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Dating After My Adultery

Divorce papers were filed based upon biblical principles for divorce. Sin has been repented of and I realize I am forgiven. Am I free to date now or is there something in the bible that states I must wait for what could be years before the court finalizes the certificate of divorce?

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 ---Gene on 3/7/07
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Jesus prohibited divorce except for adultery, that included lying about ones virginity. The non adulterer could remarry. The adulterer was not free to marry, and anyone marrying one is entering a prohibited marriage. A divorce without cause, was no divorce, and so, another marriage was a type of bigamy. The exception is in 1Corinthians 7:15. If the unbeliever departs, the Christian can remarry because the marriage was not 'in the Lord'. Please read Matthew 5:31-32, 19:3-12, Mark 10:2-12, Luke 16:18. Both Matthew 19:9 and 1Corinthians 7:27-28 allow remarriage.
Deuteronomy 22:17-19, 28-29, 24:1-4, Proverbs 2:17 (forsaketh husband), Isaiah 54:4-8, Jeremiah 3:1, Malachi 2:14-16, 1Corinthians 6:15-16, 7:10-17, 27.
---Glenn on 8/16/09


Gene, don't you want time to heal? What about walking by the Spirit, do you know how to do that? Are you truly walking with God? or do you just want to date, date and date? Are you interested in finding out what God wants for your life? or just what you want? Do you want to do the things the Lord calls you to do or just date? The Lord can use you in such powerful ways, but if all you're interested in is dating while your divorce is being finalized, it sounds so carnal and worldly.
---Anonymous on 9/20/07


Sounds to me like Gene's question is asked in regards to actions that are past, i.e., dating while papers were not final. They are final now, and he wants to pursue marriage with one he has been dating while the papers were in process. Sounds like he actually found Deb and was a friend before the papers were filed, then dated during the time the papers were in process. Did I miss something?
---Wayne87 on 3/17/07


It appears as if Gene has left the building!
---Susie on 3/16/07


How can anyone here speak to you like they know your TRUE heart. Only God knows the full depth of your sorrow for what happened.
Personally adultary grieves me and i would not be able to convey the mercy only God could show you.
---johnlovesginalyn on 3/15/07




1#
Matthew 5:27
Ye have heard it said by them of old time, thou shalt no commit Adultery:
vs 28
But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her committed Adultery with her already in his heart.
Vs 29
And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one member should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast in hell.
---Carla5754 on 3/14/07


Gene: Repentance and forgiveness is not the whole story. They are necessary, but they do not get to the root cause of your adultery, and the conditions leading to the marital breakdown. Your focus is too narrow.

You are on the rebound from a bad situation, and seeking to releve/release your feelings by dating is unwise for you, and unfair for the woman.

Serial dating will not get to the root issues, you should get counseling to avoid repeating a disaster.
---John_T on 3/12/07


That all depends on whether or not you are a true Believer. True Believers must obey God. Unbelievers do not. So the logical answer for an Believer would be, NO. Lets remember, even unbelievers pray. Ofcourse, that pray to a dead god.
---catherine on 3/12/07


Rebecca...He seems to be having trouble keeping his story straight. I can understand how you couldn't understand everything on this question. As my father used to say, this guy has trouble with the truth. It looks like he can't tell it and he doesn't want to hear it either! Sounds like terrible husband material to me. Ha! Ha!
---Susie on 3/12/07


Mal 2:16 For I hate divorce," says Yahweh . . .

The death of a marriage brings great sadness to God.

As God's bondservant, has He granted you permission to date before your divorce is final? Or would God opt to resurrect your marriage for His own glory?

