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I Want To Quit My Affair

I've been married for over a decade, a pastor, a musician, and have had and am having several adulterous affairs, I want to quit but do not know how. I will destroy my family and my church. What do I do?

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 ---Johnny on 10/24/06
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See private counseling with someone you can trust. Eventually you will have to tell your wife, but it will be easier to tell her if you are getting counseling to show you are trying to stop.
---sam on 8/26/07

Get Delivered!
---bob6749_[Elishama] on 11/27/06

please turn youself over to GOD and your wife. it wont kill them. the devil comes only to still, kill & destroy, but the I AM has come to give you life. there is blessing & cursing; life & death. Father says chose LIFE. my husband has just confessed his affairs. GOD is the GOD of the impossble. RUN to him. He loves you...
---freda on 11/27/06

U serious several affairs?How do U find time to prepare the sermon, play music & your family? Keep everyone's name straight no joke? What about b-days/holidays how do U afford it? A woman scorned is NOT a pretty sight & one of these gals is gonna get ticked & blow the whistle so face the music now. Arent U afraid of disease? Even w/protection this is not fool proof. U need to come clean, repent, & step down.Trust me God will have mercy on U before these 7 women, U better learn to bob and weave brother!
---Jeanne on 11/8/06

No you don't want to quit. If you really want to than you can. Just read Romans 12:1 & 2 You also have help in Ephesians 6:10-18. Both of these sections of scripture you read each morning and anytime you are tempted. If you want to stop, you can with just these two sections of scripture, although there is pleanty more. The Lord can help you, providing you want the help and not just pity.
---WIVV on 11/7/06

You have made a wise choice in wanting to quit your affair, but you know there will be reprecussions from it. It is something that you will have to face, but by making a true confession to the Lord He will be more than willing to help you. You do have a problem under the circumstances and you need to seek help. You need to find out why you do these things, there is an underlying reason. Don't give up trusting in God, He can help you in you are sincere. Where have you been asked to resign from?
---Norma7374 on 11/1/06


Next step is to tell wife
---JohnT on 11/1/06

I did council and was advised to resign but not to give the reasons why to anyone, which I may or may not take. I am resigning though, as for the affairs I am taking it one day at a time to break all contact and will hopefully find the strength to continue to walk this road. As to the person responding with the church will not grow, actually it has and still is to the point where we bought a bigger building and are moving into it.
---Johnny on 10/31/06

perhaps part of my problem is that I've lost faith, not that God is real or that Jesus died for our sins but that it really doesn't matter anymore what we preach or do, people will still do what they want to, my church has grown due to God? or due to a personality, I don't know, I don't know that I'll be on this blog again but I thank all of you for your advice and prayers.
---Johnny on 10/31/06

Just quit having an affair. Rebuke Satan in the name of Jesus. You are already destroying your family and the church. Because your not faithful to all and especially not to God. Your church isn't growing and will not grow until you quit these affairs and confess your sins to ALL, and ask God to forgive you and start a new relationship with God and work on your marriage.
---Rebecca_D on 10/27/06

THREE 4) You need support from wife. Set a date to tell her the ugly stuff. DO NOT gloss it over. Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. It is always best for you to take the initiative, and explain your DETAILED plans.

5)2-3 weeks later, giving wife room for recovery, tell your church leaders and superiors that you have a problem that prevents your continuing in the ministry for the present. Again, DO NOT GLOSS OVER YOUR SIN
---JohnT on 10/26/06

TWO Here are 5 steps:
1)For sure, your career in the pulpit is on hold. For a while you will need a new one, so start looking.

2) Set up an appointment with your physician. That can lead to getting medication to stabilize yourself during the roller coaster you are on, and a referral to a specialized therapist.

3) Do a web search on fallen pastor recovery There are MANY resources available for men in your situation
---JohnT on 10/26/06

ONE Johnny It will destroy my family and my church.

Beg your pardon, but they are ALREADY destroyed. The question is when will the damage be discovered? Be sure, your sin will find you out, and you can not hide from the consequences.

