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About To Marry A Non-Christian

I'm engaged to be married to a non christian guy- I'm trying to change his life around, seems like its not going anywhere. Been thinking if I made the right choice( I love him) should I wait for a christian guy to come along or should I just go ahead and marry him, hoping that he'll change his life.

Moderator - If you are a Christian, you can't marry a non-christian according to scripture.

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Take a look at 1 Corinthians 7:14 this verse can be taken different ways, but if the saved spouse holds true to loving God above all else and dying to self to live for Christ, the verse says to me that God will perform a work in the heat of the unsaved spouse. I am not saying what is right and what isn't, only God can do that... but many Christians have no idea what the Word says, so go read it and pray on it.
---James on 6/3/09

As a pastor and a man, I can tell you that marriages of this sort rarely remain happy. I have good friends that were going to "Change" the non-believer, who wound up quitting God to please the non-believer. Also the Bible states that the wife is to be in subjection to her husband. That is hard for a Christian woman to do with a non-believing husband. He usually (but not always) will try to arrange things to keep her away from her Christian friends and church. Although there are exceptions, this is usually the case. God deserves a complete Christian Family rather than part of a Christian family. I suggest a lot of prayer and Bible study. Then find a Christian man who daily proves his love for God! Prayers for you!
---Ron on 4/22/09

I kindof slipped on that one, i married a well as he was anti- but of course during our court-ship, he emphasised w/ my relationship w/ God & acted as if he was a true believer, until about 1yr into our marriage is when i really found out the truth. No he isnt like Satan or anything, all of my family & our friends thinks he is just it! But of course they dont see the real side, anyways.if i had it to do all over again, i would have not given up my single-parent life for anything, sure i have more things, but i am always miserable & left feeling unwanted now that my children are gone!
---Cathy on 4/22/09

ann marie

Marry the devils son and it's certain you'll get in trouble with your father-in-law.
---Carla3939 on 4/16/09

NO NO NO u should not marry a non christian, don't u belive the word of God? he warns us not to, if you are a REAL christian and live it he will hate u later down the road.I Know I becane a christian after marrage and I cant even began to tell you the hell I have gone thur, and I am not the only one,all who live godly will suffer persecution, 2 timothy 3 verse 12, if anyone says otherwise are not living a christian life and only have a label,are you willing to take that chance knowing u can marry only ones? if u follow the bible then obey Gods warning,only God changes man so forget about changeing him he will only drag u down
---norma on 4/5/09

Anne-marie, the question is not if the man is a nice guy, the question is
how much is CHRIST worth too you? the bible cannot be more clear upon this subject, yet manny Christians do not love Jesus sufficiently to give up their own fleshly desires. that is actually the whole question do you love Christ enough to obey him to do what you hate doing. remember if you take anything above Jesus, you are not worthy of Him.
and believe me, i wish there was an easy way in saying this.
---Andy on 3/31/09

I'm shocked by the harsh replies.I'm engaged to a non christian as well.He is the sweetest,kindest man I have ever met.He is supportive of me being a christian and he is always there for me.I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.Yes,I wish he was a christian,but I want him to be one when he decides it.Do what you feel in your heart to be right,and pray for him.I wouldn't break it off with him because he's not a christian.You may regret it deeply.
---ann_marie on 2/27/09

The Moderator is right. Wrong choice, Do not be unequally yoked together with nonbelievers. Stop the engagemnet, and follow Christ.
---Eloy on 1/29/09

I have experience here b/c my first husband said he was a believer and later turned around and is now an atheist. Please realize that compatibility between the two of you may be great, but if/when you have children there will be a HUGE difference in how you want them raised and they will see a "split" household in that sense which may feel awkward or confusing to them. God bless.
---Melinda on 1/29/09


I don't think anyone means to be cruel, the Bible does tell us not to be yoked with unbelievers. I have a cousin who married an unbeliever (against the counsel of myself and another cousin) who said he would go to church with her. That didn't last long. Now she has four children and an atheist husband who makes it very difficult for her to go to church or teach the children about God.

