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Sleeping With My Fiance

I recently became saved. My problem is I am living with my fiance who is not saved. I am praying that he becomes saved too, but I know I am living in sin and it is not pleasing to God. Advice please!

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 ---Missy on 9/6/06
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If you want to keep your fiance and your faith then go to a wise,Godly person who can help you and him through this in a way that he can see that it is advantageous to both of you that your relationship is changed. Seeing that you have both already promised to marry maybe you can bring the date a little closer so your separation won't be so long. You are wise to ask for advice.
---john on 3/4/08

Missy, it is true that God loves and accepts each of us just the way we are. But it is also true that He loves us too much to leave us that way.
Scripture tell us that for the Christian to continue in rebellious sin may actually cut your life short.
You need to decide on your path, and face the consequences of each. One leads to hardening of the heart, the other leads to maturing in your Christian faith.
Please choose wisely.
---JohnT on 9/11/06

Missy - You must end this relationship now. Then you need to ask the Lord Jesus to forgive you of your sin, and ask Him to strengthen you to walk in His ways.
---Helen_5378 on 9/11/06

Yes you are living in sin. You will also be sinning again if you marry your fiancee, because the Bible says not to be yoked with an unbeliever. Probably your best bet is to first stop living with them, and second pray for their salvation so that you can be equally yoked.
---Manny on 9/10/06

Heh Missy, some of these "posters" don't believe in any works for themselves, but they sure demand works from you. It is a fair point that a compromise in religious value now, will almost always continue to require compromise for many years to come, if not indefinitely. Marriages continue under this auspices, the children go to religion not agreed to by both, and some have abandoned faith altogether thinking gain is godliness. It is a hard trial. Compatible ideology and philosophy preferred.
---jhonny on 9/10/06

Their husbands don't want the children raised to believe in Jesus, every offering attempt leads to arguement etc...Probably most important the person who claims to love them can't stand the most important thing in their life. Their faith. They don't have a choice but you still do and so did I. A person on Christianet told me to "follow the Lord boldly and stop sinning" I'm so glad I did and I would tell you to do the same thing. Immediately. You will be fine.
---Linda32708 on 9/10/06

It's hard to hear but you need to end the relationship. I speak as one who knows on this one. Same situation. When I sought christian counsel I was amazed at how many people told me just get married and pray for him etc...inspite of all the teaching in the Bible on "not being yoked with unbelievers". Along the way I met two women who didn't heed biblical teaching. They are in marriages where their beliefs and values are under constant attack. (Continue)
---Linda32708 on 9/10/06

Missy, to answer your question I have to tell you to wait on God and your questions will vanish.
I agree with others, disengage sexually, and get deep into God's word. He will reveal to you the answers you seek (stay and pray or go your own way) in prayer.
The one thing you have to understand now is that your steps are ordered by the lord when you walk according to his will. You can't fail in what he asks you to do.
---Pharisee on 9/8/06

Missy. How wonderful - you've become a part of the family of God!!! Here is my heart... though you love your fiance dearly, he is not the most important man/person in your life anymore. Jesus is. You will have some hard and possibly painful decisions to make over the next days, weeks, and months. Find godly women in your church and ask them to pray with and for you. Spend time with these ladies and let them help you through your infancy in the Lord. With God, nothing is impossible.
---daphn8897 on 9/8/06

Just remember, if you marry a man who does not share your faith, you have weekened one of the core elements of this religion: your home. Were you in a home with all christians you could use eachother to strengthen your faith, but if your husband is not a christian then the home is a tool you would not have.
---Casey on 9/8/06

The important issue is the protection of your spirituality. It easy to think that our religion is a permanent part of us no matter what we do, but the bottom line is if we don't defend ourselves spiritually there is an evil being who is looking for any and every opportunity to separate us from God. The questions you've asked are very difficult, and the true answers can only be found between you and God.
---Casey on 9/8/06

I see you have been thinking this over in great detail. If you marry the one you have been fornicating with you will not be committing adultery. God instructed people who had premarital sex to marry. Your problem is that you are espoused to an unsaved man. he needs to be saved before you tie the knott. Yes, your prayers and the fruit of God in your life will be a great big help in him comming to the Lord also. We are having a prayer meeting at our church today and I will get the poeple to pray for you.
---john on 9/8/06

If you both become Christians, you would be like virgins.
Your question about leading BF to Christ by staying is like asking about "bedroom evangelism". You get the picture?
You are focusing on the past, your broken marriages, not on getting God's best for you both. Do not let emotional pains from the past (Enemy's trap) ROB you both of happiness.
You will never be wrong when you seek to do what is godly and right,
---JohnT on 9/8/06

I have another question. I'm not trying to be too technical, but my BF both come from broken marriages. If I marry him would I still be technically committing adultery? And if I found a saved man and married him, wouldnt that would be adultery too? So, wouldnt it be better to marry the man I am with now and not commit another sin by finding another man and marrying him. I know about being equally yoked, but dont you think that if my boyfriend sees the change in me that it might lead him to the Lord?
---Missy on 9/8/06

