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Divorce Deceiving Husband

My husband was previously married to a christian woman who divorced him. He told me they got divorced because she had an affair on him. Later, I found out he lied about her ever having an affair. Since I was deceived, am I an adultress for marrying him? We have children. Can I divorce him?

Moderator - No, you are already married with children. Consider Christian counseling.

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 ---Sherry_Rodgers on 6/19/07
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Marriage is a covenant agreement, there are certain requirements for this covenant to be valid and one of the prerequisites is that all parties not be deceived in order to cause them to enter into a covenant which they would not have entered into had they been told the truth. Marriage is called to be a reflection of Christ and his church. Are your hearts so hardened by religious thinking that you can not discern that this woman was lied to and the covenant is therefore void. She is free to choose if she should stay or leave this shame of a contract. Perhaps during the ceremony at the part when it is asked ' if any man know any reason ..' The groom should have said 'well actually ...erm ...yes I know a reason'!
---NoHome on 9/4/12


Seek counseling first. The fact that he lied to you about her means that he could be lying to you about other things as well. Is he showing repentance? Is he seeking honesty in every area of his life? Is he willing to go to counseling with you? What do you need to be able to trust him? Will he seek to give that to you? I was in a similar situation. I am divorcing him because he is not repentant and became abusive when I asked for the truth the he didn't want to give it to me. God will guide you, as you seek what will honor Him. Separating to seek clarity could also be an option, especially if he is not seeking help. I doubt that that is the only lie he has told you.
---Heather on 7/10/12


God is a just God and he knows everything. Being deceived is not the same as knowingly doing it. The bigger questions is why he lied and the trust that was broken. Seek counseling.
---tawnya on 2/15/08


I agree with the Mod. You are married to him, for better or worse. You cannot unscramble an egg.

Counseling can help you and he come to terms with his deception, and work through the issues that has brought up.
---Madison1101 on 2/9/08


if your husband decieved you then you are not an adultress but unlless he comitts adultry you should not get an divorce. mae..love
---mae on 7/11/07




Wow! This seems to have morphed into the "beat up Rebecca for being human" blog! The poster has my compassion; I really hurt for her. I was also married to a man who yelled at me all the time--when he wasn't ignoring me completely! No easy answers but prayer and talk to a good minister/counselor.
---Mary on 6/25/07


Rebecca..No! I would rather you used decent language to have this discussion. Using that phrase is no different than the world talks. As Christians, we are not to stoop to the level of the world. Correct grammar would also be nice, but I know that is stretching it. Too many in the world see Christians as ignorant and unlearned. Using poor English and filthy language just adds to the misconception.
---Susie on 6/25/07


I'd rather you didn't use that phrase at all.
It's meaningless, and it doesn't add anything to a Christian's walk, or help others here interpret Scripture.
It's communication at the base level.

Another person all over the blogs, shows anger by exposing her gutter mouth. Her mouth speaks from the heart, it exposes the real person.
---Sweetmouth on 6/23/07


Susie; Would you rather I said something instead of do-do? Maybe you was thinking of other words to replace it. Think about it that statement is true.
---Rebecca_D on 6/23/07


Mt 5:32 ..whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery.. whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

In this Scripture, the husband is guilty of causing his ex-wife's adultery if she was faithful to their covenant.

From what you presented, you cannot be an adultress.

Lying to gain a covenant is sin. You must forgive sin. But there are no grounds for divorce if he is faithful to your covenant.
---a_servant on 6/22/07




I agree, Susie.
It reminds me of the gutter talk "excrements in the wine" mouth uses.
Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Let no corrupt communication come out of your mouth.
---SweetMouth on 6/22/07


"The more you stir in do-do the more it is going to stink."

This is not the kind of statement that any Christian should be making. It brings your language down to a gutter language and is not a good witness. Changing the words to a childish phrase does not make it any more acceptable.
---Susie on 6/22/07


No. You didn't know until afterwards. What your husband done in the past, is in the past. Leave it in the past. The more you stir in do-do the more it is going to stink.
---Rebecca_D on 6/21/07


If you need to perform a formal investigation with the ex spouse, the ex's family, etc., I guess you shouldn't bother marrying a divorced person at all.
How do you know the ex is telling the truth? One word against another.
Your safeguard is in their Christianity.
Either they are or they are not a Christian.
Marry an unbeliever and you'll find a trail of tears.
---Brad on 6/20/07


You should not divorce him. You just have to forgive him and continue to love him just as the Lord forgive us every time we confess our sins. I am sure he was desperate to get married again or better put - to find love again, and so he could only tell you the EX cheated on him, since that is the only biblical reason for divorce. On your part you have not sinned by marrying him, since you took him by his word.
---Pauline_Adejo on 6/20/07


God will not hold you accountable. You did marry this man so you are stuck.
---catherine on 6/20/07


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I agree with what everyone has shared so far. You are not an adultress, you married him in good faith, believing what he told you about his previous marriage. There is no reason you need to divorce him. But, as Madison and the mod said, counseling may be a help to you both.
---maryj9396 on 6/20/07


I tried to explain why I want to divorce him in my original question, but was limited to 50 words. He is a miserable man to be married to. He critisizes me, argues all the time, and scares the children with his yelling. They run to me for safety. He is extremely defensive when I try to talk about our problems and refuses counseling. I lie in bed at night looking at him and thinking about how much I hate him. Then I pray for forgiveness because I can't help it.
---Sherry on 6/20/07


It is hard to deal with living with a liar. This situation will take care of itself as your husband's true colors will start showing more and more the longer you are married.
---Susie on 6/20/07


You are not an adultress and why would you now want to divorce him? That would just add to your mistakes and problems. He was in the wrong to deceive you about why he was divorced but now you have a family and need to keep it together. Let this also be a lesson to all people who contemplate getting involved with divorced people to not just take their word for it but go to the ex and the rest of the family to check the other side of the story.
---john on 6/20/07


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