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My Husband Cheated On Me

My husband cheated on me. I feel so low I can't get over this. It's been almost 5 days now that I have found out and he wants me to forgive him but I just hate liars and cheaters. How can I overcome this?

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 ---Lisa on 2/5/07
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Angela honestly I have no idea what your analogy was attempting to prove

I suggest you REREAD my post SEEING I STATED divorce is NOT a instantaneous expectation and forgiveness and working through it must be done

however carry on seem to be convinced of your own piousness seeing you either didn't comprehend what I wrote or chose to ignore what I wrote
---Rhonda on 3/14/11

Rhonda, What if say the next time you were to sin, Jesus said, "My servant, Rhonda, she really sinned big time. I feel so bad about this. She has bent down on her knees and has asked to be forgiven but she has sinned in the past and now again. I just don't know if I can get over this.
Pick up your cross and fight for your marriage. When you said your vows did you include "till death do us part, except if you really screw up and let me down in a big way then I'm out". You did say, for better or for worse. If you leave you will never know.
---Angela on 3/14/11

What are you talking about?
Clearly if your husband cheats you can divorce him as the bible states. If you are in an abusive relationship get out .
Don't be a dummy. I've know a woman who stabbed her husband because she hated his cheating.
Lisa you should be happy.
YOU can not commit adultery for filing divorce papers.
Get your fact straight rhonda.
---Gina on 3/14/11


Jesus did not say that those who divorce commit adultery - just those who divorce and remarry.

He also said: except for fornication. He did NOT say except for fornication (except if the offending spouse repents after being given a second chance).
---StrongAxe on 3/13/11

Gina ultimately by filing divorce papers upon hearing your husband cheating YOU would be the one who is committing adultery

because although divorce allowed NOTHING implies instantaneously ...spouses who stray are not to shoulder all blame there are TWO in a marriage further you have not allowed spouse to REDEEM himself hence forgiveness

as for "hating liars and cheaters" then poster has MUCH to work on as well - no human is sin-free and perfect

Gods Word does not identify EVERY last detail about divorce but one thing is clear ONLY MEN sentence people to a life in prison of marriage when a spouse is being physically battered - NOT GOD there are other reasons to have a divorce
---Rhonda on 3/13/11

I know perhaps you don't want to hear this. But divorce in the bible is only for adultry.
So you are in your right to divorce. I don't believe it can ever be in it's original state.
There will never be that trust again. If my husband would cheat by the end of the day my divorce papers would be filed.
This does not make me an unforgiving terrible christian. It justs make me a wise one. I could never sleep with someone who shared his bed with someone else. Period. Better in peace than married and in hate.
---Gina on 3/12/11

Go to the counselor! Insist on a Christian counselor though. And be careful of exactly what you're getting. At times I need to refer clients to counselors and when I began looking for Christian counselors in our area, I was surprised that some of them called themselves Christian but the only thing they did that aligned with God was to pray at the end of the session. The rest of the time they were all about secular advice. Get a referral from a pastor if possible or when finding one, ask if they counsel based on God's Word and not worldly ideas. Many men won't agree to counseling. He may be truly struggling with sexual sin and glad for this chance to get it in the open and seek help with your support. God will honor your faithfulness. Romans 8:28
---Tammy_Rhoden on 3/7/11

My husband cheated on me on his birthday last week while i was at work. He forgot to flush the condom and left the lubricant by the foot of the bed. When I came home I found the condom and lubricant. He lied and said no one had been in the house and that he masturbates with a condom. I put him out because I did'nt want to hurt him. After 2 days of dening the situation, he confessed. Oh he cried and said how sorry he was. But do I believe him? No! Now he wants to go to a counselor but I'm not sure that will help. I haven't had any sleep cause I can see him in my bed. But at the same time I love him and told him i was willing to seek help. What do I do. I'm just crushed!
---denise on 3/6/11

It is much you can do. I been in that situation. It is hard to over look and forgive things like that. Thoughts roll by has he or is going to do it again. Do not let him use the reverse roll to make himself feel better and you give unwanted forgiveness. Put a stop to the statement of doing the situation as you and him as one and step back and look at the situation as a individual. And put God in the spot that he broke in you. You can not be lead wrong and the ease and comfot that you guys had together will return. You will be able to then discuss it with in in a more confident intence mannor without looking at all the anger he has caused in you.
---NIcole_Hawkins on 1/17/11

The question that should have been asked. (this is an older blog)is....

