Grudges can also be used as a form of protection. The ego is heavily involved also. As long as the person holds the grudge they don't have to talk to or speak to the person who has done them wrong(or so they feel) they don't have to confront the problem. They allow the so-called victim to go on and do what they need to do, before coming to grips with what has happened.A grudge bearer could just be very immature and not know how to handle conflict. Grudges serve many purposes. But they are evil and don't work in the long run. God said we must forgive and we must! Forgiveness is one hard lesson for Christians to learn. If we don't do it well we must keep practicing until we master it. |
|
---Robyn on 12/27/09 |
Because they reek with pride.
---Catherine on 12/18/09
Catherine, this is EXACTLY true. Just look at Satan and his pride, and his hate for God and God's people. I'm sure it has to do with holding a grudge as well, being cast out.
The true spirit of Christ in us is forgiving those even who offend us. These are tests put in our path to conform us to the Image of Jesus Christ. It's obvious those without Christ in them, can't exalt anything other than SELF! Self-righteous self at that. Their fruit is purchased at Wal-Mart and scotched taped on. At any given moment of excitement, this plastic fruit falls to the ground, and is as plastic as these are who profess to be Christians. |
|
---kathr4453 on 12/23/09 |
For different reasons, one of the major reasons is because they hurt from the deep pain they were given by the offender. |
|
---Eloy on 12/21/09 |
Catherine, I have read many of your responses and they are right on. So is this one. I think like Jerry that Donna has done exactly what God wanted her to do. It helped her own healing. If she was unable to forgive today she would still be bitter and maybe even hateful. It becomes a cancer in our lives. One of my older brothers was rejected by my mom when he was about 17 years old, and since that time he has always been angry at her and always talking bad about her. He is already 69 years old and he has never changed. My mom is already dead and he still hates her. He separated from the rest of the family because of that. So much has been lost because of that. |
|
---MarkV. on 12/19/09 |
Read These Insightful Articles About Ecommerce
|
Because they reek with pride. |
|
---Catherine on 12/18/09 |
Donna: Bless you! True forgiveness is a prayed-for gift from God. You have definitely been given that gift. I once heard it (grudge holding) described as drinking a glass of poison and expecting it to hurt someone else. Unforgiveness is a cancer that can eat us up if not cured. The cure is simple - pray for the person who offended you. |
|
---jerry6593 on 12/18/09 |
Donna9753: Your post still troubles me. Your father tried to murder you and then you had other problems with your spouse and so forth. You may need more counseling and knowledge to understand forgiveness completely. You can forgive others and we must, but we should also learn from our experiences. Move away from the person that has deeply wounded you in the past. Especially people like your dad whom seems to be a very bad influence in your life. Your relationship with your dad will determine what and how you deal with men, in general.
You need to seek God more on this issue and gain more knowledge on forgiveness to be compltely healed. God bless you angel. |
|
---Robyn on 12/17/09 |
People hold grudges when someone has hurt them. They think holding the grudge will somehow hurt the other person. It is used as a form of punishment. Usually passive people do this. It does not work. Openly confronting the person and the problem is the best way to resolve a problem. |
|
---Robyn on 10/6/07 |
| Read These Insightful Articles About Jewelry
|
My husband does not want to forgive. He holds onto the bitterness, hurt, pain, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, unforgiveness, and grudge holding. He will sometimes try to hurt me back verbally for what he thinks that I did to him. Which I can say I have not. I am a Christain, and my husband who was once saved has backslid. I have forgiven, and still forgive him when he is ugly to me. What prayers can I say. I pray everyday for God to change his heart and open his eyes. |
|
---Angie on 10/4/07 |
I don't think it's a grudge as much as a deep hurt and fear that others may hurt us again. It's a subconscience feeling of self-preservation. We must forgive....to be forgiven but we can't forget the scars of the past and are "on guard" against future wounds, especially when there is no repentance from the offender. |
|
---eloia on 10/16/06 |
I have learnt that if I want to be forgiven by God, I must first make things right with that person I have odds with. After my mom died, my dad remarried. His new wife has 2 daughters (younger than me) one is the same age as my son. So it was hard for me to comprehend that. by me holding that grudge it made things worse in the family. I couldn't move forward in God, so I had to forgive. Now I am free of that burden. |
|
---Rebecca_D on 10/16/06 |
greetings,i knew a man who divorced his wife for adultry.this teacher was refused deaconship(ineligibility because of divorce)"their wives must be grave"("faithful").is it because of his wife who he divorced for his good that he is found to have sinned?and after he confided in God,he said he was not guilty of causing the adultry.yet when after going to the highest authority was refused from the lowest authority.where is forgiveness? |
|
