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My Mother-In-Law Is Rude

Am I wrong because I don't spend time with my mother-in-law? My husband tries to force me to. I don't visit much because she's rude, says hurtful things and puts me down, cusses my husband out and treats him like a child. She never acklowledges my daughter as her grandchild. What should I do?

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 ---Daughter_of_a_King on 4/2/07
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i am really looking for a truthful, honest, caring, wellmannered, God faring and trustwarthy woman who will love me for real and who will respect me for whom i am and who will easily make me happy all time of my life for me the creat a family with and live the rest of my life iwth him
---chris on 10/27/07


Perhaps if you spend time with his Mom? He wont have to? I wanted to marry my Mother In Law.
---George on 10/26/07


Honey you have married into a bad situation and its going to be hell to get out. I know you saw some of this behaviour from m-o-l before you married your husband.There are many red flags that wave before our lovestruck eyes, before marriage, but we refuse to see them. Now you are forced to deal with this god-awful situation. My blessings and prayer are with you. I hope you work it out.
---Robyn on 10/26/07


Mother-in-law/daughter-in-law conflicts are an old, sad, story. The bad thing is that it will force your husband to take sides, and if he's the right kind of husband, his mother will be cut out.

Maybe he should tell her the danger to which she is exposing herself.
---Jack on 10/26/07


My MIL ruined my marriage...well my ex-husband let her as well. This is a complicated issue, but my "advice" is to fight for your marriage. I'm not saying that you should knock her out. However, you have to do some strategic (undeceitful) problem solving that will ultimately put you both at ease. BTW..moving across the country doesn't help. It will only piss her off more and then your hubby may feel obligated to accept the phone calls.
---tanea8838 on 4/5/07




Daughter, thanks for the clarification. However, I do stand in saying that you do need counseling.

Clearly, MIL is out of bounds, and trying to step into your relationship, poisoning it. She will not change, so your children will be exposed to it if you continue as things are now.

You need to decide together what you will do, and stick to the plan. It is good to honor mom, but not at the expense of the first obligation, you & kids.

It will not be easy, but it is necessary.
---John_T on 4/5/07


Daughter,

Whether your husband's mom was there every day of his life or left him the day after he was born does NOT negate his responsibility to YOU - his wife. She is fortunate that he has forgiven her, BUT he does not have to put up with her abuse of his wife. That is not being a "godly" husband nor man. His loyalties should lie with you first, and he can still honor his mother while demanding her respect of you.
---Crystal on 4/5/07


1. Brian, my husband has talked to his mom about her hurtful ways. They even got into a big argument over me. He doesn't visit her as often, but when he does he wants me to go. The visits drain me. All she does is complain and gossip about other people. And she tries to make my husband feel bad because he won't support her financially. Their visits always end in an argument and my husband doesn't need that added stress. He has a serious health condition.
---daughter_of_a_king on 4/5/07


2. I know everyone probably thinks he's a momma's boy but he's not. His mother didn't raise him. His dad did. She left her husband with the kids when they were about 4 or 5 years old. His parents got back together when my husband was about 17. She was an alcoholic. She's truly blessed that he even wants anything to do with her. But, she acts like my husband owes her something when she was the one who abandoned him.
---daughter_of_a_king on 4/5/07


1. John, my husband does support me. My husband and his mom got into a big argumennt over me and he stopped his visits for awhile. But, he can't just stop seeing her it's his mom. I know you probably think he's a moma's boy, but he's not. His mom didn't raise him, his dad did.
---daughter_of_a_king on 4/5/07




2. His mom was an alcoholic. She left my husband and his brother with his dad when they were little kids. She acts like my husband owes her something when she abandoned him. Sometimes I think that's why I can't stand to be in her presence. She hurt him then and she's hurting him now. My husband has a serious health condition. He doesn't need this stress/agravation. She only cares about herself. She does nothing to help him.
---daughter_of_a_king on 4/5/07


Read the book "Boundaries" and share it with your husband and her. Also, seek marital therapy for you and your husband.
---Madison1101 on 4/4/07


MIL is a symptom of a problem, not the problen.

Why won't hubby support his wife in the face of MIL? Yes, she has boundary issues, and so does hubby. Therefore YOUR MARRIAGE IS IN CRISIS!

