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Depressed Pastor Left Me

I am 55 and my husband just left me for a 31 year old woman. He was a minister. I am devastated I can hardly get out of bed some days. What should I do?

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 ---jean on 5/18/07
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Thank you, Linda . . . eagles > it says you shall mount up like an eagle > well, an eagle up there can use wind currents so it doesn't have to work hard to fly. It can just REST and keep in BALANCE with the flow of the air, and stay on top of things, up there.

Above the shoves
are love and doves
and grace not haste thereof.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/23/07


Ask God to heal your heart. If you are a true Christian then you know that we can do everything through God who strengthens us. PRAY...PRAY...PRAY....Cover yourself with the armor of God. Then Pray some more and with faith you must believe that He will deliver you from your pain. Don't forget to forgive your husband and that woman.
---marta on 5/23/07


Bill, I really like how you loaded the bases and then swung the "walk in love" bat to bring it all back home.
---Linda on 5/23/07


I have a testimony.

Back in 2001, I was six months pregnant, depressed, and suicidal. I had no outside circumstances going on that should have put me in that place, nevertheless, I was there. I got up every morning long enough to get my kids on the bus, then I would go back to bed and stay there until it was time for them to come home. I would get up long enough to fix supper and eat, then back to bed I went. I had no sense of the presence of God and definitely had no good thoughts going on.
---Linda on 5/23/07


And not once during this time did anyone at all come to help me. I attended church every time the doors were open but I was the most miserable person on the face of the earth, at least it felt like it. And no one ever noticed that my countenance had changed or that I wasn't the Linda they knew so well. I had to walk through this with Father alone. My husband, though he loved me unconditionally, was more than a little confused by what was going on.
---Linda on 5/23/07




At one point, I even asked God to kill me and He said, "I already did when my Son died. You are a new living creature." So I begged Him to help me put off the body. See....too chicken to even kill myself though I felt like it. Every day I wished it were night and every night I wished it were day. If you read Deut. 28, you will find that that is under the curse of the law.
---Linda on 5/23/07


Day after day, night after night.....then one day I said, "If I were to not be here, my children would have no mother and my husband would blame himself...and the child in my womb will never even have a chance. I'll stay for them and only for them." For some reason, that motivated me somewhat. I was still depressed but the suicidal thoughts took a leave of absence.
---Linda on 5/23/07


However, you can't live depressed and I knew that. I could barely function day to day and certainly didn't feel like I could minister to anyone. Then, one evening about the midnight hour (literally), I laid down after dressing for bed. Right on the edge of shutting my eyes for whatever that was I called sleep, I heard, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint."
---Linda on 5/23/07


Immediately, and I do mean immediately, I came up out of that bed, hooked up to the internet, and began a search on "eagles". What I gleaned in that moved me to build a web page called "The Eagle Soars". That Word raised me up out of that miry pit I was in and set my feet upon the Rock. And by the grace of God, I will never go back there. Father was so faithful (and is so faithful) that He even told me why I went where I did.
---Linda on 5/23/07


No, it wasn't any kind of pregnancy hormone induced depression. It was caused by my trying to keep a bunch of rules and regulations I had placed on myself...and when I couldn't, I condemned myself. I considered myself a building unworthy to be inhabited and it took me to a place I wouldn't have had to go if I had rested in faith.
---Linda on 5/23/07




This is how I know not only how Jean feels but also how faithful Father is to lift us up from where we are I was in a place I could not bring myself out of. Only One greater than myself could do it and that One is ever faithful.

Why are you cast down, my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope thou in God, for He is yet the health of thy countenance and thy God.

Also Hebrews 6:16-20
---Linda on 5/23/07


Yes Susie your right. people makes a comment, that is addressed to the question, but one person takes one word or one phrase and turn it around, and before anyone knows it, it is turned into an arguement. So I try my best to stick with the question. Unless someone addresses me with a comment or another question.
---Rebecca_D on 5/23/07


That was excellent Bill in explaining the relevance of every response. Thank you. Every response is as cohesive in the revelation of Christ as the Bible itself because each response is built on the foundation of Christ Himself.
---Linda on 5/23/07


(7) So...just as you are...on a bed? You are in just the right place to R-E-S-T > "Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him" (in Psalm 37:7), and He will give you a resurrection to love more and better than ever before.

