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Starting Dating After Divorce

I have only been divorced a year is it ok to date again so soon? If so how do I get started?

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 ---betty on 5/6/07
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Jesus prohibited divorce except for adultery, that included lying about ones virginity. The non adulterer could remarry. The adulterer was not free to, and anyone marrying one is entering a prohibited marriage. A divorce without cause, was no divorce, and so, another marriage was a type of bigamy. The exception is in 1Corinthians 7:15. If the unbeliever departs, the Christian can remarry because the marriage was not 'in the Lord'. Please read Matthew 5:31-32, 19:3-12, Mark 10:2-12, Luke 16:18. Both Matthew 19:9 and 1Corinthians 7:27-28 allow remarriage.
p.s. Dating is divorce practice!
Deuteronomy 22:17-19, 28-29, 24:1-4, Proverbs 2:17 (forsaketh husband), Isaiah 54:4-8, Jeremiah 3:1, Malachi 2:14-16, 1Corinthians 6:15-16, 7:10-17, 27.
---Glenn on 8/16/09

I believe we all live by His grace some times we decided by our self rather than letting God's far as we are closed to him I think again we have to leave to him in faith If we give him to him every thing i believe He will change .so before we jumping to any conculision we have to leave every thing to him as christian.
---gabriel on 11/28/08

mic, I understand and you are right that some do not take serious what they are entering into.
My point is by you saying that a person who is saved and in Christ can't get married again, you are saying that God can't forgive.
God forgives all Brother.
I entered mine with every intension of fullfilling it but he did not. So are you saying I should be punished for His intenions?
Every person is jugded according to their own heart.
This in itself allows me to get married again.
Oh, and yes God does sanction your marriage. He says if you put God 1st in ALL things, he will pour out blessing upon you that you can't even hold.
---miche3754 on 11/3/08

Miche:-I think you missed the point God does not hold your Marriage together,You and your spouse do, knowing there is no turn around but just a one way stree till the end.This most important point should be discussed by both Parties who never even delve into this aspect of the contract.It is the physical part that is more attractive Just as in re marriage.Hence the concept of the marriage is lost from the start.This is what happens in Marriage (2 in one Flesh)you are united as A & E, with all the God given attributes as ONE, to increase and multiply.Now can you separate God in this union, "NO"- that is why Divorce is prohibited IMHO and remarriage is adultery as explained in His word.
---Mic on 10/31/08

I agree with not living in sexual sin, I don't agree with not being able to remarry.

Not being allowed to remarry would leave room for the enemy to try and seperate them from God because some people are saying they are not forgiven of their previous sin of divorce and cannot get remarried to each other.
I beg to differ.
God forgives those who ask for it and He forgets the previous sin.
So would they be unforgiven if they get remarried to each other? Obviously this would not be true since God forgives all sin, right?
If you say God does not forgive all sin, then what did Jesus come here for?
and the point is not to repeat the sin of divorce, right?
---miche3754 on 10/31/08

Miche, Both situations would be equally worse for the professing "Christian". Both IN THE LORD'S eyes are adultery (having unlawful relations with one who is not your spouse). Not only that, but to enter into such a situation is to cause your sister/brother to sin as well, since you are permitting them to sin with you. That is the opposite of what we are called to as Christ followers: "love your neighbor". If we love, we do not cause others to sin. If we love, we help them NOT to sin. We put down our flesh for the good of others and because we love Jesus more than we love our own lives-------if we are truly "born again".
---Cindy on 10/31/08

mic, it is not that simple.

If you are not saved then How is God your witness?
The word says that the Holy Spirit(Jesus/God)
does not exist in buildings of stone, or metal or anything man-made.

We also are not suppose to swear to God either.

Okay, your marriage is blessed because you are in the body of Christ, so God has held your marriage together.
But what of those in sin, or the ones who got divorced before they were saved?

