ChristiaNet MallWorld's Largest Christian MallChristian BlogsFree Bible QuizzesFree Ecards and Free Greeting CardsLoans, Debt, Business and Insurance Articles

My Wife Is Violent

My wife just started taking meds and sees counseling regularly. My issue is my wife is violent and verbally abusive to me and my children 6,4,and 1. I want to leave her so my children can at least have a taste of normal. I am scared to leave her alone with the kids. Should I leave her?

Moderator - Is there a true threat and if so then you know the answer.

Join Our Free Singles and Take The Dating & Marriage Quiz
 ---Kevin on 5/1/07
     Helpful Blog Vote (10)

Reply to this BlogPost a New Blog



Part One - It seems to me that anger results from a combination of sources: low-self-worth, recurring patterns, disappointments, revenge, spiritual warfare, depression, sin and selfishness, inability to communicate assertively, stress and other emotional or relationship problems. Anger immediately rears it's ugly head within 1-3 seconds of a provoking incident. Your wife needs to learn how to prevent such an overpowering emotional response and how to respond in healthy ways to the triggering events.
---James on 11/7/07


Part Two - Some people hold their anger inside and then, blow-up later-on at a small trigger, often completely un related. I recommend encouraging your wife take the following steps....

1. Beginning the day with the Lord in devotions and prayer and studying the Word of God. This implies that during that time she will confess her sins and surrender herself to Christ.

Surrendering to the Holy Spirit is the key throughout the day in prayer and...
---James on 11/7/07


Part Three - memorizing scripture to renew her mind and prepare against this enemy....anger/rage and violence. The Holy Spirit will help her produce the fruits of gentleness, self-control, love and peace... the opposite reaction to anger and rage. Encourage her to read Galatians 5:22-3 and 2 Timothy 1:7

Tell her that keeping in touch with Jesus Christ will help her react in humility to events and people who trigger her anger.
---James on 11/7/07


Part Four - God can and will help her to not respond so angrily when people threaten her needs, rights or relationships.

2. Have her write out and log recent times of anger. Explore what happened, what the issue was, how she felt and what resulted. Then have her think of some times in the past when she was able to control her anger... how did she control it? What did she do or say?
---James on 11/7/07


Part Five - Did she tell herself to calm down? Most people tend to be able to control their anger at times... thus proving that they can have control over it.

3. Encourage her to allow her to take time-outs and to do it immediately, they are not just for the children, adults need them from time-to-time. She needs to be able walk away from the situation or the people who trigger her anger.
---James on 11/7/07




Part Six - Give her time to cool off: 10-20 min. If you can, suggest she take a run or walk, where she can pray and think about what it is that she is really upset about. What is the real issue and what are the feelings underlying the anger? What does she want from the person or the situation that made her so mad? How can she negotiate or compromise the conflict she is having?
---James on 11/7/07


Part Seven - Anger can be managed and expressed in healthy ways when God has control of our lives. Maybe there is a spiritual void in her life and she needs to seek God.

You need to help her get to the root of the problem that is resulting in anger and violence. It may be partly physiological (the part that medication will help), emotional, psychological and maybe due to crises, stress or previous loss or trauma, I just dont know the situation.
---James on 11/7/07


Part Eight - There are many causes and a counselor can help you explore these causes and better ways to cope with her thoughts, symptoms and feelings. We are made in God's image, with a personality, soul, spirit, intellect, and will. As complex beings we can suffer problems which affect the different aspects of our humanity.
---James on 11/7/07


Part Nine - Please take the step of helping her now, but DO NOT allow yourself or the children to be in harms was. If your wife does not start working on and treating the anger, it will only get worse.
---James on 11/7/07


u's need 2 stop acting so selfishly and start finding away 2 work it out The only 1's getting hurt is the babes. When anger takes u anything happens. Husband u need 2 find away 2 help your wife. Her behavior reflects on your character. she will gain confidence if u were considerate to her needs. A women needs to see love not hear it. don't ignore her with hurtful words and bad behavior your her husband not her boyfr find your heart instead of your ego show your wife that you are nothing with out her
---Shelly on 11/2/07




I agree with Robyn.There is no difference between male and female. Physical violence is just as bad in either case. When there are children at risk there should be 0 tolerence.As harsh as it sounds these women must go until they can get control of themselves. Mark I am somewhat astonished at you. Please straighten this out imediately for the sake to the children as well as for your own safety. Those children need the protection of an adult who loves them because they are defenseless. There is no excuse!
---jody on 11/1/07


