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Man Puts Work Before Family

How do I deal with a man who puts work before family? What verses in the Bible apply to this situation?

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 ---Cassandra on 5/27/07
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From a mans perspective - We have a family to provide for, bills to pay, sometime extended family, parents, etc. Job security is a myth, so we work hard to maitain the lifestyle that the wife and family want. Occasionaly we get involved in a charity that demands time, it is good to give back, not just in the business sense. So we take time off to be with the family, then the family wonders why they can't have the things they want. What is a man to do?
---dan on 4/29/08


First we must define what kind of work he puts before his family. Is it hours at owrk or what? My DH works on Sundays & we,as the family, deal with it.He pays our bills. & then I pick up on the spiritual thing by taknig the family to church.
---candice on 4/29/08


Cassandra, you've taken a beating from this crowd, allow me to send you a big hug! I'll mail you some neosporin if you like.
The problem may take care of itself in time, as he adapts to married/family life. If not, then there's nothing wrong with a little adult conversation. My husband has no problem with me getting involved in activities, but if I began to neglect him or the household, he lets me know! We work it out. Pray for your husband, and remain teachable. Abide in Christ always.
---Katie on 7/3/07


Harold your response was awesome! You and a_servant have spoken some true , eye opening wisdom. I feel that God has spoken some true widsom to me from both of you.I am really grateful for it. I am praying to God to change me to make me a better mate to my fiance!
---Cassandra on 6/28/07


Hi Harold; bless you brother! :) You make soooo much sense, on all the posts where I've seen your replies. You are a godly man and not a chauvenistic pig, apparently! :) Some "godly" men think chauvenism is godly and it's not. You also bring up a great point--men do have a lot of pressure on them. May God ease the pressures on you, brother. :)
---Mary on 6/28/07




The closest Bible directive is perhaps the Biblical injunction in I Corinthians for a man to love his wife as he loves himself. If the wife is not happy, then the man will not be happy. But, women, remember that men have a lot to provide for in this world, a lot of psychological demonic attacks occur on men's minds, which oftentimes continuous active work helps to relieve. You can always be happy that your man is not lazy, and you should always be proud of your man's strength.
---harold on 6/28/07


Cassandra,First of all please tell your hubby-to-be thank you for his service in Iraq. My son came home in October, safe and he is doing just fine. And I can totally understand what you're saying. Elderly parents get very sad when their grown up kids dont come to see them anymore, I know because I take care of my mother (88 yrs.) and it makes her cry because her sons dont ever come see her. So I commend you for wanting to make time for family. God bless you.
---sue on 6/27/07


Your fiance needs LOTS of prayer. He has seen things that will change him: death, dismemberments, loss of friends.

And he will be emotionally drained because to preserve his life, he has needed to remain hyper-vigilant, continually hearing gunfire, explosions.

He will not want much small talk, and he will want to fix things, not talk about them. He has been trained to react, so he will be much less patient.

He will need an abundance of your love & patience.
---a_servant on 6/26/07


Thank you for your words a_servant.You are right, his word does serve God. Right now he is in Iraq on military duty and I pray he comes back safely.I will concentrate on praying to God about what he wants for my fiance instead of what I want.
---Cassandra on 6/26/07


They're not married and they're not his kids, so it's not really his family.
The man is free to work as much as he wants, maybe he really doesn't want to marry and have that much responsibility right off the bat (another man's family).
---Tabletop on 6/26/07




His work serves God. Ask the Lord to slow him down.

Trying to get him to do what you want, may be putting you in competition with God. He is to do what God wants. And you are to do what your husband wants.

You are looking like a controller (you may not be), & your call from God is to be helper to your husband, not leader or guide to your husband.

Your life, your marriage, your husband is about serving God.
---a_servant on 6/26/07


Cassandra; have a cookout at your house, and invite your parents and his parents (if all living). This way you all can enjoy the day together. Maybe play a game of horseshoes, or a board game. We do this at my in-laws house and everyone gets together and we have fun and enjoy one another's company.
---Rebecca_D on 5/31/07


Thank you Rebecca D and Catherine for your suggestions. I also believe God is 1st,family 2nd and all else is after that. Having a newly blended family and elderly parents I would like to find ways for us all to have more family time together.I believe God wants it that way too.
---Cassandra on 5/31/07


Cassandra...Listen to what Rebecca is saying. Her husband is serving the Lord when he isn't working his jobs. She's not complaining. She lifts him up. That's what a wife is supposed to do. There is no verse in the Bible that says a wife should tell her husband how many hours to work. There are lots that say how a wife should support her husband spiritually and emotionally. If you are wanting to change this man before you are married, you should reconsider this marriage.
---Susie on 5/31/07


Yes, I love to work hard, but we need to be fruitful. We need time with God and get plenty of rest and we need to set priorites. God first and family second .Everything else follows. I have two Sabbaths each week. The second one after Sunday would you believe, God is really and truly holding me to it.
---catherine on 5/31/07


Cassandra; there isn't a scripture in the bible that will tell you to not work so hard. Even God said that men would work by the sweat of their brow. Your future husband needs to learn how to relax and take some time off. If you can right now or in the near future, go on a vaction. It doens't matter where, but you, him and the children get away from it all. This may be your answer, as well as prayer.
---Rebecca_D on 5/30/07


