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Husband Has Cheated Twice

My husband is in a wheelchair and I haven't cheated on him but He cheated twice. He burned me once and then cheated with my best friend. I am so tired and another man can provide to me what he doesn't. What should I do?

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 ---Tamika on 4/18/07
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John "you think you have the right to cheat on him and return evil for evil" I think perhaps you read an intention here that was not meant the way you percieve it. I feel that Tamika means that if she got out of the marriage she could start afresh with another man, not just cheat because he did. Biblically she could do that because he is an adulterer and she is not. Sadly, people will always see the wheelchair before anything else and she'll be seen as the bad wife if she goes anyway.
---RitaH on 6/10/08


He cheated on you twice and I take it that you've worked through that. Now he's in a wheelchair and you think you have the right to cheat on him and return evil for evil?
Another man is only going to provide you with guilt and shame. Wake up and look at the whole picture. You are being deceived if you think that cheating on him is going to solve anything. Get a good dose of God and stick with Him. He can provide you with everything you need.
---john on 6/9/08


Did he burn you with fire and cheated on you once or twice? Anyways, LEAVE...Sorry I didn't understand the burn part of it.
---catherine on 5/16/07


I believe that it is in your right to leave him if that's how you really feel. I have been cheated on and I forgave and got cheated on again. That kind of hurt and trust sometimes is not repaired. If you're tired then it's time to go. But don't run into sin. Be prayerful about your decisions.
---chara7388 on 5/16/07


Sounds like you've already made up your mind and want others to tell you to go for it. If you want a divorce, then you have that right. but it is wrong and stupid to shack up with another man if still married. Since your husband is in a wheelchair, are you saying he can't provide you with sexual pleasure? or are your tired of working while he is in the wheelchair? When I made my vows to my husband I meant them forever. Vows are not just words you speak.
---Rebecca_D on 4/21/07




Thanks for that explanation Susie. Here in the U.K. if someone said that her husband had burnt her it would have meant exactly that. I have to keep reminding myself that English English is different from American English. I remember, some time ago, being equally confused with the way Americans use the word 'mean'. It's amazing what we learn from each other at Christianet!!
---m.p.a. on 4/20/07


m.p.a.....The term "burned" means that the person treated you badly. This man "burned" his wife by committing adultery once and then "burned" her the second time with her best friend. It doesn't mean he actually burned her with fire.
---Susie on 4/20/07


Rephrase that. You ONLY KNOW of two, there can be more.

You and hubby need to get counseling if you want the marriage to continue.

There are "legitimate" reasons for his behavior, breaking the marriage vow, and they need to be addressed, or else his well-established pattern, will continue.

Let that be step 1. Take others as things play out. Do not make plans prematurely.
---John_T on 4/19/07


Are you staying in the marriage for financial reasons? If you are, again, two wrongs do not make a right. If you're hanging on because this man has a disability pension of some kind, you better figure out how to make a living on your own.
Remember the song, "Ruby"? Same situation, Ruby was always taking her love to town. "For your sake, turn around". I think the money is keeping you there. If you want another man, get a divorce. You will have to work to support yourself.
---Brad on 4/19/07


Adultery does provide the allowance for the divorce but it's not God's choice as we read that the divorce was given because of the hardness of the heart, not because God wanted it. If you now divorce him for the things he did before then you haven't really forgiven him have you?
---john on 4/19/07




As he has committed adultery you could leave him on those grounds. Also, he has been physically abusive by burning you so many people would be surprised that you are still with him. You don't say whether or not you are a Christian. If you are I hope you will seek help from your pastor and Christian friends. Pray about this asking God to send you the help you need.
---m.p.a. on 4/19/07


First, if you are born again, cheating should not and is not an option for you. Unfortunately divorce is, though it should be a last result. Try counselling. This man has already violated the marriage convenant and you are biblically in your rights to leave him, but I would do all I could to save the marriage first. Don't cheat. It will open doors to the devil that you don't want to even look through.
---betty8468 on 4/19/07


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