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I Am Lonely Without A Mate

If God's desire was for us all to have a mate why are so many of us lonely. I have searched this site. I've attended the same church for many years. My church friends and co-workers know that I am lonely and want a mate. Is it me - or does God just want me to be without a mate?

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 ---brene7657 on 11/5/06
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I understand completely. I have been single my whole life (32 yrs). I would love to be married, but I realize more and more that the type of woman I am looking for probably does not exist. I live a hard life that requires a lot of sacrifice, and to be honest, we live in a society today that sacrifice is not part of daily acceptance.
---micha5966 on 9/22/10


My advice to you is to focus on serving God. The time you normally would spend with wife and kids, spend in sharing the Gospel, spend more time in the Bible, volunteer to teach the Bible at church. Stay away from single groups (mostly they are "match making" recreational groups. Men's groups - or women's groups for women are find in moderation.) A group of mixed marital status and ages (from birth to 999+yrs old) is best because we learn and teach one other, and it helps nurture a since of Christian community and respect. The youth can learn maturity and wisdom from adults, and adults won't feel out of touch with youth.
---micha5966 on 9/22/10


Read Philemon. Read Isaiah 56.

Check out John Piper's sermon "Single in Christ: A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters" from Desiring God (I listen to this over and over again on my mp3 player)

Maybe we will get married, maybe not. People are lost and dieing, heading for hell. The Church needs to be supported. Marriage is only an illustration, not a continuation, of what God wants for us. In Heaven there are no marriages.
---micha5966 on 9/22/10


//Personally, I believe that God does not want me to remarry. I have accepted and feel very comfortable alone.//

See thats the thing. If its Gods will that we remain single then I believe He will give us power to be a peace with it (like Paul)and not have the feelings of loneliness, as it seems He has done for you.

Not everyone has that peace. Idk about others but I have an ache that just wont go away. It tells me maybe theres someone else planned for me.

I suppose its also possible that Ive met that person already and just blew it and thats what the ache is about.
---JackB on 9/22/10


Really, it's all in the attitude. Personally, I believe that God does not want me to remarry. I have accepted and feel very comfortable alone. Yes, I can get into self pity and feel lonely at times but they are few. I live to serve God in whatever way I can. It doesn't matter how big or how small. There are so many divorced people who by Biblical standards should not remarry while their spouses are living so how can one say that we SHOULD be married or that it is the NORMAL thing to do when the word says to not remarry. I am speaking of only divorced people. We are created to serve God.
---jody on 9/21/10




God works in his own time. I am 45, an only child of only children and so alone so pls pray for me and I'll pray for you.
---Sandra on 9/21/10


Im starting to believe (as a single man almost 40 years of age) that we sometimes cling to the wrong person and miss out on what God had planned for us.

Looking for the wrong things (money, looks, sex, someone our friends would pat us on the back for marrying) instead of the things that matter and would ensure a lifelong marriage with a wonderful loving Godly person.

Its hitting me like a ton of bricks now, believe me. I know where this OP is coming from. Now I just hope to teach my daughters better than I did and help them to pick someone that loves God and treats them with respect.
---JackB on 9/21/10


Is there really an answer to this?
Maybe the best thing to do is just to embrace it, and stop questioning it, because it seems so completely impossible to solve. Maybe I should just quit asking God about it? When I see how some people who DO have mates and children, get mistreated by them, I think I should quit thinking "poor me".
---Kathy on 9/21/10


It's strange(although Christ said think it not strange when you are persecuted for his name sake) That most on here advise a deeper.... relationship with Christ is better than loneliness yet on another post I'm hammered to the ground for saying pretty much the same thing but to a man who wants another mans wife!!!!!!!!!!
---Carla3939 on 4/12/09


God wants us married,that's why Noah's Ark, why He created families. Hearts don't grieve for a mate if meant for solitude. Marriage is about loving & caring for someone, to help them get to heaven! When you're single, by default you have only yourself to think of & that isn't right. No-one wants to be self-absorbed, we want to love & matter to someone, share life, love, joy, sorrow, passion & faith with a spouse. To build a family, memories & service God together. Healthy unions multiplies joy. I understand the depth of sorrow, despair & confusion about having no mate. To matter to that person, to have someone to love & care about for life, to love & be loved is God's greatest gift to us after Salvation.
---Ashleigh on 4/5/09