I Cor. 7:14 is addressing people who are already married, not whether or not they should have gotten married in the first place. Once married, God wants that marriage to succeed. In advising someone not to marry an unbeliever, the desire is to save them the heartbreak and the difficulties.
---Laurie on 1/29/09

The bible tells us not to marry an unsaved person.not to be unequaily yoked together 2Co 6-14
---Betty on 1/29/09

The average marriage lasts less than 4 years in Canada. I'm sure your country is not much difference. Now what makes you think that you can better that when your going to do something that has even worse statistics? It's difficult enough to marry someone you are equally yoked with, let alone marry someone who you aren't. Save yourself the best years of your life and don't make this historically mad mistake. One more thing you should learn from history is that husbands usually don't get better after they are married.
---john on 1/28/09

For your sake and the long run, please don't marry an unbeliever. One's spiritual life is the most important part of a marriage relationship. If you marry an unbeliever, that's a major area that will create extra challenges. It's pretty clear the Bible would advise against that. (to say it mildly).
Please do not go into a relationship thinking you will change that person. That goes for any relationship. That other person will be wanting to change you. As a saying goes, "I was going to let them change me after I changed them, but they blew it and wouldn't let me change them first."
---Rod on 1/28/09

I'm a Christian who married non-Christian, and I'm rather disappointed by the cruel tone of most replies

it's not a sin to marry non-Christian. Please don't feel like you're doing something wrong. (Ex: I Corinthians 7:14). However, marrying non-Christian DOES add extra difficulties. But what's really important is you're compatible and can communicate (and not that she should end everything solely because he's non-Christian).

Before marrying my Non-Christian, we had in-depth talks about how we'd allow each other to practice their religions, accept each other's families, and raise kids. Although it's been hard, he's truly the kindest, most considerate, and understanding man I've met and I couldn't have married a better person.
---Maria on 1/28/09

Yes, better not to marry this man. My experience showed me the other person may pretend to get along with you just to get married to you. What if he plans to change you for his own reasons?

Biblically speaking, read the book of Ezra, this prophet made a whole lot of men leave their strange wives and children because marrying outside diluted the faith and caused people to stray from God. Or even see the example of King Solomon who inspite of being the wisest king, fell from faith and put up idols because of his wives, inviting God's anger.

There are very few Non-Christian spouses who have genuinely accepted Christ and changed, there are some who did it just to please the other and some who will not allow you to follow your faith.

You have just one life. Ask God what to do with and whom you should share it with according to His perfect plan.

God bless You
---Henrietta on 6/19/08

you could marry a non-christian. But IS IT GOOD FOR ME?. he'll be living in a wordly sense.
turning someone's life around is God's business - Please hear me - it's hard and frustrating I married a non-christian I regret the decision to be unequally yoked. The life of a christian wife and an unsaved husband is extremely difficult -married men don't change what you see is what you get !!!! Pray and listen - who is telling you to get married,is it God or is it your voice.. God Bless
---sue on 6/9/08

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I married a non Christian, I would love to share some things with you, but it's impossible to do in less than 85 words. E-mail me, I'd like to share my expereince with you and pray with you. Be very sure that this is something that God is calling you to do.. D.M. Harrington
---DawnMaria on 4/23/08

IF... you are wise, Mary, you won't do it.
Know this: It isn't a sin, HOWEVER, it CAN be the greatest mistake that you make in your entire life.
Of ALL the (150,or so) people that I knew that married an unbeliever, about 149 of them suffered greatly, some for DECADES !!!
With out Jesus, Without the the bible,or Torah even, as a person's moral compass, what prevents them from doing wrong, or immoral things to you, or your future children.
Don't do it friend!
---timotheus on 4/18/08

1 Cor 7:8
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.

1Cr 7:9
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

What you have quoted is incorrect it is Not better to marry an unsaved man stating it's better than to burn!
---Carla5754 on 4/18/08

Like Saul/Paul said "It's better to Marry, Than BURN"
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 4/17/08

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Marry without God in both your lives and after the wedding you'll end up entertaining your Father Inlaw The DEVIL !
---Carla5754 on 4/17/08

1Cor. 7:
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean, but now are they holy.
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 4/15/08

Why are you trying to "change is life around"? Is it for his benefit, or for yours (so you can "legitimately" marry him)?

