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Why Do People Hold Grudges

Why do people hold grudges?

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 ---Donna9759 on 10/6/06
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Hello,family,to broMarlon thankyou for post! Been really look'for those verses,also,hours before our lord,my mind knew what to do,my heart surrender it
God my of jesus!
---ELENA on 3/26/12

Donna, It is usually because people were and are still hurt by that person.
---Eloy on 3/26/12

Eloy, I did receive your posting, and you were proven wrong by the Word. You want me to say, "yes Eloy, condemn you wife, you are right" but I cannot, because first, I'm a believer in Christ, Second, because I don't know if your wife is saved already or will be at a later time. That is what we should be praying for, not condemning her. Who's to say that she left you for the kind of person you are, and display here on site? Maybe she couldn't stand to hear what you say. Maybe you didn't give her a choice and told her not to address you until she got saved. One thing we know, is that she is still alive, and has time to repent if she was wrong. Maybe she just made a mistake, you did too when you rejected Christ the first time.
---Mark_V. on 3/26/12

Jesus hanging on the Cross said: "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." The ultimate statement for all to follow so there would never be a grudge! Forgive- exactly that, let go of it and hold no more! How many times forgive(777) meaning as many times as needed...>>>
---Marlon on 3/25/12

MarkV, I am proven right. Please do not address me until that time that you are ready to recieve my postings, else you are wasting time. For there is no benefit when I say Yes, then you say no: and when I say No, then you say yes. That is pointless.
---Eloy on 3/25/12

Why do people hold grudges?
---Donna9759 on 10/6/06

Grudges are very easy to hold. They free up both hands for mischief, and the mouth for gossip
---francis on 3/25/12

Forgiveness is what people want to mitigate their emotions for what they have done.(Guilt) The problem with forgiveness if it is given to often then it becomes expected and the offences are repeated. Such as repeat offenders. 2nd The misconception about grudges is people think they are a bad thing. Grudges help stop manipulators by ending bad relationships so that you can move onto good relationships.
---Beth on 3/25/12

Eloy, you said:

"MarkV, .. Only the repented are forgiven, those whom continue to sin against others are condemned and not forgiven."

You are wrong, because if you are sealed by the Spirit you should,

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. "And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you"

With your answers you could not possibly be sealed.
---Mark_V. on 3/25/12

MarkV, As I told you before, Get the truth. You will continue to believe in lie and nondiscernment until you get saved. Only the repented are forgiven, those whom continue to sin against others are condemned and not forgiven. Even the world has levels of sentencing according to the offence: for example, if you steal then you will pay a fine, if you steal something big like a automobile you will go to prison, you murder someone you may be executed. The law does not say, "You have our grace, go out and continue to be free", no, and nor does God. For the measure you give out, will surely be the measure you get back. That is God's Law: you do evil, then you will get evil: but you do good, then you will get good back from God.
---Eloy on 3/24/12

Eloy, Jerry is right, you have to forgive in order to be forgiven. When you don't forgive, you give evidence the Spirit is not working through you. I know what you are still upset about, It is your wife who left you many years ago. You have not forgiven her. Unknown to her, she has you hostage. Your unforgiveness is holding you back. I say this with love. You keep speaking about taking responsibility, you should take responsibility. We are never commanded by God to hold grudges. No where. That is not Scriptural.
---Mark_V. on 3/23/12

Family,been hard since those guys stole my wallet,God work'n it out.thanks pastor for help me.Lord give me strength,yes bro.Eloy,Atujunji,No name..good points each!thanks,love of jesus!
---ELENA on 3/21/12

no name: "I don't need a family that I'm mad at 24/7 too"

The solution to your problem is as near as your knees are to the floor. Pray earnestly for your family and anyone else who has offended you. Pray that God will give you the "gift" of forgiveness. Continue to pray day after day, and expect to see miracles.

---jerry6593 on 12/16/11

God is not mocked: what goes around comes around, and what we sow is what we reap, and what we give is what we get. Some grudges should be held, and some grudges should be let go. Not all sins should, nor can, be forgiven. And there is the unpardonable sin against the Holy Spirit. For if there is an injustice which is being perpetrated and ongoing and has yet to be made right, then the guilty needs to be held accountable and make amends for their injustice to the victim. As long as the guilty continues in their injustice, then they are not forgiven: and the longer that they continue to hurt the righteous, then the greater will be their condemnation and wrath from God Almighty against them.
---Eloy on 12/15/11

People hold grudges because of level of understanding they have at the time-of-grudge. With more godly understanding all bad habits/tendencies in us fizzles out.
---Adetunji on 12/16/11

