daily that trust will be a part of their marriage. |
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---Tricia on 8/18/08 |
If a friendship makes either party uncomfortable then the marriage will suffer. My best advise is "NEVER SAY or DO ANYTHING that you WOULD NOT SAY or DO IF YOUR SPOUSE WERE IN THE SAME ROOM"
If you can easily follow that rule then it is a TRUE friendship and there is no need to worry. |
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---katie on 6/29/08 |
1) I had a close male friend a few years back, when we were both single, both of us Christians. We were always careful in our friendship to avoid the appearance of evil. Well...he met someone and ended up marrying her. She is in a cult and when I pointed that out to him before he married her (which he said he agreed that she is in a cult), he told her what I said and she wrote me some very nasty e-mails. Well...he married her anyway and the entire time he has been married to her... |
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---Holly4jc on 1/22/08 |
2) ...(claiming he is happy with her) he continues to try and get me to call him, by e-mailing me his phone # or leaving me an IM message while telling me how much he misses me, recalling our past times together and asking me to call him. I have told him that it is not proper for me to call him, he is now a married man and since I am not friends with both him and his wife, for us to continue our friendship and talk on the phone would be inappropriate and not respectful of his wife... |
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---Holly4jc on 1/22/08 |
4) It is just not wise and it's totally disrespectful to the other person's spouse, especially if all parties involved were not friends to begin with. But even then...marriage changes everything and relationships need adjusting in order to be honoring to God and respectful of any spouses involved. |
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---Holly4jc on 1/22/08 |
My reply did not make it from the other day. Perhaps I was telling too much truth. I want answer again. |
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---Robyn on 1/22/08 |
My reply did not make it from the other day. Perhaps I was telling too much truth. I want answer again. |
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---Robyn on 1/22/08 |
Although there can be good wholesome relationships like this it is very much more often the road to disaster. These things should all be sorted out before marriage. A spouse should be in total approval of any kind of relationship their spouse has. You have every right to be uncomfortable and should do what you can to either be part of the friendship or have it terminated. If you realoly want to know whats going on get a keystroke program downloaded on your computer so you can monitor their emails. |
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---john on 1/22/08 |
If the woman in your husband's lives are not or cannot be your friend to then there is a problem. If they were friends before what was ok now isn't and needs to be addressed and aproached differently. If you have male friends or not should be a way of seeing his true feelings about the shoe being on the other foot. You are his wife and have a right to be ivolved in any relationship he has with anyone other than you because the vows you took made you one whole and no longer a outsider like they are. |
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---Trina on 1/22/08 |
The word says not to allow your liberty to become a stumblingblock. Even if friends before marriage you shouldn't give others the opportunity to speak reproachfully against either the Lord, Christianity or yourself.
Frank |
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---Frank on 1/21/08 |
Should I suspect anything. My husband had a female best friend before we married we have been married for one year and I have not met the friend yet. What does that mean? and not to mention he is 41 she is 26 |
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---tiffini on 1/21/08 |
I am in this same situation. Are you "friends" with her too? I have discussed this with my husband OFTEN and what bothers me the most is even though he knows how I feel, he doesn't end their relationships. I think this kind of friendship (or single woman, married man) adds stress to a marriage. |
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---Heidi on 1/14/08 |
I think that now a days most females cannot be trusted and most dont care if a man is married or not. I trust my husband but the facts are you cant trust other women to try something. I think that any female friend that your husband had before you and him were married is okay as long as no sexual contact has been made. If that is the case then they should not be friends any more because they have already passed the just friends level. |
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---Peaches on 12/10/07 |
I am a single female in my 50's. Throughout my life I've had many male friends, many who were married. I see so much insecurity with the answers. If your husband is to be trusted you have nothing to fear. He'll know to stay away from the predatory women since their agenda isn't just to be friends. Anyone here who has lost a husband to a woman he's befriended should know that he wasn't to be trusted in the first place. |
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---Ginette on 12/2/07 |
Just as long as the husband isn't keeping the friendship a secret from you. Not all women are after married men. And even if they were, there's something wrong with your husband and with your marriage if he is influenced by their wiles. I suggest that those of you who say "no" to a true friendship with your husband, look within yourself and ask the Lord to reveal why you're so insecure. Pray for the gifts of wisdom and discernment. |
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---Ginette on 12/2/07 |
Okay Craig, I will admit I do see your point about how we tend to jump to conclusions--it isn't a good way to exercise lol! :D But please don't "blame the victim" of sorts, some of us could be perfect and our spouses would stray--and that's THEIR weakness not ours in that case. Trust me I know. :) |
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---Mary on 11/30/07 |
Oops just to make myself more clear than I did in my last post, I didn't mean to imply that I was ever perfect in my marriage! :D After I read that I was like "OOPS!" :D |
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---Mary on 11/30/07 |
Kisha,
Put a stop to this!