However, you can mitigate some of them by being proactive.
---JohnT on 10/26/06

to respond to the question how many are married, not that it makes it any better but none are married
---Johnny on 10/26/06

The battlefield is in the mind. He'll be taking the women with him when he moves. He's joined himself to them. The next town will offer new temptations. Moving away will not bring deliverance to Johnny. Johnny has a lust problem. Physical moves do not sever ties from adultry. I pray Johnny has fallen on his knees and repented before it's too late.
---R.A. on 10/26/06

Johnny, you could very well have a demon of lust controlling your flesh. If that is the case, get on your knees and CRY OUT, not just pray, but CRY out to God to set you free from the chains that bind you. Apart from God, you can do nothing. Do you realize the wages of your sin(s) is death? Eternal damnation? Cry out to God and beg him, "Lord set me free from the lust that binds me, please Lord, set me free." Let that be your prayer day and night until Father God sets you free.
---Donna9759 on 10/26/06

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I thank you all for your counsel and to clarify I do not promise the woman I have affairs with anything, no talk of the future, no talk of leaving my wife, no that doesn't make it right but they have their own reasons why they do what they do, I did not seek them out but no I didn't refuse them either
---Johnny on 10/26/06

Do the woman hope that this will be "forever" relationship I'm sure some do and I will have to ask for forgiveness from all of them someday. I know there aren't any excuses for anything, I am sinning and out of Gods will
---Johnny on 10/26/06

R.A. The point is not running away, but removing the women from his life. Of course he will take himself along, but the women with whom he has had affairs will NOT be there. THEY need to be cut out.
---laure5759 on 10/26/06

Is there someone there at the church maybe even one of the regular members you trust to disclose this to? If so tell them the whole truth then call a meeting of the elders and have this person go with you for moral support when you face them. Sometimes having another person who will sit next to us while we face a group is easier. That person will also hold you accountable by making sure the meeting happens. That person may be your wife/maybe not but this needs to happen now.
---Linda32708 on 10/25/06

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Johnny ... You have affairs with many women. How many are married, how many know you are seeing other women as well
You are betraying them all and your wife.
You say you hate yourself, but in reality you hate those women by betraying them as you pretend to them that they mean everything to you.
Oh by the way you are also betraying yourself.
---alan8869_of_UK on 10/25/06

You know what to do. It's time to come clean with God, your wife, and your church. God will forgive you, and he will restore your life if you turn to him, and away from your sin. However, with sin comes consequence. You need to give up that position as Pastor, and ask your wife for forgiveness. Repent, and then do what it takes to restore what you have broken. It will be hard, but you've betrayed many people, and it will take time to gain back their trust.
---Kate on 10/25/06

Renowned rock climber, Todd Skinner fell 500 feet to his death in Yosemite on Monday. Steve Irwin died suddenly. There are all kinds of falls. I would get on my knees, call on the Lord, and repent.
---R.A. on 10/25/06

I've read the book every mans struggle, I've taught on purity, I know all the right answers, I wish this was a joke, I hate the person I am, I wasn't always like this, I've been confronted with this temptation many times and walked away but about 6 years ago I gave in these aren't one night stands they are affairs, relationships , I don't know exactly why other than sin, I'm doubting everything I believe in, Jesus used to be everything now I go through the motions and don't even feel what I teach anymore
---Johnny on 10/25/06

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The problem with running away to a new place, is that Johnny takes Johnny with him. The cycle can start all over again. So if this is indeed real or someone pulling our chain,you better live today like it could be your last day on earth. Repent and counsel with a pastor of integrity. A pastor that walks in the wisdom of the Lord.
---R.A. on 10/25/06

Attend the "Every Man's Battle" workshop. It has saved many a marriage!!! Check it out at New Life Radio on the web.
---Crystal on 10/25/06

Thank you all for you counsel, I knew what I needed to do but also need to find the strength to do it, I know that I am hurting everyone involved, I know that I need to step down from all ministries I'm involved with and I know I need to come clean, I pray for strength to follow through
---Johnny on 10/25/06

Johnny, adultery is an addiction. The more you get, the more you will want. You need to speak to your wife, and explain to her that you really want to put things right. She may agree to work together to sort it out - she may kick you out. But then you must destroy ALL contact with any of your other partners. And all correspondence too. Ideal is to move right away to a new place. And then, when the temptation sets in again, talk to your wife. Let her know what's happening inside.
---laure5759 on 10/25/06

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Quit pastoring your church. Your life style will eventually bring reproach on Christ. Turn away from your sin. Humble your self totally and completely to Jesus Christ as your deliverer. Seek spiritual restoration from someone in spiritual authority.
---Mike on 10/24/06

You are already destroying your family and your church.