I've always been or not always been but for the past few years have been a pretty bad grudge holder. I have been hurt a lot though, by my parents and I was bullied in school a lot growing up too. when I was a young kid I could easily let any hurt roll off my back, sure I might be upset at the moment but I wouldn't end up hating anyone. but I'm trying to be better with the grudge thing because yeah you end up hurting yourself more than other people. it just makes you bitter, hateful and unhappy it is like a cancer and I agree that it's like trying to poison others while really drinking the poison yourself! that and I already have no friends, I don't need a family that I'm mad at 24/7 too even if they're not perfect or even good people sometimes..
---no_name on 12/15/11

Grudges can also be used as a form of protection. The ego is heavily involved also. As long as the person holds the grudge they don't have to talk to or speak to the person who has done them wrong(or so they feel) they don't have to confront the problem. They allow the so-called victim to go on and do what they need to do, before coming to grips with what has happened.A grudge bearer could just be very immature and not know how to handle conflict. Grudges serve many purposes. But they are evil and don't work in the long run. God said we must forgive and we must! Forgiveness is one hard lesson for Christians to learn. If we don't do it well we must keep practicing until we master it.
---Robyn on 12/27/09

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Because they reek with pride.
---Catherine on 12/18/09

Catherine, this is EXACTLY true. Just look at Satan and his pride, and his hate for God and God's people. I'm sure it has to do with holding a grudge as well, being cast out.

The true spirit of Christ in us is forgiving those even who offend us. These are tests put in our path to conform us to the Image of Jesus Christ. It's obvious those without Christ in them, can't exalt anything other than SELF! Self-righteous self at that. Their fruit is purchased at Wal-Mart and scotched taped on. At any given moment of excitement, this plastic fruit falls to the ground, and is as plastic as these are who profess to be Christians.
---kathr4453 on 12/23/09

For different reasons, one of the major reasons is because they hurt from the deep pain they were given by the offender.
---Eloy on 12/21/09

Catherine, I have read many of your responses and they are right on. So is this one. I think like Jerry that Donna has done exactly what God wanted her to do. It helped her own healing. If she was unable to forgive today she would still be bitter and maybe even hateful. It becomes a cancer in our lives. One of my older brothers was rejected by my mom when he was about 17 years old, and since that time he has always been angry at her and always talking bad about her. He is already 69 years old and he has never changed. My mom is already dead and he still hates her. He separated from the rest of the family because of that. So much has been lost because of that.
---MarkV. on 12/19/09

Because they reek with pride.
---Catherine on 12/18/09

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Donna: Bless you! True forgiveness is a prayed-for gift from God. You have definitely been given that gift. I once heard it (grudge holding) described as drinking a glass of poison and expecting it to hurt someone else. Unforgiveness is a cancer that can eat us up if not cured. The cure is simple - pray for the person who offended you.
---jerry6593 on 12/18/09

Donna9753: Your post still troubles me. Your father tried to murder you and then you had other problems with your spouse and so forth. You may need more counseling and knowledge to understand forgiveness completely. You can forgive others and we must, but we should also learn from our experiences. Move away from the person that has deeply wounded you in the past. Especially people like your dad whom seems to be a very bad influence in your life. Your relationship with your dad will determine what and how you deal with men, in general.
You need to seek God more on this issue and gain more knowledge on forgiveness to be compltely healed. God bless you angel.
---Robyn on 12/17/09

People hold grudges when someone has hurt them. They think holding the grudge will somehow hurt the other person. It is used as a form of punishment. Usually passive people do this. It does not work. Openly confronting the person and the problem is the best way to resolve a problem.
---Robyn on 10/6/07

My husband does not want to forgive. He holds onto the bitterness, hurt, pain, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, unforgiveness, and grudge holding. He will sometimes try to hurt me back verbally for what he thinks that I did to him. Which I can say I have not. I am a Christain, and my husband who was once saved has backslid. I have forgiven, and still forgive him when he is ugly to me. What prayers can I say. I pray everyday for God to change his heart and open his eyes.
---Angie on 10/4/07

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I don't think it's a grudge as much as a deep hurt and fear that others may hurt us again. It's a subconscience feeling of self-preservation. We must be forgiven but we can't forget the scars of the past and are "on guard" against future wounds, especially when there is no repentance from the offender.
---eloia on 10/16/06

I have learnt that if I want to be forgiven by God, I must first make things right with that person I have odds with. After my mom died, my dad remarried. His new wife has 2 daughters (younger than me) one is the same age as my son. So it was hard for me to comprehend that. by me holding that grudge it made things worse in the family. I couldn't move forward in God, so I had to forgive. Now I am free of that burden.
---Rebecca_D on 10/16/06

greetings,i knew a man who divorced his wife for adultry.this teacher was refused deaconship(ineligibility because of divorce)"their wives must be grave"("faithful").is it because of his wife who he divorced for his good that he is found to have sinned?and after he confided in God,he said he was not guilty of causing the adultry.yet when after going to the highest authority was refused from the lowest authority.where is forgiveness?
---earl on 10/13/06