So, now you have found out that ones around you do not know how to love??? Now you know. Jesus knew this, all along. You can join Him in reaching to them.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/23/07


Hi, Susie...so you are caring enough to real the whole thing. For me, every post is relevant to the lady's suffering about her husband leaving her >

(1) She can trust Christ for how she in her loss can walk with Him and have all the abundance of His love life with Him...no matter what her husband does > "And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved." (2 Corinthians 12:15)
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/23/07


(2) But > ones point out that not every person in such a horrible tragedy can just hop to it and get right over it > and Jesus will take her just as she really is, and help her from there > "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness," He encouraged Paul (in 2 Corinthians 12:9)

I'd say Paul was going crazy, NOT just getting over it. Jesus took him as he was.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/23/07


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(3) Yes, "For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin." (Hebrews 4:15) So, Jesus went through things here on earth, that WE go through, so He can feel for us and help us with the grace that richly got Him through.

So, He starts with us, just as we are, but does not leave us here.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/23/07


(4) Linda is showing how if one wants to be healed of a great suffering, one needs to be considering others and NOT just be into one's own problem...like those people at the pool were NOT doing...NOT being just as caring about others as about their own selves. If we let depression get us concerned mainly about our own selves, this is not just a medical problem, then, but against how God says to love...VERY relevant.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/23/07


(5) "'For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?'" Jesus says in Matthew 5:46 > there is plenty of church culture which involves picking and choosing who you love and really care about...NOT loving ALL others as yourself. And in this selfish sort of loving, we are weak enough to deeply suffer when things go against us.

We ALL do this, more or less, then one may specialize in rage reactions, another in depression, or me in self-righteously looking down on others, etc.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/23/07


(6) "He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)

"If any man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted." (Galatians 6:1)
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/23/07


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No Susie, you're not imagining it, it did take a turn. Maybe jean went back to sleep.
---Ginger on 5/22/07


It is your imagination. If you will read the blog posts carefully, you will find that each response is either directly to the original question or made in response to one of the responses to the original question. Example: AJ makes reference to the pool of Bethesda, using it as an illustration that faith will cause you to stand up and walk. I (Linda) made a comment to his comment and TS made a comment to which I further responded.
---Linda on 5/22/07


They all still have to do with the matter at hand because the man at the pool was unable to get into the pool without help. In other words, Jean may need some help just standing here and those of us who are strong right now need not assume that this has not weakened her some. The proud and selfish ship here will just hinder her from healing.
---Linda on 5/22/07


Susie, It is not your imagination. And we are all doing it. Aren't you?
---catherine on 5/22/07


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Is it my imagination? Or, are people posting answers on this blog that have nothing whatsoever to do with the question?
---Susie on 5/22/07


Sometimes stuff hits us from out of no where it seems. And you think you will never be the same again. Interests you had, you believe has left for good. You hurt so bad you call out to God, and the next day everything is back to normal. You and all of your interests. Isn't Jesus Christ such a blessing for His saints. Yes He is.
---catherine on 5/22/07


Yes, it is a key...so is the one man principle. Before every service now, those who are present before 10 a.m. all come together and pray as one man, take communion as one man, and go out as one man. The presence of God is ALWAYS present both in truth and in manifestation in our services.
---Linda on 5/22/07


In example, I started backing away from being the "first in line" long before I ever understood the first shall be last and the last first. By the time it was "my turn", I was laying hands on folks and praying for them, having already received not only healing but also the understanding that the man up front was not the only minister in the house. I think the term for that is "made whole". The bottom line is that selfishness drives the kingdom away from you.
---Linda on 5/22/07


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Join the "My Husband Left Me For A Younger Woman Club". Thank God you're rid of the cheating man. Get up in the morning and set at least one goal for something you will accomplish that day. Then the second week set two goals. As you start directing your thoughts and energy to living, you will come out of the depression. I will pray for you.
---Susie on 5/21/07


**If there had just been one who would have said, "Go ahead of me" and been willing to be last, I believe all would have been healed because the first shall be last and the last shall be first.**

Interesting insight, Linda.

