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What If Spouse Withholds

Is a wife/husband bound to the marriage vows if one or the other withholds themselves from the other in the marriage bed?

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 ---Lacy5495 on 11/10/06
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Usually when one or the other spouse withholds, there is a lot of built up anger and resentment against the spouse. You need to have a heart to heart talk with your spouse. Try to find out what is bothering her/him. Try to be more loving and attentive and see if things begin to change for the better. Bring the romance back. Buy a simple gift that you feel the spouse might like. Go out for a change. do something different. Sometimes we just get in a rut and need help to pull out of it. God bless.
---Robyn on 6/26/08


I consider that to withold your affection and intimacy from your spouse, if they treat you with respect and concern, is infidelity, tantamount to adultery.
---Warwick on 5/21/08


There was a time, not that long ago, when a husband could divorce his wife for refusing him his marital right. (This is referred to in GWTW.) I don't know if laws granted wives the same privilege.

Marriage was considered consent to sexual relations.

Now, marital rape laws have reversed this. Presumably a woman can give herself to strange men and deny herself to her husband.
---Jack on 5/20/08


Maybe there is a reason she can't perform in the bedroom, you might ask her or him. Or maybe the drive isn't there anymore, either way u married him/her for better or wrose and if they can't perform do to whatever reason then ur in it for the long haul.
---ANN on 8/22/07


and most of the time maybe he/she had an affair or they assume that their other halves are being unfaithful and they can't get passed it so they don't perform, and again u married them for better or worse, in sickness and in health so its up the both of u to fix it.
---ANN on 8/22/07




I have been married for 20 years, I have forgiven my wife twice for affairs(10yrs ago)She always has a reason to withhold. I go weeks and months with out. I always make her feel great about herself, she just ignores me. How do I deal with this?
---brian on 8/22/07


My husband is currently doing this to me right now. We are in counselling, biblically based. He is having trouble repenting...is blaming me for all the problems in the marriage...says I am the reason for his high blood pressure etc. I am trying to walk in love and forgiveness towards him. I repent and feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him most of the time. I miss sexual expression but the Lord is giving me grace to rise above the need of it. He has withheld from me for 6 months now.
---Jean on 8/21/07


Yes, you are bound. If there is a problem with your marital intimacy, I suggest you pray for your spouse and seek marital therapy to work out the problem.
---Madison1101 on 5/6/07


Age could be a factor. If he's 90 and you're 20 or 40, maybe the car has a flat. This should taken into consideration when old guys want young gals. Unequally yoked takes on a new meaning in that department.
---R.A. on 11/13/06


I also suggest that you have hubby go to a MD for a check up. There may be other attending medical or emotional issues causing a lack of libido.

Also considering getting pastoral counseling (with a woman present) for yourself about this. There may be more about this than what doesn't happen in bed.
---John_T on 11/13/06




Lacy, the folks here gave good answers. Yes you are bound to the marriage, but I have another question for you, why is he withholding from you? Do you suspect he is cheating on you? Is that the real issue here?
---Donna9759 on 11/13/06


Some are embarassed/shamed it could be a med. problem. If that is not the case see if there is unforgivness & both make it right even if U need outside help. Some people even "grown" dont act it, if they dont get their way U dont either.So ask & find out what is going on. They may not even be realizing it due to something on their mind, or lost in their own thoughts. Some due to weight gain or loss or even getting older just dont feel attractive any more so make them feel loved.
---Jeanne on 11/11/06


Yes, the husband and wife are still bound by their marriage vows. Just because you don't get what you want in a marriage doesn't justify divorce. Remember, the grass is never greener on the other side. Usually it is just the same old grass with a more bitter taste.
---Susie on 11/11/06


I agree with Alan and add this; 1Cor 13:3-8 -but if I didn't love others, I would be no value whatsoever. Love is patient,kind,not jealous, boastful,proud,or rude. Love doesn't demand it's own way. Love is not irritable,it keeps no record of when it's been wronged. It never;is glad about injustice,rejoices when truth wins. Love never;gives up,loses faith,is always hopeful,and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever,-. Follow love in life and marriage and all will go well.
---Darlene_1 on 11/11/06


if the with holding is deliberate and the intent is to hurt the other party then it's emotional abuse and you may have some recourse. If the person doing the with holding has medical issues (either mental or physical) then you are bound still bound to the marriage.
---grace3869 on 11/11/06


yes you are bound by your oath. Paul wrote about what a marriage and love is like. he said that you should deprive your partner. i would suggest councilling to figure out what is wrong.
---Tony on 11/10/06


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oops I mistyped and didn't catch it soon enough. Creator not creature. (worship of creature is what is done outside of marriage, Creator is done in marriage)
---Jared on 11/10/06


I would say that a wife (or husband) cannot withold all marital intimacy.
But there are manyb times when health, or tiredness, or stress, mean that it would be wrong for the other partner to insist on the rights.
Although ther have been those here, who have stated that a wife should submit to all sexual demands form her husband, whatever they are, and whenever they are demanded.
---AlanUK_quent5969 on 11/10/06


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