One comment. My pastor said if you are truly operating in forgiveness, you don't make mention of the sins that have been committed against you. Just as your Father forgives you, you forgive those who've sinned against you. Your relating of every instance says perhaps, there's more here than meets the eye. Only the enemy brings up your past as a reminder to torment you with.
---Shiela on 10/10/06

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Mercy is the Godly.
---Pharisee on 10/10/06

Folks, thank you for your answers. See, I can't understand why people hold grudges because I so easily forgave my father for trying to murder me when I was 25. I'm 47 now and I was told I forgive too easily, so I'm trying to understand why others can't forgive as easily and I've been through hell in my life. Being beat as a child, almost murdered, then beat by my ex-husband and I have absolutely no unforgiveness towards any of these folks. So THANK YOU for helping me understand why people hold grudges.
---Donna9759 on 10/10/06

Rebecca, I've read most of your posts from earlier in the summer to present. It appears you operate in forgiveness.
---Shiela on 10/9/06

Rebecca_D, True!
---Mrs._Morgan on 10/9/06

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Because we let Satan enter in. People hold grudges because it is easier to hold a grudge than to swollew our pride and say your sorry. Pride gets in the way, Satan has a ball. I know how hard it is to hold a grudge and apoloize. But it is even harder to hold that grudge in and let it keep on building up. people haven't learned to forgive freely.
---Rebecca_D on 10/9/06

Because people are weak and sinful. Maybe some are still struggling with the many onion-like layers of forgiveness.

but instead of worrying about why people hold grudges, search out your own heart.
---Jack on 10/8/06

The EGO is heavily involved. Once a person gives up concentration on themselves and center on Christ they will give up their grudges. Seeing others through Christ's eyes, is accepting others with all their faults. You will become sweeter and draw more people to yourself and Christ as you practice this principle. "Let go, and let God" heal the situation.
---Nancy on 10/8/06

There is a Spirit of Absalom, that has Crept in The Heart of the one that is holding on to the Grudge! Read about Absalom, the Son of David Which start at 2 Samuel 13 start there and YOU Will Find out Why?
---renat3893 on 10/7/06

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It's kind of like being constipated. As long as a person is then they are holding what they have consumed in. But once that person takes a laxative they can release it. Same with unforgiveness. Some hold it in, but when they let it go, by taking in God's grace, then they can walk in liberty.
---Rickey on 10/7/06

Here? Our religious discussions are based on what we find comfortable. Some of us hit it from the practical side, some choose beliefs that will make them happy - and there may not be any biblical evidence to support those beliefs. We're seldom neutral on any question with so much variety, and we're sure to disagree. I don't see it as holding a grudge, but sticking with what is comfortable for each one of us.
---Rachel on 10/6/06

The answer to your question is given in 2 Peter.

It's called self righteousness, and Peter says it's because we've forgetten that we had to be cleansed from our sins. (2 Peter 1:9) He gives this condition after he speaks of the things that bind Christians together.

Self righteousness is a great devide. It compares between you and me, and judges the other unworthy or guilty when Christ has set us all free.
---Pharisee on 10/6/06

People hold grudges because they like being "victims". They relish self-pity as often as they remember the offense. It seems to justify ANY anger they have, no matter where they choose to direct it.

The damage is mostly to themselves.
The rest of the world goes on.

A good Rx is reading and rereading Matt 18: 23-35 (the ungrateful servant).

We all have the same problem: SELF. But we are CRUCIFIED with Christ. Self is meant to die. And it will, if released to the Savior.
---Donna2277 on 10/6/06

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All of Ms. Morgans, All of Ms. Judit4846 and just that they are living blatant disobedience...and often fear being shamed for forgiving the other person.
---Amy9384 on 10/6/06

Some use a grudge as power over another. Or even justification for their own agenda. Too many people lack the understanding that God will take an offering from them and change it to His will. Offer the grudges to God and ask Him to make it a positive. Help others to see a grudge only denies them love and friendship.
---mikefl on 10/6/06

1 John 2: 9Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. 10Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him[c] to make him stumble. 11But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.
---judit4846 on 10/6/06

They haven't learned how to surrender it to the Lord, in some cases they refuse to surrender it. The problem with not surrendering grudges to the Lord is that God can't forgive that person until they do. They must lay it on the alter, and don't go back, ask God for strength, that He will shed abroad His Love in their heart toward that person, and learn to pray for their enemies, and persecutors, this can't be done within one's on power, one must humble themselves, and let Christ live through them.
---Mrs._Morgan on 10/6/06

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