I have often wondered why just Jesus healed just ONE person there. You can't say the others didn't have faith for healing; otherwise they wouldn't be there. Maybe this is the key.
---Jack on 5/21/07


jean, Matt. 11:12 '... now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force.'
It's not that the Kingdom is suffering violence but that the Shepherd is tearing open, making a hole in the Heavenly Fence that separates Man from God. They hear His Voice and run through the opening in the Fence that He made for them. It becomes widened the same way that cattle, stampeding through a break in a fence, will trample it down and tear out more and more of it as they go through it.
---AJ on 5/21/07


jean,
He will lead us out of this world of darkness into His Kingdom. The sheep will follow when they hear His Voice. So close is the connection between shepherd and sheep, shepherds can divide flocks that have mingled at a well or during the night simply by calling their sheep, who follow their shepherd's voice.
Jesus is the Breaker and the Gate or Door through which the Sheep pass (Jn. 10:7, 9).
---AJ on 5/21/07


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The Sheep go through the Gate, the Heavenly Fence or Wall. The good shepherd 'enters by the gate' and leads his sheep out through the gate of the sheepfold, to safety.
Get up, jean. Time to get up.
---jean on 5/21/07


The greatest shame at the pool of Bethesda was the selfishness of the people. Everybody so much wanted to be the first (and only one to be healed) that they wouldn't help the man who could get there no other way. If there had just been one who would have said, "Go ahead of me" and been willing to be last, I believe all would have been healed because the first shall be last and the last shall be first.
---Linda on 5/21/07


On the other hand, if there had been a leader anywhere amongst them and they had all came around the pool and entered it as "one man", all would have been healed because WE were ALL healed by HIS stripe. The "one man" principle in the Word is very strong.
---Linda on 5/21/07


Hi AJ; I think your heart is in the right place, but please don't knock prozac and other drugs used to help a lot of us. Some of us are biologically prone to mental and emotional problems, and the medicines are a blessing! I have Tourette's and a few other brain disorders so I'm grateful for medications; just my 2 cents (or less lol!) :)
---Mary on 5/21/07


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No Jack, I will not be 'haunted' by my words.
I have suffered loss. In the end days,in the face of adversity, mens hearts will grow faint, the bible says so.
We are a prozac nation. Hiding out in the house, crying night and day, is not handling or facing situations. A lifetime of depression, with/without antidepressants; chemically/non-chemically related, is something I would submit to God.
---AJ on 5/20/07


jean, I doubt that you're a babe in Christ. Don't let devastation move into severe grief and rejection of self. If you've lost your church, church members are running from you, find another church. Find genuine men and women of God, so that your heart can heal.
But don't lay in bed and let depression run over you like a steamroller.
---AJ on 5/20/07


jean,
John
5:3. In these lay a great multitude of sick, of blind, of lame, of withered: waiting for the moving of the water.
5:4. And an angel of the Lord descended at certain times into the pond and the water was moved. And he that went down first into the pond after the motion of the water was made whole of whatsoever infirmity he lay under.
5:5. And there was a certain man there that had been eight and thirty years under his infirmity.
---AJ on 5/20/07


5:6. Him when Jesus had seen lying, and knew that he had been now a long time, he saith to him: Wilt thou be made whole?
5:7. The infirm man answered him: Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pond. For whilst I am coming, another goeth down before me.
5:8. Jesus saith to him: Arise, take up thy bed and walk.
5:9. And immediately the man was made whole: and he took up his bed and walked. And it was the sabbath that day.
---AJ on 5/20/07


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This man had lost all hope. He found himself powerless to be able to even respond to an opportunity to healing. The lame man was suffering from a hopeless condition.
This man was stricken to a lifetime of separation from community.