1) Did he just get caught(NO REPENTANCE)
2)Did he confess and therefore REPENTED.

---John on 12/29/10

//I have two words for you: JENNY CRAIG.//

so, the two Jeds are one.

the two words i would suggest is Jesus Christ.
---aka on 12/29/10

I am not making an excuse for his actions though. He sinned, bottom line. But he is asking for your forgiveness. Whether you decide to stay with him or divorce, find a way within your heart to forgive him. Do this for yourself so you can move on from this and trust again. Don't let this make you bitter and ruin your life. I pray for God's love for you to help heal this hurt.
---Jed on 12/28/10

seriously, are the two Jed's or just one who needs to take his meds or see an exorcist?
---aka on 12/27/10

They are not always Christians that post on these blogs.....
---micha9344 on 12/28/10

Give yourself a not rush.time can heal wounds.think of the most wonderful things he has done for you..this will make his sin an in depth self analysis..why this things happened..most of all-pray to God for strength and courage to face tomorrow.God can make all things work together for your good..
---mj on 12/28/10

Jed: "make love to a fatty"?!!!!
---Mary on 12/27/10

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Have you done anything that would cause your husband to cheat? Have you let yourself become overweight or ugly? Have you stopped meeting his needs sexually? If so then I have two words for you: JENNY CRAIG. Seriously, you need to do this for yourself and your husband unless you want to be alone. How can you blame the guy, who would want to make love to a fatty? Men have their needs that women will never understand.
---Jed on 12/27/10

Once they cheat they will always find a way to do it again when the opportunity arise. It has happened to me someone who claimed they were my "friend".
---Melanie on 12/27/10

I know what you are going through, and I do say going "through" because time has a great way of allowing us to forget the transgressions of others when we can focus on our own shortcomings. Pray that your husband will see in time how his sin was against God as much as against you. He went against a vow he had made to God first, then you.
---Doris on 12/17/10

Very difficult place to be in,my dear. My heart goes out to you. But do know things will get better for you soon. It is up to you to forgive this man. You know him better than we do. Have you looked within yourself to see where you may have contributed to this? Even though we are not responsible for choices, other people make. He will try to make you feel guilty, if you let him. He is probably a selfish and childish person you married .Instead of trying to resolve issues, he creates more by infidelity. He may be angry also. This is one of the more serious problems to deal with, within a relationship. A lot of work for you and him to do. I hope your marriage survive. GBU
---Robyn on 12/8/10

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I am really sorry for you and I know what you are going through as i was also in this position 1 year back and felt like killing myself.

U need to judge urself that he is really sorry and he loves you and he did it because of some situation at home or other person trapped. As you know your husband better than any body else.

If he really sorry and takes the responsibilty and willing to fix the marriage then give him one chance.

He should answer all your questions and willing to share his email password, phone details everything u require for assurance.

If he is balming u and not willing to take responsiblity then dump him u deserve better life.
---Pinku on 9/21/10

I just found out that my husband cheated on me yesterday, and I am having a really hard time dealing with this. Our boys are 1 and 3. When you figure out how to deal with your situation, please let me know. I am crushed and am not sure how to deal with this either. I always believed that if I found out about something like this, I would leave, but I am not sure what to do now.
---aimee on 9/11/10

My husband and a 1-2 month affair with my sister. They say the act only happened about 5 times to many. She lived with us at the time.

I'm forgiving my husband and her I just don't have any contact with her at this time because I feel like she hurt me more than he did.

