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Confess My Affair To Husband

I cheated on my husband. I have much remorse and have repented-asked for forgiveness & turned away. My guilt is finally gone. My marriage is going amazing! According to the Word do I have to confess this to my husband? It would kill him. I just dont see why I should do that to him. No STDs involved.

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 ---Vanessa on 1/10/07
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If it were him who cheated what would you want him to do? Answer that and you will have your answer.

Matthew 7:12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them".

Consider what would happen down the road if he found out some other way. What then? Don't you think that would compound the feeling of betrayal? Are you prepared to face those consequences?
---BRUCE5656 on 10/27/08


If the tables were turned would u want to know by your husband if he had the affair by him or somebody else? What if that person u had the affair with runs into u and ur husband and he thought he should tell what happened? Therefore u should be the one to tell him before somebody else does. And Im glad u repented and ask forgiveness from God now its time to do the same for your husband.
---ANN on 10/15/07


Its not true the fact that if you cheated on your husband, its only between you and God. No way! Remember that you had and have vows to your husband. So its between you, YOUR HUSBAND and God. Im not telling you to broke your marriage, but to say the truth, your husband deserves it. So he can forgive you (or not) but its the right way, the fairly way to fix it.
---Andy on 10/15/07


Dear, sometimes, our sins are against the Lord AND also against other person.
Lets go to the Word: Remember Luke 15:21:
"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.
---Andy on 10/15/07


How was the classic Davids sin story? DAVID ASK FORGIVENESS TO GOD ONLY, JUST BECAUSE HE COULDNT ASK TO URIAH WHO WAS DEAD! And what the Lord said to him???

You did it SECRETLY, but I will make this happen to you openly in the sight of all Israel. (2 Samuel 12:12 )
---Andy on 10/15/07




Vanessa,

I am also a Christian. I really dont understand how other Christians can answer to you to hide what happened. Because God approves the fair and not just the easer way to solve our problems or sins. Maybe if these other Christians (who want you hide it) were cheated by their spouses, they would deserve being in your husbands position!
---Andy on 10/15/07


When King David had Bathsheba's husband killed after committing adultery with her,I remember when he repented him saying something like,(PARAPHRASED)"AGAINST YOU ONLY LORD,I HAVE SINNED!"You can do wrong to people but the actual sin is against God,not the person,as God created the commandments.If no STD's you should say nothing,and live an exemplary Godly life as a good wife and mom.Your sins are forgiven...as though they never were.And blessedly you have no std's as consequences for your sins.
---JUDY on 5/29/07


I would still offer the same suggestion Okebaram . Hold your tongue. You have confessed to God honey.Live with that. Don't confess my friend. Especially a sin of this nature. Its over and done with. Learn from it and move on. You are not only saving your life, kids if any involved, will be spared, you are saving your marriage and your spouse's feelings. If you tell,this man could go berserk and kill everyone in sight. Including the kids! Please! Don't do it. People have been killed for a lot less.
---Robyn on 5/29/07


Another point: We all have done some heinous things, probably crimes in our lifetimes. Who says we have to confess this. Give it to the Lord and leave it there. Resolve to learn from it then move on. If you decide to confess to your spouse angel, please don't do it face to face. Write a letter or something. You could lose your life. Hear me on this. This is serious. Use your spiritual wisdom on this. I still say: Don't confess to the mate. No good can come from it. Only hurt and pain.
---Robyn on 5/29/07


The Bible teaches that a wise person seeks counsel. This you have done. However, in this case, you are the only one who can anwser this question in relationship to what God puts in your heat. Man's counsel on this sould be taken lightly. Seek God and make your own decision. You and your spouse will need to live with it. Many Blessings
---jody on 5/29/07




Friend,if no std's are involved and if the chances of him finding out are essentially small to non-existant,unless he is an extremely forgiving man,why destroy his trust,why risk the break up of a marriage?(are children involved?)THEN definitely you want to preserve your marriage.Restitution?be the best most loving sprit filled wife and mom you can be for the rest of your days.Christ forgives your sins and cleans your slate as though they never existed.Leave it alone and forgive yourself.
---Judy on 5/29/07