By the way, I am glad that yur marriage is in the will of God. I would love for God to bless me in that way.
---miche3754 on 10/31/08

mic, I didn't ask how do you know you are married,
I asked how do you know you are married in the eyes of GOD?
---miche3754 on 10/31/08

Mic, People cannot read the intentions of the one who they wish to marry. Perhaps they do not walk with the Lord and make a hasty decision. We don't know. Perhaps they were young, too young to see the difference between love and lust. Perhaps they desperately were seeking to escape abusive parents. Perhaps they were used as a (what's the saying?) meal ticket? People have various motives for marriage and not all are very godly. Should a good person be trapped forever, have all his/her possessions taken from him/her, by a manipulating spouse who has no intention of even keeping the marriage bed holy? Divorce was made for the sake of good people. Do not see it as an evil invention for the devil. God sees the heart. He is the Judge.
---frances008 on 10/30/08

Miche:-How do you Know that you are married?. May I ask how do you know when you are asleep, or when you sleep walk.But a vow, to each other with God as your witness in the presence of His appointed Minister in the RCC, cemented by more than 53 years and 10 children who all bear resemblence to each party in the contract.I would say and keeping His commandments is proof enough for me that our Marriage was made to last with Jesus and the H/S as our Guide. I know I was with her when she died and I have not been Married or Plan to,in the future.BTW are you Married and Happy?
---Mic on 10/30/08

mic, that is not what I asked.

I asked which is worse-
To get remarried
to live in sexual sin with the one you want to be married to but can't because you are previously divorced?
Do you suppose that Jesus meant a deeper meaning to this?
I do.
I believe he was talking to the pharisee because of how they used divorce during that time. They would do as we are doing now, then set their mate aside for their own wims.
I believe Jesus was addressing this.
Not the issues that would make one stay in a disfunctional marriage. then divorce committing another sin then living in another sin because you can't marry even though you love the person.
If not, then we can agree to disagree.
---miche3754 on 10/30/08

also mic, how do you know God has married you and your spouse?

Is it because a man of God says so?

Let us remember that man is fallible and God is not.

So tell me how do you know?
---miche3754 on 10/30/08

Is there a church near you with a divorce recovery ministry? That would be a good place to start to be sure your healing is complete. I have mixed opinions about the re-marraige issue. I have never been married, so I lean towards not marrying a divorcee. However, at my church singles group, at my age, literally 97% of the available women are divorced. I know divorced singles who stayed single until their ex-spouse died based upon their interpretation of scripture. I have a lot of respect for their commitment to living pure!
---obewan on 10/30/08

Miche Frances:-No NO Divorce is not Biblically acceptable."what God hath joined together, let no man put asunder"Is that not clear enough.Matt19:7-9If incompatibility exists between the 2 contracting Parties with irreconcilable differences .A 'separation' may be allowed by Annulment.BUT NOT REMARRIAGE for purposes of sexual pleasure,as it would then be ADULTERY.Miche what is the guarantee that the second will last -None- The first should be 'made' to work by your arguement.
---Mic on 10/30/08

certainly divorce is frowned on but we must ask this question- is it alright for a single person who wishes to be married to continue living in sin with the one they wish to marry just because of this?
Paul says that so we do not commit sexual sin, that it better to marry than to burn.

So, I tell those who have been divorced, if they wish to marry again, they must repent and ask for forgiveness. This lets God resolve the matter Himself. Then if the person gets married again, to stay married and make it work.
Thus not continuing in this sin.
---miche3754 on 10/30/08

Divorce is biblically acceptable because of the sinful nature of man. Not the other way around. If divorce made us sinful then God would not allow it. It is a question of the lesser of two evils. God does not want people to live with two people at the same time. Therefore when one marriage has proved a nonstarter for example, there is a way out. Since all men have fallen short of the glory of God, it does not do for us to judge the divorcee as more guilty than anyone else. Certainly they do not seem to believe in long-term sleeping together outside of marriage which is very popular and presumably acceptable to most 'Christians'. (Trial marriage etc).
---frances008 on 10/29/08