Okey I will take one question at a time on this one. God's desire is for some never to marry. [2] Stop talking about how lonly you are. Just once in a while you might mention it to God.[3] I do not believe that you should be thinking that it's just me.[4] A very simple thing here is, if God wants you to have a mate you will have>>> one>>>mate. Thank you.+
---catherine on 8/27/08


Is it True that loneliness is brought about by circumstances surrounding the Two Fatal binding words. "I DO" People in love should have a sincere understanding of what it means. Christ loves HIS Church "she is the bride, he the bridegroom" and their love should be based on that Principal. Separation is Catastrophic for the person who Truly loves, and left with the burden of readjustment, the bringing up of Children and being a bread winnner.Insincerity is the cause for most maratial breakdowns.Solving issues is nigh impossible, as one cannot turn the clock back.
---MIC on 8/26/08


1Corithians7:34 There is a difference between married and unmarried. The unmarried cares for the things of God of Heaven and Earth theat they may be Holy both in body and in spirit. The married cares for the things of God of Heaven and Earth and how they may please their spouse.
God is revealing the truth to His people He wants us to follow His instructions which are to repent for our sins which means to admit them to Him in the Name of His Son,our Lord, Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ and then be baptized in the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost and He will send the gift to His people test and approve what I say to be true by doing what He instructs.
---shalla on 8/26/08


i know how you feel, and yet i am now single. the lord has told me in my prayers that he wants me to take time to get to know him better.
if you would take your mind off of what you want and focus on jesus, you would not feel lonely. i know this sounds harsh, and it did to me at first, but now i'm saying to myself, that if i'm to be single till i die, then so be it. i just do not care anymore.
---lynda on 8/26/08


It is simple and complicated to answer your question. I have asked myself why my marriage failed and if my punishment is now lonliness for the rest of my life. But in response to your question and my own I say that the reason why we are alone and cannot find a mate is due to a very human emotion-"depression".
---Maria on 8/26/08


I totally understand lonliness. I have been single all of my life and have just been in ministry . I have cried so many nights in my room asking God to send me the right one and it is very hard. All I want is to be able to share my thoughts, feelings, and life with someone. I just want a friend and it seems I look everywhere and can't find anyone to connect to. It hurts very bad, but I would rather wait on the Lord than to jump into a wrong relationship that I will regret later. I just want his will, but we have to wait sometimes for His perfect will for our lives. A deep relationship with God helps to ease th pain.
---Melody on 8/25/08


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Hey,Im surprised to read but I would like to tell one thing, this loneliness is for a short period caz soon you find the one to be by your side to ease and get you out of that loneliness. Mail me if you want to talk onthat. Thank you
---Vincent on 10/13/07


Well Jack: I am happily married. Holding at 26 years and counting. Have been with spouse almost 30 years. That stands for something. God designed marriage, it is sacred and it is good. It is the ideal union but not for everyone.This man is lonely so he must be ready or desiring marriage. A person who is destined to be single, usually know it. They do not desire nuptials and are very content with their life as it is. If this person is a Christian they choose to be married to Christ. Very honorable union.
---Robyn on 6/10/07


So, you think marriage is promising to take away your loneliness??? Many people perceive marriage as promising them so many different things; but we can see these promises have NOT been kept, in quite a number of cases.

Only God can keep His promises.
---Bill_bila5659 on 6/10/07


Prayer& Patience are the mother of virtue.Hone your skills while waiting & Pray,seek his Guidance in makeing of yourself a perfect mate,else you fall into the trap of Marry in Haste & repent at leisure. "All good things come to those who await the will of God".
---Emcee on 6/9/07


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Another view: What about a good ol' fashion prayer session(along with fasting) with the Lord and just come out and ask God for what you want? Make your needs known. God knows our hearts already but we must Ask for what we need.
---Robyn on 6/9/07


