Engaged Man Hiding Things
I am engaged to a man, and have recently found out there are hurtful things in his past he did not tell me, and I don't feel he has been honest about other things. When confronted he said he forgot them because he has been forgiven. Is it okay to not tell me because he feels he is forgiven already?
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---Lori on 9/6/06
Helpful Blog Vote (8)
No, it is not OK, and be very careful with this relationship. I didn't find out about my husband's hurtful past until after the marriage, and the past continued into the marriage. The deceit also continued with him hiding things after the marriage as well. Be very careful!
---becky on 1/24/08|
Lori, he didn't forget them, he forgot to tell you them. Big difference. If he's forgiven for them, why not tell you about them and then tell you "they're under the blood." Are they things that can effect your relationship with him? If yes, then he should have told you. What else is he hiding?
---Donna9759 on 1/17/08|
Marriage is a covenant where two become joined together as one flesh before the Lord. Yes, you should tell each other everything. This has nothing to do with whether he has been forgiven or not, or asking you (or vice-versa) for forgiveness again. This is about honesty and integrity. Consider carefully the foundation upon which you will build your marriage. If he trusts you, he will be honest with you.
---lorra8574 on 6/14/07|
Yes, It is none of your business. God has forgiven Him, It's in the past. I do not blame the man for not wanting to rehash history. What are you trying to do cause Him to be depressed? Just thank God He has been forgiven and on His way to Heaven, Instead of HELL.
---catherine on 6/14/07|
Once a person is born-again, their past is forgotten by the Lord. It should be the same with us. I do not have a past, only a future.
---Helen_5378 on 6/13/07|
How did you find out about these things in his past that he didn't tell you?
Are you willing to be as open and transparent to him about your past that you expect him to be to you?
---Jack on 6/13/07|
Lori what REALLY matters is who he is in Christ NOW.
You might explain to him that you need to feel closer to him before you consider making a step that effects the rest of your life.
If he can't understand that then I'd be more inclined to wonder what it is he's hiding.
Wait on the Lord.
---Pharisee on 9/7/06|
I think it's important to be honest with one another, and if the past somehow affects your spouse's future then it's important to tell them about it, but you don't need to hash out every detail. Example, if you are not a virgin, and have exposed yourself to disease, it would be important to tell your spouse-to-be being it may affect their health, but you don't need to write down a list of who and when and where. Hope that helps.
---Katie on 9/7/06|
Everyone has a past. What he did in the past is just that in the past. You shouldn't let the past interfere with your relationship. If he feels the need to tell you, then great listen to him and be there for him for whatever reason. But if he doesn't feel the need to discuss it with you, don't get all bent out shape. If you let it, the past will control your present and future.
---Rebecca_D on 9/7/06|
Why do you care about his past? Was his past all that bad? Is there bad things in your past? Maybe he thought you would not forgive him especially after God forgives. Was he right?
---shira_9639 on 9/6/06|
It may have just been an honest mistakes on his part - but he should have told you. I'd ask him if he has anything else he needs to tell you that he has been forgiven. In the meantime, but any marriage plans on hold for at least 2 more years. (Tell him why too, you just want to make sure there is nothing else he's neglected to tell you.) Rather he's been forgiven or not is not the point here - it's that you are hurt and that's no way to start a relationship.
---wivv on 9/6/06|
Lori, this may help you. My ex-husband forgot to tell me how vengeful he was on his ex-girlfriends when he became angry at something they did that he didn't like. I didn't think anything of it UNTIL I became his next victim. THEN I found out ALOT of other stuff that he never told me, criminal stuff, illegal stuff, and I was in big trouble after I married him. Hope I can spare you from going through something. Maybe you should leave him now before something happens to you.
---Donna9759 on 9/6/06|