Recently Cheated On My Wife
Recently I have cheated on my wife for the first time since we got married, I feel very low, since I love her, I got drunk and it happened. What should I do? Should I tell her? She knows something happened, as she asked me if I was with another woman that day.
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---Raymond on 10/14/06
Helpful Blog Vote (46)
Raymond, I'm sure your future has changed by now, since it has been awhile since you put the blog up. But what I believe you should have done first was to tell you wife. If you love her the way you say, you have to think of her well being, concerning her health. You have no clue if the woman you slept with had any kind of diease. If she had HIV you will be held responsible for her health. That is more important then keeping the secret to yourself just because you don't want to get dumped. There is consequences in sin. Sometimes very big ones.
---Mark_V. on 9/2/12|
That you must realize and there is no repentance for this.
That is not true at all. holy scripture states no sin is greater than another. The Lord Jesus is the mediator between The Father and man. The followers of Christ are here to overcome. We are not perfect and we will sin. Just like all the Apostles did. repent and pray for forgiveness and as the Lord Jesus told the adulterous go and sin no more.
---Follower_of_Christ on 8/31/12|
I cheated on my wife to we being together 4 four and half years the best thing you can do is to tell you're wife you cheated that's if you cheated as I on this rite I just told my wife everything I did but don't get me wrong I would never do this again in amen to all and god is always with
---mr2fye on 8/19/12|
By being married and a saint this what you have done in God,s eyesight he is the one that you have to deal with.
there is more that you don't know but this is the main thing now. That you must realize and there is no repentance for this.
(1Cor 3:16-17 [NET])
Do you not know that you are Gods temple and that Gods Spirit lives in you?
If someone destroys Gods temple, God will destroy him. For Gods temple is holy, which is what you are.
---Royll on 9/30/10|
I cheated on my wife for the second time after telling her I'll never do it again. I really want to tell her but don't know how. Last time she said she'll leave me. I'm a minister and I feel so low right now. I know it's God's Will for me to tell her so that I can be healed. But it's like I rather be broken inside than to destroy my marriage. But because I rather do God's Will, then no matter what happens, I know he'll be pleased!
---Lamont on 9/27/10|
I don't get it,do not hurt her by telling... should have thought about it before you cheated. It was done to me after 15 years and oh boy does it hurt. Cheating is disgusting and there is no excuse we all now right from wrong. I hope that it is true and it will come right back to all cheaters and give them a taste on how it feels to be cheated on. This oh I'm so sorry makes me want to vomit.
---Alex_Ramsey on 8/17/10|
I'll try to be breif. I recently confessed cheating on my spouse. This was after almost nine years of marriage she confessed to sleeping with my brother in-law. I forgave her but I feel a small part of what I did was to get back at her. Yet, mostly with issues I didn't deal with.I cheated recently and it happend on 5 occasions over two months. She did it once. Sin is sin in my eyes. I just want to heal.I drew the line I had to exspose it or I belive I'd never stop.So I told the truth no matter the consequences.I have always been faithful. Please pray for us as we indivisually heal with the help of God. Thankyou
---David on 7/27/10|
you took the first step to responsibility for your actions which most self-professing christians will never do preferring to hide their actions living a lie ...and under guise of hurting their spouse they can never take responsibility for their actions almost guarantee it will happen again at a later time
next step is to forgive yourself
then you and your wife can rebuild a stronger marriage based on love and trust
cannot rebuild trust character and integrity and communication by yourself
---Rhonda on 5/26/10|
I just told my wife last night i cheated. I cant even began to thank GOD enough. I felt very convicted and made every excuse not to tell her. I began to cry so much because i knew i hurt her. She instantly forgave me and that was the last thing i expected. I didnt want to tell her because it would hurt her. She is an excellent girl and I believe you need to tell your wife. Thats the last thing you want to hear. I still fill horrible and am crying non stop but i know this was GODS WILL. Please pray for my wife, she is doing great but please keep her in your prayers. Thanks and good luck
---J on 5/25/10|
It very heart breaking to hear that. I just found out my husband of 11 months cheated on me. We have been together for 6 yrs before we got married. It happened the same way urs did. He had some drinks with some coworkers and it just happened. So he said. First get tested, my husbands did and now has a std which he is being treated for. Second be truthful wit ur wife she dersever to know. Be open and explain this carefully and be ready for what ever she might say or do. You might want to stop drinking. I can tell you that this is a heart breakin experience, but im glad my husband told me and I have forgiven him. I hope u truely feel sorry and that u never break the heart of the woman u choose to be ur wife. My prays go out for ur marriage.
---jay on 4/21/10|
I committed adultery 1 and half years ago and my wife recently found out. I hid it from her for so long because I did not want to hurt her or our family. I now believe in James 5:16 Confess your faults so that you maybe healed. Hiding it is never good it just hurts more in the long run. I have always believed in God but, never followed him. I have since been saved and still have a hard time expressing everything to my wife. Bottom line confess no matter the consequences. If you haven't sinned yet. Go tell your wife you love her and pray.