Jesus said that you shouldn't cast your pearls before swine - they'll just trample them first, and then you.

There is also a more modern saying: "It's useless to try to teach a pig to sing. It doesn't work, and it annoys the pig."
---StrongAxe on 4/15/08

We all have free will to do what we want but the bible does not support maryring somebody who doesn't worship the God that you supposedly serve. You are to love God more than anyone and what he says should be 1st above what you want.
---Angie on 4/15/08

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for a believer to marry a non believerbis asdking for trouble will kids be brought upchristian or not? there will be tensions within the masrriage logically marriage is inckluded in be not uneqwually yoked because a believer and a non believer in marriage are unequally yoked one heaven bound one hell bound one living byu God's laws one not
---doree4573 on 4/14/08

I must ask all who point to 2nd Cor 6 - show me from the context that this talks about marriage. If you look at the context of the whole book, it talks about false apostles. If this talked about marriage, it could not be ok to stay yoked in the marriage with non-believers after conversion but as in the OT divorce would be required.
---Jan on 4/14/08

You have the right heart towards it and God looks at the heart 1 Sam 16:7. It does actually say if you marry a none believer and he excepts you then don't divorce them (1 Cor 7:13), who is to say that you won't save him in time (1 Cor 7:16). Seek the Lord over it. Some Christians are too quick to point the finger and judge others (Matthew 7:1) Do not judge or you too will be judged.
---Ian on 4/12/08

i've just ended an engagement to a non christian.i had no issues of marriage to non christian, but became uneasy about it,asked people for answers, then realised the only one who could give me the answer is God.i prayed for wisdom,and became aware that my first priority (God),is his last - and our marriage wont's heartbreaking, but a relief too.everyones situation is different,nobody can give you this answer except the Lord. keep praying, listen to the Holy Spirit, and you will get your answer.
---nicky on 10/29/07

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i've just ended an engagement to a non christian.i had no issues of marriage to non christian, but became uneasy about it,asked people for answers, then realised the only one who could give me the answer is God.i prayed for wisdom,and became aware that my first priority (God),is his last - and our marriage wont's heartbreaking, but a relief too.everyones situation is different,nobody can give you this answer except the Lord. keep praying, listen to the Holy Spirit, and you will get your answer.
---nicky on 10/29/07

If the bible says NOT to have relationships with a unbeliever, because there in no communion. Marry in haste guaranteed you'll Repent at LEISURE. It is not worth the next blog to READ:

''Can I remarry because my spouse is unbelieving, my life is in misery, after marriage he didn't changed, now I am so unhappy''
---Carla5754 on 10/29/07

If you really love him and he really loves you and you are willing to accept and respect each other I dont see why you cant be happy together. This is a Christian blog and the mainstream opinion is clear.However, I dont think that being open-minded means being away from God, He loves you.
---Luis on 10/28/07

This unbeliever shouldnt be your idol! Love obeying God more than youd love to marry this guy! Sometimes we suffer after making the right choices, but we gain knowledge and understanding too. A good husband is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Honey, the Spirit might be telling you that this guy probably won't be able to love you or your children the way you all should be loved (because he can be controlled by Satan easily). Dont marry him!
---Adina on 3/30/07

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Is being Christian to associate only with other Christians? Is there not a view in Christianity to save others?

I believe if you are considering marriage with this person, you know the heart of the person. If you don't - you are rushing into your marriage. If you do, use your own wisdom to determine if he or she is going to be someone positive in your life and support your faith, your belief.