Dear Vanessa
Pray to God to find the answer to that.
Find time in the morning, mid-day and evening to pray. 1 Thank God for your blessings 2 confess your sins 3 be quiet and just listen 4 read something from Jesus and the Bible 5 listen again.
Have patience. God will give you the answer - and he will give you the strength, the grace and the love to follow through His will on this matter (whatever that may be) and everything else.
God Bless.
---Ed on 5/29/07


Vanessa
Also whatever decision you make: use the situation you are in right now as an opportunity to grow deeper in love with your husband - and for the long-term. If your husband feels a genuine deeper love than before then he might be able to accept the blow (but that doesn't mean I am telling you what to do - I haven't a clue what the answer is). So include that in your prayers: to draw closer to your husband in love (and to pray for him and yourself and family)
---Ed on 5/29/07


Prayer for you to be satisfied and encouraged by God what to do...no less than perfect peace satisfying you what to do and to be ready for what will be the consequences. This is not just about you getting off the hook. Seek God first.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/28/07


Vanessa, you are answering comments. This, for me in Christianet, is very unusual. Often, it seems to me, we answer people's personal questions, but they don't seem to be around to respond.

I have two concerns for you to TEST >

(1) You say your marriage is going great; but are you behaving unnaturally well in order to make up for what you did?

(2) You are HERE, o-u-t-s-i-d-e your marriage, handling something that is in your relationship with your husband. Isn't he your head?
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/28/07


I have just gone through a similar situation. My wife cheated on me, she didn't tell me I found out on my own. If you don't tell him, God will. That is the way it happened with me. We are still together, but it is taking alot longer to repair, because she was not honest. You can try your best to hide something, but the holy spirit won't let you sleep until you confess.
---timothy on 5/29/07


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Dear Robyn, no offense, but your advice is very wrong.

Donna's advice was right on.

You MUST confess to your husband...it's not a choice for righteousness. That's where the bible talks about confessing sins one to another. God cannot completely forgive you if you don't because you will be covering sin from whom you sinned to. But pray that God would touch your husband to forgive trully. You think about it.
---Okebaram on 5/28/07


I don't think you should confess to your spouse. What good can come of it. It could cost you your life. If you have repented to God , confessed and all guilt is gone, go with that. But do resolve to never do this again. Committing adultery is very wrong. You are blessed, in that you were not caught and your life or the other person's life was not taken.So much harm comes from cheating. Let this affair be a strong lesson to you. Keep it to yourself.
---Robyn on 5/28/07


Whether or not you choose to confess it to your husband, you still committed adultery. Hiding it from him is wrong because you need to repent to him as well as God, but he's the one you cheated on, not God. If you're not held accountable for your sin, it will find you out sooner or later. Repent to him and to God. Show fruit with your repentence.
---Donna9759 on 5/28/07


I think that you should not uncover any graves as the stench may really cause problems. What you have done is wrong but why should you compound the problem by harming your marriage? Many have in a moment of weakness had an affair with another but now you know that it is something that you should not do. I recommend that you find a close friend in whom you can confide this matters and go no further with it. Go and sin no more.
---lee on 1/21/07


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OOPS a writer's greatest mistake: a pronoun without an antecedent!

Be assured that the purpose of the comment was resolution and restitution of the marriage and hubby, but NEVER absolution from the pastor.
---John_T on 1/14/07


Jack,
No one suggested that she go to her pastor for confession. She was being encouraged to seek counsel and direction from her minister not absoloution.b
---BRUCE5656 on 1/13/07


** GO TO YOUR PASTOR!

Tell him the ENTIRE story, **

Hmmmm.... confess your sins to a Protestant or pop-evangelical pastor, but NEVER, NEVER, NEVER to a priest.