---Lost on 12/9/09|
I understand the part about adultery. An affair I had a years ago came back to haunt me. WHat is funny is my journaling for the last couple of days begged God to help me with temptation. It has been eating at me for awhile. My wife found out and confronted me. When I told her what had happened, she gave me a hug and told me she forgives me. I thank God we opened our hearts to Him. God can heal, Christ took the sacrafice for us. Believe in Him, he will set you free. I still carry guilt and my wife, bless her, has been a crutch coping with my selfish action . Thank God for her. Praise God....He is real. Confront the wife, I wish I had done this a long time ago, we have no control over anything, it is in God's control.....ALWAYS.
---richard on 9/23/09|
Morale of my monologue is unless you are bent upon cheating your wife it is no cakewalk. That is what I think and donot call me naive.
---rajib_das on 9/4/09
not at all a very wise thought
in america it is called evading the truth of your wise insight ...most americans claiming "christianity" do ALL of this YET claim they didn't ...and it "just happened" ...attempting to explain cheating as a miraculous miracle without any thought action or planning
although I don't know how people who cheat handle the enormous stress on their mind body and soul of living a double life
---Rhonda on 9/4/09|
Suppose you got married at the age of 25, so till the age of say 60 when you are physically active I beleive it is quite natural that man will be attracted by woman other than his wife many times.
But as I think nomally,this is only one part of the story.
In our country (India I mean) to have physical relation with other women(leave aside prostitute)I have to plan and execute so many tasks.
First, convey my intensions to the other women, convince her, make plan that we can be togather alone etc.I donot think it is so easy.
Morale of my monologue is unless you are bent upon cheating your wife it is no cakewalk. That is what I think and donot call me naive.
---rajib_das on 9/4/09|
I cheated on my wife but my circumstances I think were unique. She became sick about 8 years ago and we drifted apart because we were unable to sleep in the same bed because of her then breathing problems and basically were seperated while living in the same house. Relations were maybe a couple times a year and I strayed because I had gotten the attention I had longed for from someone else when my wife wasn't willing to. She is coming around, getting herself back on track and I will not be telling her that I strayed. It only relieve my guilt and destroy her. She is back to the person I married 13 years ago that has been missing and telling her would ruin all of her progress. I will however confess my sins to God and ask his forgiveness.
---Paul on 9/1/09|
There are always consequences, regardless if you confess to your wife or not. Can you live with this secret? I too found myself in this situation, and I choose not to tell. Maybe I choose this because of my shame. I believe the truth would cause too much pain and the marraige might end due to revealing this secret. It won't happen again. The hardest part is living with the guilt and carrying the weight of this with you everyday. There is always the chance that what happened will be revealed somehow, someday by someone else. Then what if you had decided not to tell. I think that would be worse than if you had come clean. So I live with that fear Everyday. I hope I did the right thing?
---Kathleen on 5/7/09|
When a spouse commits adultery they absolutely have to tell their other half! No excuses! Trust me, I know. I cheated on my wife and I debated telling her, but the Holy Spirit convicted me and I had to tell her. It has been a very rough road and the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, but our marriage is better because I was honest. Also by not telling your spouse, you are leaving the door open to commit adultery again. The bible says "confess you sins to one another and you will be healed." God is so good and he can heal any marriage!!!! God is a Holy God, but until the unfaithful spouse comes clean, God can not heal your marriage. Trust God with you life and with your marriage. Amen! God is so good and all the Glory is his!
---David on 4/30/09|
Raymond, First i guess you will not be getting drunk anymore? Jesus says forgive seven times how many? If your wife suspects(even if she did't) then should be you be honest and let her know, and be there to help with the pain.By the way getting drunk is not an excuse. God bless.
---freeda on 8/16/07|
I would have said not to tell her since it was a one time thing. But since she suspects something maybe you should. Who know? What I would suggest is that you find out why you did it in the first place. Why put yourself in a compromising situation?
---Mary on 8/16/07|
What should you do? #1--Get your life right with God now. #2 Stop drinking. #3 Don't tell your wife and make her miserable also. And, please don't say that you are right with God. If you were, you would not be drinking and committing adultery.
---Susie on 5/16/07|
Raymond, the Word says confess your faults one to another that you may be healed. James 5:16. Remember, the Lord works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him.
---Christina on 11/29/06|
I think you should tell her. My husband and I have been friends for 8 years dated 3 of them and then got married. We were married five months when he cheated on me. This was his first time and completly out of character for him, he was very faithful and loyal while dating He told me the next day after he did it. I decided to try to work things out, its very very hard, but I am still glad he told me and that I didnt have to find out some other way. I had a feeling that something wasnt right.