But what helped us and I mean it helped us re-evaluate our relationships and what was missing.
But go to the website: MARRIAGE BUILDERS register go over the sites buy the books they are cheap.. It helps really.
---Jennifer on 8/1/10

I feel your pain I have been married for all of one month and I just found out a couple of days ago that my husband has been having a ongoing affair for over a year and I had no idea this was happening, any help?
---jennifer on 9/10/09

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I feel your pain I have been married for all of one month and I just found out a couple of days ago that my husband has been having a ongoing affair for over a year and I had no idea this was happening, any help?
---jennifer on 9/10/09

I feel like you my husband is an emotional cheater and this is time number 5. I have forgiven each time and I feel stupid stupid. I don't want to displease GOD by filing for divorce but I am so hurt I am just going through the motions.
---Tee on 8/17/09

First of all sister, remember Jesus said I will never forsake or leave you. He is there with you, I pray that GOD strengthen and comfort you. 5 days is not a long time, you need time for yourself First. Your husband needs to know that YOU are hurt. Its not about HIM now, take your time and talk to someone a christian counslor can be very helpful.God bless you
---BB on 8/11/09

If you do this: 1Corinthians 11:3-10, 13, 15-16, 14:34-35, Ephesians 5:22-24, 33, Colossians 3:18, 1Timothy 2:11-14, Titus 2:5, 1Peter 3:1-2, 5-6, and he does this: 1Corinthians 7:33, Ephesians 5:25-29, 31, 33, Colossians 3:19, 1Timothy 5:8, 1Peter 3:7, this resolves the situation. If he / she doesn't consider the others best interest, he / she might easily be abusive.
p.s. (1) Don't uncover your husbands nakedness, but Galatians 6:1. 2) Pray. (3) Be kind, Ephesians 4:32. (4) All, get saved and trust in Jesus Christ. (5) True Christian Counsel is helpful. (6) Don't listen to those bitter folk who tell you to divorce, Jude 1:12, 2Peter 2:17.
---Glenn on 5/27/09

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I know EXACTLY how you feel! I found out two weeks ago that my husband was cheating on me. The way I found out was amazing...he was stopped by police for running a red light while making deliveries on his work route. When the officer ran his driver's license, they discovered a 12 year old fugitive 'failure to appear' warrant from another state. He was arrested and held without bail. When I went to retrieve his personal belongings, I immediately checked the voicemail messages on his cell phone, only to discover that what I had suspected for years was true. There were voicemails and text messages from his latest girlfriend! I don't know if I can EVER forgive him!
---Sheryll on 5/26/09

lisa, in your flesh you cant.Good christian counseling is a must.only with the help of God can you overcome such a betrayl.forgivness is easy,but your husband must ,and you that there are consequences to our decisions.I was betrayed by my wife some25 years ago,it took many many years to overcome.
---tom2 on 11/19/08

I also just find out my husband cheating on me last week and I felt devastating.I am waiting for him to tell me about it,but he denied about the cheating, he want to leave me.
---J_cheuk on 8/9/07

Dear Lisa.
I am single. Have not cheated but have done other hurtful and selfish things. Thank God i had a miraculous change of heart. And I began to love others (and am still sellfish, and at times, perhaps often, horrible). I will pray for you and your husband, that you will be blessed with happiness. I know others who have forgiven and are happy again. People are foolish and weak, including your husband. But he needs your love and forgiveness. Very hard as that may be. God Bless.
---Ed on 2/12/07

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The only way to overcome this is through God. He is the only one whom can take away your hatred. I understand how you feel, but if you don't let God help you mend your heart, then you will have bitterness in your heart. If this man hasn't ask God to forgive him yet, then he needs to before the two of you can work on your relationship.
---Rebecca_D on 2/10/07

No, this Lisa is another lisa. This lisa is in trouble not me. Pray for her. I am doing great praise God and glad to hear the great things all of you are saying to her. I will be using Lisa's as my name from today on because of this other Lisa. Lisa, I am praying for you too. You will get through this somehow, God will carry you through someway somehow. And He does love you.
---Lisas on 2/7/07

