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Contentious And Angry Woman

Proverbs 21:19 states, "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman." What is your idea about this verse? I know of some who painfully understand the truth of his verse?

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Let's remember that God's word is spiritual and to be spiritually discerned.

A contentious and an angry woman speaks of Hagar, i.e the law.
---Haz27 on 9/8/11

Gary, I'm sorry you are going through this. I went through the same thing. I have also witnessed to many couples, and man have told me the same thing.
My advice to you is, "from here on out, you will have to make many decisions that are going to change your whole life forever." They might change the lives of your children and mainly you and your wife. Before you make any decisions make sure your motives are godly. Do not make a decision while in anger. Do the right thing for everyone. Let go of your pride, and think very carefully. Later, when this is all past for years, you will look back and know you did the right thing. I will be praying for you Gary. Be strong in the Lord.
---Mark_V. on 9/7/11

hi,Bro.Gary, It really felt hurting,to read yes,deceit & certainly lies..going to put you n my prayerlist. I believe don't know howbut,God His way..sweet,tested,tried.Goin pray restore 'n her an open door of God's grace & mercy...the Lord move upon your wife tell for true why this? be helped by the Lord.
---ELENA on 9/6/11

Yes indeed! I am experiencing it right now! Lies and deceit! We had trouble trying to hang on to our home (finances). So we decided to rent it out and then move in to my mothers house. After all we would be closer to family right? Well she decided not to move in with me at my mothers and instead move in with her daughter. So here I am! living with my mother and very lonely and hurt! I have a lot of reading material (Christian), I go for long drives and long walks! I still feel like someone is playing basketball with my heart and i feel numb and very empty inside! I have so much work to do its overwhelming and I just want to hide! I sleep in my truck once in awhile just to find some peace and solitude.
---Gary on 9/6/11

If we look at Proverbs 21:19 and Proverbs 19:13 we can see that these passages only refer to wife's. Why? don't really know other then man were considered the head of the household.
(19:13) An obstinate, argumentive woman is literally like a leak so unrelenting that one has to run from her or go mad. Here are two ways to davastate a man, an ungodly son and an irritating wife. Literally a leak.
(21:19) is almost the same, it is "better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman"
Of course today under grace you could say it refers to man and women. But man is still the head of the household, only if he is submissive to Christ.
---Mark_V. on 9/1/11

Youre right Robyn, it does go both ways, and should not characterize a Christian relationship. Sadly, when husbands, wifes, children live with abuse, they may start to do likewise. We by nature, only endure so much pain before we start to retaliate, seek revenge, other fleshly manifestations. Only the Love of God heals, delivers, and is a glorious thing. Having gone through abuse in a relationship, but previously being one to try to resolve situations, I was surprised to see anger rising in me as it did. However, it was one very important tool that the Lord used to show me my true condition without Him in control.
This sort of anger can spread like a wildfire, however, the Love of God, does so all the more. Love conquers all.
---Christina on 8/31/11

It goes both ways,for sure. But this verse should not be describing loving christian people and/or couples but it does. Christians should be able to work their disagreements out in love, for the sake of Christ. But people have free will and choose to do things their way,most times. I would not want to live with an angry man or woman,for that matter. Be it sister,brother,spouse,child. Very hard and dangerous thing to do. disrupts every area of your life. When that happens you need to head to the wilderness. The verse is so true.
---Robyn on 8/29/11

Do you mean it is better that a man/male be alona than live with an angry woman?? If you do then why doesnt the man figure out why the hell shes angry in the first place? If you mean something else then please reply.
---Terimoana_Gilgen on 8/27/11

"I have recognized in myself those very things." Christina reading those words coming from you surprises me. Your post come across as one who possesses a quiet, gentle spirit, certainly not narcissistical, contentious, or quarrelsome. A knowledge of God is a knowledge self, a knowledge of self manifest a knowledge of God. Be as beautiful on the inside, as I am sure you are on the outside. Sweet, is who you are in Christ. Be blessed.
---josef on 3/21/08

When reading this and SO much of the Word, I have recognized in myself those very things. He brings the dark, the hidden things into the light so that we may be healed, delivered, reconciled, brought closer to Him. As Paul knew his weaknesses, so we need to also
---Christina on 3/20/08

May I say that this is just as true if you change the gender to read, "...than with a contentioius and an angry MAN"?