Beloved,let me say this first. A mate is not going to necessarily make your loneliness go away. We need to learn how to get along with ourselves first, then seek a mate. Then we have something to offer someone else. A lot of finding a mate is up to you also. Talk to ladies at your church. Offer a simple date to a nice godly lady. Be friendly and let her know you love the Lord. Keep God first in your life and he will give you the desire of your heart.
---Robyn on 6/9/07


I am living in an islamic country where i find it hard to find my soul mate, would love to meet her and get marry. i turned 30 now and still can;t find her but i beleive that God well never fail me and will let her pop in my way someday.i love the idea that marriage is divine secret from God.
but now wondering could the internet be one of the means to meet the mother of my kids;if yes please advice me on how to do it and how could Christianet be one of the means to find HER.bless u all for such site.
---waea9933 on 6/9/07


** If God's desire was for us all to have a mate why are so many of us lonely.**

Yes, it is you.

You see, your opening statement is false.

MOST people have mates. But not all. Corrie ten Boom certainly didn't. But did that stop her from living in God's will, or being used by Him?
---Jack on 6/3/07


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If you are lonely, then do all you can do to attract a Godly person. If it takes a 50 lb weight loss, then get to a gym. Join a Christian dating service or ask your friends to introduce you to nice people. There are many people out there and I'm sure there's one for you. Don't give up hope. Work hard at what you need to do in order to get out of the single situation. and
---David on 12/1/06


First off, where did you get the idea that it's God's desire for all of us to have a mate?

Jesus said on this very issue of celibacy, "Let the one who can accept it."

Furthermore, have you seen the rather large number of blogs from people who are unhappily married or whose marriages are falling apart?

Have you tried asking God if He wants you to be married? What would you do if He answers you with a loud, round, "No!"
---Jack on 12/1/06


Part I: My best friend/fiance (5 yrs) and I just broke off our engagement . It just wasn't right. Im very am lonely, but at the same time am choosing to embrace the opportunity to find myself and make this period in my life a time of self-exploration. Sure it's hard and it hurts. My friends are getting married and some are starting to have children.
---Shana on 12/1/06


Part II: I feel like I am not doing something that I should be doing at this point in my life. However, I have come to the conclusion that I am where God wants me right now. Apparently, I can't do the personal work and experience the growth that he wants for me while I am with my best friend. It's important to think about the future and yet live in the moment. Focus on and embrace who you are, what you have, and your relationship with God.
---Shana on 12/1/06


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God doesn't have a vendeda against you, there's nothing wrong with you. "It isn't good for man to be alone" is often misinterpreted. Does this mean He wants everyone to have a marriage mate? Call me crazy but sounds like you're not alone at all. Sounds like you're surrounded by love! Maybe you aren't getting the kind of partnership you want, but you do have partnership. God showing you He loves you! Keep your chin up, 1st embrace God's blessings. You might be surprised what's around the corner.
---Mel on 12/1/06


Singles, here are some encouraging thoughts.
---Cindy on 11/30/06


Stay honest. Many believers haven't read [Psalms 27:13-14] or given up seeking the best 'created' gift in many ways, provided for our time on earth [Gen.2:18,(*19-20)21-25], someone our natural flesh (wo)Man can relate to Why did G_d make man, then make Eve? Even G_d had a failed relationship of sorts with His 1st creation headed by Lucifer [G_d never failed], now a different one with Israel & the Church. Stay encouraged, (traditional) marriage is "good for what ails ya" too! Less Dr visits!
---bob6749_[Elishama] on 11/25/06


Brene, you still want a mate, yes? I return to my first answer.
---Cindy on 11/11/06


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My advice and suggestion for this opinion is for you to lean on God because without God you cannot live and there's one thing i would like you to tell you,havbe you been contacting your children?if you have not try to reach them no matter where they are,even if the fault was from you God will restore and be with you.

Regards
Ikechukwu Stephen
From:NIGERIA
---ikechu_Stephen on 11/11/06


Brene: I have been divorced almost 6 years, and have three grown children all living in other parts of the country. I felt that loneliness for a long time.