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Ginger :-The way you rationalise is based on your personal feeling."cripture Judges woman Not man"??Please quote- otherwise it is a guilty conscience.Marriage is a 2 WAY contract if you recall your vows.The judgement of who is right or wrong is left up to God.The truth is you cannot remarry that is the crux of the Matter.For if you do--its ADULTERY.GOD SAYS SO not me or any one else.
---Mic on 10/29/08

Divorce is a way out for us weak humans when the going gets impossibly tough. It is often the lesser of two evils. I respect a divorcee much more than people who never marry but just live in sin, and then when they meet the 'right' one dump the person they were happy with (often on becoming 'born again') and then think they are pleasing God as they marry another 'Christian'. (I don't know why any Christian would marry someone who had been living with someone else, but I could understand why they might find a divorcee a better bet. A married Christian should only divorce due to abuse from the spouse (psychological included).
---frances008 on 10/28/08

the doctrine you are talking about is the rcc doctrine. Jesus forgives all sins. That is the entire point. No matter what He forgives and He judges. You keep saying scriptures says this and scripture says that. I know what scripture says and in marriage it does contradict. It judges woman and not man. It say woman is sinning not man.
It is alright for a man to get married as many times as he wishes. I don't for one seconf believe that Jesus meant that. I believe he meant that no matter what... DO NOT JUDGE LEST YE BE JUDGED. Do not try to take His place. I believe I am forgiven and I am allowed to get married again By Christ blessing so I don't need yours.
God Bless you !!!
---ginger on 10/27/08

Sometimes I wonder if we are not all reading the same bible? I guess it boils down to 2 Timothy 4:3 - For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.
---Wal_Rev on 10/25/08

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There are no contradictions... that is if you look close enough to the word of god and you really want to hear it... and obey no matter what. The world would be a better place, if we all took the word of god and abided in it. no?
---Wal_Rev on 10/25/08

Ginger:-The discussion at hand is about Divorce in General,and whether getting re married is allowable.Marriage is not disolveable but if you want a separation then the law is, 1.get an annulment by church standards (not permissable by Gods standards)again you review your ownlife, and introduce your own experiences, this confuses the issue for You .There is no sin in Divorce only self adjustment of ones life.2.The sin developes if you desire to get into a married state with another as your new Partner.That is wrong,in the eyes of God .Man has no say in the matter people who take cognisance of this murmering is from a guilty conscience.
---Mic on 10/24/08

wal rev, I believe it goes deeper than that.
I believe that God looks at you reasons for wanting to get remarried, too.
These passages condemn women. I don't believe that is what God intended. No where have I seen that a man who is divorced condemned.(I may be wrong) Just the woman. I feel it in the Spirit that there is so much more than what we are seeing in the scripture. It means more than just literal.
I believe Jesus made these contradictions to make us realize, that we don't know the heart and soul. So we must not judge. Only Jesus can make the decision on matters like this.
---ginger on 10/24/08

Divorce is not the sin, and does not mean that anyone is a failure. God is clear - it is better to live in peace apart from your mate if you must and can not reconcile. What is a serious sin, is the remarriage that follows divorce ...that is adultery. Mat 19:9. Luke 16:18 and Mark 10:11 - We got to abide by the law... if we profess christ as savior.
---Wal_Rev on 10/23/08

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wal rev, no condemnation, I just get upset when everybody starts throwing around this whole marriage thing.
The bottom line is we are not suppose to judge... period. We don't know what happend or anything else. All everybody ever says is divorce is against God. NOT true. I've seen God break up a marriage because they were not in His will.
When we use scripture to pass judgement, we are taking God's place. Especially on this.
It is about God, not us.
In divorce, there is always 3 versions. His, Hers, and the truth(God's).
Just because a person's marriage fails doesn't mean they are not a Christian.
God bless you rev!!
---ginger on 10/23/08

Please do not feel like there is condemnation. Cor 5:12, says we are to judge those in the church for accountability. Putting away the world is the HARD road, with heartache, tears, isolation and pain, god tests the heart. Romans 6, says Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2By no means! We died to sin, how can we live in it any longer? 6...our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with,that we should no longer be slaves to sin because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. 15 Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means!, you are slaves to the one whom you obey whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?
---Wal_Rev on 10/23/08