---Angela on 11/28/06|
It's not always right to tell your spouse if you cheated. It would depend on the circumstances and if telling her was done solely to make you feel better and get rid of your guilt or if it was because you sincerely wanted to make amends.
If drinking causes you to do stupid stuff - don't drink.
---grace3869 on 11/19/06|
I think most everyone here is on the same page, you should tell, you should repent, you should stop drinking, being sorry isn't good enough, repenting, caring enough to stop, caring enough to make it right, you wife already asked so she knows somethings up, it's better to tell than for her to find out from someone else.
---Jesse on 10/24/06|
Tell her and repent to her. Show her the fruit of repentence by turning your heart to Jesus, and praying and asking Jesus to show you HOW not to do this again. "If you walk by the Spirit, you won't carry out the desires of your flesh." Pharisee is right, take his advice. Everyone here gave great advice. Read it, let it sink in, and keep reading it...their advice is right on.
---Donna9759 on 10/16/06|
Tell her the truth. How can you expect to come clean with God if you can't come clean with your wife? Ask your wife to forgive you first then go to God. Because it won't do you a bit of good to go to God first. Because unless you ask to be forgiven by your wife, God can't forgive you. You wronged her.
---Rebecca_D on 10/16/06|
You say you love her. Then LOVE her: tell her everything and when you promise do as you say
---Dawn on 10/15/06|
Raymond you didn't cheat because you were tempted beyond what you are capable of enduring.
You cheated because you are not disciplined by the words of Christ not to look upon another woman to lust after her.
You cheated long before now and you need to start with that. This may be how she "knows" something happened.
---Pharisee on 10/15/06|
Linda3939, well said. Many people condemn themselves through following alcohol and sin, rather than following Jesus and the Holy Spirit. We cannot serve two masters, it is Jesus and him only all the way, or not at all. I know that if he was about the Father's business, that is, reading the Bible, praying and worshipping God, singing spiritual songs, or helping the less fortunate, then he would not have participated in any sin, for it is not possible to be serving God and also serving sin at the same time.
---Eloy on 10/15/06|
Ask God's forgiveness first of all. If you think that your wife can take it, ask for hers also but be prepared for the possibility that she might not be forigiving. As for telling the church I'd say don't unless the other person is also a member of your church. Churches, sadly, are not filled to the rafters with born-again believers. Some will not be encouraging, sympathetic or willing to pray for you. Some are simply gossips and this will not remain within the church walls once you tell.
---emg on 10/15/06|
I'm sorry that you fell into this temtation.What did Jesus say? He who is without sin-cast the 1st stone. Jesus Did not come to comdemn. Face the reason you drank and sinned. Be honest, talk to Jesus,for help to learn how to walk in Spirit aviod sin...Drinking is a trap. Jocelyn and Sam are compassionate!
---Linda3939 on 10/15/06|
If she were you, and you in her place, how would you feel being cheated on by your husband? would you want him to tell you? would you want to know? She may or may not forgive you, she may divorce you. The first thing is to throw out any alcohol you have, and swear off ever touching it again as long as you live. Then go to her and admit your wrong and seriously apologize for hurting her and beg her forgiveness. Pray together in prayer for the healing of your union, and for God's forgiveness for your sin.
---Eloy on 10/15/06|
What does the Bible say to do. The reason you go to church is to have fellowship. You share your life with each other, encourage each other. So, what do yu do? Go to the person you offended. Ask for forgiveness. Then go to your fellowship group and tell them you had a problem. If it's a good church, they will help you through the crisis and encourage you not to do it again.
---Steveng on 10/14/06|
Well Bro,you messed up.You need to ask God's forgiviness and also your wife.Have yourself checked out with a Dr.You don't need tp pass anything along to your wife.You need to start being honest with yourself and your wife.God,knows your heart,so now repent.I'll keep your wife and you in my prayers.I hope you don't have kids,it will be hard enough on your wife.
---Bobby on 10/14/06|
You obviously have some sort of drinking problem, or you would not be using it as an excuse for your adultery. You need to get into recovery for your drinking and marital therapy for your marriage.
---Madison1101 on 10/14/06|
We should always make things right with our spouses,you are one in God's eyes and it seems she already knows. Pray and ask forgiveness and start getting into your word and praying more in order to renew your mind so you can overcome the lust of the flesh and worldly desires. It says in Ephesians walk after the Spirit and die to our flesh but we to have the Word in us[It's Powerful].
---Jocelyn on 10/14/06|
**nd, please don't say that you are right with God. If you were, you would not be drinking and committing adultery.**
Susie, do your own sins mean that you are not right with God, either--or does this apply to other people and their sins?
Remember, if you say you have no sin, Susie, you deceive yourself, and the Truth (Jesus) is NOT IN YOU.
---Jack on 10/14/06|
Tell her and seek counseling for your drinking problem. Also repent for your sins of drunkenness and adultery...God will forgive you! He is full of mercy!
---sam on 10/14/06|