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How To Please My Husband

Please advise me with concrete examples of how I can become a wife more pleasing to my husband and my Savior. I know Proverbs 31; however, I think my husband wants less of me "controlling" our household! I tell him I love him; ask about his day; provide meals etc.; and pray for him.

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 ---melissa on 6/23/07
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To share counsel shared with me:

Ephesians 5:33
"...the wife must respect her husband."

Let me ask a question: is respecting your husband conditional or unconditional?

Why does this scripture say for husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands?
---photoasia on 3/10/11


How about a bowl of Spaghetti!
---John on 12/8/10


Honey we don,t know your husband. Only you ,he and the Lord can do that. If he wants you to control less of the household then why doesn't he step up? You and your spouse need to learn to communicate and come to agreement on major issues. Each married couple runs their marriage and household differently. You should know the type of man you married,also. What one man likes another may hate. You need to sit down with him and ask him, what is it that he really need from you.
---Robyn on 12/6/10


The bible dose say that the man is the head of the house hold just be supportive and understanding of your husband , And THE holy Bible is a Life Handbook
---honey100 on 12/4/10


Apparently you see what he wants, however, letting go, is tough. I am in the same boat, and it is hard, you have to die to yourself, it is worth it, for the peace & joy that comes from your husband, he will do 2-3 x more, if you can do this, mine had shut down, almost completely, seek God on how to do this.We control because we lack security, and the more that we trust God, the less we need to be in control. Father God, help her to find the answers that she is needing, and bless her efforts.Amen
---Gayla on 2/7/08




Dear Sick to your Stomach, you sound very young. Submit to one another in marriage is very different from man ruling over woman. The Bible doesn't say that at all, are you a Christian or passing through?
---Craig on 7/5/07


Now, as a Christian man I want a competent woman to "control" our household. So, I don't think that is where your marriage problem lies. You and your husband both need to have a fairly long-term course in how to talk to one another in marriage. Contact your minister, or one in the community.
---harold on 7/5/07


Gross. Why don't you get your own life and your own identity and stop hiding in the identity of your husband? God doesn't intend for the man to rule over the woman. This makes me sick to my stomach.
---Real_Life on 7/4/07


Melissa...When I was younger, I was a lot like you say you are. I always had to have the last word and always had to be right. One way that I overcame this was to stop and think before I said things. It avoids a lot of hard feelings when we say things we shouldn't to people.
---Susie on 6/28/07


i agree with the comment that maybe you might be trying too hard, don't aim to guide the atmosphere but let things happen naturally.
Don't expect things that aren't coming.
A warm relaxed setting in the house will help him to take all his guards down.
---johnandginalyn on 6/27/07




My husband talks like a magpie. He never shuts up, it's difficult to get a word in edgewise. He opens his mouth when he wakes up and it doesn't close until he falls asleep. He can talk for 8-10 hours straight.
I visit CN for a break, I can have a voice without interruption in my own thought processes. Not all men are the strong, silent types. Some are wide-mouthed Bass with jaws that flap from daylight to dark. :-}
---Wildflowers on 6/27/07


Generalities and outward examples apply to a point. If God is #1 in your life, I believe the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit can show you individually how to have a household that flows. Leading is different than controlling. Let your husband lead and you'll know how to react. A groove can become a rut, even if it's asking the same nice, thoughtful questions, day after day.
---Wildflowers on 6/27/07


Responding to a jabberbox is different than a quiet type. I have to hide so he notices I'm actually missing from the room. I've left the room for 15 or 20 minutes to read CN's blogs, came back in and the conversation is still going on without missing a beat. I'm not the quiet type, but have become so over the years to accommodate the jabbering.
Thank God for CN.
---Wildflowers on 6/27/07


I commend you for trying to be more of what God wants you to be. Also for diligently trying to reverse the effects of prior wrongdoing.

Please ask your eternal Husband how to best serve the real needs of your earthly husband. Jesus does know the answers. He knows everything - Jn 21:17.
---a_servant on 6/27/07


In general, men do not like to talk as much as women, so less talk about your day & his will likely be welcomed. Less maneuvering to get your way (if you do that). You are the assistant.

Great food & great intimacy & causing him to want to date you every week or two.
---Paladin on 6/26/07


I took my girls swimming today and told them we had to leave at 4pm to go cook dinner. When my oldest said she couldn't believe I was letting a man control me and make me leave the pool early to feed him, I knew I had conveyed my wrong message loud and clear all these years. I explained that now that I am a Christian, I know it is wrong to feel that way about marriage and that I need to do better about treating people well and not saying hurtful things. Pray that I can show my girls a better example.
---melissa on 6/25/07


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Mabe you are trying too hard.
---catherine on 6/25/07


Melissa, that is great that things have been better! You are taking positive steps and I believe God will bless you and your marriage for it.
---maryj9396 on 6/25/07


Seek knowledge of the Lord. Do not worry so much in your earthly wisdom about what actions to take. Sense his inner needs. Sometimes those needs may even be to be needed so do not simply anticipate in your human knowledge and plan everything out. Remember how Jesus required the disciples to allow Him to wash His feet? Follow the Spirit in all that you do and enjoy your husband with reverance. He will appriciate this. Your enthusiasm is admirable.Blessings
---jody on 6/24/07


Thank you for your advice. We have had a pleasant weekend. He went to church with me. I haven't allowed myself to be drawn into disagreements. I am trying to be more meek and not fuel arguments with my loud opinions or need to be right and have the last word.
---melissa on 6/24/07


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Melissa, the one thing a man desires most is to be appreciated. Fewer "I love you" and more "Thank you". Don't ask him about his day so much. Men sometimes need the home to be a sanctuary away from work, not a place to rehash all the details of the day. Instead, simply let him know that you appreciate how hard he works, how well he performs his job and all he goes through to provide for his family. Keep the meals coming though...; )
---ralph7477 on 6/24/07


If you strive daily to live as Jesus wants you to, you will be a more pleasing wife. Look for what others need done for them rather than what you need done for you.
---Susie on 6/23/07


That's great Melissa. Your attitude seems to have changed overnight. God wants husband and wife to love one another. Some encounter a problem of not feeling the love. But that feeling is very human. Love is a choice. First choose to love your husband and then the feelings will come. Remember, many in Jesus' day did not know their husbands before they married them(arranged marriages), yet they grew to love one another. It's never too late in a marriage when it comes to love. God can change hearts.
---Matthew on 6/24/07


It sounds to me like you are doing all you know to be a good wife, and that is to be commended. But have you asked your husband this same question? Is there something that makes you believe he is not pleased with you?
---maryj9396 on 6/23/07


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