---earl on 10/13/06 |
One comment. My pastor said if you are truly operating in forgiveness, you don't make mention of the sins that have been committed against you. Just as your Father forgives you, you forgive those who've sinned against you. Your relating of every instance says perhaps, there's more here than meets the eye. Only the enemy brings up your past as a reminder to torment you with. |
|
---Shiela on 10/10/06 |
Mercy is the Godly. |
|
---Pharisee on 10/10/06 |
Folks, thank you for your answers. See, I can't understand why people hold grudges because I so easily forgave my father for trying to murder me when I was 25. I'm 47 now and I was told I forgive too easily, so I'm trying to understand why others can't forgive as easily and I've been through hell in my life. Being beat as a child, almost murdered, then beat by my ex-husband and I have absolutely no unforgiveness towards any of these folks. So THANK YOU for helping me understand why people hold grudges. |
|
---Donna9759 on 10/10/06 |
Rebecca, I've read most of your posts from earlier in the summer to present. It appears you operate in forgiveness. |
|
---Shiela on 10/9/06 |
| Read These Insightful Articles About Furniture
|
Because we let Satan enter in. People hold grudges because it is easier to hold a grudge than to swollew our pride and say your sorry. Pride gets in the way, Satan has a ball. I know how hard it is to hold a grudge and apoloize. But it is even harder to hold that grudge in and let it keep on building up. people haven't learned to forgive freely. |
|
---Rebecca_D on 10/9/06 |
Because people are weak and sinful. Maybe some are still struggling with the many onion-like layers of forgiveness.
but instead of worrying about why people hold grudges, search out your own heart. |
|
---Jack on 10/8/06 |
The EGO is heavily involved. Once a person gives up concentration on themselves and center on Christ they will give up their grudges. Seeing others through Christ's eyes, is accepting others with all their faults. You will become sweeter and draw more people to yourself and Christ as you practice this principle. "Let go, and let God" heal the situation. |
|
---Nancy on 10/8/06 |
| Read These Insightful Articles About Flowers
|
There is a Spirit of Absalom, that has Crept in The Heart of the one that is holding on to the Grudge! Read about Absalom, the Son of David Which start at 2 Samuel 13 start there and YOU Will Find out Why? |
|
---renat3893 on 10/7/06 |
It's kind of like being constipated. As long as a person is then they are holding what they have consumed in. But once that person takes a laxative they can release it. Same with unforgiveness. Some hold it in, but when they let it go, by taking in God's grace, then they can walk in liberty. |
|
---Rickey on 10/7/06 |
Here? Our religious discussions are based on what we find comfortable. Some of us hit it from the practical side, some choose beliefs that will make them happy - and there may not be any biblical evidence to support those beliefs. We're seldom neutral on any question with so much variety, and we're sure to disagree. I don't see it as holding a grudge, but sticking with what is comfortable for each one of us. |
|
---Rachel on 10/6/06 |
The answer to your question is given in 2 Peter.
It's called self righteousness, and Peter says it's because we've forgetten that we had to be cleansed from our sins. (2 Peter 1:9) He gives this condition after he speaks of the things that bind Christians together.
Self righteousness is a great devide. It compares between you and me, and judges the other unworthy or guilty when Christ has set us all free. |
|
---Pharisee on 10/6/06 |
| Read These Insightful Articles About Laptops
|
People hold grudges because they like being "victims". They relish self-pity as often as they remember the offense. It seems to justify ANY anger they have, no matter where they choose to direct it.
The damage is mostly to themselves.
The rest of the world goes on.
A good Rx is reading and rereading Matt 18: 23-35 (the ungrateful servant).
We all have the same problem: SELF. But we are CRUCIFIED with Christ. Self is meant to die. And it will, if released to the Savior. |
|
---Donna2277 on 10/6/06 |
All of Ms. Morgans, All of Ms. Judit4846 and just that they are living blatant disobedience...and often fear being shamed for forgiving the other person. |
|
---Amy9384 on 10/6/06 |
Some use a grudge as power over another. Or even justification for their own agenda. Too many people lack the understanding that God will take an offering from them and change it to His will. Offer the grudges to God and ask Him to make it a positive. Help others to see a grudge only denies them love and friendship. |
|
---mikefl on 10/6/06 |
1 John 2: 9Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. 10Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him[c] to make him stumble. 11But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him. |
|
---judit4846 on 10/6/06 |
| Read These Insightful Articles About Lawyer
|
They haven't learned how to surrender it to the Lord, in some cases they refuse to surrender it. The problem with not surrendering grudges to the Lord is that God can't forgive that person until they do. They must lay it on the alter, and don't go back, ask God for strength, that He will shed abroad His Love in their heart toward that person, and learn to pray for their enemies, and persecutors, this can't be done within one's on power, one must humble themselves, and let Christ live through them. |
|
---Mrs._Morgan on 10/6/06 |
|