Numbers 12:1 mentions God supporting Moses' decision to be with a non-israelite.
---Richard on 3/23/07

If you have been trying and it is not working, what makes you think he is going to change once you are married. There must be other things important, that you have to consider, like how are you going to raise your children. Will you be going to church alone? Do you really want to willingly put yourself through all that pain. Think again. Do you just want to get married for the sake of getting married. Is this relationship not giving you enough doubt already. Welcome to talk. Junia 6337
---Junia on 3/20/07

How can two walk together unless they be agreed. That's what the Bible says. I was married to a man who did not know the Lord and I had the worse 9 years of my life. Oh in the beginning it was great but then as time went on, it became apparent it was not going to work. It was pure hell. Don't do it. Wait on the Lord.
---Yolanda on 3/20/07

II Corinthians 6:14 says "Do not be yolked together with unbelievers" Let me tell you, there is no harmony in a home where one spouse is an unbeliever. I am living this daily, and it is a struggle that has almost literally killed me. I pray for my spouse, but would never EVER put myself in this situation again knowing and believing what I know and believe now. DO NOT put yourself in a marriage with a man that does not follow the Lord's word.
---Amy on 3/20/07

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You should not marry a non-believer because the two of you are NOT THE SAME NATURE. He/she cannot understand spiritual things! If you know what's good for you, you will stay away from the non christian.

There some good non-christian spouses and there are also bad christian spouses. But a christian who is walking in the ways of God is the best spouse one can ever have.

Be blessed!
---TRZ on 11/21/06

It's hard from me to say on this Pray for guidance, My Parents , have been married over 2o years, and My mom is saved and my dad is not. So you have to know in your heart what is right for you
---Tonya on 11/11/06

I would also like to say if you want a divorce from this spouse because you are fighting all the time, you'd have to make a pretty interesting case if you want to use scripture, because doesnt' say a thing about stayining in a marriage if you married a non-christian as a christian, it only says that it's ok if you became a christian after you were married. (usually this is where unequally yoked marriages end up)
---Jared on 11/10/06

all things are permissable but not benificial. If you marry a nonchristian as a christian you are asking for troubles. You will fight about "religion" all the time, and the Non christian will probably influence you away from your faith (stop your growth) you will probably not convince them.
---Jared on 11/10/06

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Don't do it. What will you have in common with him? Darkness and Light have no common factor. Eventually you will get tired of going to church alone, living your spiritual life single... it's not worth it. Trust me... Your life will be very lonely.
I know.
---lacy5495 on 11/10/06

Marrying him right now would be an act of rebellion against God. Remember Solomon the wisest man who ever lived? He ignored God on this point and look he ended up bowing down to idols. None of us are Solomon if he was lead astray with all his Godly wisdom, how much easier for you. I've had this struggle myself, given this advice before. Call off the engagement. Truth is if you disobey God and marry him, this man may consider your faith a joke and he may not respect your witness anyway.
---Linda32708 on 10/25/06

Don't do it, Josephine, please. Wait on God. Five or six months down the road, or one year, you'll be glad you did. Look how we've all been told how meek stingrays are. If you are a Christian, surrender, Jesus will help you.
---Raine on 10/20/06

Josephine - To obey God?
---Helen_5378 on 10/20/06

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So, basically, Josephine you really didn't want our advice. You will go ahead and marry a non-believer hoping he would change. How about praying for him to change BEFORE you marry him? God can do that! You can't!
---Susie on 10/19/06

If he is such a great guy, why do you want to "fix him"? Nor should you EVER marry until you understand WHY its important for you to try to "fix" any man.
---John_T on 10/19/06

Hey guys this is Josephine -thanks for your suggestions & opinions, really appreciate it. The story is that I was a non christian when I became engaged- after being engaged I became a christian which my fiancee didnt. I know now as a christian I'm not suppose to marry a non christian but why should I just break it off with him just because I turned a christian. I'm praying and hoping that he'll change his life around just like I did mine.
---Josephine on 10/19/06

DONT DO IT! i can tell you from experience i did and i am sorry believe dear that God loves you hun and knows what will make you happy and what will make you miserable listen to him listen to his word you are christian you are in a different world from him marriage will not work it wont its true God knows and its up to GOD, the Holy Spirit to change your boyfriends life not yours you cant change him its not your place or your ability or your job but i promise you will be sorry if you do
---julie on 10/18/06

