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Pastor Too Friendly With My Wife

My wife and the preacher have become good friends. They exchange email often and she is very active in the church. I have become uncomfortable with how close they seem to be becoming. Some emails from the pastor to my wife close with "Love ya Pal" or just "love".

Moderator - Time to consider changing churches immediately.

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 ---Robert on 5/1/07
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Get your wife out of that church immediately. My ex husband was a pastor & he had a sexual affair with a 17 yr old hed been counselling, then ran off with the childrens pastor/daycare director who was 15 years his junior. They told many lies about me to cover up their affair at the start then ran off together. A whole church was destroyed not to mention our 27 year marriage. This was 6 years ago and I am still in pain from it so get your wife & get out. NOW
---Katiemae on 4/26/11


I partially agree with the moderator that you should consider leaving the church but I must ask...how is it that your wife is friendly with the pastor and you aren't? And if the pastor knows the bible's stance on the sanctity of marriage, he would encourage BOTH of you to be involved in church activities and not just her. Next time your wife goes to church activities, go with her. If she has nothing to hide, she would welcome the idea. I say this because, it is always good to investigate and see things as they are before jumping to conclusions. As to the emails that end in "Love, pal or love" I think it's high time you have a word with the pastor.
---Jennifer on 1/25/11


Joshua 10:24 put your feet upon the necks of them.
---francis on 1/24/11


We are to abstain from ALL APPEARANCES of evil.

This kind of communication should not even take place in the business world, much less Church.


Because we KNOW affairs start with close working relationships in the workplace, and we KNOW many pastors have fallen through affairs and GOSSIP.
---kathr4453 on 1/24/11


Haz27:I am pushing anti-love and what are you pushing?I disagree with the mod. And you agree.So what? You can't run from every little problem. if you do you will never learn how to solve problems. There is a deep problem in the marriage. The marriage needs to fixed! Then the pastor and other men will not rouse his jealousy. He is jealous because he is not being the man he should be to this woman. Men have always believed in the double standard. Now she is getting the attention she probably needs and he feels threatened. Too bad!
---Robyn on 1/23/11




Moderator is right. Time to leave that church.

Robyn, you said:
"you better wake up--quick! Or you may look around and your wife will be in the wind.And you will be history."

I see your still pushing your anti-love doctrine. A husband is not an employee who deserves to be divorced/sacked if he doesn't measure up to your selfish expectations.

Jesus said it is hardness of heart that people divorce. Why do you always promote hardness of heart attitudes?

---Haz27 on 1/22/11


Another thing Robert: Why do you men leave your wives to the wolves and then complain when the wolves get hungry?if you were there with your wife, supporting her, she probably would not need the attention, she is getting from the pastor. I could be wrong but in my spirit, I feel you have not been attending church with your wife and not being the husband your wife needs. I just feel this in my spirit. If so--you better wake up--quick! Or you may look around and your wife will be in the wind.And you will be history.
---Robyn on 1/22/11


Based on what the Lord Jesus counselled in Matt.18:15-17 and the law concerning Jealousy in the OT, (1) Warn the 2 of them together, let them know their close relationship is not comfortable to you. (2) If they stop, fine: if not tell the church to warn them. I hope this will be enough and you will not be lead to step 3 in that passage.
---Adetunji on 1/21/11


Robert. Do you attend church with your wife? Probably not. Why don't you try attending church with her sometimes. This may stop the pastor dead in his tracks.Sometimes women want their mates to attend church with them. Don't let her go to church alone...anymore. Step up and do what you suppose to do.And stay away from your wife's emails! Some things are private.
---Robyn on 1/20/11


Bro, it is past time to get your wife and get out of that church. Lot of these things happen in churches and I am so thankful my pastor will NOT be with any woman alone. If a lady comes for counseling, someone else has to be present. (his wife). What a great pastor.
---shira3877 on 1/20/11




You want to pinch this fast.My sister just ran off with her preacher. she left the kids and her hubby of 30 years. It sounds like the beginnings of clergy abuse. These preachers prey on women.
---VAN on 1/19/11


Run from this Pastor, and this church as fast as you can, no matter what others say this is already more then it should be as a Pastor who had an affair with a member of the church, and an x-wife who had an affair with a so called Pastor friend Im telling you to run not walk away from this today!!!
---ManofGod on 3/16/09


I don't consider these sort of questions as 'blabbing it all over the net' because we are all totally anonymous to each other. Many don't sign in with real names I'm sure and if discussing someone close to them would either leave out or change personal details. Most things here, I am sure, are asked with seriousness and sincerity with a desire to help either ourselves or others. If a few have other motives that is on their own conscience not ours.
---RitaH on 2/3/08


God is watching first of all. And no matter what, all of us men know the rule. Don't mess with anothers wife.
---Mo on 2/2/08


Jack: Leave him alone. There are some true christian here who he can confide in. We are to bear one anothers burdens. I am here for you friend.
---Robyn on 5/30/07