Does this sound consistent to you?
---Jack on 1/13/07


Vanessa...Buttons is right. Whatever you decide in this situation is going to be a serious matter either way. If you decide to tell your husband, it will be a life-changing conversation. If you decide to keep quiet about it, it will be a life-changing decision. You will spend your life worrying that he will find out. Either way, your life has changed drastically. As Buttons tried to say, do not let people who you do not even known make this decision for you. Get some counseling.
---Susie on 1/12/07


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Yes you must confess this to your husband. it is good that you confessed to God, but you need to talk to your husband. So you would rather keep this from your husband than to speak the truth? If your guilt is finally gone as you say, then why ask strangers for advice? Your guilt isn't gone, just supressed.
---Rebecca_D on 1/12/07


Buttons, I do not understand your advise. Can you explain please? Bruce, I did not take your comments as insensitive at all. I looked at them as genuine. Thank you for that.
---Vanessa on 1/12/07


Was king David required to confess his sins before the people he sinned against? I don't know you, or your husband. Do any of these people know you? I have been in your shoes and I would say that you should be careful who's advice you take. If your not part of the problem your not part of the solution.
---buttons on 1/12/07


Vanessa,
I am so sorry for you that you are going through this. The mater of fact tone of my replies may lead you to think that I see this only in black and white terms. Please do not think for a minute I am insenstive to you plight. I pray that you will find the strength to deal with this.

God bless
---Bruce5656 on 1/12/07


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Good point Bruce. Very good point. I guess I just dont want to hurt him like that. I should have thought about that before I made my mistake though. Thats my fault and this is my consequence I suppose.
---Vanessa on 1/12/07


Vanessa,
You seem to have worked everything out according to your words. You've made yourself think only God matters, because only God knows. You say it will hurt your husband, but are you really thinking only of him? This is not a clean getaway, you're setting yourself up to be able to sin again if you don't facr th eone you have already hurt, and won't face it. Your husband.
---lynet on 1/12/07


If you stole money from your employer and did not get caught, would repenting be enough to deal with your sin? If you damaged someone's car with yours but nobody saw, is it enought to be sorry? What about restitution? You have stolen something far more precious from your husband.
---BRUCE5656 on 1/11/07


Vanessa, There are many reasons why you should be honest with your husband, obeying the Word is at the top of the list. Be honest and trust God with the outcome. It might help to keep singing "Trust and Obey."
---faye4464 on 1/11/07


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GO TO YOUR PASTOR!

Tell him the ENTIRE story, asking him to request a meeting with you and hubby in the office, (neutral place) where you will spill the beans, asking his forgiveness

Then pray and fast, meditating on Scripture. Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.

Once you confessed it, it is out of your hands, but you may need additional counseling to prevent a relapse.
---John_T on 1/11/07


NUMBER 1 Honestly...for me personally if I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he just made a mistake and his heart is with me I dont see the need for me to know. It will just hurt me, hurt us. See if he were to tell me something like that I would question so many things that may not even need to be questioned. I just think that it will bring him more pain than anything.
---Vanessa on 1/11/07


NUMBER 2 I am not worried that he would leave me or anything at all. I am worried for his heart and there just being no need to hurt him like that. I think my confession should be to God and if I truly repented when I bring this back up to God he does not even know what I am talking about. I think I am only called to confess my sins to God but a great fellow friend of mine feels differently.
---Vanessa on 1/11/07


NUMBER 3 I think what she is feeling is her own heart though & what she would want. I dont think her feelings (although not wrong) are Biblical. At least I cant find anything.
---Vanessa on 1/11/07


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Your marriage is amazing because you stuffed the guilt. You've pulled the wool over his eyes and made a clean get away. As you ride your wave, the euphoria might be short lived. What if guilt raises its' ugly head again? Since it was so easy, will you be tempted to pull the wool over his eyes again? "Crime doesn't pay." It catches up sooner rather than later.
---Cindy on 1/11/07


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