Over a year ago, I was at a women's retreat, and I prayed and asked the Lord to take away my desire to be married, and make Himself the Bridegroom of my life. I have since focused my prayers on how I can be His bride. That loneliness is gone.
---Madison1101 on 11/10/06


It's not easy when loneliness is the first thing to wake up to in the morning and the last thing to go to sleep with at night, but consider this for a moment, many people are a lonely within a marriage and what do they do? The bible states that the times are not good so the best thing to do is put self away and get busy with what it is God would have you to do, there are so many lonely widows and one parent mothers that need Jesus in their lives how about running a G/parent and toddler group?
---Carla5754 on 11/10/06


I think you are doing everything right. I can't tell you much more than that. if you want to be married just to be married then you'd probably get divorced. If you feel you should be married then look at those in your church- there is bound to be someone there that is probabaly looking at you but you are too "good" for them and they are scared to aproach you. (just so you know many of the best guys are shy when it comes to women because they see themselves differently)
---Jared on 11/10/06


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Bio mom of 2.Divorce,adopted 4 as a single parent. 3 no longer at home. 3 teenagers at home. Adopted over 15 years ago. Happy with myself-friendly-out going. Participate with church activities several times a week and so does my children.Very active in the service of the Lord and God is in all I do.Work full time.I am lonely still.By the way - yea I look good. None of those areas are concerns. I prayed,& prayed & prayed. I realize I need to change the pray I'm praying any suggetions?
---Brene7657 on 11/9/06


I don't know if Brene has left the building. Brene our answers might not apply. I was under the impression you were a single lady that had not been married before. I don't know if there are ex-husbands, boyfriends, child support, etc. in the picture. I have no idea if God wanted reconciliation in former relationships, marriages. There are many issues that could be holding up your answered prayer.
---Cindy on 11/9/06


I can see with 6 children why you would want a mate. I've always felt that if God wanted us to have a mate, He will show us the way. Sure it gets lonely, just to have an intelligent conversation and someone to pay attention to you. Have you ever tried a Christian Singles Club run by a church? Don't give up.
---Norma7374 on 11/8/06


PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! I am a middle aged lady who got married a few months ago to a Christian man and THOUGHT I was doing God's will but I was wrong. I wish I had never gotten married because we are totally wrong for each other, but I will work hard on this marriage and keep my vows. Be careful what you wish for and seek God's will!
---Married_Christian on 11/8/06


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If a person is trying to fullfill their life with a relationship with a person, they will fail. You can't find meaning in your life if you are looking for it in others. Meaning and purpose come from God, if we accept our lives as a gift from Him we will be comfortable no matter what. I am married, while i was single i worried about it. Only when I accepted my life as being fully God's did I find the woman I was to marry.
---Jared on 11/8/06


I doubt Brene finds singleness a gift with six children.
---Cindy on 11/8/06


Jared , I agree. It's good to be able to live with yourself, many can't do this, they struggle with depression and despair, I just pray that they will let God give them His peace. God Bless!
---Mrs._Morgan on 11/7/06


Just wanted to say no it's not just you. There are many without a mate, I have often wondered if I was meant to be alone for the rest of my life. And I like you get lonely sometimes. I would love to find a mate for me, but some times I feel its a lost cause.
---Teresa on 11/7/06


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It's just you!
---Okebaram on 11/7/06


Brene::So,you are lonely,need mate.Excuse me for probing.1. have you checked your attributes?can you improve on them?How would you deal with an intended mate if he is not desirable ?what are you looking for in a partner.Love is like a matador in a bull Ring.Satifaction comes when you conquer the bull.Happiness is not handed to one on a platter one has to work For & on it.Do not be disappointed, life carrys on & is reflected in your disposition.Give love as Jesus did & be happy doing it,love begets love.
---Emcee on 11/7/06


too many people look at singleness as a curse. but it is a gift. a single person can freely go without asking permision from another. This is why Paul says that it's best to stay single, but if you are consumed with lust to get married. You can have intamacy without being married and you can serve God better without having a spouce. although you will have to have help to control the "sexual" urges that we all have if you stay single. Singleness can be a blessing.
---Jared on 11/7/06


I feel for you. Many of us are lonely and are married. God has just the right person for you and he will bring that person into your life in HIS TIME!
---Susie on 11/7/06


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We all get lonely at times, even when surrounded by others. Sometimes being around many people can actually intensify loneliness. I was very lonely during my marraige of more then 15 years. Jesus should be # 1, but we can still long for a mate
---Christina on 11/7/06