The husband should have a heart to heart talk with his spouse--first. Tell the wife what is in his heart about this matter. Be honest. Lay everything on the line. If she is serious about the marriage she should cut the emails and put distance between her and this pastor. The pastor nor the wife is showing good judgement on this matter. If the wife honors her husband wishes they will not have to leave this church. If things do not improve. Find another church home.
---Robyn on 5/29/07


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d question is how did the husband find out. Also, if this is in fact d behaviour of d pastor, did d wife let him know it was inappropriate? Leaving d church will solve absolutely nothing. What if they go to another church and this happen again? We need to deal with things. If d wife didnt show her husband the emails and he found out on his own, that is a problem. Also d wife should confront d pastor about his behaviour, if he will not listen then d husband should get involved.
---Mark on 5/2/07


Hope your marriage counselor is not the pastor, in that case, shake the dust off your feet. Moderator is right, staying in that church would throw fuel on the fire.
---Ron on 5/2/07


Look for another church. It may all be very innocent, but it may damage your Christian growth and in the long run, that of your wife's. This pastor should know better. One thing you might want to do, if you want, after you leave the church, have a talk with the pastor and tell him why you left. (Leave first so he can't talk you out of it.)
---wivv on 5/2/07


you beeter tell her what you feel because the truth shall set you free. Tell her how you feel about this
---sopha3863 on 5/2/07


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Yes, My last pastor, left his skinny & nasty wife of thirty years, and flew off into the sunset with his pretty secretary, they now have a baby together, some of us prophetic, seer types in the church were seeing many secrets in our dreams, and we gave him many warnings, but I forgive him. I would tell you RUN, because I do not guess, I am certain you are correct and on the target.
---Cynthia_1 on 5/2/07


I would run as fast as I can, with wife in hand, to a marriage counselor, not from your church. I would also get a new church. Let the pastor know why you are leaving after you go.
---Madison1101 on 5/2/07


Have you tried discussing your concerns with your wife in private instead of blabbing such personal business on the net?
---Jack on 5/2/07


Nothing wrong with close friends. But if the closeness is discomforting to you because you feel the closeness borders on impropriety and is disrespectful to you, then you have every right to object to both your wife and to the pastor. Your jealousy is healthy, and shows that you love your wife, and if your wife loves you likewise than she will back off from the closeness she has gotten to another man even if it means correcting the pastor for his overly friendly words and excessive emails.
---Eloy on 5/1/07


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Maybe it would set yourself at ease more if you would go to church with your wife.
---Susie on 5/1/07


I would read the e-mails from the Pastor. He shouldn't put Love ya Pal at the end. It should be Pastor_____. At the end of my emails, no matter who they are to, I put with Love and Prayers, your sister in Christ, Rebecca. If you find this bothersome, talk to your wife first, then go to the Pastor. But don't change churches until the situation is resolved. If you choose to leave the church.
---Rebecca_D on 5/1/07


Nothing will change this relationship, if there is one, unless you confront it.
Speak to your wife. Tell her how you feel.
Next talk to the Pastor and explain you do not like the display and the ending comments on the email. Let him know it is a very juvenile action.
(I wonder how you saw the mails if anything is going on though.)
All may be innocent but not the correct way for these two to act.
Find this out by calm confrontation and sincere concern for the spiritual health of them both.
---Elder on 5/2/07


This sounds really sick. I suggest you immediately speak to your wife that this is unacceptable. If it's all innocent you will probably not be challenged but if they are getting friendly she will probably get angry and tell you that you should have councelling. Tell the pastor ( and his wife) how you feel and to back off or you're leaving. Tell him to never again email your wife or speak secretly with her. If he doesn't agree, expose him to the church. I hope you're not to late.
---john on 5/1/07


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A pastor, my city, ran off (runn oft), with the church secretary.
His divorce was final one day, he remarried the secretary the very next day. The church dropped him like a hot potato. His wife of 30 years was as sweet as she could be. She was enormous, the secretary was svelte and slinky. So they slinked right on out of town like a couple of skunks, started a new church in new state. The secretary was married to man that was wheelchair bound. INTERVENE-WHILE YOU CAN
---Oh_No on 5/1/07


Studies say 6 degrees of separation is true, and it's even closer to 5 degrees. Six degrees means that we are only 6 people away from knowing anyone else in the world we live in. (When you meet someone who knows who you know).

If the pastor and slinky secretary read this, I hope you repent.
---Oh_No on 5/1/07


Have you talked to your wife about it? And the pastor? If you aren't satisfied with the answers then leave the church. But it could all be very innocent, don't jump to conclusions.
---grace3869 on 5/1/07


It is time to make a change. Talk with your wife, let her know how you feel. And together work out a plan to move your membership to another church. Until you find one that you both feel at home in, visit churches with friends and family. Remain prayerful.
God Bless
---lynet on 5/1/07


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