I think the Bible is making it clear that it's better to remain unmarried than to marry the wrong person with certain faults.
---Jack on 6/29/07

Each Peter should udse the first initial of the last or middle name. I do.
---John_T on 2/28/07

Cynthia, there is another Peter, now. He needs the name more than I do.

When we visit again, I'll use a different name.
---Peter on 2/28/07

No, He is no longer violent. But to set the record clear, he still has problems with Contentiousness and anger, and so I go away from him to another room to pray, so generally I try to keep away from him as much as possible, because anything and everything sets him off. I just wanted to bring attention that this verse can be applicable to both genders.
---Cynthia_1 on 2/28/07

"Narcissists are generally not candidates for conventional analytical treatment. Part of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the conviction is that "I'm okay, it's everybody else who's not okay," so narcissists rarely seek treatment. Social isolation, following the loss of a job, failure of a marriage, alienation of friends and family, has swift and terrible effects on narcissists."
---Peter on 2/27/07

"Their thinking quickly deteriorates into chaotic incoherency and disorganization. If they do receive treatment, first order of business is to restore and fortify the narcissists' ego defenses -- and help the narcissist recover the habitual grandiose and self-obsessed self-image. When reasonably recovered, the narcissist usually leaves therapy before any work can be done on the underlying personality disorder."
---Peter on 2/27/07

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"Get out and stay out."
But that's much more easily said than done. We're still members of families that have been damaged, corrupted and corroded by narcissists' pathology, and we can't totally remove ourselves without forsaking other family members. Parents sharing child-rearing or custody with narcissists, or who have narcissistic children, can't just get out and stay out."
---Peter on 2/27/07

"Regardless of the hell they put their intimates through, as long as they keep their behavior out of the news, they're entitled to privacy. Besides, I still love them and have residual protective feelings. Mea culpa -- loving someone is never wrong."
---Peter on 2/27/07

Surviving - "Clinical literature on the treatment of narcissists, there is passing reference to the importance of art, music, and the escape to nature in the history of those who have survived relatively unscathed. The art that saved me was music."

Cynthia, as a Christian, you have Jesus Christ. He has pulled you through these past 20 years, and He will pull you through now and forever. God Bless you, sister.
---Peter on 2/27/07

Cynthia, I am glad that you are safe for now.

However, you need to know that I am feeling bothered; your posts indicated that this was ongoing, not a situation twenty years ago.

Please try to write clearer so that people will not get the wrong impression. OK?
---John_T on 2/27/07

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NO, NO, NO. Do not worry all is o.k. now it is much better, these things no longer happen, that was years ago. God answered my prayers. and shut the Lions mouth. All is fine now, not perfect, but much, much, better. However. Looking back at those years, I should have called the American authorities. All is well now. I am no longer in danger. But thanks for your concern.
---Cynthia_1 on 2/27/07


Make plans, contact authorities, learn of your options. Here in the USA, there are homes for battered women that help people get over, and on, safely, so that returning is no longer an option.

Is there anything like that where you live?

Can you check with the phone directory for a center for abused women in crisis?. Use those as key words; google them, finding out what is nearby.
---John_T on 2/27/07

Cynthia, may God Bless and protect your family.
I've also watched those 'eyes'. I know a man that has alienated everyone on the job. They tell him, I can't stand your eyes. They take on a piercing appearance/hardness. In the next instance, they're using those eyes to charm. They can be very charming. It's not bipolar. The switching off/on can be from minute to minute.
---Peter on 2/27/07

however, I ran for cover to a missionarys wife, who then told me, that he was a narcissist, her and her husband got a place for me to be with my babies there, alone I had no one, no family, not any friends, however, money ran out, and I returned to him and held my peace, God is gracious, I pray now, and God is working it all out.
---Cynthia_1 on 2/27/07