Would God treat divorce born of adultery so lightly that He require no time be taken to learn lessons from a failed marriage, before entering a new relationship?
---a_servant on 3/11/07




now that I have said what I think, let me say what jesus said . because Iam an accuser and wish not too cast the first stone.because I am not without sin,none are.
---tom2 on 3/11/07


gene, might I ask. why aren,t you dating the other woman?is she out of your life now?gene are you saved?you are going thru a list of biblical principals like your reading a manifest, and checking off what you believe will free you from making another mistake.then asking us to give insight.do you realize the woman you cheated with needs to repent?
---tom2 on 3/11/07


and my question would be ,do you have complete control overyour flesh?from your statement you don,t ,so why date?where you co ,or the other woman?date her.
---tom2 on 3/11/07


gene, and the answer is in Gods word.yes it is wrong. you are still married.until the decree.God hates divorce.if your looking for aa scripture too say its fine ,you arent gonna find it.
---tom2 on 3/11/07


I must have read over that part Reno. So apparently he is still married. And I was defending him. Sorry guys.
---Rebecca_D on 3/10/07


Gene chose to marry, and then he made a decision not to be married. St. Paul wasn't suggesting that it was OK to keep marrying after divorcing, Jesus already gave the final word on that matter.

Since many Christian churches have not been very solid on this matter, Gene may have an out with God, but if he really wanted to know what the Bible teaches on the matter, then he should be prepared to hear the results. If you don't want to hear the answer, don't ask the question.
---lorra8574 on 3/10/07


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Rebecca, check the date out, up above on the question, and reread the question.
Either he's making things up as he goes along or things changed dramatically since 03-07-07.
---Reno on 3/10/07


Tom, "any relations" what does that mean? Friendship or being intimate? The question was not if I had asked my ex-wife for forgiveness or whether I was lusting after someone. The question still stands Is there anything specifically in the bible that states that someone can not date as they wait for the court to stamp the divorce papers.
---Gene on 3/7/07

Read the fine print, Rebecca.
---Reno on 3/10/07


Gene,
The road you travel on is a wide one full of the wrong people going to hell, try the narrow way( heaven) where there are few people including ones that recognise their sin know the word and happy to serve celibate, than spend eternity in hell wishing they had put self aside and followed Paul's advice Corinthians 7 to remain unmarried or RECONCILE!

Don't try to change the Word(YOU and other serial Adulterers CANNOT)
---Carla5754 on 3/10/07


the word also says it is better to marry than to burn!!!!! also really seek the lord, he will when its time send you the best mate for you!!! i have seen it in my own church!! and i also think some on these blogs are too juding in there answers i think some personal things should be only your spirit filled pastor and your saviour!!! thank GOD!! he is more forgiving than we are!!!
---LINDA4766 on 3/9/07


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Mrs. Morgan: Are you still living by the old law? If so, then why don't you obey the other laws? It isn't about feelings, it is between him and the Lord. What God has put in his heart, is what he should go by. So you are suggesting that he go back to his ex-wife? Why Mrs. Morgan, according to some people one can't go back to the same person they married. I sure didn't/ and wouldn't go back to my ex.
---Rebecca_D on 3/9/07


Reno: Gene stated twice on 3/7 that he had an ex-wife. And on the same day a few replies down, he said his divorce was final in 2/07. This is March, Feburary is before March, so how is it his divorce isn't final? It does not take years for a divorce to become final. Mine didn't, it took 2 months. Do you people not read the blogger's responses?
---Rebecca_D on 3/9/07


Gene, Listen to Jesus, Go and read what He told you to do, God never strives with hypocrisy, dear one. Your only Biblical options are to go back to your wife if she hasn't already re-married & will take you, or live alone, are you better than Moses? When he failed God, he repented and was forgiven, but was he allowed to go into the promise land?

In other words God is NO respecter of persons, there are [consequences] to sin, Gene. Obey God, and receive His peace. My prayers are with you. God Bless!
---Mrs._Morgan on 3/9/07


Rebecca_D, How could you say that, which is bascially saying to ignore what Jesus taught? You tell the man, "if you feel in your heart" ?

Since when has it been about feelings? We are to serve God in godly Faith, Spirit & in TRUTH, not "feelings". Christians must be sure their "advice" is Biblically sound, or else they will have to answer to God in that regard(Acts 20:26,27).
---Mrs._Morgan on 3/9/07


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We can't pick and choose what we like from the Word to fit our lifestyles.

