Husband Is Mean To My Kid
I remarried a Christian man 4 years ago. He's extremely negative with my 14 year son. My son is an A-B student, involved in sports and a good all around kid. I feel my husband doesn't like him. My son feels like he can't do anything right. I've tried talking with my husband and he gets very defensive. Divorce? Thoughts?
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---Cinderella_Syndrome on 1/5/07
Helpful Blog Vote (13)
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I cannot say that I know what you are going through but what I can say is that, there is nothing beyond God. Isaiah 40:28-31, they that wait on the lord shall renew their strength. please just seek and wait on God, He is the only one with the answer, all you can do is just pray for love in your house and above all, pray that you love your husband more. I know love can conquer all. I can say so much but if you have done all the talking there is to do be still and know that God is God.
Just do me a favor, don't give in. A friend of mine once said to me, a Christian can never get defeated but rather they loose the battle when they give up. |
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---Scholastika on 6/23/08 |
I'm sorry, your hubby is a child himself. When he made vows with you he should have been mature enough to accept you as the packaged deal with your son. You would think that after 4 years, he'd give up being such a jerk.
Tell him to grow up. You can be firm in what you expect in the marraige without being unChristian.
I just want to say God Bless the Good MEN out there who act their age and treat their wives' children (that are both theirs and not) well and show the children BY WORD AND EXAMPLE! how to be a man and/or what to look for in a man. |
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---Nicola on 6/23/08 |
i know what you fell and it fells awful because you dont want to fell like you made a mistake in the man you married |
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---lisa on 6/21/08 |
I am not sure this is your case. Personally, however, the child from the first marriage is a priority as he is an actuall blessing from God and you are his provider and protector. I would not allow anyone to discourage him. It is not Biblical for a biological father to discourage a child so why would you allow an outsider do this to your son? I do not mean to sound harsh but you have only one opportunity to impact his adult adjustment in a healthy or nonhealthy way. Defend your child. End thoughts. |
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---splaa6685 on 10/3/07 |
My husband has been acting the same way.
I think it has something to do with the way he was raised. I tell my husband he is overeacting and he tells me to butt out. I am not about to stand by and watch him mess up my son self confidence. If it is really bad and your sons is very unhappy divorce is something I would consider for my sons sake. |
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---gloria on 10/3/07 |
I was the oldest and had to babysit for my step dads three children. Lots of times I couldn't get homework finished because I had to babysit three young children. Don't let a child be abused. It is our responsibility to watch over and protect our children even if that means separation. They go to school and have stress and then have to go home to abuse. The child will grow up very angry and disobedient later in life because of it. |
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---Emilie on 3/6/07 |
This is why God hate divorce and remarriage. No one can love a child that is not theirs. Both of my stepparents abused me, stepmom hated me because I was not hers, and stepdad molested me, all while my parents wanted to "put their spouses first" Bull crock. Kids do not ask for this, all while the adults are being selfish, I now have to pick up the pieces. There is no way I would have any man in my home with my children that is not their father. |
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---Papoose on 3/2/07 |
My wife and I were married in November 06. Her son from a previous marriage is like my own. My wife knows that our marriage is the most important thing. Not that her son comes second, but God comes first. He has set rules for us. We should follow them. Don't whatever you do, base your relationship matters on a cartoon. Your husband comes first, God says this. Pray for your husband, have faith in the Lord and your answers will come. Solve this issue in the spirit! We will pray for you. God Bless You! |
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---Frank on 2/4/07 |
The first step is to have your pastor recommend a good Christian counselor for you to see as a family. Take your son with you whether your husband goes or not and let the counselor help you sort out your needs and your feelings.
If things don't improve, have a talk with your pastor and do a lot of praying. Encourage your husband to attend the meeting, but again, go regardless.
I pray God will show you the right way to go. |
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---there8746 on 1/31/07 |
Your son comes first, second, third, etc...
to your husband and his needs. Trust your instincts!!!