Dear child of God Lisa::No amount of words can soothe a betrayed Heart the trust has been dragged in the dirt & Trampled.You feel defiled & do not want to Forgive.My sincerest advice to you is to PRAY from deep within Your heart & ask Jesus to give you peace,heal your broken heart after this, Pray more to give you courage to forgive, as it says in the Lords Prayer.Any children?You have the crown of martrydom in your hand.I say this so that you will get back your sanity.God Bless.
---Emcee on 2/7/07

Lisa, it is a process you will need to work through. Number one through counselling. Find a good Christian friend or counsellor that you can talk to about how deeply you hurt and what to do about it. 2)Write your husband a letter telling him how badly you hurt over what he's done. Even if you don't give it to him, writing is healing. 3) Talk to God every day about how you feel and how you need God to heal you, ask Him to. It's a process, but you will get healed through it.
---Anonymous on 2/7/07

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Wow I hate to say this, but I did the same thing to my wife 15 years ago right in the middle of a time she was really growing spiritually and we were going to church faithfully. I thought I was doing great. trying to witness as much as I could, then "BAM" found myself in a relationship. I can look back now and it is like I was someone else. It takes a lot of work to mend the trust, but if you are willing and he is too, you can get through this with Gods help. Its hard on me too.
---buttons on 2/6/07

Dear Lisa. God loves you and He loves your husband also. He hates lies, cheating but He loves the sinner, for He came down in the flesh and gave His life for you and your husband.
Without forgiveness your marriage will not survive. I pray that the the Lord will heal your heartache and fill it with the love He has for your husband. It is not His will that your union be broken by sin, but on the contrary that it be built up and strengthened by forgiveness.
---Edmond on 2/6/07

Forgiveness is a choice we make and we do it not for the offender, but for ourselves. If we fail to forgive, we suffer more than the person who hurt us, because bitterness eats away at our spirits.

If you wish to save your marriage, I suggest you read "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martian. It helps you to pray for your husband and in doing so, you will change your attitude about him.
---Madison1101 on 2/6/07

And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.

Matthew 26:39

Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:

Luke 6:37
---scripture on 2/6/07

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I think God will give you all the grace necessary to forgive. And may I suggest that this is the right time to get him to some Christian councelling. He will probably go for it right now. And why not go for some yourself too? I'm sure you could use a few shoulders and ears to help you overcome this.
God bless both of you to pull through this.
---john on 2/6/07

love(please see 1Col 13) or leave, there is no other choice. bible tells us to love. if you change your thought of "how can i overcome this" to "how can they overcome this", u will feel better. life is cruel, we have only one way.
---dsda on 2/5/07

Forgiveness will take time - and it may be his hope (and belief) that you will do this out of your own goodness, but not willing to count the cost himself. He needs counsel and Godly - mentoring from a man in authority, or this will happen again.
---cbhsoloist on 2/5/07

I know you are hurting. God will give you the strength to get to a place where you can make decisions that are not entirely emotional.
In situations like this the offender want's to be forgiven and the offended are left with all these tied up emotions, and questions. It's a difficult place to be in.
Please do not internalize these feelings, he alone is responsible for his actions.
I'm praying for you.
---lynet on 2/5/07

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Pray, fast and give yourself time to hear from the Father to sort this all out. Your last 5 days have certainly been agonizing, but your entire future is ahead of you. Every decision you make, with or without the Almighty, will undoubtedly affect you for the rest of your life. Whatever direction you decide to take with your marriage, forgiveness is crucial and possible. Ask the Father to guide you, then trust that He will. Our prayers are with you, Lisa.
---AlwaysOn on 2/5/07

Are you the lisa from the blogs?
---Soda_Pop on 2/5/07

Think about how you might feel if the tables were turned.

Right smack dab in the middle of the Gospel we find the words, "forgive us as we forgive those who sin against us."

I know it's difficult right now. It might be that all you can do now is express to God a WISH to forgive--as an act of will that you KNOW is the right thing to do.

You say you hate liars and cheaters. God loves liars and cheaters--so much that He became man to save them.
---Jack on 2/5/07

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