He should have thought long and hard about the long divorce process, before taking up with a girlfriend. It's not good for man to be alone. He's not been alone. He went from wife to girlfriend and waiting on the paperwork. A girlfriend that will throw away the Word for a married boyfriend sounds desperate. Clean the slate, it's not to late to reconcile with the wife. Wave Goodbye to girlfriend.
---Dorothy on 3/9/07


No, Rebecca, his divorce is not final. It's going to take years for some reason. He wants to date before it's final. We know he can do whatever he wants, but we're trying to give him a biblical perspective.
---Reno on 3/9/07


Gene...Your statements contradict each other. Are you divorced or not?
---Susie on 3/9/07


God can change people. This man has admitted that he has been forgiven. He admits that his divorce is final. We are not living under the old law, so why condemn this man over his past sins, when it is under the blood? Gene, if you feel in your heart it is under the blood, and all if forgiven. Then go for it. If you listen to people, you will be miserable and stay that way.
---Rebecca_D on 3/9/07


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Another thought. Why would a woman want to date a man who has cheated on his wife?
---Susie on 3/9/07


Gene, what you're seeing on this blog is all levels of Christianity. It's all according to your level of conviction and how closely you're walking with the Lord. If you're walking closely with God, you'd be convicted that "whoever marries a divorced person commits adultery." Stay single for God, He'll take you to much higher places than marriage ever can. Your union with God should be of utmost priority in your life.
---Anonymous on 3/9/07


Gene, I don't beleive it is good, realistic, or even normal to remain in captivity. It is not good for man to be alone I realize that you were not the maker of the law to wait 5 years(hypotheticaly speaking). I have mercy on you and am less legalistic in my view, I could never do it personaly, I don't have that gift that apostle Paul had, to remain alone, and not date. However, I am not an authority, no body is. But take it up with Jesus, at the THRONE OF GRACE, and see what he tells you.
---Cynthia_1 on 3/9/07


sacred matrimony where two become one flesh, intended to be a lifelong committment, should not be taken lightly.
---Eloy on 3/9/07


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Wow, Cynthia 1, how could you condone dating when someone is still married. There's absolutely no Scripture to back that one up.
None whatsoever.
Might as well go live in a commune and really live it up. The sky's the limit.
---CupidsArrow on 3/8/07


Gene: to ask such a question, you came to the wrong place, because people here will throw many stones. Ryan: His daughter is 17 years old. He already told us. If something is under the blood and God forgives, why can't people just let it go? Some of you people acted like this man is the first person that ever sinned. Good luck Gene.
---Rebecca_D on 3/8/07


You sound like you want your cake and eat it too. God's ways are not always the easy way to do things. You have to choose, obedience to the written Word of God, or your way.
---Madison1101 on 3/8/07


Gene, I am not here to judge you or even to tell you what to do with the rest of your life. You stated that you filed for divorce upon Biblical principles, I gave you a Biblical response.

Now, if you are seeking a response based upon your civil divorce, once your divorce is finalized you are free to remarry. You may do so in a court house, or choose one of the many Protestant churches who support your choice. Most people in your shoes would date as soon as they feel comfortable in doing so.
---lorra8574 on 3/8/07


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dude, if you can't be faithful in marriage, how could you ever be faithful to god! thank you for your time!
---stevengm on 3/8/07


Gene...If you did not want honest answers, you came to the wrong site. I stand by my comment regarding what kind of woman would date a married man. Any woman who is truly sold out for the Lord would not date a married man. One who is just on the fence or a Sunday Christian might do that. I refuse to compromise the new woman that the Lord made me and go back to that old woman I was before I gave myself 100% to the Lord. That's what I would have to do if I told you anything else.
---Susie on 3/8/07


Gene....I didn't say you were not free to remarry AFTER the divorce is final. As long as you are not divorced, you are still married! That's the point!!! You are forgiven of the sin of adultery. But, it would be adultery if you had relations with another woman until you are divorced. After you repented did you plan on committing adultery again? Do you see my point? Of course, if you truly wanted to be living for the Lord, you wouldn't be having intimate relations outside of marriage anyway.
---Susie on 3/8/07