Things like this are the problem with most Christians today.
You think that you are the judge when you are not, Jesus is. You are missing the point of that whole seen.
Jesus chose to forgive. He is saying for us not to be as the pharisees and judge people by the law. He ask us to let Him judge.
Not you. So you can say whatever you want, I know Jesus forgives, Keep on walking the condemning judgemental path, and see if it truly leads to heaven.
---ginger on 10/22/08

It is not what a person wants to hear but there is no inconsistency in the scriptures. JOHN 4: Jesus states that her husband is NOT her husband, why? JESUS SAID to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. 18The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is NOT your husband. Why? Mark 10:12 Jesus says"12And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." Again JOHN 8. Jesus called the adulteress to repentence, and states go and sin no more. But, we cant continue in sin RE: Romans 6:16 and worse in Corinthians 6:9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers ...
---Wal_Rev on 10/22/08

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Ginger:Rev Wal is right .I do not understand what a church or any one has to do or say about your Divorce.But in reply to your claim from JN8.3-11.I think you missed the last sentence"Go and sin no more"so the answer is no one casts the stone if you dont sin any more WOULD YOU AGREE.
---Mic on 10/22/08

wal rev-
You really should see John 8:3-11.
It says what Jesus feels about this.
The last I checked only Jesus can condemn or judge anyone. If she has repented and not sinned anymore, then Jesus has forgiven her and will bless her next marriage so that it will be of God and she will not divorce.
Unless you are Jesus, brother, do not cast that stone or it will turned against you.
Not being mean or anything but you sound just like the churches I have been to in the past that would gladly take my tithes but not let me be a member because of my divorce.
So there I was obeying God and having repented but they could not forgive.
---ginger on 10/22/08

"betty8468 on 5/6/07 writes Some people here will tell you that you can't marry again once you're divorced". Betty, these are gods words... Mark 10:11Jesus himself said "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." Any good christian woman, must obey jesus and would never place a mans soul in jeopardy with the lord to commit adultery. Proverbs speaks very sternly about the adulteress.. as being not a woman of god. The woman of god is of ONE husband and fears the lord. That is not true love of others or god, it is an act of selfishnesh and disobedience to the lord.
---wal_rev on 10/21/08

I don't think it would be wrong to start dating a year or even half a year after a divorce. I'm getting there myself and it is about healing. You don't want to bring in the baggage from the other marriage and all those things that your ex used against you. Pray, that's the easiest way to get started.
---Yasmin on 1/22/08

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If you have to ask for permission, then you are not ready. You will get all sorts of answers here. My belief is that if your marriage was not ended by adultery, then you should not be dating at all.

My husband left me for a lot of different reasons, but adultery was not one of them. I refused to date until the month he remarried. That was when my pastor said I could do so with a clear conscience.

I suggest you speak with your pastor to learn his guidance on this matter.
---Madison1101 on 1/13/08

Susie, Jesus is my Lord, He is my King, He is My ALL IN ALL, and MY EVERYTHING, He is my Redeemer, He is the ONE I ADORE, He is my Deliverer, He is my Hightower, He is my Fortress, HE IS MY GREATEST LOVE, And He raises me up to be with HIM, He is MY GREATEST FRIEND... Sorry you can't understand that.
---Cynthia_1 on 5/14/07

Calling Jesus your boyfriend is lowering Jesus to a level He doesn't deserve. Even if you are married, Jesus should be your King of King and Lord of Lords. He is much more than a boyfriend. He is Savior!!!
---Susie on 5/14/07

All this 'boy friend' talk kinda reminds me of when people call God "the big guy" or "the man upstairs". Whenever I hear this type of talk it makes me mad for some reason. I dont like it at all.
---sue on 5/12/07

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Cynthia: I may be the Bride of Christ, but unlike you, JESUS IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. He is many things to me, but not a boyfriend. No wonder your marriage is having problems, you consider Jesus your boyfriend, How does that make your husband feel?
---Rebecca_D on 5/12/07

