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Controlling Family Members

If one family member is visciously angry and not speaking to her 54 yr old brother and 78 year old father, and flipping out at anyone who speaks to them, how do you deal with this? Do you let her control you? and not speak to them also because she says so?

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 ---Donna9759 on 8/25/06
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No one can control another person unless you let them. I would let the angry person stew in their own juices. Alone. I would not take part in any of their evilness. I would try to get along with them,if possible but if not, separate from them,at all cost. This person is a very miserable and hurting person. Don't let him/her drag you down. Cut the cord.Pray for the angry person.
---Robyn on 11/5/07


Donna, Please don't let a family member control you to the point of not speaking to your brother and father. If she wants to puff up and not speak, let her be. Your father is 78 and common sense tells us he is not going to be with you for very long. Love your Dad, talk to him and your brother also.
---shira on 11/4/07


Ephesians4:26 Be ye angry and sin not:let not the sun go down upon your wrath: This plainly shows no one is to harbor anger,but repent and be free from it. Proverbs22:24 Make no friendship with an angry man:and with a furious man thou shalt not go: We are directed by the Word not to company with the angry. Never follow anothers sinful wrong.
---Darlene_1 on 8/29/06


She can only "control" you if you allow her to. If you care about her dying father, and you're fond of your uncle, YOU will always regret not expressing that to them.

Also, you will not help her by staying away from from these people. Pray that she will be able to reconcile with her father before he dies. Be calm and streadfast.Keep praying...God works on peoples hearts even when it doesn't show.
---Donna2277 on 8/29/06


**Jack, I will gladly answer your question. **

Et reliqua.

I get the picture.

She sounds like a very unhappy woman in great need of a wake-up call from God.

Your description reminds me of a character in C. S. Lewis's GREAT DIVORCE: A chronic and continually complaining woman who was finally consumed by her own self-made misery and spite on the very outskirts of heaven itself.

You might need, for your own peace of mind, to simply ignore her. Mabye she'll get the idea.
---Jack on 8/28/06




Susie, I have no choice but to stay away from her, and her family, because her mother is on her side and I've just been told to NOT speak to her brother and father (who is dying). MY uncle is a sweetheart.
Folks,I have been praying for 7 years, but if someone doesn't want to let go of the anger and root of bitterness and likes controlling the family, I don't believe God will go against her free will and make her do something she doesn't want to do. Thanks for all of your encouragement.
---Donna9759 on 8/28/06


Why would you listen to an unforgiving and shaked-up (living in sin) person??????
---Susie on 8/27/06


Donna: There is a deep hurt somewhere in her. Maybe her father abused her, and that is the root of her resentment.
I would pray for the Lord to reveal a book to share with her. I know Joyce Meyer is not popular on CN, but I have been blessed by her book "Beauty from Ashes." In it, she discusses how God healed her from her sexual abuse as a child.
Pray for her. Her anger toward you and her brother is probably projected anger from a deep, deep hurt.
---Madison1101 on 8/27/06


No, you should not let her control you. If you are born-again you are supposed to be controlled by the Lord. It is her problem and don't let it become your problem. Pray for your family.
---Helen_5378 on 8/26/06


Part 2 - I love her dearly, we are first cousins, but she won't forgive me for something she thinks I did, but didn't do, but believed her husband over me. She is divorced now and lives with another man. She has a root of bitterness and there's no getting through to her, but I miss her. We haven't spoken in 7 years, and I wrote her a letter, but am afraid to mail it. She visciously told her mother she wants nothing to do with her father, her brother and Donna. Please pray for me. Thanks everyone.
---Donna9759 on 8/26/06




#1 of 2 Ohhh Friends, I have such sorrow in my heart. Jack, I will gladly answer your question. She is angry at her father because she said he wasn't a father to her when she was little. She is 45 now. She is angry at her brother because he doesn't take her cr****. She stayed angry at her sister for 4 years because her sister's husband, who has died, wouldn't lend her husband $10,000 because he is a gambler. Her own huband has cheated on her, gambled away $50,000 and committed fraud. To be con't.
---Donna9759 on 8/26/06


Part 2.
If he/she does not, then, don't be controlled by his/her anger. If he/she is your own brother/sister, talk to him/her. If the anger is caused by some sins committed by your father and brother against him/her, then explain to him/her that God forgives even the most sinful sinner! I am tempted to advise to do to her what she is doing to the father and to the brother, but I know that is simply unchristian!
---Roxy on 8/26/06


Part 1.
Donna, I would deal with this problem this way. First, I would ask myself why this particular family member is holding all of the family members hostage in his/her own anger. What is his/her position in the family set up? Is he/she the one financially supporting the father and the brother? If he/she does, then if you are a family member, start contributing. It may help to soften his/her anger.
---Roxy on 8/26/06


If it were my sister, I'd tell her calmly that she needs to understand being angry at family will only bring negative things. It is a shame when family members get SO angry at each other that they hold fueds for years. Why is she so mad? She needs to understand that it isn't you that's mad, and that there shouldn't be any reason for you not to speak to your dad and brother.
---sue on 8/25/06


I would grieve for any family this is happening to, whether yours or anyone else's.

I think the only mature thing to do is to ignore her and speak to whosoever I please. If she becomes too obnoxious, SHE is the one who gets cut out.

Of course, you have not exaplained the reason for this woman's anger at her father and brother, have you?
---Jack on 8/25/06


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