A couple were separated because of her living with another man. My friends introduced the husband to me thinking we would make a good pair. Instead of becoming involved with this MARRIED man, I told him I would pray for his marriage to be restored and it was. What kind of woman would I have been if I had dated this married man? I have since met and married a wonderful Christian man. Imagine the baggage I would have brought into this marriage if I had dated that MARRIED man.
---Susie on 3/8/07


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Sir, get out your sword as called in Eph 6:17
Read All the verses pertaining to your situation such as Mt 19:5-9, Mk 10:11+12, Lk 16:18 also 1Cor 6:13-7:3... The way it looks to this person; the one who committed the fornication may never remarry. Brother please do not be in a hurry to make a mistake that you may regret and have to live with the rest of your natural life. "The grass may look greener on the other side but that is just 'cause you can't see the dung from here."
---MARK on 3/8/07


Gene, if you belong to a faith tradition that allows remarriage after divorce, then you should seek the advice of your local pastor. He can advise you best. Not all Faith traditions accept marriage as a covenant and in such cases, the marriage was not valid as a religious covenant, even though it is legally valid and requires a legal certificate of divorce. This does not negate the Word of God, but it may mitigate it for some.
---lorra8574 on 3/8/07


it seems to me that you are serving your own interests. look in your heart and really think about why you are doing this. remember malachi 3:16. what's so special about this new lady that will make your marriage (assuming its going there) to her last. its the same thing over and over. learn to be content and stop trying to look for people to justify what you know is wrong. proverbs 25:12. God bless you!
---zee on 3/8/07


Dear Gene, I totally understand you, it sounds to me that you are living In England where it takes five years for a divorce to be finalized, if I am not mistaken. I certainly see no harm in dating, I would.
---Cynthia_1 on 3/8/07


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#1 gene, I am not trying to hurt you. Your question is vague at best, you don't even clarify whom it was that participated in the fornication outside of the marriage vow. You say you don't want to hurt your daughter any more than she has been already. Well than you should not bring another woman into her life to compete for your attention until she is out of the house.
---Ryan on 3/8/07


#2 gene, That brings up another question how old is your daughter and what are the custody roles at this time? You want to do the right thing? Be a dad, don't make excuses for poor behaviour and don't take this situation lightly by saying, "I know I am forgiven." You should feel remorseful, especially if you were the guilty party in breaking the marriage vow. And it is not something you can just write-off with, "Well I'm forgiven so everything is alright."
---Ryan on 3/8/07


#3 gene, For your daughter there is no solution she is stuck, she has no choice in the matter of you or your wife's fleshly behaviors, and let's face it, she is the one who will suffer the most. God does not look favorably on divorce or affairs and neither do I. Your question, as vague as it is, does reveal volumes of where your heart is centered, it appears it's all about you.
---Ryan on 3/8/07


#4 gene, **My God is a God of forgiveness, love, grace & mercy.**

Be very careful because now you have made your own God. I worship the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. My comment was not meant to be hurtful, it was only a statement of fact. It did have elements of humor and sarcasim and I hope that got you to seriously consider what your heart is truly desiring. Truth is not always comfortable, the message of Christ is not always roses and butterfly kisses.
---Ryan on 3/8/07


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#5 gene, it amazes me that you feel entitled to be lifted up in Christ with your self-centerd question and response. If you want to be lifted-up in Christ than start walking in the Spirit and get your focus off of you, become a good servant to your ex-wife, daughter and all those around you. Sorry gene, I don't sugar coat things.
---Ryan on 3/8/07


Gene: Being in a minority does not matter to me. Being in a right relationship with the Lord is what matters to me most. My husband left me, and there was NO adultery in our marriage, I asked two minister friends when I would be free to date, if at all. They encouraged me to wait until my ex remarried. It would be at that time that there would be absolutely no hope of reconciling my marriage with him. I did that. I dated for a few months, but learned that the Lord wanted 100% of my attention.
---Madison1101 on 3/8/07