This is a recipe for disaster. Here is a verse for your husband.
1th 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.
Here's another:
Ge 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Sounds like he's cleaving unto his friend.
I speak from experience.
In Christian Love, |
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---trey on 11/30/07 |
Everyone here is problably jumping to conclusions. These conclusions are dangerous and only create more hardship. People like to blame and remove only the symptoms. It is heavily possible that the wife is not interested in the things the husband is. This is anti-Christian and easily the root of the problem, and needs to be addressed. Instead, she needs to wrap herself fully around him, and he will have no reason to go elsewhere. |
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---Craig on 11/30/07 |
The only female friends that men should have are the ones that their wives are aware of and not kept a secret. My husband kept 2 relationships going via email and phone with ex girlfriends. One of them was not even aware that he was married. I did confront the one who was aware we were married and she made me aware that she was waiting for him to leave me. My husband and I have only been married a little over a year. |
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---joy on 11/30/07 |
Absolutely NOT ok to hang out with that other girl. my husband and a single girl from church were always hanging out. When we decided to move out of state, he had to stay behind for 6 months to finish work business and while we were apart, they committed adultry. They got excommunicated, my husband lost his job (he was a teacher at a Christian school), wasted thousands of dollars we had saved, massive amount of heartache and pain. |
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---jennifer on 5/30/07 |
After much heartache and prayer we are still together a year later, reconnecting through God's Grace and love. of course we still have our ups and downs but we are together and working through it. I would not wish the kind of pain i went through to anyone, not even to the adultress. I'll pray for you. |
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---jennifer on 5/30/07 |
Your husband is making a very bad choice and I'd put my foot down. She's sitting in your place girl...sharing time with him that was meant for you. |
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---star on 5/3/07 |
I'm in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend has several women friends from his church that he hangs out with. It's hard sometimes, but until proven otherwise, I trust him. Sometimes he would go out to eat or to the movies with a lady from his church that was married because they have been friends a long time. I think he still thinks there is nothing wrong with it, but out of respect and love for me, he has stopped, and that means a lot. Otherwise, I would have ended the relationship. |
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---star on 5/3/07 |
No, I think that if he had any respect for you he would let that relationship go and if he cant then it is going to destroy yours. Pray about, talk about it and live it. |
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---Laurie on 4/26/07 |
She should be hanging out with you and he as a couple. They should not be socializing without you. |
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---Madison1101 on 4/11/07 |
Emcee ... In England, if two peopla "hang out together" it would mean jsut those two people going around together, maybe among varying groups, but together. A recipe, I would say for a closer relationship to develop, leading perhaps to "making out" which would imply too close a relationship for unmarried people, particularly if one was married |
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---alan8869_of_UK on 10/7/06 |
No siree. I know an outfitter who spent way too much time with the camp cook. Wife was at home running the biz. Too much money to be lost if they divorce. They stay together, but can't stand one another. Female friends are a disaster. |
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---Spike on 10/6/06 |
Alan Of UK::Hanging out in this part of the world means just that Friends.what does it mean in England,"making" with the verb means more than just friends.In this world of mixed sexes working together.(dosent mean TO-GET-HER) Many Men & women are just work friends & acquaintances ,so the danger in both directions is possible, One good & the other definitely not kosher as explained loudly by the ladies on this forum. |
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---Emcee on 10/6/06 |
It is not okay for a married man to have a female friend. You need to tell him that straight to his face. Pray for him too. |
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---Helen_5378 on 10/6/06 |
No, it's not OK for a married man to have a female friend unless she's also a friend of the wife and they all spend time together. According to surveys, the greatest threat to a marriage in a woman's eyes is her husband's forming an emotional bond with another woman. That's nearly as equal as physical cheating to a woman. The time spent with the other woman, the thoughts shared with her, the thoughts she shares with him take away from all the time, sharing, and bonding he should have with his wife. |
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---Johnna on 10/4/06 |
I guess the bottom line here is:
What really matters to this man?
1) His "friendship" with this woman, who is NOT his wife, or
2) His "covenant relationship" with the woman he has made a vow to before God?
The answer will reveal his true character. |
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---Crystal on 7/31/06 |
I don't trust "her". She dates married men and sleeps around alot. She has no respect for herself. Most of her friends are men. My husband invites me to hang out with them but, I don't go to parties and clubs. Also,I do not wish to hang out with her,our lifestyles are very different and we have nothing in common. |
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---kisha on 7/31/06 |
In the Word, husbands are commanded:
"Love your wives even as Christ loved the Church - enough to lay down your life for her..."