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You can only plant the seed , it is up to God to water it , only he can change him, but ask the lord for guidance, there is hope in Jesus Christ
---Starr on 10/18/06


Are you still with us? Do you plan to take the good advice given here - advice you asked for? Or do you plan to ignore all of us and go ahead with this? It would be nice to hear back from you!
---Crystal on 10/17/06

What is it that you are trying to change in the guy? Is it just that he is not Christian? Before Corinthians II "...unequally yoked...";
there was Corinthians I, chapter 7.
---Nana on 10/16/06

DO NOT marry him! Trust me. I had to learn the hard way why we aren't to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. My marriage lasted only 8 years and it was the worst 8 years of my life! I couldn't even read my Bible around him. I had to sneak out just to go to church. And we always fussed about how to raise our daughter. Please don't go into this thinking that you can change him. You can't! Only God can change a persons heart.
---Kay on 10/16/06

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Sometimes, you people are too stric and even sound a little self-righteous. Josephine asked a decent question, there is no need to hang her for it. Josephine, trust me, if you marry him you will regret it later down the line and this is not God's will for you. A person will not really change because he or she likes you, he or she will have to find the revelation that will bring knowledge that will bring salvation.
---Okebaram on 10/16/06

As A christian you need to adhear to the word of God, which teaches againts being unequally yoked.( christian marrying non-christian)2Cor.6:14-18.
Yu cannot change any one .Only God can bring change. Sandy5935
---Sandra on 10/16/06

STOP!!!! DO NOT PASS GOAL!!!! DO NOT COLLECT $200!!!!! Sound like a game to you? It is! What you are playing is a game. You cannot change anyone, so stop trying to do it. It is not fair to him or to yourself to think he will change. If he does change and become the kind of Christian man he should be, would you still love him. You love him while he is a heathen! That should be a clue!!!
---Susie on 10/16/06

Can you imagine being this guy's wife, loving him, and yet knowing that he will not be going to heaven?
---alan8869_of_UK on 10/16/06

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The rate for divorce in Christian marriages is 37-43 percent [denomination dependent] why do you want to take an action that is going to dramatically increase the odds of failure.

Don't be in a big hurry, he probably won't change. You will likely find someone better.

And current statistics show that married couples are currently in the minority in living situations just under 50%, now some biblically illiterate idiot is going to blog that this is another end time prophecy.
---notlaw99 on 10/16/06

Josephine, please DO NOT marry a non-Christian man! You are setting yourself up for heartache AND you are disobeying the Word of God, just as our brothers and sisters here have said. Wait on God for a Christian mate!
---Mrs._Williams on 10/16/06

Here's how to have a TERRIBLE marriage: I'm trying to change his life around, seems like its not going anywhere.

You are NOT his mother, he has one.
You are NOT his therapist; only he can change himself--if he wants.
You are NOT beginning the marriage on a good foot. You are about to marry your ideal, not who he is now.

If he is such a great guy, why do you want to "fix him"? Nor should you EVER marry until you understand WHY its important to "fix" any man.
---JohnT on 10/16/06

If you have compromised the word of God by choosing to disobey it, which is what you're doing, because the bible says, "DO NOT BE unequally together with unbelievers, for what does Christ have in common with Belial," You will never have a successful marriage living with a non Christian guy. Why do you want to disobey God? Jesus said, "If you love me, you'll obey me." Don't you love the Lord? Why disobey him then?
---Donna9759 on 10/16/06

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Josephine, I married a Christian guy, or so I thought. He got saved in my church, got the Baptism of the HS, prayed in tongues, went to church with me every Sunday and he ended up abusing me and being arrested for Domestic Violence and Illegal wire tapping. AND our pastor swears he is saved. Today I am divorced and healing from all of the abuse he put me through.
---Donna9759 on 10/16/06

No woman has ever changed her husband after marriage. (The opposite applies, too.)