Gene, as you can see Ryan and Susie wear their carnality well. They like to mock others because they think it makes them superior to others because they supposedly walk in love (not really true, they do not). I would like to apologize for them.
Others here are giving you GOOD BIBLICALLY SOUND KNOWLEDGE. What you're not seeing is: The Lord has a much higher calling on your life than dating and another marriage. Seek HIM first. Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God, not marriage. (to be continued)
---Anonymous on 3/8/07


Gene, to those who are trying to tell you that you should not re-marry, they are correct. However, neglected to tell you "I will betroth you to me, I am married to you," says the Lord God. You are already married to the Lord. He wants to do wonderful things in your life. Marriage takes your attention off of the Lord and puts it on your spouse. Biblically you cannot remarry or you will be considered an adulterer. Live for the Lord, He died for you, now you can repay Him by Living for Him.
---Anonymous on 3/8/07


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To all those that believe I am not free to remarry. I believe you are wrong, you are a minority among Christians & you are not qualified to answer my original question. To those who try & use one scripture to prove a point shows immaturity at best. My God is a God of forgiveness, love, grace & mercy. Search the internet for this entire statement. To please God, must believers defrauded by a spouse live the remainder of their life in celibacy?
---gene on 3/8/07


Susie, Do you think God thought what Ryan said to me was funny? What Ryan had to say hurt me. It did not lift me up in Christ. As my sister in Christ, God would expect no less of you. I truly am starting to wonder about this blog, truly I am.
---gene on 3/8/07


I suggest that you keep doing whatever it is that you want to do. It's quite clear that you just want other people to condone your sinful behavior. Sorry! How silly do you think we are?
---Annie on 3/8/07


Suzie, you asked What kind of woman would want to date a married man? Suzie if you could spend 5 mins with Deb you would find one of the most wonderful, Christ filled, dedicated people on this earth. She did not start by dating me. Deb started by being my sister in Christ. Suzie, try being my sister in Christ & you just might find out why Deb became more in my life.
---Gene on 3/8/07


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Gene, Marriage has two elements, the civil earthly component on paper and the spiritual covenant bound by God. The certificate of divorce does not nullify your covenant, it only decrees that the civil contract is severed, not your spiritual covenant made before God. You can live apart with this peice of paper, but under God's laws you are not free to remarry until your spouse dies. You are still considered married to your ex-wife in God's eyes, just not according to the civil courts.
---lorra8574 on 3/8/07


She's not even your ex-wife, yet. You've been kidding yourself to have sweetiepie on the side. Oh the tangled webs we weave.
---CupidsArrow on 3/8/07


Ryan...I thought your answer was not only funny, but real close to what is really happening here. Gene asks if he can date, but is already dating. His question says that it may be years before the divorce is final, but he posts that it is already final. The truth always comes out. My question is, "What kind of woman would want to date a married man?"
---Susie on 3/8/07


'' Sin has been repented of and I realise I am forgiven'' Gene 03/07/07

Mark 10:11 And he saith unto them whosoever put away his wife and marry another committeth Adultery against her.
Mark 10:12 And if a woman put away her husband and be married to another she committeth Adultery.

Circumstances remain the same you chose to break up the marriage your not free to re-marry, you cannot re-offend.
---carla5754 on 3/8/07


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"Divorce papers were filed based upon biblical principles for divorce. Sin has been repented of and I realize I am forgiven."

--Are you saying you were the one who commited adultery? If so God forgave you if you were [sincere], but re-marriage is out of the question, read what Jesus said. God Bless!
---Mrs._Morgan on 3/8/07


PART ONE:
Gene,
Yes there is something in the Bible to forbid what you are doing. It is the commandment that says Thou shalt committ adultlery. As has been noted below, you are either divorced or you are not. By what you have said here, you are not.