It is absurd to think that if this husband can't "lay down" this friendship simply because it makes his wife uncomfortable, he would ever lay down his life for her? The wife being unhappy about this "friendship" is ENOUGH of a reason for him to forsake it IF he loved her he is instructed to love her by the Lord. |
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---Crystal on 7/31/06 |
I know that some relationship can indeed be harmless, but if it makes you feel uncomfortable the obviously it does, you may have a real need of concern especially in this day and age. I would ask my husband to explain this relationship, and from his response you will know if he needs to make any ajustments. If he loves and respects you he will want to make ajustments not to make you feel inferior and generally appologise if he thinks he has offended you. If not, watch out Girl! |
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---Carla5754 on 7/30/06 |
Your husband is out of line. |
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---wayne on 7/30/06 |
Nurse R >.. Does it seem from Nisha's question that her husband is behaving as you behave with your female freinds? |
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---alan8869_of_UK on 7/30/06 |
Kisha, in the end you have to asked yourself why you are uncomfortable with your husband having a female friend? Is he saved? Do you trust him? Has he ever given you reason not to trust him? Is it a jealous spirit within you? Have you spoken to him about this? How does his friendship with her affect his relationship with you? |
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---NurseRobert on 7/30/06 |
Alan, based on your description, I don't "hang out" with them either, unless my wife is with me. We will get together for lunch or coffee, share a laugh, and generally enjoy each others company.
John, I know what you mean. Ive had that happen too. Those have ended up being "acquantices" (someone I know) and not friends. |
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---NurseRobert on 7/30/06 |
nataa5464, I do believe that women should not be each other's enemy, it's pointless, our gender has suffered alot all around the world, and it makes it worse when some women are always at odds with each other. |
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---Mrs._Morgan on 7/30/06 |
Bless you dear sister...I am sure that this is wrong. I think that you should be included in their friendship. You should be his best friend and then include her in your circle with others. I would seek the Lord and ask for wisdom on what action to take. |
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---Pat on 7/29/06 |
Robert, as my wife and I observed a woman in our flock try to seduce me, we saw it.
I have also been aware of certain women trying to get my attention. Not wanting to be in their trophy case, I fled from them.
What I offered is personal experience, not a universal. Agree, or disagree, but I drop the matter, OK? |
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---John_T on 7/29/06 |
Why should you feel threatened Mrs. Morgan? That your husband has a friend of the opposite sex should mean nothing different than one of the same sex, we are all humans after all. And not all women are 'predators' (which i think is what you are frightened of?). As his friend she should respect your marriage, and if she truly is his friend, then she will. For that is the beauty of friendship AND of marriage. Trust. |
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---nataa5464 on 7/29/06 |
NurseR You say you are freinds with a lot of women. all of whom know you are married.
You also asked me what I understand by "hanging out" with a woman. It's rather comlicated to explain, perhaps I can just ask you if you "hang out" with your woman friends?
I am friend with a lot af married women, and will visit them for tea, or coffee, but I would not call that hanging out. |
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---alan8869_of_UK on 7/29/06 |
NurseRobert, I would trust her since she is saved. Trust is so important, my husband isn't saved, making it more difficult for me to trust him "completly". |
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---Mrs._Morgan on 7/29/06 |
Mrs Morgan, don't worry bout it. Ive been in the profession a long time and I've heard it all, including that I must be gay because I have a "woman's" profession.
And yes, my wife is a wonderful, God fearing, save by the blood, Christian. |
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---NurseRobert on 7/29/06 |
John, "EVERY married woman knows how to captivate her husband, otherwise she would remain single." Where did THAT come from. That's even a bigger assumption. You are also making assumptions that women who are friendly with men are trying to lure them into something. Every woman I am friends with know Im married. That is one of the first things that people learn about me. I am married to a good, God fearing woman, who is my BEST friend. |
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---NurseRobert on 7/29/06 |
NurseRobert, I'm sorry! I somehow blocked out "Robert". Well, the question now is, Is your Wife saved? |
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---Mrs._Morgan on 7/29/06 |
Nurse:
It is not a big assumption. EVERY married woman knows how to captivate her husband, otherwise she would remain single.
Likewise, every woman knows how to get a man's attention; we after all, are visually oriented "hunters". All any woman needs to do is appear like a deer in the car headlights long enough to gain attention, and do it "innocently" but frequently. |
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---John_T on 7/29/06 |
And BTW, Im male. and Yes, Im saved, as well as my wife being saved.