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I don't think he has any idea what he's in for.
---Perry on 5/30/07


Wow such rudeness on here. Perry..my kids are my fiance's kids as far as he is concerned. He is getting a family not just me and that is what he wants. How, is finding ways including biblical ways for my future husband to relax and relieve stress and make more time for the Lord a bad thing/fault finding or changing him? Isn't my job as his wife to help him relax and relieve stress?
---Cassandra on 5/30/07


Susie..you are so rude..fornication? We do not live together and we are both celibate. We are born again Christians and your response to me is very offensive and uncalled for. Lots of unwarranted criticism on here and still no one has answered my question..
---Cassandra on 5/30/07


Cassandra; my husband is a Preacher/Policeman/EMT/Firefighter, and on top of that a daddy. He is on call 24/7, on all jobs. I know what it is like to be in your shoes. I am thankful that my husband is able to provide for his family. He gets paid as a Policeman, and being a preacher is a blessing in itself. Before we got married, he told me, this is what I do, if you can't handle it there's the door. We will be married 8 years next month. If you can handle it, stick with it.
---Rebecca_D on 5/30/07


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You're trying to force a square peg into a round hole. Your kids are not his kids, and he's not your husband. But you are trying to change everything about him before you're even married. I think you should rethink your marriage. Are you Christians, and are you living together?
---perry on 5/30/07


We are not in conflict. God has blessed me with a wonderful Christian man that I would never dream of giving up. All I asked are what bible verses are out there that I can read to find ways to get him to not work so hard. We don't need more money but I do believe that more time for God and family..all our family not just immediate family, needs to have a higher priority than work. Especially because our parents are elderly and they barely see him.
---Cassandra on 5/30/07


Cassandra...Don't marry this man. If you are already finding fault with him, you will make his life miserable and yours too. Any character defects you see in him now will be ten times worse after the wedding. By the way, there are many verses in the Bible that refer to fornication if you are interested in hearing those.
---Susie on 5/30/07


That puts everything in a whole new light.
The man is not even your husband, yet.
So if you're in this much conflict before the marriage, I think you better forget it.
---Brad on 5/30/07


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He is not working for more money. We both work and have plenty of money.We are about to marry,I have children,he is used to being a single man that did nothing but work.He is on call 24 hours a day and seems to eat,sleep and breathe that job. I want him to relax and enjoy his family and not be so consumed with that job.
---Cassandra on 5/30/07


My first comment didn't get posted: I asked why so many people were shouting at cassandra, even some women. A family needs more than money. Many fathers make the mistake of focusing more than is appropriate on financial provision. The result is disastrous, especially for the children who feel uncared for, when that was all the father meant to do.
---Okebaram on 5/28/07


"If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
1 Tim 5:8

"A greedy man brings trouble to his family..." Prov 15:27. (I'm not saying the man is greedy... This scripture is also figurative or poetic in application.

"He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect." 1 Tim 3:4
---Okebaram on 5/28/07


Please give us examples of how this man puts work ahead of his family. How many hours a week does he work? What is he neglecting with his work?
---Madison1101 on 5/28/07


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What are you doing to help lift the load off of his shoulders? If your not doing anything, then stop complaining. At least he is out working for his family. Be greatful and thankful that he isn't a dead beat. Also be thankful that he is able to provide for his family. If he works alot and doesn't really need to, then talk to him.
---Rebecca_D on 5/28/07


How do you deal with him? What a question. Maybe start by thanking him.
---ralph7477 on 5/28/07


Count the debt, see where your money is going and how much YOU NEED to get through life comfortably and then delete the rest. Most men feel totally helpless when it comes to being a good provider to his family. Thus he works all the time.
---Brenda on 5/28/07


If his priority of work over family is a result of desiring to help the family in the long run big picture then actually he has the family before work in his heart. If not then try to explain to him your family's feelings of neglect and how you want to be the priority of his attention.
---Anthony on 5/27/07


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Some pumpering and relaxing while he comes home...Some nice words of expressing love...some kind words that you care for him...that you share his concerns and responsibility as his help.

The worst thing you can do is judging and expressing anger and discomfort.
---Ephre3798 on 5/28/07


Pt.2. Try not to unload a bunch of heavy stuff or put demands on him when he gets home. One really hurtful thing is to have the kids afraid to see him because they did something bad and you told them to "wait until daddy comes home". These are just a couple of common mistakes that can keep a good man at work too long. If you make his home coming pleasant I think you will gain time with him.
---john on 5/27/07


Sometimes husbands avoid a lot of time with wives because they don't get along that great. Sometimes they want to be excellent providers for their families which is far better than a lazy man who hangs around the house all day getting onto his wifes nerves. But you'd like a balance which is something you'll have to carefully work at.
---john on 5/27/07


Ephesians 5
21
Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22
Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.
23
For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body.
24
As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.
25
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her
26
---Jenny on 5/27/07


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With many men, their work is a big part of their self-identity and is the basis of their self-esteem. Women who work outside the home don't seem to look at their jobs in the same way.

Now think a minute--why is he working if not to provide for his family?

Hope this helps you keep things in perspective.
---Jack on 5/27/07


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