Aside from that, as someone else pointed out, there is no biblical support for remarriage following divorce.
---BRUCE5656 on 3/7/07


PART TWO:
Divorce is a civil proceding that puts an end to the civil obligations you may have to someone (other than support of course) but it does not disolve the "one flesh" union that Jesus spoke of. Once married, always married. Forgiven or not, it does not change that fact any more than a murderer who repents and is forgiven. He is still a murderer and will continue to suffer the consequences of his crime.
---BRUCE5656 on 3/7/07


I'm sure you won't let us stand in your way. Two wrongs don't make a right. So many times someone has a sweetiepie on the side. The day the divorce papers are dry, it's off to the races to get married again, usually to the same kind of person you just left. We all believe you need to reflect before you make another mistake. Why can't you patch up the marriage you're already in.
---CupidsArrow on 3/7/07


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Gene: You are not Biblically free to remarry at all. Scripture is clear that you are to reconciled to your wife, or remain single and celibate.

You have sinned in developing a love relationship with Deb in the first place.
---Madison1101 on 3/7/07


Tom, "any relations" what does that mean? Friendship or being intimate? The question was not if I had asked my ex-wife for forgiveness or whether I was lusting after someone. The question still stands Is there anything specifically in the bible that states that someone can not date as they wait for the court to stamp the divorce papers.
---Gene on 3/7/07


lorra8574 The question was not if there was provision for marriage after divorce in the NT. Your notes on marriage are confusing and contradict one another. You state marriage is until death do us part and no piece of paper can say otherwise and then you suggest That does not mean that you can't separate and or divorce. Can we please stick to the question asked specifically.
---Gene on 3/7/07


Ryan, were you trying to hurt me beyond what has already happened in my life? I made a mistake & so did my ex-wife and God has forgiven us. I am trying hard not to hurt my daughter any more than she already has been. Do you want to be part of the solution?
---gene on 3/7/07


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gene,did you ask forgivness of your spouse?seems by your statement your rushing a bit.I was s separated 8 years and divorced 2 before I started.and now have been 4 years celibut.actually I believe if you have rel;ations before the final decree you are just committing adultery again.your committing adultery if you lust after someone else while still married.
---tom2 on 3/7/07


You are either divorced or not. Until that time you are married and so is your spouse. Maybe this would be a good time to reflect on what happened so this doesn't happen again. 2nd marriages don't last longer than first ones. If your not hurt then I bet your spouse is. You're forgiven? Is that by God and your spouse? If not, then get the rest of the forgiveness.
---john on 3/7/07


There is no biblical provision for remarriage after divorce in the NT. Whether you can date depends upon whether you entered into a valid marriage or not. A marriage is valid if both parties entered into it freely with full knowledge and consent and intending it to be permanent - till death do us part. In such a case, God joined you and no piece of paper can say otherwise. That does not mean that you can't separate and or divorce.
---lorra8574 on 3/7/07


Responses to Rebecca & Anonymous: My blog was cut to short to tell the whole story. My 17 year old, saved, daughter Amy is concerned that my divorce was not final and I started a long distance friendship after waiting 6 months, & dating after 18 months, from being served papers on 6-04. I had already been separated, intimately, prior to being served, for many years. The divorce was final 2-07 & I thought Amy & I could move forward, agreeing to disagree but she is having a hard time with it.
---Gene on 3/7/07


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Part 2: Responses to Rebecca & Anonymous, Keep this in mind. I met my long distance friend Deb on the internet over two years ago on Love and Seek. My profile was established to seek out new friends & I was enjoying the opportunity of encouraging other Christians. My profile was the very first & only one Deb ever looked at and we could not be happier. Deb & I have a very strong relationship in Christ. Lord willing someday I will move to North Carolina & pursue marriage.
---Gene on 3/7/07


What is your pick-up line, "Hey there pretty little thing I am in the middle of a divorce because of adultrey, wanna date?"
---Ryan on 3/7/07


What is your hurry? My husband left me and filed for divorce in 2001. I refused to date until he remarried in February 2004. I dated for a few months, but realized the Lord wanted my full attention. I have not dated since then.

God wants 100% of your attention. Give Him what He deserves.
---Madison1101 on 3/7/07


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