We have more pieces to the puzzle now. Brene, you have six children?
---Cindy on 11/7/06


God doesn!t want any lonely. He said "it is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him". I think God has the best for us, if you had to meet with the Lord Jesus, you don!t be alone.
---Nilceclea on 11/7/06


I think its not right to tell a lonely person to be at peace and content!! I am at peace and content and still very lonely. Loneliness is a legitimate feeling even for those at peace. It is needing another human being for intimacy and companionship. Brene Gob bless you and the children.
---Njeri on 11/7/06


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You know I was very lonely when I was married to an alcoholic, I do not have this lonely feelings now that I am alone, raising two beautiful children. I am just thankful for where I am at. I think that you should be content and at peace right where you are at, and than things will fall into place.
---mary on 11/6/06


I know God is good. I'm not looking, I'm allowing God to do that for me. I know my God will never let me down. He has blessed me with so much. The Lord gave me two birth children and allowed me to adopt 4 as a single parent; gave me a full time job and has blessed me to serve him daily. As the words God used when he made the world, "I'm lonely still". It's a mighty God I serve. Yes, I am lonely still.
---brene7657 on 11/6/06


Pray about it. I think most everyone gets lonely, even married people get lonely sometimes. Be friendly, but be very careful, because there are many users and abusers out there, and if you get to close to one of them then you may regret it for the rest of your life.
---Eloy on 11/6/06


Be content in any situation.

God knows what is in your heart, trust him that he will provide you with someone special -- and be patient.

Seek and you shall find. Attend a church, dedicate yourself to the church, help people without asking for anything in return. Get to know many people. If you want to have friends, be a friend first. Marriage will follow only after you get to know that person.
---Steveng on 11/6/06


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Brene,
This is a heartfelt question that deserves loving and kind answers, like how others came to know the loves of their lives.
Many people wake up and go to sleep wondering this very thing, because lonliness is a reality, and every case is different.
Some will encourage, others may tease, judge, and lecture, but God is faithful, He knows the desires of your heart, and honors your sincerity. Love is everywhere, God will do what He does best, and thats what's best for us.
---lynet on 11/6/06


Take courage, live in the "now" have fun w/ Christ, keep busy. If U are meant to marry U will- God doesnt "toy" w/us things have a timing.Present "your case" to God He says come let us reason together. I dont believe it is God's will all should marry otherwise Paul would not have said if U can remain single then do so,I paraphrase. When lonely feelings come shake them off keep your mind busy. Smile life is good, fun- an adventure every day do not let sad thoughts ruin this.
---Jeanne on 11/6/06


**When you least expect it, believe me one will come**

Maybe yes, maybe no.

But I'd like Brene7657 to take a VERY good look at how many of these blogs are posted by people undergoing divorce, or wondering if they should get divorced.

Don't think that all you need to make you happy is a spouse. Did having a spouse make THESE people happy?
---Jack on 11/6/06


Well what is it that you want the congregation to do? find you a mate? Have you tried praying for one? When you least expect it, believe me one will come. God said that he will give us the desires of our heart. that is no mistake. It is like when my husband and I were trying to get pregnant. We've tried and tried. My mom told me, stop trying and have fun, and pray. We did, within a month I was pregnant. Pray about a mate, and let it go.
---Rebecca_D on 11/6/06


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First, you need to get away from the feelings that God has let you down because He hasn't provided the mate you are expecting Him to deliver. That may sound a little harsh, but, is not meant to be. What God wants FROM you and FOR you most of all is for you to find a fulfilling relationship with Him, same goes for all of us. If He has a mate for you, He may be holding back until you realize this foremost need. Give Him an opportunity to show you how much of a blessing He can really be.
---tommy3007 on 11/6/06


**And we are telling God that's not good enough I want something more or different. Sobering thought. It doesn't help the loneliness but it helps with strength sometimes.**

God Himself knew when He created Adam that Adam needed an intimacy and companionship that He Himself could NOT provide.
---Jack on 11/6/06


cindy ure not realy very smooth at all,god help brene,i know how she feels,keep the faith brene.
---jamea5375 on 11/6/06