The healing of the infirmed at the pool would take an act of faith. Entering the pool is an act of faith. It is belief put into action.
---AJ on 5/20/07


This man believed that he could be healed if the angel came, but he had no way to enter the water. Faith: a belief that is followed by action. The man could believe that entering the water would heal him, but as long as he stayed at the side of the pool, he could not be healed. Action was required. We can believe that everything in the Bible is true, but we have to take that knowledge and apply it in faith.
---AJ on 5/20/07


There are two sides to the ministry of Jesus: the King and the Priest. The King side declares a sovereign word that gives life. The King just speaks and those who hear do it. However, there is another side called the Priest side. Jesus, as Great High Priest, is not untouched by the feelings of our infirmities. There is the word of reconciliation (the speech, the talk) and the ministry of reconciliation (the reach, the walk). Jean needs both, not just one.
---Linda on 5/20/07


I do believe she needs to rise up and continue to lift up her eyes but I also know she is hurting emotionally and feels like her heart has been ripped out. She needs encouragement and strength just to come to that standing position once again. Let's be a balanced people, not just one-sided. There is a reason this New Jerusalem, mother of us all, church seated in the heavens descends...and it isn't just to show everyone how glorious she is.
---Linda on 5/20/07


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*When someone is emotionally stable, he handles stress well.**

AJ, there's a saying: Make sure your words are tender; you might have to eat them some day.

Should you ever suffer the loss of a spouse or other loved one, the needlessly hard words you're saying here will come back to haunt you.
---Jack on 5/20/07


What would be preferable? Wallow in your misery, swim around in it until your hands become all pruny. No, time to put all of that good training as a minister's wife into action. Until jean comes back, we have no idea if she's going through a divorce or what's really going on. This could be a month or two after the fact, hard to tell here.
---AJ on 5/19/07


jean,
Two traits linked to whether you will live a long time--or die young.
--Extraversion
--Agreeableness
--Conscientiousness
--Emotional stability
--Openness to experience
When it comes to longevity, the two most important traits are emotional stability and conscientiousness. Good health and wellness are linked to these two traits.
The smartest people have this personality.
---AJ on 5/20/07


Emotional stability
When someone is emotionally stable, he handles stress well. The opposite of this is something called neuroticism, which is a tendency toward negative thinking. People who are often anxious and moody; the glass is always half-empty. This kind of negativity has been linked to higher mortality in a number of previous studies.
---AJ on 5/20/07


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1,600 middle-aged and older men tracked for the mortality risk for an 18-year span. The men whose neurotic tendencies increased over time had a higher risk of dying at an earlier age. Stress and worries made them anxious, increased their risk of dying, mostly from cancer and heart disease. When men were able to calm down and handle the stress more productively, they had a longevity rate that rivaled emotionally stable men.
---AJ on 5/20/07


It's so strange, but I finished answering on why older men and younger women are not a good match, and that the age 55, 30 year anniversary was a weak point for marriages. The men all came undone, and threw a fit. Then this question arrived shortly, thereafter. Oh, I understand dopamine/serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), Jack. I also understand that you can refuse to get back amongst the living and become hooked on antidepressants.
---AJ on 5/19/07


**You can let this totally consume you, live on antidepressants the rest of your life, and lay around the house;**

Obviously, AJ understands nothing about depression, either clinical (which is a physical disease) or reactive (which jean is suffering).
---Jack on 5/19/07


Part 2:

AJ, if your arm were suddenly chopped off, you'd hurt, too.

The pain and trauma jean is suffering is every bit as real and agonizing.
---Jack on 5/19/07


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You do have a choice. You can let this totally consume you, live on antidepressants the rest of your life, and lay around the house; live off of sympathy of others until they can no longer handle hearing about it anymore. You could get out of the boat and face the storm, head on. (Head On, apply directly to the forehead). It fits here, renew your mind with the Word. Has he filed for a divorce? Do you want your husband back?
---AJ on 5/19/07


Dear jean, whether one loses a spouse through death, divorce, or abandonment, it's STILL a loss.

Be easy on yThe grieving process STILL must be gone through, and depression is part of it. Be easy on yourself.

If it takes professional help to get you through this--either counselling or medical--then use it and thank God for the provision He's made for you.

I'm sure it's painful--but there's nothing that you and the Lord can make it through together.