Yes, Men can and are nurses! |
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---NurseRobert on 7/29/06 |
Ms. Morgan, you are right, everything is different. Trust is a big issue in my marriage. I trust my wife, and she trusts me. Neither of us are the jealous type. There are things she likes to do that I do not and vice versa. Friendships are important, and we both have friends of the opposite sex. |
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---NurseRobert on 7/29/06 |
Mrs. Morgan: NurseRobert is a man. |
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---Madison1101 on 7/28/06 |
Mrs. Morgan
Just so you know, Nurse Robert is a man. (Robert) |
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---Bruce5656 on 7/28/06 |
NurseRobert, is your husband saved? This could be an important factor you know! |
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---Mrs._Morgan on 7/28/06 |
NurseRobert, I too am married, and my husband from is from a different country. In his country, it's normal for men and women to have friendships even if they are married. In the U S of A that don't work with most women. It really comes down to trust and wisdom, yes we trust , but we stay aware of things you know, pray for wisdom in how to handle your situation, every one is different. |
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---Mrs._Morgan on 7/28/06 |
John, how would the women know how easy it is to fall? You are making a big assumption there. |
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---NurseRobert on 7/28/06 |
Alan, what behavior do you consider wrong here? What do you consider "hanging out?" |
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---NurseRobert on 7/28/06 |
Annie, first off, being a male in a predominately (95% female) profession, Im around women all day long. Most of my friends are female. I have always been careful never to put myself in any kind of compromising position. I always tell my wife what is going on with my frineds and share with her all that I do. My wife has friends who are male. We have been married for 30 years and have never had any reason to distrust each other.
I would like to hear what your husbands say about this. |
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---NurseRobert on 7/28/06 |
My husband is a Preacher and a Police Officer so I am used to women needing to talk to him about something, as a Preacher and with him being a Police Officer, I am used to women flirting with him. I trust my husband completely. He has female friends just as I have male friends. But neither one of us hangs out with our friends without the other being present. |
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---Rebecca_D on 7/28/06 |
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Wow! Alot of these comments are pretty harsh. I am single female my best friend for the last 15 years is a married man. In fact he's been married more than once during our friendship. His current wife couldn't stand me initially just because I was female. They have now been married 4 years, she now sees our friendship for what it is. It was only when they started having problems and she heard through the grapevine that I had actually been defending HER position that she finally accepted me. |
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---Linda3 on 7/28/06 |
OK Nurse Robert ... I did not answer because I thought that it is so obvious that such behaviour was wrong.
I am friends with lots of ladies, married & otherwise, ... nothing more than freinds & there is nothing wrong with that.
But to "hang out with" implies something more, and I agree with all the womewn who have responded here. |
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---alan8869_of_UK on 7/28/06 |
Nurserobert....What personal experience do you bring along with your responses? I'm curious how your have managed the situation in your life since you are so negative to those of us that do not agree that our spouses should have opposite sex friends. |
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---Annie on 7/28/06 |
Nurse: "...bunch of women who don't trust thier men to do the right thing."
NOT SO. For all of us havew sinned, and come short. The women here know how easy it is to fall. They wish to protect others.
Yet it is NOT impossible for men to have women friends in church. I do, and I tell my wife EVERYTHING. I follow strict rules about NEVER being alone, NEVER touching, and NEVER saying anything by tilting my head in an overly-friendly manner
I avoid ALL appearances of wrong-doing |
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---John_T on 7/28/06 |
With the exception of Ralph, every one of these responses are from women. All of them are negative. It looks like a bunch of women who don't trust thier men to do the right thing. Sad. |
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---NurseRobert on 7/28/06 |
Married women say there is no such thing as a female friend for a husband. The closeness will lead to trouble. Jealousy, envy, and strife. Why take the chance, e-mail friends fall in the same category. Married men need men as friends and vice-versa. |
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---Rachel on 7/27/06 |
mmmmmm sounds like a lot of jealous women.. |
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---NurseRobert on 7/27/06 |
I am a single young lady who has a close male friend who happens to be married. We were friends before he met his wife, but now that he is married, we no longer spend time together alone. He is a "couple" now and that is how I treat him. I'd talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. |
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---bethie on 7/27/06 |
No he should not have a friend of a single woman. It is dangerous. This friend should be a friend to both of you and if you the wife are in agreement do things together, but he is wrong to do this to you. He would not allow you to have a male friend I am sure... |
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---Fran on 7/27/06 |
Yes but it depends on the relationship, they should be able to hang out, but not if you are not in attendance, if they don't want you there something is wrong, Pray for guidance |
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---tonya3849 on 7/27/06 |
Husband + single female friend = DISASTER! |
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---Crystal on 7/27/06 |
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