Many step-fathers feel mis-placed by non-biological children. Think of "Scar" from the moveie "lion King" Be careful. |
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---jeff on 1/28/07 |
keep on praying God will talk to your husband to love the boy with God their is nothing impossibe. |
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---grace on 1/22/07 |
I am in the same situation. I have a 14 year old son who is very sensitive and wants to please. I have been married for 2 years now to his stepdad who is so hard on him and often hurts his feelings. I cry about this often.Please pray for me and I for you. |
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---Liane on 1/20/07 |
I am a step-mother myself so I can really say I understand where you are and where your husband is. I was fortunate in that my husband loves my son and has always treated him right. I had a harder time accepting his youngest daughter though. God showed me it stemmed from my insecurities from my own bad relationship with my step-mother. I suggest good christian counseling, not divorce-which God hates! |
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---Penny on 1/18/07 |
My heart goes out to you. It's unacceptable for there to be any verbal abuse between your husband and son. PERIOD. Is it possible your husband feels rejected? Does he have children? Try suggesting they do something together to build trust (fishing, sporting event, or serve a ministry together) I sense this is fear or offense masked as anger, but you must protect your son! Speak exhorting words over hubby as a righteous example of a godly man to your son. See how that works. Keep us posted. |
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---Linda on 1/18/07 |
It is absolutely possible for "step-children" to be loved by the new parent AND grandparents!! Your husband has a problem! Get help before you lose your son. |
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---Pat on 1/18/07 |
Boy can I ever relate to you problem. I am in the exact same boat. My son is 15 and I've been remarried for 2 years. My ex-husband's wife of 4 years was verbally abusive to my son, calling him fat, stupid, etc. So, he now lives with me full time. Now he and my hubby are at each others throats constantly. Personality wise they are like oil and water and it's breaking my heart. Everyone who is reading this, pray for all families who are in this situation please!!!!! |
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---Ruschele on 1/18/07 |
Cinderella...So, basically, you kissed the prince and he turned into a frog? |
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---Susie on 1/8/07 |
How does your son feel about his step-dad? Maybe your son should be the one talking to his step dad. Found out how he feels, and if he wants to get along with his step, then he needs to be the one to talk to him. he needs to let him know that he wants them to be close, and that he is his dad at home. |
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---a_friend on 1/8/07 |
do not fear your son will soon grow up and begin to stand up for himself but till then try to tell him to be patient |
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---mercy on 1/8/07 |
Just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you, your son and your husband, Cinderella. I could only imagine how hard this is for you. Depending on the severity I would consider separation. It might give him something to think about anyway.
God bless,
augusta |
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---augusta on 1/8/07 |
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Thank you for all the replies. We have done counseling at a few different times in the first year of marriage. My husband doesn't want anyone telling him what he should be doing, so he won't go back. I was a single mom for several years...so I didn't hop into this marriage without being single for a long time and praying about God's leading. |
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---Cinderella_Syndrome on 1/7/07 |
My son's dad lives 2,000 miles away and even when we lived closer he wasn't very involved and that's been hurtful for my son and so my son was quite hopeful that my husband would take a real active interest in him. My husband has been a strong male role model in some areas, but he's very judgmental and because he doesn't care for my son's father, he sees my son as 1/2 of my ex-husband...which I've told him...he's a child of God...not my ex! |
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---Cinderella_Syndrome on 1/7/07 |
Krystal, thank you for your honesty. It is by the words of our testimony others might seek the truth.
Cinderella,
How was it before you got married? Did he pretend to care for your son, or were there red flags you hoped would clear up after you became a family?
Now is the time to seek God, and head for family counseling with a licensed family therapist. If your husband does not wish to go, you must go for the sake of your son, and take him as well.