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Peter, I think you have done a brilliant job in targeting this craziness, I actually never heard of it before, and their was a time some years back when my kids were only babies, that he told me that God wanted to kill me, he took on a different personality, his eyes turned bizarre, strange, as spit started drooling from his mouth. Well it is a long story. It was these things of my life that have made me what I am today, not just a weakling woman
---Cynthia_1 on 2/27/07

Peter, I think you have done a brilliant job in targeting this craziness, I actually never heard of it before, and their was a time some years back when my kids were only babies, that he told me that God wanted to kill me, he took on a different personality, his eyes turned bizarre, strange, as spit started drooling from his mouth. Well it is a long story. It was these things of my life that have made me what I am today, not just a weakling woman, But a mighty woman in faith. part 1
---Cynthia_1 on 2/27/07

Cynthia, after 20 years, it's not easy to pull up stakes and leave. The older they become, it's more difficult for them to keep the public side separate from the private side. We haven't even touched on the 'eyes'. The sparkle while they're performing and 'the look'(hardness) when the narc is in charge. You have kids, and it's not easy to leave, financially or spiritually. I understand.
---Peter on 2/26/07

If we've helped anyone considering marriage with a 'narc', it was worth it.

Run, Forest, Run.

If you have one in your family, staying completely away from them is not always possible.
---Peter on 2/26/07

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Peter, each and everything you wrote was so precise. I could not have described it better myself, it was as if you knew him.
---Cynthia_1 on 2/26/07

Cynthia, Sounds as if you are in the Outback.

Are you safe if you blog about your situation? Will Attila find out?

Are there children involved? I am sure thare is a place for abused women and children in the area jurisdiction.

Please generally identify your location, and we as a community should be able to direct you to resources.
---John_T on 2/26/07

Cynthia, I understand what your life has been like. The hiding, avoiding any type of conversation, agreeing or keeping your mouth shut to avoid a fight. Listening to a compulsive talker that dominates every conversation. The only peace you have is when they fall asleep. They don't listen to anyone, talk over the top of the TV, as rapidly and as fast keeping up with the announcer. Their opinions are far more important. Peace is difficult. You're glad when they take a nap, sleep or run an errand.
---Peter on 2/26/07

If a woman is angry it is usually for a reason. People do not get angry at nothing. I believe that there are men in the clergy who do not want certain women to receive salvation. Why? That remains a mystery.
---anonymous on 2/26/07

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William, you have never met my husband.
Strange as it may seem, I live in the wilderness, quite literally, and what is worse it is with a man that is soooooooo contentious and angry, that even men run from him. In the twenty years I have known him, he has never had 1 friend. Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde personality. I have been hiding for 10 of these years, in a seperate room of my house, very literally, every chance I get.
---Cynthia on 2/26/07

Men, stop being 'politically correct.' We men have our own temptations to deal with. This verse is NOT referring to either mate; it is specifically referring to the woman. As a general rule, men do not nag their wives. This verse refers to the continual tormenting 'drip' of the nagging wife who does so to get her husband to yield to her wishes. See Proverbs 27:15. Don't apologize for the Word of God; it is not about you. When it says woman, it means woman.
---William on 2/25/07

As Jack & Pharisee has pointed out, the gender is irrelevant. It is most definitely more conducive to ones pleasure & peace to remain single & isolated than to settle a for quarrelsome provocative mate. I believe that the woman is used in the verse because it is commanded her to honor or respect her husband, & this of course would be a blatant violation of this commandment. It could also lead to the husband attempting to justify or excuse his own unloving behavior based on that perceived violation.
---Josef on 10/7/06

Well said Jack, that's great teaching.
I was going to make the same point with a different proverb ("make no friendship with an angry man....")
The trap of having an angry wife or husband is being tempted to sin as they do, it's in our flesh to fight fire with fire.
Another proverb he says "corner of the housetop."
The corner of a housetop in Solomon's day had a solid railing (it shields from the wind and rain), that's why he says "the corner of the housetop."
---Pharisee on 10/6/06

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