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I Control My Husband

My husband is unsaved. He says I control everything and don't trust him. I don't know how to submit to him. I don't want a divorce! I want a Christian marriage. God tells me I can't save him - that God will deal with him. Yet he uses my failings as a reason not to get saved! Help!

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 ---melissa on 11/13/06
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A good one! God is correct. You can not save anyone. This can be lonly revelation. It came to me one time sitting in a restaurant. I felt as if I had no clothes on. Lonly, to receive such a revelation from God that only Jesus can save a lost soul. Sitting across from someone and compassion floods you like an ocean wave. You look into their eyes, this lost soul, is my dad. Anyways, Do not worry about your failings. Tell your husband, God absolutely adores helping the weak. It does seems, however, from your question that there is hope for your husband. Submit only as unto the Lord. A warning: Don't allow the unsaved to drag you into sin. That is Bible, my friend.
---catherine++ on 11/26/08

You are in a difficult situation, Melissa. Maybe you should back off from any kind of evangelizing. Just concentrate on God's Word for a few months. The answers are all in it. I would be interested to know if he is a righteous person, and if not, why did you marry him. If he is, he should be trustworthy. I don't want to oversimplify what is always a complicated thing (marriage). We don't have many details to go by here. Try praying for him.
---frances008 on 11/25/08

Robyn: your comments about marrying an unsaved said it all for me!God bless you for the impartation He has given you.I am dealing with the same problem and the demons in him cause grief to me! I have found that the only way in this situation is to remain humble and done't give place to satan.I put the example before my husband,but being carnal,mostly he is not receptive.He had made a little progress,but those demons are again in control of his mind.This man is almost 77 yrs old.As the twig is bent,so grows the tree! Pray for us.
---Danelle on 11/25/08

My heart and prayers go out to you,my friend.You have made a mess of your life by marrying an unsaved person. In disobedience to God, you have brought this on yourself. You need to know this. When we disobey God's laws and precepts, we suffer.Plain and simple.
You want something you may never have...a christian marriage. But God is able to save your husband. But he has to submit to God himself. You cannot do it for him.
Yess-of course he uses any weapon he can because of the demonic spirit in him that is fighting the God in you.
But you also need to be careful what you say and do around him. Let him see Jesus in your life. Be an exmple before him.
---Robyn on 10/21/08

Many times the unsaved will use any excuse they can find to not get saved. Pray for him and don't stop. The Lord will deal with him.
---Helen_5378 on 10/4/08

1 Cor 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
Love your husband as deeply as you can. Pray for him DAILY. Keep praying for him, never give up. God can soften his heart and bring him around.
---Donna9759 on 8/11/07

melissa, All you can do is to live out your testimony before him. It will be difficult at times because you are unequally yolked, but just lean on the Lord for peace, and pray for his salvation, and don't doubt. Longsuffering is a fruit of the Spirit. Just remember that, With God ALL things are possible(Matthew 19:26)(Hebrews 11:1-13). God Bless!
---Mrs._Morgan on 11/14/06

do what he wants. this requires trust and respect. this does not mean you should put up with abuse. treat others as you would want to be treated. so how would you want employes who were under your authority to act? then that's how you should act. how does your husband what his boss to act. that's how he should act.
---tony on 11/14/06

Sis. Mel, your weaknesses are signs to your husband that there is room at the cross for him. God accepts you with you faults. He will accept him also. As others say, I ask that you seek strength in your own walk as a Christian wife. Read Prov.31:10-31 for your edification. Set the example, admit you are a work in progress, not yet perfect. Love your husband and respect him in his honesty. Do not leave off prayer and offering him your faith in God.
---mikefl on 11/13/06

Kate I loved your answers. I hope he does get saved but meanwhile she can do a lot u are right. She is safe it isnt like she is in physical danger or her kids if any. That would be different they would need to be safe until God did what He wished. But we all can take what U said not just this lovely lady we all need to work on us young/old all races male/female we all need to be like Christ! Smile great answer!
---Jeanne on 11/13/06

** John Wesley founder of the Methodist Faith.**

John and Charles Wesley went to their graves loyal priests of the Church of England.
---Jack on 11/13/06

Maybe the reason why you don't know how to sumbit to him is because you were never taught how to. If he says you control him, then maybe you do. You should take a step back and look at the big picture. You also have to remember that with him being unsaved, you should be setting an example of how a Christian person should act. Are you?
---Rebecca_D on 11/13/06

Melissa, How marvelous that you desire to do this God's way - and not your own! There are some marvelous resources out there that point to biblical submission verses the world's take on things. One is "Feminine Appeal" by Carolyn Mahaney. She is the wife of Sovereign Grace Ministries founder C.J. Mahaney. I know of several marriages in my church that have been transformed as godly women pursued and desired to go even deeper with God.
---daphn8897 on 11/13/06

Great responses so far. I'd like to tackle the submission part of the question. Although you have no control over his salvation, you can work out your own, amen? Make time for the Lord daily through prayer and the reading of his word (worship too). As you begin to learn of God's character and grow closer to him, he will begin a new work in you. Your old man will begin to lessen and the new one brought forth. To be cont.
---Kate on 11/13/06

Though you will never be perfect, and without sin, the more time you spend with God, the more you will reflect his love. It is the Holy Spirit that changes us inside out. He may ask you to give up some things, and it will be a tedious task at times, sometimes long, sometimes hard journey to follow, but the more you die to self, the more God can fill you with good things.
---Kate on 11/13/06

1Peter3:1-6. Shows that you, as the Christian have a responsibility to set the example to your unsaved husband. You will get what you want but it will have to be God's way, not yours. Madison gave you some great advice. Find someone you can latch onto for some good advice in this.
---john on 11/13/06

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Another suggestion: Read the book "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martian.
---Madison1101 on 11/13/06

U could be the worst wife ever that still has nothing w/his personal choice. People have been saved as slaves beaten by "so called Christian" masters & yet found God. It has to do w/ his heart hard/soft, & Gods timing.Dont let the Devil beat you up. Do your best if u fail say your sorry/repent but then its over. If U are a cotrolling person/ & dont trust him check your heart see if its true & change if not go on w/God,it could be an excuse to get all eyes off of his sins unto your or others.
---Jeanne on 11/13/06

Melissa, you've answered your own question: God tells you that you can't save your husband--that God will deal with him.

What is up to YOU is to convince your husband of your love and trust for him.

(PS--He's using your failings as a PRETEXT and EXCUSE not to get his own spiritual house in order; don't feel bad about that.)
---Jack on 11/13/06

John Wesley founder of the Methodist Faith. Very few know John had a terrible unhappy marriage. Some say she was crazy even. She had a horrible temper,terrible to him mean & embarrassed him all the time.Look it up. He could have used her as an excuse,said i give up she does not submit- yet maybe because she was so horrible it made him strong, maybe his loneliness made it possible to travel and preach because he was not wanted at home nor had any peace there. All things are for a reason.
---Jeanne on 11/13/06

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I suggest you find an older woman at church and begin a discipleship relationship with her. Ask her to guide you as you learn to submit and allow your husband to be the head of your household. I have a woman who guides me in my walk with the Lord, and I have been blessed beyond measure by her.
---Madison1101 on 11/13/06

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