If you are having second thoughts about your marriage, DON'T GET MARRIED. Maybe God's trying to tell you something.
---Jack on 10/16/06


Don't be foolish. Listen to wise cousel. Do NOT marry an unsaved man thinking that you can change him. That is both arrogant and foolhardy. Only GOD can change a person and then, only if they choose to be changed by surrendering their will to His. You will be miserable, and the Word of God commands us not to be unequally yoked. What fellowship does light have with dark? Good question and one you should seriously contemplate. I'll pray for you.
---Crystal on 10/16/06

There are no guarantees in life but to marry a non-Christian is quite scary to proceed into for life is very hard to marry anyway. The moderator speaks truth, if you are a Christian, you can't marry a non-Christian. My advice is you will know them by their fruits, the fact that you say you are hoping that he will change his life tells me you are not marrying the man God has chosen for you. He wants you to worship Him together in Him. If you marry this is not an option until he knows Christ.
---joan4689 on 10/16/06

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There are no guarantees in life but to marry a non-Christian is quite scary to proceed into for life is very hard to marry anyway. The moderator speaks truth, if you are a Christian, you can't marry a non-Christian. My advice is you will know them by their fruits, the fact that you say you are hoping that he will change his life tells me you are not marrying the man God has chosen for you. He wants you to worship Him together in Him. If you marry this is not an option until he knows Christ.
---joan4689 on 10/16/06

There are no guarantees in life but to marry a non-Christian is quite scary to proceed into for life is very hard to marry anyway. The moderator speaks truth, if you are a Christian, you can't marry a non-Christian. My advice is you will know them by their fruits, the fact that you say you are hoping that he will change his life tells me you are not marrying the man God has chosen for you. He wants you to worship Him together in Him. If you marry this is not an option until he knows Christ.
---joan4689 on 10/16/06

My dear, I agree with all those who say don't marry him. I have seen over and over again the sorry and unhappiness that it causes when you marry a non- Christian. You can not change him by marrying him. Only God can do that. And also you will be out of God's will and out from under His blessing, Wait for the one God has for you or you will be deeply sorry. Please, please don't do it. I will pray for you to see God's will in the matter. love in Christ
---barba5348 on 10/16/06

With this type of relationship it can go either way. If the spirit in you is stronger than the spirit in him then he will change with God's help. But if the spirit in him is stronger than the spirit in you, you will change with satan's help. Now how strong is the spirit (God) in you?
---Rebecca_D on 10/16/06

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You're heading into a deep long dark time of disappointment. Reassess the situation consider what the moderator's answer was, STOP, don't do this.
---mima on 10/16/06

It's not your job to "change" him. Perhaps, you can be a good, positive, Christian role model, but it remains his decision. A marriage won't work if you believe your need to change him. Either accept him or don't marry him.
---Annie on 10/16/06

You'll never change his life around.

Understand your attraction to him and why you want to marry. If you've been physical already you must stop to gain spiritual insight. The flesh and the spirit are at war, and friends with flesh means enemy to spirit.

If you fully follow Christ, you'll see betond the physical attraction, and really get to the heart of the matter: what do we truly have in common?
---Pharisee on 10/16/06

This package gets delivered to women every day. When they open it up after the wedding day, there's no returning it back to the store. It comes with a high price tag. The Bible strongly warns the believer can be pulled into darkness by the unbeliever. That hoping you can change him is risky. Why not throw this fish back and wait for God to send you the catch of the day.
---Shiela on 10/16/06

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This is called missionary dating. The Bible says do not be yoked (married) to unbelievers. What can darkness (unsaved) have in common with light (saved)? There is a possibility he may never get saved.
---sam on 10/16/06

we obviously cant make choices for you my sister but the word of God tells us that its only God alone who is able to give salvation through Christ Jesus. we cannot make anybody become who we want them to be,no matter how much we try, its his choice to be a christian
.what if he is also trying to change you to his way of thinking/life style?as for you having made the right choice the fact that you have doubts now should tell you what you already know as a child of God.
---stone7885 on 10/16/06

What if he doesn't convert?
---Mrs._Morgan on 10/16/06

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