Since you are now a Christian and your fiancee is not you need to call off the marriage. Scriptures say we are not to be unequally yoked, this is especially important in marriage.
---Ryan on 9/7/06

One thing you have to remember is that when a person get saved, everything about them doesn't change overnight. It will take some time for God to work on changing them. But that person has to be willing. Like you, God is ready to help you with this situation but you need to help yourself by stop sinning. God can't move if you tie his hands.
---Rebecca_D on 9/7/06

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Excuse the slip on the keys Missy. "health and happiness with you and your finance." Should read "fiance". While we're at it how is the finance? One of the greatest spiritual laws is that a man should love his wife. Although provider is old fashioned and out of date in some circles, when the chips aren't in the man has to rise to the occassion. Some men are takers, and some men don't really have relationships they take hostages.
---jhonny on 9/7/06

Missy: You are a Christian because of what Christ has done, not due to your present circumstances. Anyone saying differently is FLAT-OUT WRONG.
That is NOT to say your present circumstances are God-honoring. They're not, and you know that, and that is GREAT!
Holy Spirit is working in your heart. If you can not talk to him about this new situation, go to a Christian Crisis Pregnancy Center, and ask the godly women there for advice, even asking fiance to come too.
---JohnT on 9/6/06

Hi Missy,
You say: I know I am living in sin and it is not pleasing to God.
What can any of us say that would top what you already know? What else and from whom else do you need to hear?
---AlwaysOn on 9/6/06

Missy, (2.)Why won't he take you to the court house? And would you want to even do that? There are many good godly men out there Missy, and God matches His people together, if they will be prayerful and patient. If you jump the gun, you may regret it, then what will you do? --Mrs. Morgan
---Mrs._Morgan on 9/6/06

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Missy, (1.)I agree with Donna9759, You will have to re-evaluate your whole situation, and pray for godly wisdom, but first get up outta there NOW, God can't receive you like that. Do you want to marry someone who isn't motivated to marry you? Not motivated to do what is right?
---Mrs._Morgan on 9/6/06

If he knows you are a Christian, but is still engaging in sexual relations would mean he does not respect you.
---Jacques on 9/6/06

Some cultures such as the Amish (as I understand it) do not distinguish between betrothment and marriage. Adultery with another woman during betrothment is considered adultery. I'm not sure about the Old testament national custom, but I suspect there would be no difference between a marriage and betrothal. A lot of guys though have taken the goods and bailed, or got someone else pregnant. I apologize for not having solid research. Peace, health and happiness with you and your finance. God bless.
---jhonny on 9/6/06

First, stop sleeping with your fiance. Second, it would be wise for you to tell him why you have stopped sleeping with him. (Show him Scripture.) Third, make sure he knows you are praying for him. Third,
stop seeing him. (Just be careful and make sure he doesn't become "saved" just to keep you or you don't grab at "straws" in think he's "saved" For example: going to church doesn't mean he's saved.)
---wivv on 9/6/06

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Fiancee is next, God saves by the household.
Live 1Peter chapter 3, and trust in Jesus.
---Pharisee on 9/6/06

I know I am going to get blasted for this, but I went through the EXACT circumstance when I got saved, and everyone told me that.
WRONG, When the Gentiles got saved they still behaved as Gentiles, the Lord called them in the midst of all their "uncleanness."
Through my prayer and eventually my preaching my "fiancee" got saved a month later. We are married and very happy, but I was not convicted that it was sinful, and if I had it to do again I would.
---Pharisee on 9/6/06

1 Corinthians 7:17-24
---Pharisee on 9/6/06

Repent - turn away from the sin, get out of there. Don't sin anymore. Stop what you're doing, turn to Jesus, ask Him for His help, and He will lead you and guide you in the way in which you should go once you separate yourself from your sin.
---Donna9759 on 9/6/06

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cont. If you get married to your fiance with him not being a christian and you are, it will make your life very difficult in your walk with Jesus. I have a friend who married a man who is not a christian he couldn't take her being one left her for another woman and they were married 17 years with 3 children.
---eliza4969 on 9/6/06

This is a very difficult situation to be in and try to figure out what to do especially if you have children together but you did not mention children so I will assume you don't. Also how soon are you and fiance to be married? First I would talk to my fiance and tell him I am a christian and refrain from sexual relations then Pray, Pray, Pray and ask God if you are to stay there or move out.
---eliza4969 on 9/6/06

If you know this is not pleasing to God, why do you continue to live under the same roof with him?
For that matter, why are you considering marriage to a man with whom you do NOT share a common spiritual foundation? You're asking for trouble.
Remember: Engagements were made to be broken. It means "IF ALL GOES WELL, we shall marry."
---Jack on 9/6/06

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