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I Used To Love My Husband

I use to love my husband so much- anymore I feel so distant from him. His life revolves around work and pleasing others. I work and homeschool our kids. He doesn't even have time to make love to me. He called me a nag because he made a mess I asked him to clean. Am I going to hell for hating him?

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 ---Christina on 12/9/06
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BY this time you will both probably have stopped doing nice things for eachother and are stressed at the others' company right? Do you both have so much work to do that you don't have time to get into eachothers way?
I believe you are just going through what many of us have. You are both probably very good people. Find help to get you through this. Your whole family is worth it. You can kindle the fire of love again. I see it happen all the time.
---john on 11/6/07

Get your own life and goals and you will not have time to dwell on what your husband is not doing, but on what you are doing. Act out how want your marriage to be and stop complaining. Pray on it. Once you stop whining over whats wrong and start acting out how you want your marriage to be, and dwell on the positive. things will change.
---mintworks on 1/4/07

Hell is for nonbelievers and the devil and his angels. I agree with what others wrote. Rekindle your love for him by doing nice things for him, even if he doesn't notice them. He will eventually. You do your part, respect and honor him as your husband. Pray that God will open his eyes and God will do His part. Do not give up and it will all work out. Ask God if there is anything you need to change in yourself and do it.
---betty8468 on 12/28/06

I don't think you hate him. I think you love him and the pain has become unbearable. It's easier to be angry and to get the job done, than to be hurt and let others see your sorrow. Go to God and pour out your deepest hurts, plead with Him to defend you, your children and your marriage. And Hell? Not even hatred can keep you out of Heaven if Jesus' blood covers you. But God will soothe that hatred if you let Him.
---Sheryl on 12/27/06

Truthfully if you hate him now, then you never loved him in the beginning. What you two need to do is get away (if possible) and re-kindle your love for one another. To me I think both of you are in hell mentally. There are times, I want to pinch my husband's neck off but I don't hate him. I'm just mad. After a few hours we sit and talk it over and we make up. That's the fun part. But when both of you get serious with God and put him first above all things, that is when you become one in Christ.
---Rebecca_D on 12/13/06

I just thought of something. If i nagged everytime my husband made a mess, I would be a constant nag. LOL! I just clean it up.
---Susie on 12/12/06

Well, you probably don't hate him sis, just his actions. Men and women don't think alike. Communication is usually the biggest problem between a couple. Prayer together is most definitely a need. My advice would be to pray to God for help sis. Ask God to help your hubby realise what you are trying to ask of him, and stand fast, God doens't anser in our time but His.
---debra6575 on 12/12/06

Romans 12:18-21 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord.On the contrary:"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
---PJ on 12/11/06

"The family that prays together, stays together." You and your husband need to get together, kneel and take and hold each others hands together, and bow together and close your eyes, then pray together for one another for the Lord Jesus to help bring you both closer together as one flesh, and to remove everything that tries to separate you both. Also hold hands together with the children, one family, one unit, one body, and one mind joined together tightly for God's glory. In the Name of Jesus.
---Eloy on 12/12/06

You are most likely just going thru a real rough spot in marriage we all do. I feel for you those times are so hard. We dont always "feel" we love the people in our lives and we cant go by our feelings they change in all of us sometimes when having a bad day that can be hour by hour! Keep praying, speak to a trusted, again trusted Christian like your Pastor for guidance and keep trying to speak to him and not "at" him which is hard when we are feeling frustrated, angry, and unloved.
---Jeanne on 12/11/06

The only unforgivable sin is grieving the Holy Spirit. Cast all vain imagination out in Jesus name and pray that all of your thoughts are kept captured to Christ. I can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength, and let Christ do for you what you cannot anymore. I shall intercede for your behalf and pray for revelation to be given supernaturally for your husband's eyes to be opened. God can make a way were none can be seen.
---joan4689 on 12/11/06

Susie is right in one instance. I don't feel as though it is a sin not to love him. I didn't love my husband before he died and I don't feel as though he loved me. Under the circumstances, it would be hard to love him. I don't think you were nagging him when you asked him to clean up the mess he made.It sounds like both of you need to talk to your minister or see a Marriage Counselor. If he won't go, go yourself. Just pray about it and put it in God's hands.
---Norma7374 on 12/11/06

One scripture comes to mind. If you do not forgive your husband, God will not forgive you!
---Susie on 12/11/06

Of course you are not going to hell. You see to get love you must give love. Write down 20 things that you love about him. Review this often. Remember it is better to be the one hurted than the one being hurt. Just let Jesus handle the situation, and love him regardless.
---Sharon on 12/10/06

Start giving to your husband in simple ways that you can handle. Make his favorite meal, or sharpen his pencils, or straighten his sock drawer. He doesn't have to know what you are up to. It can be between you and the Lord. Soon you will notice the bitterness in your heart beginning to dissipate and you will be able to give in even more meaningful ways. Ask the Lord to direct you. This really does work.
---DoryLory on 12/10/06

If I may give one suggestion, the best way I know of to deal with hatred is by giving. It sounds funny but it really does have supernatural repercusions. Remember that while we were His enemies, the Father loved us and GAVE His Son (John 3:16). We can follow His example.
---DoryLory on 12/10/06

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Christina, none of us are in a position to judge your heart so none of us can answer your question.

Hate is such a strong word and does much damage to your own well-being. Are you sure you wouldn't like to deal with that? The Lord says He will be a husband to the rejected wife (Isaiah 54:5,6). Turn to Him and ask Him to show you the way through this situation. He will help you.
---DoryLory on 12/10/06

Christina it's natural to feel anger when your marriage partner frustrates your desire to be with him. Acting on it is a mistake.

That's what you'll do if you don't find a healthy way to discuss it and work together to make changes.

Take him on the net and show him the responses you get here, he needs to slow some things down and spend quality time with you, even if it has to be scheduled.
---Pharisee on 12/10/06

I don't think you're going to hell.

I think you're both in hell now.

Both you and your hubby need to talk. Dno't forget that your FIRST vocation is as huband and wife--that goes for both of you. If home schooling your kids gets in the way, maybe you should find an alternative.

And see a godly, expert counsellor.
---Jack on 12/10/06

I don't think you hate him. You have lost the feeling of love which is so important. I think he would say the same if we asked him. This is so common in mature marriages but it's sad. Many part at this stage only to find out that this isn't the answer. Of course there is always the exception. The two of you need to get to some Godly counseling so you can communicate. That's a start.
---john on 12/10/06

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