Just give up the affairs, confess and repent to God, and to your wife. Only with God and with your wife can you save anything from this shambles.
---alan8869_of_UK on 10/24/06

Stepping down would be the honorable solution. It sounds like alcoholism, 'women' addiction. As a pastor, you're to put off the old man and put on the new. Without holiness in your family life or public life, your leadership skills have already tanked. Did you type this from the library? If your Bible doesn't scare the hell out of you, when it comes to the light, where will you go? Obviously, it's too embarrassing to go to another pastor with, but I think you better...if this is a genuine cry for help.
---R.A. on 10/24/06

#1--Resign any ministry positions you now hold until you can get your life right with the Lord.; #2---Quit sinning on purpose!!! And, don't say it's too hard. I know. I was once a woman who lived life for myself. But, when I gave my life 100% to Jesus, I turned away from the world. Temptation still comes, but it gets less and less each day. When you get to where you no longer want to live for yourself, you will stop!
---Susie on 10/24/06

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The right thing.

What do you want most? Jesus or a title? (that by the way is trampled by your using it, and you deserve to lose it)

Jesus or continued dishonesty with your wife and children. You can have it all here, but not when you die; you MUST repent. Now don't waste another second, your cross awaits you.
---Pharisee on 10/24/06

Pray and Repent. Turn away from this life of sin. Step down from your ministries. Everything you fear losing now was always at stake, yet you've acted in a way that is unbecoming of a husband and Pastor. There are others that are hurting becacuse of the lifestyle you chose.
Facing your wife and family will be difficult, but they deserve to know, they too have felt the effects of this though you may not be able to see it. Healing must begin, if restoration is to take place.
---lynet on 10/24/06

To know and believe beyond the shadow of a doubt that the death of Jesus was the death of the old man of unbridled passion and lust, the death of everything the fall of Adam produced in the earth, freedom from the dominion of sin (how many dead men do you know are struggling with sin?), and freedom from the law that gives sin its strength is the beginning of experiencing the new life in Christ.
---Linda6563 on 10/24/06

As long as you believe you are two men (the old and the new), you will walk in duality. Sin does lurk in our members but we are to reckon ourselves dead indeed unto sin and alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord, a debtor not to the flesh because we are not in the flesh but in the spirit if the Spirit of God dwells in us.
---Linda6563 on 10/24/06

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Renew your mind to the truth of the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ and allow the Holy Spirit to give you understanding in all things. The gospel is the power of God unto salvation to them that BELIEVE. There is not one problem the person of Christ and the provision of the cross has not solved.
---Linda6563 on 10/24/06

Johnny (II.)As for you being a "pastor" your actions are definitely grounds for disqualification. Being a pastor is a tremendous responsibility before God. Many pastors are still in the pulpit after doing such things, but the Holy Spirit isn't with them, because they were disqualified by God ,disqualification is biblical(1 Cor. 9:27) . The Discipline of the Holy Ghost must always be upheld, honored. Just get back with God, and stay with Him, Please pray this prayer....
---Mrs._Morgan on 10/24/06

Johnny(III.)Oh God, please save me,I am lost, undone, but I believe that Jesus died for me, that He loves me, I believe that His divine Blood will set me free from the bondage of sin, free from devil bondage, I confess all of my sins,and I will serve you Lord, for the rest of my life, come into my heart Jesus! If you prayed that prayer, and meant it, your name has been written in the Book of Life, Now, Praise God! I rejoice with you! I will pray for you and your family.
---Mrs._Morgan on 10/24/06

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