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How Can I Learn To Forgive

Forgiveness, where is it in me? How do I kill the worm in my heart? This will eat me alive unless I learn to forgive.

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 ---Catherine on 11/14/06
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It is said that unforgiveness is the only poison we drink and think it will kill someone else.

I've had to forgive a murderer, a rapist, numerous child molestors.... Only by the grace of God. I think about what I deserve and what Christ did for me and then I give him my unforgiveness ...somethings can only come through the power of God.
---Andrea on 7/29/07

Catherine: I have been where you are now. I had to lay it all down. Nail your problems to the cross and don't pick it back up. God can't help the unwilling. When you tell Jesus your problems, give them to him. He can't work on you or your problems if you take them back. That is like an Indian giver. It is hard to forgive, I know. But you must let God help you in everyway.
---Rebecca_D on 7/29/07

Tell Jesus! He will help you. You will have to mean business though. God Bless!
---Mrs._Morgan on 7/29/07

Keep in mind that God cannot forgive us until we've forgiven everyone else INCLUDING ourselves. Forgiving myself for past mistakes was the hardest forgiving I had to do. Also if you have enough faith close your eyes and ask God to show you everyone you need to fogive. After it doing that way I found out about 5 people I never forgave that I probably would not have thought of on my own.
---Matthew on 11/29/06

Catherine, unforgiveness is like eating rat poison, hoping the rat will die. Unforgiveness is like trying to take a ride on a dead horse; no matter how much you beat, can't ride it.

Instead, forgiveness in MANDITORY for Christians. It says, "You no longer owe to me what you can not give." And it frees us from having to look at the rat with contempt; it allows us to love the rat, and let it alone, knowing God is in charge, not you; for you once were someone's rat, and you are now changed.
---John_T on 11/29/06

Hi Catherine,the clue and key I discovered and believe works, is found in the words of both Jesus and Steven as they were being murdered. Rather than say "I forgive you".. which might've been difficult to say sincerely in the circumstances, they both pleaded to God to forgive their attackers in their ignorance. A short, worm-killing, soul-saving, immediately doable prayer.. God hears, cares, waters and tends His seed.. May He bless and keep you!
---dianne on 11/21/06

Forgiveness doesn't come overnight. It took me 17 years to forgive two people in my life that done me oh so wrong. My sister and her husband. Now we are so close, you couldn't pry us apart. I had to swollow my pride, and let go and let God take over. I was tired of the bondage I was under. Like you, I didn't know how to forgive. Until I was so tired of those chains around me, couldn't grow in God. I raised my hands and said from my heart, Okay Lord I'm tired of being under this bondage, I need to be free.
---Rebecca_D on 11/20/06

In prayer ask the Lord to please help you to forgive the offender who hurt you; he will. We have memories, and depending upon the offence, it may take many many many prayers and many many many years or even a whole lifetime of intermitten praying about the particular offence, in order to detach from the damage of it. It would be a great blessing if we could just completely erase certain violences that were done against us, but the Lord has his ways, and we must stay in prayer for these wicked people.
---Eloy on 11/16/06

A boy had a dream about two wolves, one quietly calm & beautiful and the other destructively restless and agitated. Immediately upon waking the boy runs to his grandfather and told him about the dream. The grandfather tells the boy that the spirits of these two wolves are part of the memory of everyone. The boy tells his grandfather that he is afraid the destructive spirit will harm the beautiful one and prevail. The grandfather tells the boy the spirit that will prevail is the one you feed.
---ShawnM.T on 11/16/06

Go to the Lord in prayer and tell him you want to forgive, but you can't, and ask Him to help you. He desires truth in the innermost being. "Lord I can't seem to let this go, but I know if you help me, and do it through me, I will agree with you and by choice, I choose to forgive this person, and let this go in Jesus name." Say that prayer every day until you know that you know you forgave that person.
---Donna9759 on 11/16/06

The secret for me was that I told the Lord, I choose to forgive my father for pointing a gun at me and trying to murder me, but I'm still so very hurt and deeply angry that he did it. I was honest with God from the get go. I wanted to forgive my father, but couldn't. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Once you tell God you choose to forgive, but the hurt and pain is still there, let him do the supernatural intervention/surgery on your heart. It's a choice you make, then God does the healing.
---Donna9759 on 11/16/06

okay this is my last post. Because I can so easily forgive people when they hurt me, I thought I'd share a teeny weeny revelation that I got years ago.
I thought that if I forgave someone, that they were off the hook for what they did to me. When I saw that they will still suffer the consequences of their sin and I left them to God to be dealt with, it was easy for me to forgive and PRAY for them. I learned to PRAY for them realizing they must be hurting deeply if they hurt me that deeply.
---Donna9759 on 11/16/06

Catherine, Forgiveness is one of the greatest test the Lord Gives us. It's designed to conform us to His image. Remember how He forgave us. It's something we can't really do in our own strength. It's something we do in the Lord's strength. Just say, Lord, I can't but you can. Forgivness is an act of the will, not an act of the emotions. The fruit of love that comes from being obedient to forgive, is something I cannot put into words. God Bless!
---kathr4453 on 11/15/06

Forgiveness is for your own Spiritual, Emotional, Mental and Physical HEALTH. Hey, if you don't want to forgive, nobody suffers but YOU...Bitterness is like cancer.
It robs your Peace and Happiness. It makes you tense. You will be lonely. Nobody want to be-friend Mr./Miss./Mrs./ Bitter. Unforgiving people are angry and make ugly faces.