#1 Lose the pitiful, sadsack demeanor. God's never been big on murmuring and grumbling.
#2 Your coworkers can't do a thing for you in this department.
#3 Offer this desire up as a sacrifice to the Lord. Pray about it, then give it to Jesus 100%, completely release it to Him.
#4 Enter His courts with thanksgiving in your heart. Get on with living, with thankfulness.
#5 Start living for God and helping others, including those coworkers
---Cindy on 11/6/06


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When you learn to listen to God, He will direct your path. He'll tell you when to check the dating site. He may lead you to a coffee shop or some other Godly location. Follow His leading, not with desperation in your heart. With thankfulness. I have no idea how long it will take, but adjust your attitude and it will happen.
---Cindy on 11/6/06


As a single, I found two extremes. Married people who would tell me it was God's will for me to be single, accept it. I found them very depressing to be around. Single people who had given up and resigned themselves as a singleton. Middle ground, God will give you the desires of your heart, but wait, He says wait, wait upon the Lord.
---Cindy on 11/6/06


As you wait, tune into God and try to tune out failed marriage horror stories. (Like when you're having a baby and everyone wants to dump their nightmares on you). People will discourage you, but God will not. I've been there. If that desire is there, God put it there. Put that desire and love in action now - that you would put into a mate. Share it with everyone around you, today. God will answer your prayer.
---Cindy on 11/6/06


Isaiah the prophet said, "For your maker is your husband, the Lord of Hosts is his name." And in Jeremiah, it says, "I will betroth (marry) you to me says the Lord of Hosts. Take Jesus as your Husband and God as your Father and develop a relationship with both of them and spend time worshipping them and your loneliness will be filled with God's Glory, His presence, His peace, etc. See ye FIRST the Kingdom of God, then God will give you the desires of your heart. I will be praying for you.
---Donna9759 on 11/6/06


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God himself said it is not good for man (or woman) to be alone so I believe He also desires for us to have a mate. I dont know why it does not happen as soon as we want. I have been waiting over 10yrs but I am not about to lose hope. I have seen people who have waited so long and God gave them someone who was worth the wait.Hang in there and know He is faithful.
---Njeri on 11/6/06


U can be lonely even w/a mate or in a crowd. Take heart if U are to be married it will happen, but mean time focus on your life in the "now", be content- but honestly speak to God tell Him how U feel He "gets" us since He made us. Oh take advantage of all U can do as a single person once married this changes your time is then divided w/ your spouse, kids, in-laws so right now use it and smile!
---Jeanne on 11/6/06


Sometimes God just waits patiently for us to just let go and let God. We, like Abraham and Sarah--just got to have a son, right now. They wouldn't wait, instead they planned. Sarah says, God has restrained me from bearing, and so we better plan on you marrying Hagar and we shall have a son that way. I do not know His will for you. It is the privilege of each one of us to be faithful to Him who has called us from darkness into His marvelous light, and let Him fulfil His promises to us--here and hereafter.
---Wayne87 on 11/6/06


Perhaps you should stop looking. The men get scared of women who are looking for a mate. Focus on being yourself in God. Focus on God. Focus on being able to cook, and run a home. But don't focus on Men. This is what I was taught, and against the odds (I moved overseas), I'm back in my country and married.
---laure5759 on 11/6/06


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Could it be that God wants you to be content without a mate, and to be fully looking to Him to meet all of your needs? That is what I have learned in the past six years.
---Madison1101 on 11/5/06


Hi; I'm sorry you're lonely :( I'm divorced and personally, I'm happier than I ever was married! :) Seriously! I was married to an absolutely emotionally and verbally (and somewhat physically as well) man and I thank God for freeing me from that man! Now all I need is my heart free from all anger. Anyway, God bless and I pray for you
---Mary on 11/5/06


I feel the same way. I have been divorced 2x and been single mom for 15 years. I have found someone but we can not seem to get together to meet face to face. He is in Africa right now but was born in England. He was in a plane crash last Sunday but is okay. To me it seems we are not meant to be together because everytime he trys to come something happens and my faith is not very strong right now but I want to believe he will be here. I do not know what to believe anymore.
---vera6465 on 11/5/06




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