Mark: I am appalled. Could you subdue your wife and stop her from handling you like this. Is she a great big woman? and you a small man? You need to start looking around for another address. This is horrible behavior on your wife's part.She is going to get meaner to you because you are not fighting back. Put a stop to this, at once Mark. Do you have friends,mom,sister that can help you with the kids for a while? What do you need this woman for? She needs mental help.
---Robyn on 10/25/07


I am a victim of domestic violence too. today my daughter had to call the police when my wife knocked me down and slammed my head into the wall. I told the police that nothing happened. If she gets arrested who will take my kids to school? I have to work at 7 am. I can't do without her, but she is MEAN. Not only to me, but to my daughter. she always blames me for her actions. I think she really belives that it is my fault. I don't know what to do. I know how you feel...Helpless!
---mark on 10/21/07


Is there a real threat of significant bodily harm.Then you may have to temporarily leave.However,you said she just started meds and is making an attempt to get well by going to counseling.Is this an excuse to abandon her,are you tired of being married to her?If so dont use the children against her.Try to support her and pray for her healing.
---Judy on 5/3/07


Yes, and don't make me cry either.
---catherine on 5/2/07


If you are in the United States then you have the benefit of Police protection, to get a court order to keep her away from you and the children, I would get a legal separation until your wife changes. And I find that non-prescription and prescription drugs may exacerbate the problems even more and work against her take them away give her a natural remedy, and pray continually for wisdom.
---Cynthia_1 on 5/2/07


Read These Insightful Articles About Bad Credit Loans


We hear a lot about domestic violence against women, but believe it or not, there is domestic violence against men.

I know of one case where this happened, though the husband was 6/4 and the wife 5/1.
---Jack on 5/2/07


Talk to your wife's counselor right away about your concerns. The counselor is bound by law to report if your wife is a danger to herself or others. Do not put your children in this kind of danger. We will be praying for you and your family. God will see you through this.
---Susie on 5/1/07


The mentally ill should not be punished. You posted "MY" children, should it not be "OUR" children? If they are your wife's children also, then she has a right to her own children; if you are preventing her parental rights in rearing her children then therein could lie the reason for her violence and abuse towards you. Or if they are not her children, perhaps she feels unconnected to them and to you. In any case, marriage counselling for both of you together would not be out of order.
---Eloy on 5/1/07


If you have a fear on leaving your kids alone with her, then don't leave them alone. The kind of help she needs at this point, is from God Almighty. Help from God is avaliable. IF one wants help. You need to talk to your wife one on one, and get to the bottom of her problem.
---Rebecca_D on 5/1/07


Read These Insightful Articles About Bankruptcy


First there is nothing "Normal" about breaking up a family.
If she is violent off of drugs you must protect the children and yourself.
If she becomes violent using the drugs you need to get her medical help NOW!
You do not need to leave her alone with the children. Make a safe place for them. You must not let her know where this is.
Interact with the medical/proffesional people and let them know what is happening. Call them and explain, quick.
Do what you must legally.
---Elder on 5/2/07


I am a domestic violence counselor and I would encourage you to contact your local spouse abuse shelter. There will be someone there who can assist you. God Bless.
---Kay on 5/1/07


Is she taking the meds because of her violent abusive behavior? maybe different meds will help her but repentance works better and doesn't have side effects. Try to be sympathetic to a degree. If she is like this because of a hormone or chemical imbalance then it may take some time to get the right meds. Pray with her about this and try not to react in anger yourself. If you are truly concerned about the children then you have the right to move them to safety.
---john on 5/1/07


Moderator said it all.

I wish R.Yates of Houston, had taken action sooner. Stay safe.
---Norma on 5/1/07


Send a Free Funny Birthday Ecard


Are there any family members that the children can stay with for a while. That is a potential interim solution. Does you wife have a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care. If so and you are the Attorney in Fact; see if her physician will enable it, that will allow you control the situation, including her involuntary commitment if it should be come necessary.
---Phil_the_Elder on 5/1/07


If you must protect your children from her, then you must leave. Their safety and yours is vital.
---Madison1101 on 5/1/07


Copyright© 1996-2015 ChristiaNet®. All Rights Reserved.