God bless.
---Jack on 5/19/07


My dear sister in Christ Jesus,my heart goes out to you ,I have and still am dealing with my wife leaving me[2yrs. today]
The initial pain is undescrible ,so Ican relate to your feelings,please take it to the foot of the cross.
AS your brother in Christ,I weep with you.
blessings........Pastor AL
---pastorAl on 5/18/07


I know how you feel. My ex-husband cheated on me. I was devastated for awhile. Until I realized, this situation wasn't going to ruin my life. You have 2 options, 1. you can be devastated and let it control you or 2. you can get back on your feet and start a new life. Not with another man, not now. Spend time with yourself and with God. Remember, God knows all and God see's all. He may think he's happy now, but if he don't make things right with God. In hell, he'll lift his eyes.
---Rebecca_D on 5/18/07


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Sister in Christ. I feel for you and your situation. You would believe your spouse (a minister) would know how to work out your problems in a godly manner. We have to start living this life and stop talking it. My prayers are with you. Please be encouraged and know that God is not pleased with what your spouse has done. He see your tears and feels your pain. Give it to the Lord because He cares for you. Please read Psalms 37 for peace and great comfort. Stand strong in the Lord
---Robyn on 5/18/07


If your husband was a good minister, then the decision to leave would assumedly be a hard one for him to make.

Pray for God to hold you and take each day as it comes, don't borrow trouble, focus on the day at hand and don't be afraid to get professional help during this time of crisis.

in faith,

Grace
---grace3869 on 5/18/07


Has he lost the church, yet? Did he leave town? Has he asked you for a divorce?
Was that other lady married?
Do want your husband back?
We need a little more to go on.
---ActionJackson on 5/18/07


I am of a different turn; I'd put my hip waders on, march over to where your husband is hanging out and snatch him bald headed for you. I would twist his pastor nose off and stomp on his 'readers'. Then I would come to your house and help you get out of bed. No more bawling, it's time to quit. You can't lay there and cry yourself into a divorce. A little less talk and alot more action.
---ActionJackson on 5/18/07


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I am with Elizabeth on this also. It would be good to just be with you to hold you and hug you, pray with you and encourage you, until you are standing again. I don't know how far apart we are, but if you were nearby I would be at your house. Praise God we can be together and unified in the realm of the spirit. I pray you experience that in Jesus' name and know that you are not alone by any stretch of the imagination.
---Linda on 5/18/07


Dear Jean,
I am so sorry to hear this. So many times ministers deal with things that they keep covered out of fear of rejection and, because of that, they are rarely ministered to. Even though we have been born again in our spirit man, our minds were not saved at that point and, unfortunately, we have a lot of what I call "Egypt" thinking hanging around that robs us of the abundant life Jesus came to give.
---Linda on 5/18/07


At some point, your husband believed a lie instead of the truth of who he was in Christ and is now trying to find his identity through another yoke. The old cliche' of "mid life crisis" is one of those Egyptian mindsets that needs to be eradicated from those in Christ through the renewing of the mind.
---Linda on 5/18/07


I know that doesn't help your sorrow, but I hope it helps you to see what the root of the problem is and why it is that each one of us is personally responsible for our own relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ and personally responsible for going on to the saving of the soul, even in the midst of trial. In this trial, allow the faithful and true witness to take the stand in your life and give voice to His testimony in your life.
---Linda on 5/18/07


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Every behavior begins with a thought, whether Godly or ungodly, and it is the vain imaginations that exalt themselves above the knowledge of God that take us into areas where we should not go. Whatever you do, Jean, please do not compromise by unbelief what Father has said about you. You are His and full of His life and light. You are delivered from the power of darkness and translated into the kingdom of His dear Son.
---Linda on 5/18/07


You are His very righteousness because Jesus was made sin, not because of what you do. Abide in His word and let His word abide in you and rest in His love. Trust Him for restoration in every part of your life, spiritually, mentally, physically, socially, and financially. He is faithful to complete the good work He began in you and is at work in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure.
---Linda on 5/18/07


Wait on the Lord and He will renew your strength. I pray that you would be strengthened with might by His Spirit in your inner man, fortified from the inside out, to stand during this trial, not being moved away from the hope of the Gospel which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Jean, know that we love you and are standing with you in the living hope that Christ will be revealed in you and through you.
---Linda on 5/18/07


hi I WOULD like to share with you and pray for you
I WISH TO JUST BE CLOSE WITH YOU AND ENCOURAGE YOU
CAN WE PRAY TO GET HIM BACK?
I WANT TO GIVE YOU MY MIRACLE STORY
LOVE ELIZABETH
---ELIZABETH on 5/18/07


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