The Priestly Bride,

Anna Roundtree
---Cynthia_1 on 5/12/07

I have never seen my Lord and Savior as my boyfriend, or as a husband, and he never intended for us to.
God's place is first and eternal in my life. If He were a husband, or if all husbands and wives were totally indwelled with His spirit, many marriages would be quite different.
His love is not to be seen as a replacement for human relationships, human relationships should be enhanced by His presence in the midst.
---lynet on 5/12/07

Sorry to burst your bubble Rebecca.{WE ARE TO BE THE BRIDE OF CHRIST} But unlinke you, I know who I am with Christ. Read the Parable of the ''Ten Virgins'' Study and go show yourself approved, so you won't be ashamed when the Groom is dressed, and your still in your TIDY NIDY. MATTHEW 25
---Cynthia_1 on 5/12/07

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Cynthia: Jesus is not my boyfriend. Neither is God. I have a relationship with Christ, but I do not think of him as my boyfriend. Yes Jesus calls us friend, but no where do I read that he calls the women his girlfriends and the men his boyfriends. Every christian should have a deep relationship with Christ, but should not go as far as calling him their boyfriend. What would the men call him as? Boyfriend as well?
---Rebecca_D on 5/11/07

What I'm talking about is not connected to the Catholic church.
It is a worldwide Christian women organization. Married or single, they line up to marry Jesus. The Bride doctrine can be taken to real extremes. One divorced woman I know, bought a diamond wedding ring, and told everyone Jesus was now her husband. It takes a leap into the bizarre.
---Joyce on 5/11/07

One part of the ceremony was to look into a mirror that was placed up front.
Look and see who you really are in Christ.
That's when I parted ways with this very well known group.
Jesus is who we need Him to be, but not your boyfriend.
Cynthia, you need to be honest with the spiritual head of your household or your pastor. Letting it all hang out here is not wisdom or proper.
---Joyce on 5/11/07

Joyce, are you talking about nun's?
---sue on 5/11/07

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I kinda agree! If you are talking spiritual Intimacy meaning, total prayer and fasting reading of scriptures and Worship a time set apart for spiritual growth Yes, I understand all of us should have that special time more often than not with the Lord, Some go to work tell everyone their on fasting starve and use this self portrayal as fasting for spiritual growth lol maybe you need to rephrase what you really mean?
---Carla5754 on 5/11/07

There is a problem inside of the Body of Christians, Divide and Conquering Spirit happening, 1 Corinthians 11 Paul is saying when you come together I hear there are divisions taking place. I am not talking of some perverted Doctrine, and though marriage is not perfect I am calling my Pastor to meet with him. There are peoples evaluations going on here that are not in accordance with the Discernment of Christ. Because of Accusations, and perverted thoughts people are getting afraid to Blog honestly here.
---Cynthia_1 on 5/11/07

Jesus is not your boyfriend.
I have known women who have perverted what you are talking about. It is known as the Bride doctrine. It can become warped. I won't say what particular group, it's nationwide, have speakers come in. They have an actual Wedding, with cake, bridal dresses and rings. You come up to the front and marry Jesus. A ring is placed on your finger, there's a wedding reception. The bridal doctrine can become warped.
Jesus is not your boyfriend.
---Joyce on 5/11/07

Cynthia, you are a created being.
Jesus is God.
Although your marriage is in bad shape, you're scared of men, etc., you've been to 4 counselors, and they've told you to leave.
You could be hanging on for financial reasons, I don't know. I am concerned for your children because of the chaos.
Do you have an actual church or are you going this alone?
---Joyce on 5/11/07

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Part 3. It is time to get out of the Trappings of religiosity, Traditions of man,
self opinions, and realize the INTIMICY FACTOR WITH CHRIST, that Jesus wants from his future Bride, Many of us in our dreams are being kissed by the Bridegroom, at least my friends are having similar dreams, It is about Bridal Love being released into the body of Christ. A person with Religious Spirit instead of an intimate and personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ will NEVER be able to understand.
---Cynthia_1 on 5/11/07