Get counseling help before it is too late.

Your anger towards MIL can quickly turn into anger at hubby for not protecting you against his abusive mother.

Only prayer can change her, but you both can change your outlook, getting stornger... if you want to.

Otherwise status quo.
---John_T on 4/4/07


A cross country move ought to do the trick in this situation. It would be good for you and your husband to get away from this woman's influence. I have many family members with whom I have little or no contact because of their behavior. You don't need people who hurt you in your life. Her crying is just another means of manipulation. If you asked your husband to choose between you and his mother, he would choose her. He has already emotionally chosen her.
---Susie on 4/4/07


Your mother-in-law is a master manipulator, and no one is more manipulated than her son. Your husband sounds like the classic "momma's boy." Unless he demands that his mother respect you as his wife, this will only continue. The Word is very clear, "For this reason, a man (not a momma's boy) will LEAVE his father and mother and cleave unto his wife." Time for some leavin' and cleavin' if he wants to be a man and not a boy.
---Crystal on 4/4/07


No it is not rude for you to want to keep away from abnoxious people. In the Bible God's people was always asking God to keep those evil people away from me, for I am determine to follow Jesus.
---catherine on 4/4/07


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My husband does stand up for me, but he feels that I should just ignore her like he does. I don't feel as though my child and I need to be subjected to such behavior. And she tries to make me look bad by telling my husband that I hate her. She's very manipulative. Whenever he gets on her about her actions, she starts crying.
---daughter_of_a_king on 4/4/07


The person who needs to be standing up and handling this situation is your husband. He needs to confront his mother with the way she treats him. Until he does this, he will never grow up.
---Susie on 4/3/07


See how willing corrupt passions are to fetch countenance from the word of God, and to take occasion by the commandment to justify themselves. We cannot have complacency in one that is openly wicked and profane. Yet, because we are all humans created in God's image, We speak well of them. No gossiping, not render railing for railing. Pray for them, Christ Himself was so treated. We must do it.
---catherine on 4/3/07


I have been through the same and possibly worse. Do not put this issue on the back burner. It could cost you your marriage which then more importantly, greater costs for your child. Visit your church counselor or if you can afford, a professional therapist to help you and your husband deal with this. Read the bible with your husband. His wife comes before his Mother now; he is to clinge to his wife rather than his Mother.
---Linda on 4/3/07


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Pray to know what the LORD would have you do. Jesus' commandment was ..."that ye love one another, as I have loved you." John 15:12 Jesus laid down ground rules. He also expressed compassion, grace, and truth.
---Disciple on 4/3/07


One of two things can be done in LOVE.First
as Jesus mentions in Mt.5:44, which seems very hard to put into practice, but we can if He said so, to Love our enemies, Secondly
talk it over with your Husband, and again in love visit your mother-in-law, and ask her the reasons for her behaviour, and if there is no change, be frank to tell her, that you will not be visitng her as you dont want to be hurt, and you dont want to dis-respect her.
Brian 6933
---BRIAN._STAFFORD on 4/3/07


Mother in law/ daughter in law is an issue of conflict all over the world. Mother in law's attitude depends on her habitual treatment towards her children.In your case; you are affected how she treated her son. As a responsible husband he should do the move to let her mother accept you and your daughter as her grandchild and talk with this to him in a heart to heart basis.
It should be included in your daily prayer that your mother in law will be enlighten.
edna8476
---Edna on 4/3/07


Let your mother-n-law know where you stand. Let her know that if she doesn't change, that you or your daughter will be around her. If she loves you and accepts you and her granddaughter, she will change her ways. Most of all this mother-n-law needs to find Jesus. Any mother that does mean things to their own children and their families, isn't a good mother. I am so thankful I don't have this problem. God blessed me with a wonderful mother-n-law.
---Rebecca_D on 4/2/07


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I don't think you are wrong for not spending time with your mother-in-law. Personally, I believe that if she is bringing you down in your walk with God you might want to try to avoid the situation. On the other hans, your daughter does seserve to have her grandmother acknowledge her. Let me know if I could be of more help.
---jason9454 on 4/2/07


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