I'm praying for you. |
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---lynet on 1/6/07 |
relationships that involve children that are not the other spouces more often than not always cause some sort of problems in families. I hope I have got your situation right. However if this is the problem, both parties will have differences and the painful part is you will be in the middle.You will have to assess the situation and to see who has the has the problem and amicably try to resolve their conflicts as a family. |
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---Carla5754 on 1/6/07 |
Family therapy is called for in this situation. Your husband is defensive, your son is confused, and you are caught in the middle. Pray and seek therapy for all three of you. |
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---Madison1101 on 1/5/07 |
Remember there is frequently friction between men and their biological teen-aged sons. |
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---Jack on 1/5/07 |
If your husband gets defensive when you bring up the subject of your son - then you probably need a counselor to help y'all discuss things.
If your husband is unwilling to go to counseling then you and your son should go to counseling on your own. |
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---grace3869 on 1/5/07 |
First of all, stop going by feelings. You do not know that your husband does not like your son. Ask your husband what bothers him about your son's actions, etc. Perhaps your son resents this new man in your life since your son was the Man of the House before you remarried. |
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---Susie on 1/5/07 |
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I would definitely consider some type of family counseling. Your husband could be taking things out on your son and doesn't realize why he is even doing it. A good counselor is going to get to the real reason he is so negative toward your son. Your first duty is to protect your son. |
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---ljt on 1/5/07 |
So many similar blogs. Women/men putting their needs and desires above the children, jumping into second marriages.
My heart goes out to the child. The adults rush, it hits the fan, and need the bail out.
My concern is for your son, and it would have been there before you remarried.
You made the decision to remarry. Now do what's right for your son. He did not deserve this mess. That child/young man is precious to God. Lord Jesus, protect this young man's heart. |
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---Dale on 1/5/07 |
Cindi,
I am ashamed to admit it, but I HATED my step daughter with a passion. When I married my second husband, I had three daughters of my own. I felt like an angry mother bear, ready to kill a cub that wasn't mine. Now, I am going to get a lot of grief for saying so, but I am being honest. I don't think it is possible for a person (male or female) to love someone else's children like they love their own, and this is why God HATES divorce. |
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---Crystal on 1/5/07 |
I also wanted to add, that it never got any better. I prayed that God would change my heart, but it never happened. Maybe, if I had come into that child's life while she was still very small (2 years or younger), I could have loved that girl like one of my own. But it was impossible to be anything but her friend, and I failed miserably at even that. Poor kid! I know I'm a heel, but I also know many, many other step parents who feel exactly the same. Your husband sounds like one of them. |
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---Crystal on 1/5/07 |
Would a Christian man mistreat a child?
I recently remarried and I have grown children and grandchildren. It was extremely important to me that this man honor my commitments and that my children honor this man as my husband. |
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---Annie on 1/5/07 |
Divorce?
No, not if you want God's best for your life.
I'm not saying your husband's behavior is appropriate, but it sounds like you actually have balance.
If we look at the way a Drill Sargent teaches recruits we see that he always keeps them reaching, their best is never good enough.
A Father/Son relationship should have some of this, but there should also be kindness.
Keep showing the boy love, the young/old lion conflict will work itself out in time. |
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---Pharisee on 1/5/07 |
Is your son's biological dad around? Your husband is the adult, even if he doesn't like your kid he should keep it to himself. Your husband should be treating your son like a good friend, or a guest and your son's bio dad and you should be doing the disaplining (my opinion).I know it's probably strange to most people here, but I would put my kid first.Keep talking/communicating with your son every single day show him how much he is loved, how special he is. |
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---sue on 1/5/07 |
Sounds like you remarried a man who you thought was a Christian, but hasn't been set free from his carnality if he's "EXTREMELY" negative with your son. Why is divorce your first thought? Why not counselling? and if that doesn't work, why not separate? and ask your husband to live with his mother until this gets resolved. Where is the love of Jesus flowing in your husband's heart if he's extremely negative? |
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---Donna9759 on 1/5/07 |
For those of you who are divorced with children still at home, think about this post. Our children are affected by our decisions to remarry. |
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---Susie on 1/5/07 |
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