---Reiter on 11/15/06

Unforgivness is like drinking salt water at first it taste bad but later it makes U sick as a dog. The person U "hate" they are having fun, living, doing their thing but the hate is like drinking the salt its making U sick. If you hate, you give that person power they exist in your world take up time use your energy even. But once U forgive you take that power away, they do not exist in your world you can now use all that energy you used for the negitive now on positive things.
---Jeanne on 11/15/06

Absolutely Nana. When we begin to open ourselves up to the thought that our own selfish need to exact a judgment on them that has already been met in Christ, we are on the road to maturity. Sometimes we dont' realize it, but we exact judgment on others in many different ways. A cold shoulder, a look, a gesture....all ways of "making those people pay". Either God satisfied His judgment in Christ or He didn't.
---Linda6563 on 11/15/06

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When I get "flamed" by the words or deeds of another person and I feel that "heat" in my face, I take a second look at Jesus as He bore the slaps of sinful men to His cheeks, and for nothing He had done. He bore my "flame" and as I believe and trust in what He has borne for and as me, I find that the offensive words and deeds of others do not bring that familiar heat to my face like it used to.
---Linda6563 on 11/15/06

He loved you enough to bear it and He loves you enough to let you experience, by grace, the benefits, to their fullest, of what He did.
---Linda6563 on 11/15/06

like prayer and all other disciplines you can only learn by doing. but not in your own strength but with God's grace. It takes time, keep trying don't give up, and Don't expect it to come quick and easy.
---Jared on 11/15/06


Let Love eat the worm.

---Reiter on 11/15/06

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I've had a worm like that and what I found was that it was not the memory of the original
hurt keeping it alive. It was feeding on Pride!
---Nana on 11/15/06

When I was first born again, I used to say this, "Lord, I know that forgiveness is of you and that I should forgive. I choose to forgive and ask You to take care of the feelings." He was always faithful to do His part when I chose to remain faithful to His covenant...and even when I wasn't.
---Linda6563 on 11/15/06

Catherine, you've asked a good question.

More than one has compared the process of forgiveness to peeling an onion.

I would think that the first step is WANTING to forgive out of obedience of Christ who has commanded us to forgive others.

Pray about this--and keep praying for help to forgive.
---Jack on 11/15/06

You will have to choose to forgive. It's a choice, not a feeling. Ask God to give you the will to forgive. Then set your will (heart compass) to forgive. With a contrite and humble spirit, God will remove the unforgiveness from you. Choose every day until the complete release comes. Do not let your feelings be your gauge, they will fight you. You will know in your heart when you've totally released the person(s) from judgment.
---Shiela on 11/14/06

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Psalm 119
I cry out with my whole heart
Hear me, O Lord!
I will keep Your statutes
I cry out to You
Save me, and I will keep Your testimonies.
I rise before the dawning of the morning,
And cry for help;
I hope in Your word.
My eyes are awake through the night watches,
That I may meditate on Your word.
Hear my voice according to Your lovingkindness;
O Lord, revive me according to Your justice.
---Shiela on 11/14/06

When you can't forgive you give power to the perpetrator. I had to decide I wasn't giving that person any more power. That helped. Remember just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to let them back into your life.

If it's yourself you need to forgive think of this: Jesus has already forgiven you and if Jesus can forgive you - who are you to not forgive yourself.
---grace3869 on 11/14/06

There is a saying - "to err is human, to forgive, Divine". I think it pretty much sums up the fact that, as humans, it is unnatural for us to forgive. ONLY with God's help can we have the strength and the grace to forgive.
---laure5759 on 11/14/06

I can only share my way. Forgiveness begins with onesself. I forgive me for lacking the strength to forgive others. I call upon God in prayer to accept my burden until He will help me overcome it. I give it to God and go on with my life. Then I think of what a minister once shared with me. God wants us to love one another. From time to time we may not like what someone does;that thing they do. Yet we can love them in the LORD.
---mikefl on 11/14/06

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In Psalms, we read a passage of Scripture that depicts the cross. It is said, "I am a worm and no man." You need, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to see that worm that is eating you alive nailed to a cross. The cure for serpent bites is to behold the serpent on the pole which, Jesus said, is a figure of Him being lifted up in death. Behold the Lamb of God which taketh away the sin of the world until forgiveness begins to flow out of the new creature you are in Christ.
---Linda6563 on 11/14/06

Catherine, be forever mindful that God has forgiven us through the sacrifice of His own Son, Christ Jesus. It's very easy to get caught up in our own emotion, but we must love God over our own feelings and die to ourselves in order to do His will. Don't allow the enemy to keep you bound in misery. Think about all God has forgiven you for and let the grace that He's shown you be evident in your forgiveness of others.

I understand this can sometimes be difficult and I will pray with you on this.
---AlwaysOn on 11/14/06

I dont think 1 learns to forgive like 1 learns English/or play. I believe it is a God thing-1 does not learn to breath/or sleep. I think God takes all that hate,he heals the broken heart, binds up wounds. That doenst mean we just sit, no He tells us we must forgive, go to your brother,etc. I think as long as we "do the action, take that 1st step of obediance" He does the rest. It is unnatural for a woman to forgive someone that has killed her child God does that part, but we take the 1st step.
---Jeanne on 11/14/06

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