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My Step Son Is Out Of Control

What do I do? My step-son lives with us. His father gives him everything he wants. When he gets mad and pouts, he takes it out on me. Today he said that I had cussed him in the past. His father confronted him because he knew it wasn't true. This kid runs our home. I'm sick of it.

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 ---Sally on 11/6/06
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You need to get into marital therapy where your husband can be educated on the problems his lack of discipline and his spoiling the boy are causing. You and he can learn to parent this boy in a healthy way, with the guidance of the therapist as a mentor.
---Madison1101 on 12/21/07

One thing you can do is pray Psalms and Proverbs for your step-son everyday. How old is he? The older they are the harder they are to control. Because then it becomes a power struggle. And just getting you to play the power struggle means you've already lost. You also need to talk with your husband because you need a united front.
---grace3869 on 5/14/07

I hear you, I am in the same boat. It is an issue you need to take up with your wife. She is the one who needs to be on your side, I know her ex won't be. Between to 2 of you, it will take time to staighten it out.
---Jerry on 11/27/06

When we were first married, the son got in my face a couple of times. I told him that if he ever hit me or hurt me in any way I would call the police and put him in jail. He has never gotten in my face since. His father will not let doctors put him on any kind of medication for depression or anything else. Things are better now. He has settled down. He knows he has gone too far this time. He has learned so much and has so much more freedom than before our marriage. So, he is realizing that now.
---Sally on 11/9/06

Sally U made it clear my heart goes out to U! I agree w/others is there a 1/2 way house? I know the red tape can be terrible in programs.But your hands are tied his dad being the "blood" relative. Keep praying I know it "sounds" cliche. Pray for him & that your husbands heart changes so his son can get help.When U say he takes it out on U, how? He is 29 that is young, strong if he does so physically that is way different. Take heart God is right there w/you even w/all the fire works.
---Jeanne on 11/8/06

In some parts of the country there are half-way houses,so to speak, where the fuctioning retarded live to learn to take care of themselves and eventually move out on their own. If he is able, that may be the answer,since it sounds like he is frustrated with a Dad who doesn't want to let him be all he can. That is fear on Dads part and the old fashioned mind set of taking care of them forever. Pray for God to move on Dad to let go more and let the son grow up to the best of his ability.
---Darlene_1 on 11/8/06

My thoughts/prayers are with you. The dad needs to talk to his pastor. Actually, YOU and your husband should talk to somebody with experience because it's making a war in your household. Love your step son even though it's HARD to! sometimes the people that are the most hardest to love need love the most.
---sue on 11/8/06

If your husband thinks regular counseling is of the devil try going to your pastor for help.

I think structure for a mentally challenged person is very important. It would also be extremely hard to implement at your step-son's age.
---grace3869 on 11/7/06

Does your stepson have a caseworker, or social worker helping him in any way. My nephew is learning disabled, age 24, and has a case worker that he meets with regularly who takes him out for an afternoon. If not, you might want to contact your local mental health agency to access services your stepson may be entitled to.
---Madison1101 on 11/7/06

Let me clarify. The son is 29-year old mentally challenged. He is highly functioning. But, his father is keeping him a child. He has improved greatly since our marriage. He has learned lots of things that his father thought he couldn't learn. I have taught him. His mother is deceased. He throws these fits when he doesn't get his way. My husband would not go to counseling because he thinks it is of the devil.
---Sally on 11/7/06

What his mom says on U may rub off-is Mom dead kids feel if I love U what of her? Dad gives him due to guilt/it will pass. He's blaming U why "his parents are not together." U were getting a ready made family & most kids resent the new comer & change is scary. Love him hard, bite your tongue,pray. It will reach him. Do not pit him & Dad he will resent U more. Talk & share & let him. Tell him U will comp. if he will. No matter what he does w/that keep loving him it is hard to fight true love.
---Jeanne on 11/7/06

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