Father God, is different from Jesus the son. Before you were a Bride, you called your husband your boyfriend, right? Your a smart girl, for the most part, I am sure you can connect the dots. We, the Church are considered to be the upcoming""THE BRIDE OF ""CHRIST"".In John 15:15 Jesus calls us friend, But most of us do not recognise our positions 'men and woman, young and old' who we are in Christ. Sleeping Beauty, wake up, The Wedding Feast is coming.
---Cynthia_1 on 5/11/07

PART 2, Many wives around the world have gotten married to men that should have been in Love with them but after the wedding, they were victims of more acts of hatred, instead of love, many men get married so they can have a maid,cook, and babysitter, you can not know what some go through until you have walked in their shoes. I have learned since my marriage, that all of the dreams I ever had as a little girl ended up in SHATTERED DREAMS, this is why now it is hard for me to trust a guy.
---Cynthia_1 on 5/11/07

Cynthia: you consider Jesus to be your boyfriend???? Okay....He should be your Father, not your boyfriend. If guys scare you, why in God's great name did you get married? Some of the things you say, just don't make any sense. I've called Jesus many names, (good and biblical names) but never my boyfriend. What is up with that?
---Rebecca_D on 5/10/07

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Amen. Amy, That is why my boyfriend is a Jew. Jesus will never. leave you or forsake you, He sticketh closer than a brother, I Love Him because He gave His life for me. Guys scare me, I guess I have never been able to trust any, But if it works for you, I see no problem dating, I do see a problem marrying however.
---Cynthia_1 on 5/10/07

Betty, I am divorced. I suggest that you date God for a while. Let Him show you how He loves you. Read some good books like the Lady her Lover and Her Lord by TD jakes to help you get a better idea. I don't want to date unless God provides a man and TELLS me that it is okay. I think that you will do what is in your heart and God will work all things out for His good.
---Amy9384 on 5/8/07

Betty...I have known several couples who had long-term, committed relationships rather than get married because one of them was divorced and one was a minister and his denomination would not allow remarriage after divorce regardless of circumstances. Just because you want to date, doesn't necessarily mean you want to get married.
---Susie on 5/7/07

Really there is no time limit. If you feel you are ready to start dating, then sister start dating. We can't tell you when it is okay and when it isn't. Because alot on here will let you know you're sinning. Ask yourself, "Am I ready to date?" This is only between you and the Lord.
---Rebecca_D on 5/7/07

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When you read Matthew 5:31-32, it reads that Christ was not in favor of divorce or remarriage. (You can, so it states in the Bible, you can get divorced if adultery is the reason, but this is no grounds for remarrage.) You also have I Cor. 7:10-11. So, you really have no grounds to be dating anyone. If you do date, a one year waiting period is too soon. (It should be at least two years.) My advice, based on the Bible, don't date or remarry.
---wivv on 5/7/07

You know you can debate marriage and divorce until the day Jesus returns unless you are willing to study the scriptures and work out your own salvation you will only be lead astray . You can go online put divorce/adultery and Fornication in the search engine and read the Word for yourself without the laborious task of reading through the whole entire Bible.
---Carla5754 on 5/7/07

If any mate starts dating while you are still married, that's adultery.
If any mate starts dating while they're waiting on the divorce, that's adultery.

If you don't think so, you're kidding yourself.
---Rob on 5/6/07

Some people here will tell you that you can't marry again once you're divorced, so why bother dating. Personally a year is a good time to start back up again as long as you have worked things out in yourself and don't carry any baggage into it. Always pray first tho before doing anything and get God's peace on it.
---betty8468 on 5/6/07

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Anxious to start dating, why? Did you have scriptural reasons for your divorce. Did you learn anything this year that would help you recognize the right kind of person.
Often, people rebound and hook up with exactly the same kind of person they divorced. If you don't know how to go about it, betty, you are not ready.

If you don't know where to begin, which is seeking the Lord, to ask if this is the right thing to do, you're not ready for another man. Seek the Lord for your answers.
---Brad on 5/6/07

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